Love Profound
by fallinrain
Summary: The seeds were planted in the secret of Christmas and slowly bloomed into twenty five beautiful roses. Isn't love profound? Ryelsi, with pieces of other canon couples.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing - and this will be true for every single chapter of this story.**

**A/N: Well here it is. The sequel to Twenty Five Roses. This all started with my Christmas story which was originally meant to be a stand alone story. But I ended up making all of the events that took place in it true for Twenty Five Roses and now with this story, I find myself with a trilogy. In this chapter, we'll be taking a long walk down memory lane. I've included snippets from each of the previous stories, all of them part of a couple of dreams Kelsi is having throughout the chapter. I'll be including snippets from the first two stories throughout this one. A sidenote about the dashed lines - whenever you see a long dashed line it means we are either entering or coming out of a dream. The shorter dashed lines indicate a break between the different scenes of a dream. The title for this was inspired by the song of the same name by Little Big Town - beautiful song and one of my favorites. Like I said before, this story will have some similarites with Twenty Five Roses but with a bit of a twist. You won't find out what that is until the next chapter, but hopefully you'll like it. Thank you all once again for your amazing support of Twenty Five Roses. The response to that blew me away and I can't even begin to say how much I appreciated it. You all rock! So without further delay, I present to you the sequel. Long chapter warning. ****Hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think!**

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Kelsi sighed peacefully in her sleep, a faint smile on her face as she instinctively snuggled closer to her husband. Ryan glanced over at the bedside table and noted that it was time for them to get up. They had a plane to catch after all, and all of their friends to see. But as he turned his attention back to his wife, he didn't want to wake her. He lightly traced the outline of her face with his finger.

"I wish I knew what you were dreaming about," he said softly. He had no way of knowing the answer, though if he did it would have made him smile. Because the dream she was currently having was about him. Or rather, it wasn't so much a dream rather than a beautiful collection of memories that visited her as she slept. Memories like so many pictures making up a larger scrapbook. Each one enhancing the quality of the next and meshing together to create the single best story of Kelsi's life, a story that was growing and developing all the time. If their entire relationship – past, present, and future – was laid out on a film strip and if someone had to point out what part of the story they were living currently, they would have to point somewhere in the middle. Because the truth of the matter was that this story, this beautiful and wonderful story, had in so many ways only just began. Kelsi would soon find that out for herself. But for now she still slept peacefully in her husband's arms while her montage of memories had started at the best place for a story to start: at the beginning...

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If Kelsi had been awake and able to analyze her current dream, she would have realized that each memory carried with it a pivotal part of her relationship with Ryan.

Starting with their first kiss...technically speaking.

"_Hold on, I'll walk you to your car." He said, glancing outside. The rain had actually stopped around lunchtime but was starting up all over again. He quickly took off his jacket. "Here. So you don't get soaked again."_

"_What about you?"_

"_I'll live. Besides I have an umbrella," he waved it at her. He then grabbed her backpack and set it at her feet, indicating for her to turn around. "Come on, I don't want you to get drenched again. I mean...it won't keep you completely dry, but it'll help." She couldn't help smiling as she turned around so he could help her into it. _

"_Thanks Ryan." He reached down for her backpack and slipped it over one of his shoulders. He stepped outside first, opening the umbrella before she joined him, and the two of them walked across the parking lot to her car. He waited patiently while she unlocked it. She offered to drive him back to the building as he still had to wait for Sharpay, so he got in the passenger seat and they drove back to the building. "Here you can take your jacket now," she said as she pulled to a stop. He shook his head._

"_That's okay; you can just bring it to school tomorrow. You still have to get in your house," he reminded her. "I'll be fine."_

"_Well...thanks...I'll see you tomorrow." She gave him a small smile and then surprised her by leaning across the console and giving her a quick, but soft, kiss on the cheek._

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Blending into the first time Kelsi began to realize that her friendship with Ryan was turning into something else...

"_Oh just you wait. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I guarantee that by the end of the day, you'll be singing Christmas carols with boundless enthusiasm."_

"_Boundless enthusiasm?" she giggled at him. "Somehow I doubt that."_

"_You never know," he reached over to brush a lock of her hair away from her face and in doing so their eyes met and held. Just like that, the moment changed from lighthearted banter between friends to something else. Something different that Kelsi couldn't quite identify. It was at that moment when she became suddenly aware of how close they were and now she thought she understood what was going on. The air between them now seemed to be one of a sort of anticipation mixed with nervousness. Funny how a moment could just change like that, Kelsi thought absently. It was like taking a nice, pleasant walk somewhere and suddenly finding yourself at the edge of a cliff, just a hair aware from falling off and into the unknown. The feeling managed to intrigue and terrify her all at the same time, leaving her torn between wanting to let the moment play out and wanting to run away. She felt her throat go dry as his gaze drifted from her eyes to her mouth and back again, this time with that odd sort of intensity she had seen from him a few days before. She gulped involuntarily, wondering why breathing all of a sudden seemed more difficult. She felt a wave of panic sweep over her as she realized she didn't exactly know what to do. Ultimately, the decision seemed to be already made for her as she found her gaze flickering to his lips while a strange sort of magnetic energy seemed to be pulling them closer together in what felt like slow motion. It was like being under a spell and as he moved closer, she went from being on the edge of a cliff to falling directly off of it. She felt her eyes fluttering shut and his breath on her face as they were moving closer and closer and..._

"_So what should we watch now?" Kelsi didn't consider herself to be a violent person by any means. In fact, the mere thought of violence made her feel a little queasy. And she liked Troy a lot, she even thought of him as a brother in a way. But at the moment, the idea of getting up off the loveseat to walk over and strangle him was suddenly very appealing. At his voice, she and Ryan jerked apart in opposite directions in an attempt to look as if they hadn't been a heartbeat away from kissing each other. _

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The first real kiss the two of them shared...

"_You're still here," she said lamely._

"_Yeah...I made it back to my car and remembered that I forgot something," he informed her. She remembered then that she had never given him back the jacket she had borrowed a few days ago when it had been raining._

"_Your jacket," she nodded. "I can go get it," she started to turn but he grabbed her arm gently to stop her._

"_I wasn't talking about my jacket," he said. _

"_You weren't?" He shook his head. "Then what did you forget?"_

"_This," he said calmly, pulling her towards him and then reaching up to frame her face with his hands. Kelsi's heart started pounding so fast in response that she was convinced that it would actually find a way to beat itself out of her body. He leaned in and softly brushed his lips against hers, barely making any contact and pulling back almost as soon as he made contact. He studied her face, as if to gauge her reaction and make sure she wasn't about to slap him. She gave him a small smile indicating that it was okay, and he returned it. He leaned back in and kissed her again, longer this time. At first she was unsure of what to do, but after a moment it seemed as if instincts she hadn't known she had kicked in and she kissed him back in response. He kept one hand on her face and moved the other one to the back of her head, gently holding her in place. In an attempt to both keep her arms warm and get a little bit closer to him, she slipped her arms under the jacket he was wearing and wrapped them around his waist. He was kissing her very lightly, but it was enough to send a wave of a strange tingling sensation all the way from her mouth down to her toes. She was very grateful to be holding onto him because she wasn't confident that her knees would be able to hold her up otherwise. The kiss lingered for a few more seconds until he pulled away and pressed his forehead to hers. "Wow," he murmured and she couldn't help letting out a small giggle in response._

"_Wow," she repeated, in a whisper. He held her close for a few more moments and then eased away again, sliding his hands down her arms until he was holding both of hers. _

"_Now I really should get home," he grinned at her. "But I'll see you in a few hours." He lifted up both her hands and softly kissed each of them before letting her go._

"_Okay," she agreed, feeling as if she had fallen completely under his spell._

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Leading into the moment they officially became a couple...

"_I had a really hard time figuring out what to get you for Christmas," she shook her head. "At first I thought about getting you a new hat, but that didn't work. I looked but there were a bunch I know you have and then there were others I thought you may already have, but I wasn't sure so I didn't get any of them. Out of the remaining ones I saw, there weren't any I really liked for you. And then I had a really hard time trying to think of something else."_

"_It's not a big deal Kelsi, really. The best present you could ever give me is just being with me," he said sincerely. "Well actually there is something else..."_

"_And what is that?" Kelsi had been planning on launching into what she had done for his Christmas present, but now was curious. _

"_Be my girlfriend," he offered. Kelsi felt the now familiar rush of butterflies in her stomach yet again._

"_I could do that," she said, pretending to give the matter serious thought. "Yeah, I think I'm perfectly fine with that idea. Though geez, I wish I would've known that you'd be happy with that as your present. I could've saved some energy thinking about it!" Ryan laughed._

"_You didn't hurt yourself did you?" he teased her._

"_Funny."_

"_I try," he said, winking at her. "So then I guess we're officially official now?"_

"_I guess we are," she smiled. _

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Blending into the first time he ever made her cry...

"_Hmm," Kelsi pondered the question. "We used to sing "O Little Town of Bethlehem"...Of course that was when we could spend the holiday with my grandparents. That's my Grandma's favorite...I guess it kind of rubbed off on me," she smiled. It was a sad smile though and he moved his arm around her shoulders. _

"_You miss her."_

"_Yes," Kelsi nodded. "It feels like it's been forever since we saw them," she sighed. "I was really looking forward to seeing them this year. Especially since I finally learned how to play that song. Last time I saw them I had just gotten my own keyboard and I told my Grandma I'd learn how to play it so I could play it for her."_

"_Well I'm not your Grandma, obviously, but...would you mind playing it for me?" he asked gently. _

"_Sure, why not? May as well play it for someone right? Will you sing along?" she asked._

"_Of course," he nodded. Kelsi started playing and smiled as he started singing along as promised. She let her eyes close as she played, getting caught up in the song. They flew back open, though, when she heard someone else start singing near the end of the song. She glanced at Ryan, who was grinning at her. "Turn around," he suggested. She slowly twisted towards the entry of the room and gasped as she spotted who had been singing along._

"_Oh my gosh," she whispered, her eyes filling up with tears. "Grandma?" She got up from the bench and stepped around it. "Grandpa?" She looked back at forth between the two for a moment before rushing into her grandmother's waiting arms. "I didn't think you could get a flight!" she cried, moving to hug her grandfather. "How did you find one?" She was crying openly now._

"_I think you should ask your young man that," her grandfather spoke up, smiling over her head at Ryan. Kelsi turned towards him._

"_Remember when you asked if your dad coming was the end of the surprises and I said maybe?" Ryan started. "Well this was the final surprise."_

"_But how? All the flights were booked." She was stunned._

"_That's true," he agreed. "But it just so happens that my dad has a pilot's license and owns his own plane." He waited while what he said sunk in._

"_Wait a second," she said slowly. "Your dad was supposed to be at the office..." she trailed off as realization hit her. "He was never at the office," she whispered. "He was flying out to get my grandparents." She covered her mouth with her hand for a few moments, overcome. _

"_I knew how much you wanted to see them," he explained. "I asked my dad to do a favor for me and he was happy to help."_

"_Oh Ryan," she shook her head, still crying. _

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"Kelsi?" Ryan called her name softly, gently shaking her to try and wake her up. "Time to wake up, baby."

"Don't want to," she mumbled in protest, pressing her face into his shoulder.

"Come on, honey," he tried again. "We have a place to catch..." When she didn't respond, he went with a different approach. "Well, you know, you can keep sleeping if you want to but then we're going to miss our flight and we won't see all of our friends and all of their children. And they're all going to have a wonderful week on a gorgeous tropical island and we'll be stuck here." She let out a sigh.

"Five more minutes?" she asked, hopefully.

"Nope," he replied, kissing the top of her head. "Unless you want to go to the airport in your pajamas." She grumbled and pushed back away from him. Her hair was a mess around her face and she still looked to be half asleep, but she was still the most beautiful woman Ryan had ever seen. "You can sleep on the plane," he promised her. She yawned, lifting her hand up to cover her mouth.

"I was having a wonderful dream," she informed him. "And now I lost it." She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. "Thanks a lot."

"Sorry baby," he said in response. "I held off waking you up for as long as I could. But we really do have to get ready."

"I still can't believe we're going to be spending a week in paradise practically," she smiled as wave of excitement about their trip hit. "It'll be..." she trailed off, pressing her hand to her stomach. "Uh oh."

"What?" he asked, concerned. "Are you feeling sick?" She barely managed a nod before almost hopping off of their bed and heading into the bathroom. Ryan frowned as he followed her, dropping to his knees behind her in order to pull her hair back from her face. This had been happening almost every morning for the past two weeks. Kelsi would wake up feeling sick to her stomach which usually resulted in her hurrying to the bathroom to throw up. There had been some days where she had made several similar trips to the bathroom and neither one of them could figure out what was wrong. After all, aside from being a little more tired than usual she had no other symptoms. "Maybe we should get you to a doctor," he muttered as she finished. She shook her head and reached up to flush the toilet before letting him help her to her feet.

"It's probably just stress," she decided. "We worked so hard on that show and have barely been sleeping. My mom gets sick to her stomach when she gets stressed out too. It always happens."

"It's been happening every day for two weeks, almost," he pointed out. "We've been done with the show for a week. Shouldn't you be over it by now?" He waited while she grabbed for her toothbrush and squeezed some toothpaste onto it.

"The show may be over but it can take a while for the stress symptoms to go away," she said calmly. "A week in paradise with my husband and our best friends is just what I need." She lifted her eyes to meet his worried ones in the mirror. "Don't worry, honey. I'm fine."

"Promise?" he asked. She smiled at his reflection.

"Promise."

"Okay fine, but if you don't feel better by the time we get back you're seeing a doctor. Deal?"

"Deal," she agreed.

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Kelsi was quiet on the way to the airport, still feeling a little sleepy from having to get up so early. She rested her head on Ryan's shoulder and felt herself slowly drift back asleep and soon found herself dreaming once again. This time her dreams consisted of roses.

Her twenty-fifth birthday had easily been the most memorable birthday of her entire life. She was a Valentine's baby and Ryan had been called away to take care of something for his father, leaving her all along for Valentine's Day. Or so she thought. She had woken up to a beautiful white rose. A rose which had been the first of twenty five, according to the letter that had accompanied it. It had actually ended up being twenty six roses all together. With every rose came a new message as to why Ryan loved her so much. And that was the direction her dreams took her this time. She found herself flittering between the speeches that had accompanied each rose and the memories that they had been inspired by. Each and every rose had been special, but there had been a few in particular that had really stood out.

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There had been a rose, given to her by Troy, for the very first time her and Ryan had told her he loved her...

"_Kelsi Nielsen, you have completely lost your mind," he had started, his voice heartbreakingly tender as he had pressed a kiss to her temple. _

"_Gee thanks." Her voice had broken on the words and she was horrified to feel tears filling her eyes._

"_You must be completely crazy if you honestly believe that it is in any way possible for me to forget about you once we get to Julliard," he had finished. "That could never happen."_

"_You don't know that," she had been able to hear the tears in her voice as she said it. He had responded by squeezing her a little tighter. _

"_Yes I do, actually. And do you want to know why?"_

"_Why?" she had whispered the question. He had angled his head so his lips were right at her ear._

"_Because I am completely and hopelessly in love with you," he had said softly. _

"_You're what?" She had been fairly shocked by the words and convinced that she had been hearing things._

"_I'm in love with you." She had pulled away from him just enough that she could slowly turn around to face him._

"_Are you serious?"_

"_Completely," he had traced the outline of the side of her face with his finger as he said it. _

"_Really?" Her voice had been so hopeful at the idea that he had smiled. _

"_Really," he had confirmed, leaning in to give her a soft kiss. "I wanted to tell you months ago but I just couldn't get the words to come out."_

"_Oh Ryan," she had sighed. "I love you too." He must have misinterpreted the nerves in her voice as her being uncertain about her feelings, because he had frowned slightly._

"_Aw Kelsi, you don't have to say it back just because I said it. I don't want to push you." He had suddenly looked so uncharacteristically nervous that she couldn't help smiling. "I only want you to say that to me if you mean it. Not because you feel like you have to because I did."_

"_Okay," she had agreed with him. "Ryan?"_

"_Yes?" She had leaned in toward him so her mouth was closer to his ear._

"_I love you," she had whispered._

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There had been the rose symbolizing, among other things, the way Ryan thought of Kelsi as his own personal enchantress...

"_After all," his voice grew tender, "you had my heart from that first moment even if I didn't know it. Which brings me to the last thing that this rose symbolizes...enchantment. Kelsi...I am totally enchanted by you. It's not just the things you do; it's the way you do them. You know, the way you move...the way you play the piano...the way you talk..."_

"_Oh Ryan," she whispered. _

"_The way you say my name," he smiled. "The way you smile..." He brought his hands to her face and started gently brushing away her tears with his thumbs. "The way you laugh...the way you cry when you're happy...The way you love me...the way you love you friends and your family...You have me completely under your spell and you don't even know it. I don't think there's anything or anyone that could break it, which is great for me because I'm perfectly happy being under it. You're like my own, personal, princess slash enchantress and I wouldn't have it any other way."_

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And, of course, there had been the last two roses that had been given to her at the same time. These roses were without question the most special of them all...

_He tilted his head. "Do you know what two roses given at the same time means?"_

_Kelsi shook her head, positive that she wouldn't have been able to speak if she had tried to._

"_Two roses together mean a couple of things. One, it symbolizes mutual love and says that not only are we a couple, but also that the bond between us is inseparable and that there isn't anything that can come between us. And to tie into that, they represent an upcoming marriage or engagement," he began, "which I find to be very appropriate because all of that ties into what I was just saying." He held up the two roses and took a deep breath. "Kelsi Nielsen...I love you with all of my heart and soul and I want to build a life and a family with you." He looked deep into her eyes as he continued. "Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Will you marry me?" Kelsi let out a sob as she nodded. She took the roses from him with a shaking hand and was practically bouncing when she felt him slide the ring onto her finger. She waited, not so patiently, while he got to his feet and then launched herself at him. They held onto each other tightly for several seconds, both of them still crying. She eased back to look at her face._

"_I love you so much, Ryan Evans," she whispered, bringing her mouth to his in a kiss that soon turned passionate._

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"Kelsi...baby, wake up." Ryan shook her lightly, amazed that she had actually fall back asleep. "Come on, honey." He watched as her eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Mmm...I was having a really good dream..." she mumbled. "And you had to go and wake me up. Again."

"I'm sorry honey," he apologized. "But we're pulling into the airport."

"You know Ryan," she started. "If you insist on constantly waking me up, you can at least help me finish my dream." He raised an eyebrow.

"And how would I go about doing that?"

"Like this," she replied, lifting her mouth to his and kissing him slowly. "You know the best part about my dream?" she asked, her voice soft. "The fact that it all actually happened." She leaned in to kiss him again and couldn't help but feel like somewhere along the way she had left the real world for some sort of fairy tale. Her life had turned into something beautiful and it was all because of the wonderful man she was married to. What Kelsi didn't know, and what she would soon find out, was that her fairy tale was only just beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing the last chapter guys! You all continue to rock. I feel a little stupid now because in the last chapter I forgot to mention that this story takes place about three years after the conclusion of Twenty Five Roses. And in those three years, several of the couples have had a few kids. We meet all of them in this chapter. I'm going to give a quick breakdown of all the kids, just in case it's not clear in the chapter itself. Going by couple. Jason & Martha have three: Jessica (Jessie) - 6 yrs. old, Matthew - 3 yrs. old & Jake - 1 year old. Chad and Taylor have one: Alexandra (Lexie) - 2 1/2 yrs. old. Troy & Gabriella have two: Maria - 3 yrs. old and Abigail (Abby) - 1 1/2 yrs. old. Sharpay & Zeke have three: Angel - 2 yrs. old and 6 month old twins James and Phillip. Ryan & Kelsi: none yet, though for some reason a lot of you seem to think Kelsi's pregnant. Can't imagine why. ;)**

**There'll be more details about all of the kids throughout the story. I just wanted to give you all a reference sheet, so to speak. On a completely random sidenote that really has nothing to do with anything, the names of Sharpay and Zeke's twins happen to be the names of two members of my favorite band, ha. Steam alert for this chapter. Things heat up a bit near the end and I did that as a way to give Kelsi a little bit of a clue. This chapter is basically as steamy as my writing will ever get, but it's still not too bad. My warning is more or less me being overly cautious. This is sort of a filler chapter, mainly just getting them to the island. The twist is coming in the _next_ chapter and not this one like I said previously. Hope you all like this one. Let me know!**

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Kelsi and Ryan rounded a corner, heading to the private terminal all of the Evans often used when they flew out of Albuquerque, especially whenever they used one of their own planes. Today they would be flying out on one of the larger planes, this one a rental, in order to accommodate their group. Considering that there were a lot of small children flying with them, this seemed to be the best way to go. There would be ten adults and nine children total going on this trip. Sharpay had arranged for everyone's luggage to be taken care of when they all arrived at the airport, so the only things they had to carry were whatever it was they needed to have with them for the flight itself.

"Uncle Ryan! Aunt Kelsi!" Kelsi and Ryan exchanged a smile at the greeting, which came from Sharpay and Zeke Baylor's precious little daughter, appropriately named Angel. Though to be more precise, the greeting sounded more along the lines of "Unca Wyan! Aunt Kesi!" as Angel, though talking well for a two year old, still had trouble with the letters R and L.

"Get ready," Kelsi murmured to him. She had been holding his hand, but now she dropped it. Just in the nick of time too. Angel, having just been put down by her mother, had taken off running towards her uncle and Ryan had swooped down to pick her up as she reached him.

"Well hello Miss Angel," Ryan smiled at his niece.

"Uncle Ryan," she repeated, beaming at him in adoration. She pointed past him to one of the windows. "Planes!"

"She's been so excited about getting to go on a plane," Sharpay laughed as she walked over to give Kelsi a hug in greeting. Angel reached a little arm towards Kelsi, who took her from her husband to give her a hug.

"I can't get over how much she looks like you," Ryan said, leaning over to hug his sister. It was true: Angel was practically a miniature version of Sharpay. Though her attitude and personality seemed to be more of a blend between those of both of her parents.

"You're excited about going on the plane?" Kelsi cooed to Angel. She walked over to the window so Angel could get a better look. From their new viewpoint, they could see a plane taking off from one of the other terminals.

"Plane flying!" Angel exclaimed, clearly delighted. She craned her head back to look at the others, her eyes settling on her father. "Daddy, look!"

"That's pretty amazing, huh?" Zeke chuckled, walking over to join Kelsi and Angel.

"She's so good with Angel," Sharpay smiled as she watched both Zeke and Kelsi talking to her daughter. "She's going to be a great mom someday." She grinned and nudged her brother. "Any idea when that elusive someday might be coming?"

"I don't know," he said thoughtfully. "We're not actively trying to have a baby, but it's not like we're _not_ trying either. It'll just happen when it happens. Maybe that'll be someday soon and maybe it'll take a while." The sound of a baby crying diverted their attention. A couple of seconds later the first crying baby was joined by a second one.

"Looks like the twins are up," Sharpay said, hurrying over to the car seats that were lying on the floor nearby.

"Sure, they are," Ryan nodded as he followed. "They wanted to see their aunt and uncle." Sharpay chuckled as she picked up one of her six month old sons, Phillip – named in honor of Derby's father who had passed away several years before.

"Either that or they're hungry." She sat down on one of the chairs and gestured towards the baby bag that was on the floor next to the car seats. "Do you mind giving James his bottle?" she asked, referring to the other twin. This one was named after Zeke's paternal grandfather. She balanced Phillip on one arm and managed to hoist the baby bag onto the chair beside her. She then sifted through the contents to pull out first one baby bottle, which she set on the far side of the bag closer to Ryan, and then pulled out a second one for Phillip.

"Sure," he agreed. As he was carefully picking up his nephew, he heard the sound of running and looked up to find Alexandra Danforth, or Lexie as she was usually called, come tearing towards them with her father on her heels and a laughing Taylor trailing behind.

"I win!" Lexie cried out gleefully as she reached Sharpay and Ryan. Chad slowed to a stop and grinned at his friends.

"Way to go, sweetheart," he said, addressing his daughter. "You beat Daddy." He turned his attention back to Ryan and Sharpay.

"Or maybe Daddy let her win," Taylor decided as she joined them. She nudged her husband. "Like he always does."

"You cannot be serious," Zeke piped up, walking away from the window towards the group with Kelsi and Angel following. "Chad Danforth actually lets someone else win for a change?"

"It's my little girl," Chad said with a shrug. "What kind of Daddy would I be if I didn't let her win?"

"Angel!" Lexie hopped up and down a few times as she spotted the other child.

"'Exie!" Angel cried out in response. Lexie was two and a half years old and attended the same daycare as Angel, along with one of Jason and Martha's kids and both of Troy and Gabriella's. As such, the children had struck a sort of friendship up with each other. Kelsi set Angel on the ground and Lexie came bouncing towards them, almost knocking Angel over in the process.

"Whoa," Angel exclaimed as she fell back against Kelsi's legs causing Lexie to giggle at her.

"Silly Angel," Lexie said, between giggles. "No falling over, okay?"

"Okay," Angel agreed, seriously, causing the rest of the adults to laugh as hugs were exchanged between them.

"I can't believe how big they're getting!" Taylor exclaimed as she cooed over first Phillip and then James.

"Matthew!" Most of the adults looked up at the sound, noticing a mischievous looking little boy go running past them with a somewhat frantic looking Martha chasing after him. Behind them, Jason stayed back, walking with their two other children: six year old Jessica, or Jessie, and one year old Jake. Moving quickly, Chad took off and managed to shoot past Martha to grab hold of the little boy she was currently chasing.

"I was running fast!" the child exclaimed to Chad, undeterred by the fact that his run had been cut short.

"That you were," Chad agreed, bringing him back to Martha. "But you have to listen to your Mommy when she's calling you. Right?"

"Right," the child agreed, giving his mother his best apologetic face. "Sorry Mommy."

"Uncle Chad's right. You have to listen to me when I call you," Martha said, somewhat sternly. "I know you wanted to show everyone how fast you can run, but not here. Okay?"

"Yes Mommy," the child recited, sounding a little sad. Martha softened.

"You can run fast at the beach though," she paused. "On the sand. With adults nearby," she added.

"Mattie!" Lexie Danforth let out a small cheer as she finally noticed Matthew, still being held by Chad who promptly set him down to the ground.

Not wanting to be outdone, Angel let out a cheer of her own. "Yay, Mattie!" Kelsi shook her head, smiling, at all the chaos going on around her. The children were chattering away excitedly, as best they could, while the adults were practically doing the same thing.

"Now all we need is Troy and Gabriella and their girls," Taylor spoke up, looking around for any sign of them.

"I know we've been over this about a hundred times," Martha began, "but how is this working when we get down there? We have two houses we're using?"

"Right," Sharpay nodded. "One of them belongs to our parents and the other one belongs to someone Daddy works with. They're right next door to each other and both of them have four bedrooms."

"So how are we dividing up?" Taylor asked, still looking around for Troy and Gabriella.

"I was thinking that Jason, Martha and their kids could stay in one house with Troy, Gabriella and their girls," Sharpay decided. "And the rest of us can stay in the other one."

"And speaking of Troy and Gabriella," Taylor grinned as she spotted their missing friends, along with their children, and waved them over.

"We made it!" Gabriella exclaimed, setting her three year old daughter, Maria, down to hug first Jason and then Zeke. "We thought we'd never get here. It took forever to get out of the house!"

"Right because _someone_," Troy gestured towards his wife, "had to keep running back inside to make sure we had everything we needed."

"Well it's important to be prepared," Gabriella said in defense. Troy shifted their other daughter, eighteen month old Abigail or Abby for short, to his other arm to give Taylor a side hug.

"True," he agreed. "But I would just like the record to show that every time you went back in the house to look for something that it was already in the car." He made a face at his daughter to make her laugh. "Mommy was being silly, wasn't she?"

"Silly Mommy," Abby agreed.

"That's my girl," Troy grinned at her. "Well," he said, sweeping his gaze back towards first Gabriella and then Maria. "One of them anyway."

"Well seeing as we're all here now," Zeke spoke up. "Maybe we should start getting settled on the plane." He grinned at the group in general. "With all these kids, it might take a while to get settled."

-----------------------------

The plane ride, though pretty long, was uneventful once all of the adults had managed to get everyone settled. Most everyone, kids and adults, had slept most of the way. Now they had just taken the car ride from the airport to the houses they would be staying in for just over a week. The houses were beautiful and pretty much directly on the beach itself. Everyone divided up to get settled in their respective houses. As previously decided, Ryan and Kelsi found themselves sharing a house with Chad, Taylor and Lexie along with Sharpay, Zeke and their three kids. Each of the couples had their own bedroom, of course, and Angel and Lexie were sharing the last bedroom with the twins sleeping in their parents' room. It had also been decided that everyone would pretty much be using that house as a base of sorts, basically only using the other house for sleeping purposes. Kelsi had been thrilled to find that she and Ryan had a room that not only faced the ocean, but also had a balcony.

"Oh it's so beautiful here," she said happily, moving some of her clothes out of her suitcase and into the dresser that sat in the room. "It's like a piece of heaven." She beamed over at her husband. "This is exactly what I need. I'll be feeling better in no time here."

"I certainly hope so," he said, stopping on his way to their closet to kiss the top of her head. "You've been feeling too bad for too long."

"I agree," she nodded, now standing up to take a few things into the bathroom they would be sharing with Chad and Taylor. She had just reached the sink when that ever familiar feeling of nausea came back. "Uh oh," she groaned softly. She discreetly closed the door that led back to their bedroom so Ryan would hopefully not hear her throwing up. Again. She had just flushed the toilet when there was a soft knock on one of the doors. She looked over at the door leading to the bedroom she was sharing with Ryan. The knock came again, from the other side, and she turned her attention to the door that led out to Chad and Taylor's room.

"Kelsi?" It was Taylor. Kelsi quickly rinsed her mouth out before opening the door for her friend, who was looking slightly concerned. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Kelsi assured her. "I think my stomach is just a little upset from the flight."

"Hmm." Taylor studied her. "Haven't you been getting sick off and on for a while now?"

"Well yes," Kelsi admitted. "But I think it's just stress." She smiled at her friend. "I'm fine, really."

"Okay," Taylor nodded, though she was fighting back a smile. "Just making sure." Kelsi shot her a smile before heading back into her own room. Taylor, meanwhile, nearly bounced over to Chad. "Guess what?"

"What?" he asked, closing the closet doors before turning to face his wife.

"I think Kelsi might be pregnant," she informed him.

"What makes you think that?"

"She's been pretty tired lately, more so than usual. And she's been throwing up for the past couple of weeks for no reason. No other symptoms," Taylor said, giving her husband a knowing look. "I think she's pregnant. That's exactly how I was, remember?"

"I do," Chad said, slowly grinning. "If she's pregnant, why haven't they announced it?"

"Honestly? I don't think either one of them has a clue," Taylor answered. "Not yet anyway."

"Imagine that," Chad chuckled. "Small person's going to be having a smaller person."

"That's one way of putting it," Taylor said, rolling her eyes though they were twinkling. "Only you, honey."

----------------------------

Later on that evening, long after everyone had gathered at the main house for dinner and all of the kids were down for the night with most of the adults following their example soon after, Kelsi found herself out on the balcony of her and Ryan's bedroom. The sky was perfectly clear, allowing her to see all of the stars and the moon. Aside from the crashing of the ocean waves in the distance, it seemed almost perfectly quiet. Kelsi tilted her head back and closed her eyes as a gentle breeze washed over her.

"Well this is a picture." Kelsi's eyes opened at the sound of her husband's voice and she smiled as she heard him come close behind her and then slip his arms around her waist.

"It is beautiful out here, isn't it?" she asked, softly, leaning into his embrace. "The beach, the ocean, the stars...I was just thinking..."

"About what?" he asked, his voice gentle.

"About taking a moonlit walk down the beach," she said, turning around to face him. "And seeing if my husband would like to join me."

"I think that sounds nice," he smiled at her. And so a few minutes later, Kelsi found herself walking down the beautiful beach hand in hand with Ryan.

"Isn't the ocean incredible?" she asked as they slowly came to a stop. She dropped his hand and took a few steps towards the water. "It's so big and vast and just..." she shook her head, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to. "You stand on the edge of the ocean and take in how massive it is and it just makes you feel so small. It's beautiful...and terrifying all at the same time." Having long since taken off her sandals to feel the sand beneath her feet, she carefully tossed them onto the sand behind her. She then took a few more steps until she was standing ankle deep in the water. "It's warmer than I thought it would be," she decided. She took a few more experimental steps out into the water and was twisting around to say something to him when it happened. She wasn't sure what she had managed to trip on exactly, but she suddenly found herself falling backwards into the water. "Dang it," she muttered. She had managed to keep most of her upper body out of the water, but was completely soaked from the waist down. She risked a glance at her husband, noticing that he was trying not to laugh.

"That was..." he let out a chuckle, unable to help himself. "Very graceful, honey."

"Oh shush," she muttered. Ever the gentleman, Ryan made his way over to her to offer her his hand to help her up. He then let out a surprised yelp as Kelsi took hold of his hand and gave it a hard tug, sending him falling in the water beside her. "Laugh at me, will you," she said, gleefully as he emerged.

"Real mature, Kelsi," he shook his head. "At least you only got halfway soaked. I'm completely drenched."

"I know," she giggled. "That was kind of the idea." He raised an eyebrow as they both stood up.

"Well then all I will say is this," he said, walking around her. "You started it."

"What is that supposed to..." she started, but paused when he carefully took her glasses off and tossed them onto the sand along with their shoes. "What are you..." she trailed off again, this time with a shriek as he suddenly picked her up. Noticing that he was walking further out into the ocean, she flung her arms around his neck. "Oh no," she muttered. "Don't even think about it."

"About what?" he asked, innocently. Too innocently in her opinion. "About this?" He made like her was going to toss her into the water and she yelped, tightening her grip on him.

"Yes, about that! Don't you dare," she warned, attempting to sound stern.

"Aw Kelsi, I'm not going to throw you in the water," he assured her. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"You're not?" Her tone was skeptical.

"Of course not," he said. She studied him for a moment and relaxed slightly when it seemed like he might keep his word. He slowly set her down as if to prove that he was being honest. She opened her mouth to thank him for not dropping her into the water, but let out another shriek instead when he hooked his arm around her waist and flopped sideways into the water, taking her with him.

"Ryan!" she growled as she emerged, spitting.

"What?" he laughed at the expression on her face. "I said I wasn't going to _throw_ you into the water." She narrowed her eyes at him again. "I didn't say anything about _dragging_ you into the water. You should've seen the look on your face. It..." Seeking revenge, she pounced on him, pushing his head underwater. And that had been it. The fight had officially been on at that point – a splashing fight, that is.

"Okay, okay!" she eventually cried out, laughing. "I give! Truce!" She held her hands up in surrender. "Truce."

"Okay," he chuckled, pulling her to him. "Truce." She slipped her arms around his neck, using him for balance as they treaded water.

"I think the last time I had a splash fight I was like ten years old," she giggled.

"Yeah, well, like I said," he began, pushing some of her wet hair away from her face. "You started it." Kelsi lightly wrapped her legs around his waist for more leverage as she leaned back to look at the stars. The moment changed as she once again found herself caught up in the wonder of the evening.

"Gosh, it's beautiful out here," she whispered, pulling back towards him.

"Not as beautiful as you," he said softly. She leaned in to kiss him slowly.

"I love you," she murmured. "So, so much."

"I love you too baby," he whispered before kissing her. "So, so much." Their eyes met and she felt her stomach tighten at the look of intensity she saw in is. Like so many times before, the air around them suddenly seemed to literally spark with electricity as he kissed her again. The kiss was slow and sultry and it didn't take long before the only thing she could think about was him. His lips moved to her neck and she let out a soft moan as it suddenly seemed like the world had began moving slower and slower until it just disappeared completely. He kissed his way back to her jaw and moved in like he was going to kiss her lips, but changed direction at the very last second. "So, so much," he repeated, softly in her ear.

"Ryan," she whispered, taking hold of his face to kiss him. She tightened her hold on him as he kissed his way down the other side of her neck. "Ryan...I think..." she closed her eyes against the wonderful things he was doing to her neck and tried to focus enough to get the sentence out. "I think we should get back to the room." He eased back enough to look at her. "Like now."

"Now would be good," he agreed, his voice unsteady.

----------------------------------

The next morning Kelsi woke up, once again, to the nausea that had plagued her for the past few weeks. She let out a soft sigh, not wanting to ease herself out of Ryan's arms and head into the bathroom like she needed to. She took over at her husband, smiling when she noticed that he was out cold. Her smile widened as she heard him softly mumble her name in his sleep and it was all she could do to carefully slip out of the bed without waking him. As much as she hated leaving his embrace at the moment, she knew that she wouldn't be able to fight off the nausea for much longer. She reached for one of his shirts and slipped it on before heading into the bathroom and carefully closing the door. Making sure the door leading out to Chad and Taylor's room was closed as well, she let out another sigh as she knelt in front of the toilet and waited. As usual, it didn't take long until she got sick. This morning it seemed a little more brutal than it normally was and she waited until she was absolutely positive she wouldn't be sick again. When she was convinced, she flushed the toilet and then slowly got to her feet. She took hold of her toothbrush and brushed her teeth, anxious to get the bad taste out of her mouth. She then decided that she may as well wash her face while she was up. She was just rinsing off the cleanser and thinking about how wonderful the night before had been when realization dawned. It was like the pieces of a puzzle coming together all at once causing her to freeze. Her abnormal fatigue...the nausea...it even occurred to her that she had been slightly more emotional lately. The truth hit her like a ton of bricks. She slowly lifted her head to look at herself in the mirror, her eyes wide.

"Oh my gosh," she whispered. She brought a hand to her mouth as she lowered her gaze to her still flat stomach before looking back up at her reflection. "Oh my gosh," she repeated. She would see a doctor to make sure, of course, but that would be more of a formality than a necessity. Because deep in her heart she knew that she was right. The doctor would only confirm what she all of a sudden was convinced was true. Stress was without question _not_ the cause of all of her symptoms.

A baby was.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing everyone! This is one of my chapters where I go up and down about it. This is kind of a filler chapter like the last one was. The twist I've been talking about is revealed in here, as promised. There's a few, hopefully, funny moments in here including a snippet with Zeke kind of overreacting to something. Not sure where the idea came from, it just happened as I was writing. Kept it in for the mental picture. ****I may be seeking out some reader participation to help figure something out, though that won't be until the next chapter. Hope you all like this one, even if it's not one of my best in my opinion. Let me know!**

* * *

Kelsi wasn't sure how long she stayed in the bathroom gaping at her reflection and trying to wrap her mind around the idea of being pregnant. She couldn't believe that neither she nor Ryan had even considered the idea that that might be the reason for her strange sickness. Her thoughts seemed to be racing through her mind at warp speed as she tried to figure out what being pregnant would mean. Everything would be changing from this point out. They had to figure out how to balance their budget to accommodate the child and they would need to build a nursery. They would need to buy baby clothes and diapers and car seats and a crib along with about a hundred other things. In the meantime, Kelsi's body would be changing dramatically over the course of the next few months and she would have to make sure to take better care of herself now that another person was literally depending on her. There would be mood swings and weird cravings and nights with no sleep, all leading up to the day she would give birth.

Kelsi paled at the idea of giving birth. She wasn't convinced that her body would be able to take it and she let out a shudder as she remembered how terrible a time Gabriella had had when she had given birth to Maria. There had been a horrific storm the night she had gone into labor and her and Troy had gotten stuck in the middle of it on the way to the hospital. By the time they had finally arrived, Gabriella was too far along for them to be able to be able to give her an epidural and the only choice had been natural childbirth. According to Troy, Gabriella had been in such awful pain that she had been constantly yelling out curses that would've made a seasoned sailor blush. Gabriella would always roll her eyes whenever he said that, though she had admitted several times that the pain had just about been unbearable. Of course she also said that the second she first held her daughter in her arms, it had suddenly all been worth it. The pain didn't seem nearly as important then. Even so, the whole story had left its mark on Kelsi and she didn't think she was strong enough to be able to handle giving birth.

She took several deep breaths, reminding herself that she still had a long way to go before that happened. She would worry about that when the time came. For now she had several other things to consider. Like what having this baby would mean for her career. A fresh wave of panic washed over Kelsi at the thought and she forced herself to take a few more deep breaths. Another issue that could be worried about later on. She, instead, decided to go back to her original train of thought: how to deal with the fact that she was pregnant. It wasn't that she was unhappy about the idea; it was just that everything about her future suddenly seemed to be riddled with anxiety. Would she be a good mother to her baby? All of her friends said she was good with their children, but being an aunt was so different from being a mom. Right now, if something came up with one of the kids she could just give them back over to their respective parents. But now that she was going to be a mom herself, anytime anything happened the responsibility would be hers and Ryan's. She had absolutely no doubts about how he would be as a father. He would be great at it, just like he seemed to be so great at life in general. Kelsi would be the one to struggle. She bit her lip, terrified at the prospect of doing something wrong and somehow destroying her child's life in the process. Suddenly the need to see her husband was so strong that she tore herself from the mirror and flung open the door leading out to their bedroom. And bit back a scream.

Ryan stood just on the other side of the door, not two feet from her. He had pulled on a pair of boxers and for some ridiculous reason that she couldn't figure out, seeing him like that suddenly made her feel a little shy. "Ryan! What are you doing up?" she managed.

"I uh...had to go to the bathroom," he answered, concern in his eyes. He was obviously not fully awake, but even so he was still worried. The fact touched Kelsi more deeply than it normally would've and she found her eyes filling up with tears. Figures...she would realize that she was pregnant and her hormones were suddenly raging. "Hey," his voice was soft, as was his touch as he put a hand on her cheek. "Are you okay? You look upset."

"I...I'm fine," she managed. "I just didn't feel well." The concern in his eyes increased as he studied her.

"Did you get sick again?" he asked, gently.

"Y-yes. But I'm okay now...really." She wasn't sure which one of them she was trying to convince more with that statement. He studied her for a moment and then, without saying a word, took her in his arms and held her close.

"Are you sure?" She found herself smiling as she slipped her arms around his waist. Pressing her head against his chest and feeling his heart beating, she suddenly had the overwhelming sense that everything would be okay. She would get through this pregnancy and somehow deal with the whole giving birth thing. She wasn't sure how exactly but she knew that no matter what happened, she'd be able to handle it just as long as she had Ryan by her side.

"I'm sure," she answered. This time her voice was confident. As she eased back from him it occurred to her that she would need to tell him that she was pregnant. But as soon as her eyes met his, she found herself overcome by a new set of nerves. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She kissed his cheek instead. "Don't worry."

-------------------------------

After Ryan had gone in to use the bathroom, Kelsi had gotten back in bed and had fallen back asleep by the time he got out. When she awoke for the second time she realized that she was alone in the bed. She rolled over and found a short note, written in Ryan's handwriting, on her pillow...

_Hey Sleeping Beauty,_

_You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't want to wake you up again. Everyone's downstairs getting brunch together. Come on down once you get ready._

_Love you,_

_Ryan_

Kelsi smiled at the note before getting out of bed and getting dressed. She slowly made her way down the stairs. The chaos from yesterday seemed to have resumed as it sounded like everyone was talking and joking around with each other. Sometime while she was getting ready, she had decided that she wanted to talk to the rest of the girls about her thoughts that she was pregnant before she mentioned it to Ryan. She reached the bottom of the steps and turned into the kitchen and immediately felt her heart stop at the sight before her. Zeke was making pancakes while Martha and Chad worked together on a fruit salad. Gabriella and Taylor were currently filling up all of the various bottles and child cups with either milk or juice, while the others were keeping the children entertained. But the thing that had caught her attention and momentarily stilled her heart was the sight of Ryan balancing Angel on his hip, supporting her weight with one arm. He was throwing Cheerios in the air with his other hand and catching them in his mouth, much to the enjoyment of his little niece. Kelsi had witnessed Ryan with the other kids more times than she could count and always registered how good he was with them. But it took her figuring out she was pregnant for her to really see how natural it all seemed to come to him. She brought her hand to her throat in an attempt to massage away the lump that had formed there.

"They make quite a pair, don't they?" Kelsi looked over at the sound of Sharpay's voice. The blonde girl smiled at her as she continued. "I think that her Uncle Ryan is one of Angel's absolute favorite people in the world, after me and Zeke. She completely adores him."

"I'd say that feeling is mutual," Kelsi whispered. Sharpay briefly brought her hand to Kelsi's arm.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I just..." Kelsi took a deep breath. "I need some girl talk. Like now."

"Okay," Sharpay nodded once. "Hey Martha, Taylor, Gabriella get over here!" she called, without warning.

"We're all kind of doing something at the moment," Taylor pointed out. Sharpay waved a hand in dismissal.

"The guy's can handle things for a couple of minutes," Sharpay said in response. She swept her gaze to each of the men. "Right?"

"Uh yeah." Zeke was the first to speak up and now he looked at his wife with a curious expression on his face. He brightened at the sight of Kelsi. "Hey, you're up!"

"Yeah, I'm up," Kelsi said, lamely.

"Girls?" Sharpay piped up.

"Honestly, what is so important?" Taylor asked as she joined Sharpay and Kelsi. Martha and Gabriella were right behind her.

"Next room, if you please," was all Sharpay said. Martha and Taylor looked at each other and shrugged as they all moved in the family room.

"What is this all about?" Gabriella asked, looking at Sharpay.

"Don't ask me. Kelsi's the one who needed some girl talk right now," Sharpay answered. "Kelsi?"

"Well...I...I have something to....I mean, there's something I..." Kelsi sighed, wondering why it was so hard for her to get the words out. "I think I figured something out. Now guys...please stay calm. I don't want the guys to know yet. No freaking out, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Martha was the first to respond, her voice concerned. "What's up?"

"I...well..." Kelsi gave them all a sheepish smile and lowered her voice as she continued, "I think I might be pregnant." She looked at each of them in turn, noticing that all of them were slowly starting to smile.

"I was wondering when you'd get a clue," Taylor said, with a laugh. "Considering all the symptoms you've been having." She stepped forward to give Kelsi a hug. Gabriella opened her mouth to say something but found herself getting caught off. By Sharpay screaming. Kelsi felt her eyes widen.

"I said no freaking out!" she exclaimed as Zeke came tearing into the room, frying pan in hand.

"What happened?!" He had the frying pan, still with a couple of pancakes in it even, and lifted it up as it preparing to attack whatever it was that had made his wife scream.

"Overreact, much?" Martha muttered, causing both Gabriella and Taylor to snicker.

"I um...I saw a spider!" Sharpay said quickly, taking in the look on Kelsi's face. "A big, huge spider."

"A spider," Zeke repeated.

"It was massive," she confirmed with a nod. "Right girls?"

"Oh yes," Martha chimed in. "Huge, in fact."

"Well where is it?" Zeke asked.

"It um...it left," Sharpay answered. Zeke's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"It left," he repeated. "You saw a huge spider and in the time it took you to scream, it just went on its merry little way and left."

"Gee, Zeke, you sound skeptical," Taylor said, with a small and nervous laugh.

"Everything really is okay, honey," Sharpay assured him. "You can go back into the kitchen with your frying pan of doom."

"Okay," he said slowly, still looking suspicious. He turned and headed back into the kitchen.

"So when are you going to tell Ryan?" Martha asked.

"I have no idea," Kelsi confessed. "I kind of want to get it confirmed first...I mean, I'm pretty positive I am but..." Taylor nodded in understanding.

"My parents are friends with a doctor down here," Sharpay said thoughtfully. "I could probably arrange for you to be able to go see him today."

------------------------

Kelsi had no idea how Sharpay had pulled it off, but somehow she had gotten Kelsi an appointment with the doctor within the next few hours. Sharpay had also come up with some story about her and Kelsi needing to head out to pick up some supplies. Ignoring the fact that both of the houses had been well stocked prior to their arrival. The doctor visit, meanwhile, had confirmed the fact that Kelsi was indeed pregnant. Now they had just gotten back to the houses and it appeared that everyone was out on the beach. Though Martha, Taylor and Gabriella must have been looking for them to arrive because they all piled back into the main house as soon as Sharpay and Kelsi had gotten back in.

"Well?" Martha asked, a hopeful smile on her face.

"Well..." Kelsi echoed, a smile spreading across her face. "I'm pregnant." Martha, Taylor and Gabriella all let out squeals of excitement as they each took turns hugging Kelsi.

"Oh this is wonderful!" Gabriella gushed as they all moved into the kitchen. "When are you going to tell Ryan?" Kelsi instantly felt herself being overcome by a wave of nerves at the thought of telling her husband the news.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I guess I'll just kind of wing it. Though do me a favor guys...until I tell him...just please act normally, okay? I don't want him to suspect anything. Okay?" The other girls all nodded their agreement and then looked over at the sound of the backdoor opening and none other than Ryan himself walking in and heading into the kitchen.

"Oh hey, you're back," he said, smiling at his wife and sister. He reached Kelsi and gave her a soft kiss on the lips in greeting and then glanced back over at the others. His expression slowly became somewhat befuddled as he looked at them and Kelsi's brow furrowed. She turned to look at her friends to see what might be causing him to look at them that way. Much to her horror, all four of them were looking at Ryan with goofy grins on their faces. "Okay, what's going on?" His voice was instantly suspicious.

"Nothing!" all four of their friends said in unison. Kelsi barely resisted slapping a hand to her forehead in frustration. So much for acting normal. Sharpay was the first one to regain her composure.

"We're all just really happy...to be here on the beach, with each other. And all the kids," she said, her voice sincere.

"And speaking of kids," Gabriella piped up, just barely suppressing a giggle. "I think we better go back outside and check on them all. Together. As a group. And then you can have a nice little chat with your wife." She let out another giggle. "Alone."

"Okay..." Ryan said, slowly, his eyebrow slightly raised. Gabriella, finally noticing the glare Kelsi was giving her, made a quick exit.

"Yeah...talking to your spouse is good," Martha agreed as she followed Gabriella out.

"Very good," Taylor nodded, looking back and forth between Kelsi and Ryan. "Oh you two are so cute!" She grinned again as she exited and Kelsi shook her head in annoyance. Only Sharpay remained, stopping by to open up the refrigerator to pull out two bottles.

"The twins are probably going to be hungry," she said, calmly, causing Kelsi to want to reach over and give her a hug for acting normal. That feeling lasted for about two seconds as Sharpay suddenly, and without any kind of warning, flung her arms around her brother to hug him. "I love you Ry," she sniffled, somewhat dramatically.

"Um...I love you too Shar." If Ryan had looked confused before, by then he looked completely and totally bewildered. Kelsi brought a hand up to massage her forehead as Sharpay finally left. Ryan turned to his wife. "What's up with them?"

"Oh who knows," Kelsi said, in what she hoped was a casual manner. He moved past her towards the cupboard, brushing against her arm in the process. The contact seemed to increase the amount of nerves she was currently feeling.

"Want anything to drink?" he asked her.

"Water would be nice," she managed, her throat suddenly parched. She watched him as he got her a glass of ice water and himself a glass of orange juice. His fingers brushed against hers as she took the glass of water from him and she suddenly felt like a teenager again. It was ridiculous. The two of them had been a couple for over a decade and friends for longer. He was not only her husband, but her best friend and there wasn't another person on the planet who loved her as much as he did. And there she was, barely able to say anything to him because she was so nervous. "Um...Ryan?"

"Yes baby?" Kelsi froze at the term of endearment, though it was something he had called her probably over a thousand times over the course of their entire relationship so far. Now, in light of her revelation, the term seemed weighed down with multiple meanings. She raised her glass to her lips and took a sip.

"I um...I have to tell you something," she said slowly. He leaned back against the counter, his attention focused on her.

"Okay," he said patiently. She took another sip of water and stepped closer to him, setting her glass on the counter beside him. She then took his glass from him and set it on the counter as well. She grabbed his hands and placed them on her waist before settling hers on his chest. He was wearing shorts with a polo shirt that day, along with the matching hat, and she absently began fidgeting with the buttons on the shirt.

"I...um...we...well I have..." she closed her eyes and tried to will the words to come. When she opened them, she looked up to meet his gaze straight on...and felt any courage she had just summoned up disappear. "I...I love you," she finished, lamely. "I just wanted to say that..." she trailed off, cursing the weird cowardice that had taken hold of her body.

"I love you too," he smiled at her and then tilted his head to the side. "All those nerves just to say you love me?"

"Well actually...I did have something else to say, but I forgot what it was." She hated lying to him, but it was the best she could do at the moment. He chuckled as he leaned in to softly kiss her forehead before they broke apart.

"Come on...let's go outside with the others. It's beautiful out today," he said, reaching back for both of their glasses. She took hers with a nod and followed him outside. As soon as Gabriella noticed them, she more or less danced up to them.

"Oh congratulations!" she exclaimed, causing Kelsi's eyes to nearly bug out of her head.

"For what?" Ryan asked, puzzled. Gabriella shot a look at Kelsi, who both shook her head and waved her hands frantically. Gabriella's eyes widened.

"Um...for...for..." Gabriella stammered, looking at the other girls for help.

"For making sure you get your daily dose of vitamin C!" Martha piped up; gesturing towards the glass juice Ryan was holding. "Vitamin C is really, really important so it's really good that you're making sure you're getting it." Kelsi brought her palm to her face.

"It's also an antioxidant," Gabriella informed him.

"That's right! And those are good for preventing heart disease," Martha continued. "And for cutting your risk for strokes too."

"And I think that that juice has added calcium too," Taylor joined in. "Which is also good. Gotta keep those bones healthy you know?"

"Good grief," Kelsi mumbled. Ryan, meanwhile, was looking at Martha, Taylor and Gabriella as if all three of them had suddenly grown extra heads.

"Um...yeah," he said.

"So...congratulations!" Gabriella repeated, throwing in a thumbs up for good measure.

"Thanks?" He blinked several times. "I think...I'm gonna see what the kids are up to," he said slowly. He shook his head as he headed out on the beach towards the guys and the children.

"What are you guys sponsored by Tropicana or something?" Kelsi exclaimed as soon as he was out of earshot. "What part of acting normal did you not understand?" She let out a frustrated groan. "I chicken out of telling my husband that I'm expecting our first child for reasons I don't even know and then you guys come out and offer him a pitch for Vitamin C!"

"Real smooth guys," Sharpay shook her head at them. "Ryan probably thinks you're all insane now."

"This coming from Miss I'm just going to throw my arms around my brother for no reason and weird him out?" Kelsi countered. Sharpay gave her a sheepish smile in return.

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Later on Kelsi was sitting next to Sharpay in the house, smiling down at the twins. Dinner preparations were under way and Kelsi stole a glance towards the kitchen to note that Ryan was busy helping with the meal.

"What's wrong with me?" she whispered to Sharpay. "I've tried at least three times to tell Ryan that I'm pregnant. The first time was this morning, then when we got back from the doctor and then a little bit ago. And every single time I chicken out." Taylor; who was sitting on the floor and playing dolls with Lexie, Maria, and Angel; looked up at Kelsi's statement.

"Are you scared of how he'll react?" she asked.

"If you are, don't be," Sharpay spoke up. "You know how much Ryan wants to be a father. He's going to be beyond thrilled."

"We always talk about being parents someday," Kelsi started. "But I think we both assumed that someday would be a long time from now." She shook her head. "What if he's not ready?"

"He is," Sharpay assured her. Kelsi let out a sigh.

"You know what the problem is?" she said after a moment. "I think I'm worried that whichever way I tell him that it won't be good enough."

"What do you mean?" Taylor asked, confused.

"You know Ryan. He's always going out of his way to make big gestures. Look at how he proposed. He could've gone the more normal route, like the other guys did. You know, take me out to a nice dinner somewhere and then drop down to one knee during dessert or whatever. But that would've been too simple for him," Kelsi smiled as the memory of his proposal filled her mind. "Instead he comes up with the rose idea and leads me all over the place finding them. He wrote me all those beautiful letters and got you all involved, all leading up to the final roses and his proposal. " She shook her head. "He's always doing stuff like that, though not always as big. Everything I do for him seems so lame in comparison."

"I highly doubt that Ryan would agree with that statement," Taylor said, raising an eyebrow.

"So do I," Sharpay nodded.

"Ryan would never think that," Kelsi agreed. "But it doesn't change the way I feel about it." She let out a short laugh. "Sometimes I wish that I could be the one making the big gesture for once. That I could be the one coming up with the big plan."

"Why couldn't you?" Taylor asked. "Who says the man has to do all the romancing in a relationship?"

"I could never come up with anything like the things he does," Kelsi shook her head again.

"Says who?" Taylor argued.

"My brain just doesn't think like that. That's more of an Evans trait."

"Well you are an Evans, are you not?" Sharpay pointed out. "And need I remind you of your little plot to get Ryan to ask you to prom back in high school? You have the ability to make the big gesture, Kelsi. You just have to do it."

"Do what, exactly? Come up with some elaborate scheme like the roses?" Sharpay's face lit up.

"That's it!" she exclaimed.

"What?" Kelsi asked, confused.

"How you should tell Ryan you're pregnant!" Kelsi glanced at Taylor, who shrugged.

"I don't think I follow..." Kelsi trailed off.

"It's easy. You can even sort of model what he did with the roses. Come up with a bunch of reasons why you love him and figure out a creative way to tell him all of them." Sharpay grew more excited over the idea as she spoke. "Only instead of leading it up to a proposal, you lead it up to an announcement!"

"Wouldn't that be copying his idea?"

"Well the basic idea, yes. But you can tweak the execution to better suit you. Like instead of giving Ryan roses, do something else."

"Like what?" Kelsi made a face. "It's an interesting idea, but I just don't think I can pull it off."

"That's what I'm here for," Sharpay beamed at her. "I helped you with the prom didn't I? I'll help you with this. We'll come up with something absolutely fabulous. Trust me."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing so far everyone! And for putting this on alerts or favorites! The plot thickens, so to speak, in this chapter a little bit. I have to admit that I was tearing up while writing the last third or so of this chapter and I really hope it comes across the way I want it to. I hope Kelsi's little revelation makes sense. I've never been pregnant, but I can really see how some women might respond the way she does. Like the news hits in waves. That's the best way I can think of to explain it. Like so far Kelsi's been thinking about the things that need to happen now that she's pregnant as opposed to thinking about the pregnancy itself. Anyone know what I'm trying to say (well type)? In any event, hope you all like this chapter. Reviews are, as always, greatly appreciated!**

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"Something's up with the girls," Ryan said as he helped the others make dinner. For the moment all of the women were out with the kids and the men were all gathered in the kitchen. "They're acting pretty weird."

"Amen to that," Zeke nodded, empathetically. "You should have seen them earlier when Sharpay screamed."

"Yeah, what did they say it was again?" Troy asked.

"A spider," Zeke answered. "A big, huge, massive spider that had disappeared by the time I got in there."

"With your frying pan," Chad snickered. "Seriously dude, what were you going to do? Sauté it to death?"

"Hey, my wife screams, I'm grabbing a weapon. Gotta defend my girl and all that," Zeke said, in defense. "And what better weapon than heavy cookware?"

"Zeke, you might be the only man on Earth who can not only mean that but also say it with a straight face." Troy shook his head. "But you know...back to the whole spider deal...If it was a spider, why didn't more of them scream?"

"Yeah, Taylor hates spiders," Chad said thoughtfully. "So does Gabriella if I'm not mistaken."

"And Kelsi," Ryan chimed in.

"Martha's not much of a fan either," Jason added.

"Right, so all of them should have screamed. Not just Sharpay," Troy decided.

"You got in there pretty quick too," Chad said, looking at Zeke. "And yet, it somehow mysteriously disappears?"

"It was very weird," Zeke said, with another nod.

"You all should have seen them earlier," Ryan put in, thinking back to his strange encounter with them earlier in the day. "First four of them are grinning like idiots and then there's a lot of talk about the pros of vitamin C." He shook his head, still bewildered by their strange behavior. "And Kelsi completely forgetting something she was going to say to me. That only happens when she's nervous about something."

"Something has got to be going on," Troy frowned. "But what?"

"I wonder if..." Chad started, but trailed off.

"What?" Troy wanted to know.

"Uh..." Chad looked out into the living room. "I'll be right back." He left the room suddenly, heading for his wife, leaving the others confused.

"Don't tell me he's in on it," Ryan said.

"Things are getting very weird around here," Jason declared.

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"So I guess the first thing you have to do is think of reasons why you love Ryan," Taylor was saying. "That shouldn't be too hard."

"Well no but..." Kelsi reached over to steady Abby as she nearly fell over. "When Ryan did the whole roses thing, it was my twenty-fifth birthday so he did twenty five...well with an extra one." She frowned. "Makes sense. But what about me? How many reasons should I come up with?"

"Hmm," Taylor scrunched up her face as she thought it over. "There's nine moments in a pregnancy, ten in some cases," she offered.

"That doesn't seem like a lot," Gabriella shook her head. "It should be more than that, don't you think?"

"Yeah..." Sharpay nodded slowly before smiling at Taylor. "I like the concept though." She looked over at Kelsi. "You're going to tell him that you're pregnant, so why not use a number related to pregnancy?" She pursed her lips. "What other numbers are associated with pregnancy?"

"Well the average pregnancy lasts, what, thirty-eight weeks?" Martha spoke up.

"Thirty-eight," Sharpay repeated. "That's a lot."

"Too much though?" Kelsi wrinkled her nose. "I don't think I'm that creative."

"Maybe you should just start thinking of reasons," Gabriella suggested. "See how many you come up with. We can always help out." Sharpay opened her mouth to say something but stopped as they were joined by Chad.

"Daddy, look!" Lexie piped up. She, along with Angel and Maria, had been stacking blocks to create towers.

"Wow!" he exclaimed, making sure to look appropriately impressed. "That's really high, sweetheart. You guys did so good!"

"Yay! Daddy likes it!" she clapped her hands, clearly delighted.

"Yay!" Angel and Maria chorused. Chad turned his attention to his wife.

"Hey Taylor...can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure," Taylor agreed, getting up. Kelsi flashed her a look and Taylor gave her a discreet nod to assure her there was nothing to worry about. Chad led Taylor out to the hall.

"That thing we talked about yesterday," Chad started. "Is it true?" Taylor blinked.

"You're going to have to be more specific," she replied, though she had already figured out what he was talking about. "We talked about a lot of things yesterday,

"Yesterday, after we got here and Kelsi threw up again. You came over to me and told me that you thought she was pregnant. Is she?" he asked.

"What makes you ask?" she kept her voice as innocent as possible.

"You all are acting really weird," he shook his head. "Ryan said something about Kelsi forgetting something she was going to tell him and then said that she only does that when she's nervous. And it got me thinking that maybe she's nervous because she's pregnant and doesn't know how to tell him." Taylor gaped at him for several seconds.

"That's...that's not..."

"I'm right," Chad grinned. "Aren't I?"

"I wasn't supposed to say anything," she winced.

"So I am right!" he exclaimed, triumphantly. Taylor clamped her hand over his mouth.

"Yes, you're right. But don't tell anyone! Kelsi still figuring out how to tell Ryan." She paused. "And don't tell Kelsi I told you either. She doesn't want any of you to know until she tells him. So act normally," she smirked. "Well as normal as _you_ get, that is."

"I..." Chad's eyes narrowed. "Are you trying to imply that I'm _not_ normal?"

"Of course not," she said sweetly. "I meant to say it outright."

"Thanks," he said, sarcastically. He peeked back into the room all of the women and children were in and looked back at Taylor with a grin. "She's really pregnant?"

"Yes," Taylor smiled at him. "But remember...you can't let her know you know. And you can't tell anyone else. Okay?" She studied him. "Act normally."

"Maybe you girls should follow your own advice," Chad chuckled. "What's this about the benefits of vitamin C?" Taylor gave him a sheepish look.

"Gabriella slipped and we panicked," she shook her head. "Not one of our finer moments, I admit."

"What about the fictitious spider?"

"Also not one of our finer moments," she nodded, before tilting her head. "Did you really just say fictitious?" She grinned. "I've been a good influence on you." She was teasing him, but his expression softened.

"That you have," he said, sincerely. He then held up a hand. "I'll be normal, I promise. He made a face at her. "At least as normal as _I_ get."

--------------------------

"Dinner's ready," Zeke called from the kitchen, causing all of the women to gather up one or more of the children to get them settled. Angel went over to Kelsi and held her arms up. A signal that she wanted to be picked up. Kelsi smiled down at the child as she scooped her into her arms and carried her into the dining room, which had a table large enough to accommodate the entire group for the most part. They had to squish some, but they made it work. Kelsi slowed as she took in all of the high chairs set up at various places around the table. In a few short months, her and Ryan would need to get one of those. The enormity of the situation pressed down on Kelsi and she fought back the accompanying wave of panic.

"Hey Playmaker, are you okay?" She turned to look at Troy, who was carrying a bowl of carrots to the table.

"Uh yeah," she smiled at him. "Just trying to figure out who is sitting where." He studied her for a moment.

"Something's going on," he declared. "I don't know which one of you girls it is or _what_ it is, but something is going on."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, giving him an innocent smile.

"If you say so," he grinned at her. "But just so you know...us guys are determined to figure it out."

"Whatever makes you happy," she said, forcing a laugh. "But I really don't know what you're talking about."

"Kelsi...you may be many things. A great friend, an enormously talented musician and composer, a wonderful wife to your husband...to name a few," he began, winking at her. "But one thing you are not is a good liar." He tilted his head. "Kind of makes me wonder if the person with something going on is you."

"Chicken coming through!" Zeke exclaimed as he headed into the room, much to Kelsi's relief. Everyone else started coming in and were either taking their seats or putting kids in high chairs. Kelsi had just put Angel in the one next to where Sharpay was sitting when Chad came over to her.

"Hey Small Person," he beamed at her. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," she said slowly.

"You look good," he decided. "Kind of glowing and all that."

"Um...thanks?" He winked at her, much to her confusion, before continuing down the table to take his seat. Kelsi grabbed Taylor as she passed her.

"What is with your husband?" she asked. "He's being a little weird."

"Just a little?" Taylor let out a nervous laugh. "I'd take that as a good thing." Kelsi's eyes narrowed.

"Does he know?" she hissed.

"Know? Know what?" Taylor asked, innocently.

"You know what."

"You told me not to tell," Taylor reminded her.

"I know...so did you?"

"N...No," Taylor answered, immediately feeling bad for lying. Though technically speaking, she hadn't directly told Chad Kelsi was pregnant, Taylor reasoned to herself. Just confirmed it. She winced as she hurried down the table to sit down next to Chad. It still amounted to the same thing. She looked at Chad then and her eyes narrowed. If he had been acting normally, Kelsi never would've said anything in the first place. She lifted her hand and promptly smacked his arm.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, startled. "What was that for?"

"I told you to act normal!" she whispered, glaring at him.

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Kelsi, meanwhile, took her own seat that would be next to Ryan once he sat down. She looked up and held back a wince of her own as she realized she was directly across from Troy.

"So any more spider sightings?" Troy piped up after everyone had been seated and gotten their food. A hush fell over all of the women.

"No," Sharpay answered, smiling at him. "Thank goodness. That thing was so big! Right girls?"

"Oh yeah," Martha agreed.

"Very big," Kelsi put in, noting that Troy's gaze had shifted to her. He raised an eyebrow at her and she quickly focused her attention to Maria, who was sitting beside him. It was amazing, she thought as her gaze flickered over to Abby on his other side, how one child could look so much like one parent and the next like the other. Like Maria and Abby. Maria was basically a younger and smaller version of Gabriella, with her dark eyes and hair. Abby, on the other hand, also had dark hair though it was closer in shade to Troy's. She had also inherited her father's trademark blue eyes and smile. Kelsi let her gaze shift over to Jason and Martha and all of their children. Jessica seemed to favor her mother, though Kelsi could see traces of Jason in her. Matthew, meanwhile, was like a miniature version of his father while Jake seemed to be more of a perfect blend between the two. She then turned her head to glance at her husband, wondering which parent _their_ baby would favor. Maybe their baby would be a boy and would be a miniature version of Ryan, like Matthew was of his father. Or maybe they were having a little girl who would look like a smaller version of Kelsi, like Maria with her mom and Angel with hers.

She found herself wondering if this baby would be a dancer like its daddy or a musician like her. Would they be reserved like Kelsi tended to be or more outgoing like Ryan? Kelsi hoped with all of her heart it would be the latter as she knew how hard it was being shy and didn't want her own child to have to deal with it. Ryan must have felt her eyes on him because he looked over and smiled, causing her heart to flutter inside of her. She managed a smile back as she turned her attention back to her food and attempted to ignore the tears that were filling her eyes. But that seemed impossible as one solid truth worked its way through Kelsi's heart. One that she hadn't fully dealt with as she had been so overwhelmed by the news. Noticing that they had left a pitcher of juice in the kitchen, she offered to go get it and hoped that no one could see her trying not to cry. She had just made it into the kitchen when she burst into tears. Lousy hormones.

"Kelsi?" She spun around to see Sharpay looking at her, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Oh Sharpay," Kelsi sniffed. "Nothing's wrong." She let out a disbelieving laugh. "Everything is right. Oh..." she sniffled again. "So much for hoping no one could see me crying."

"Don't worry," Sharpay assured her. "Most everyone wasn't paying attention. Ryan may suspect something is up, but I think he thinks you're getting sick again. I told him that you were probably fine and then offered to check." She put her hand on Kelsi's back. "Aren't hormones fun?" she joked, making Kelsi laugh.

"It's going to take some getting used to, I think," Kelsi decided. "I was just...I was just sitting there and looking at Maria and Abby...and then Jason and Martha's kids and I just..." she sniffled. "I started thinking about which parents all of them favored and it got me thinking about my baby. If it'd be a boy or a girl and if it would look like me or Ryan and which one of us it'd be more like." She shook her head. "Oh Sharpay..."

"What?" Sharpay asked, her voice gentle.

"It sounds ridiculous to say, especially since I've known that I'm pregnant all day but...I don't know...I've been thinking about cribs and labor and how to tell Ryan and what this all means for us in terms of our finances and stuff but..." she sniffled again, gratefully taking the tissue Sharpay offered her. "I just...during all of that I never really stopped and thought about it," she shook her head again. "It didn't really hit me what was going on until now. It's not about the cribs and all of that stuff...it's about this little baby growing inside of me." She let out another laugh in disbelief. "I'm having a _baby_. Ryan's baby...there's this little tiny person, this perfect expression of the love me and Ryan have for either, growing inside of me right now." She let a small sob. "I'm not making any sense, am I?"

"You're making sense to me," Sharpay managed, feeling herself start to tear up at the look on Kelsi's face which was a mixture between wonder and pure, unfiltered joy.

"Me and Ryan are going to be parents! Oh...he's going to be the best daddy in the world! And I'm going to be a mommy..." Kelsi paused to blow her nose before laying a hand on her still flat stomach and lowering her gaze down to it. "Oh hello little baby," she said softly. "It's...it's your Mommy...I'm going to take really good care of you, okay? I don't even know you yet but I love you..." she smiled softly as she glanced up at Sharpay, who by then was fighting off tears. "It's crazy isn't it?" Kelsi whispered. "How once it hits you that you're pregnant...that you realize how much you already love your baby? I didn't even have to think about it...the feelings just came and I know that this is going to be someone I'm going to love forever." She lowered her gaze back to her stomach. "Oh I can't wait to meet you and hold you..." she sniffled. "I can't wait for your daddy to hold you...oh, baby, your daddy is going to love you so, so much. You're going to be the most loved baby in the entire world...and that's just by us! You still have your grandparents and all of your aunts and uncles and cousins...ones you'll be related too and others who you won't be...at least not technically...but it won't matter. They're all going to love you so much." Kelsi looked back at Sharpay, grinning. "Oh Sharpay...I'm having a _baby_!" She laughed at herself. "I probably sound nuts."

"No," Sharpay whispered, barely able to speak around the lump in her throat. "No. You...you sound like a mom."

"A mom," Kelsi repeated. "Can you believe it? Oh...we have to figure out the rest of our plan for me to tell Ryan," she sniffled again, "I want to start tomorrow if we can. It...it has to be really, really special."

"It will be." It was Sharpay's turn to sniffle. "Oh look at us! Everyone's going to know something is up." At that exact moment, almost as if on cue, Gabriella appeared.

"Are you guys okay? What's taking so..." she trailed off, noticing that both women were crying.

"I'm having a baby," Kelsi whispered. "It didn't completely hit me until right now." She let out a squeal and did a little dance of happiness. "I'm having a baby!"

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Once Kelsi gushed some more over her sudden wonder at being pregnant, it hadn't taken Gabriella long to start crying too along with Sharpay. As the three of them returned to the dining room, they all tried to act as if they hadn't spent the last minute or so in tears. Luckily for them, everyone else seemed preoccupied with either the kids or whichever conversation they were having at the moment. One advantage to a bunch of people eating together, Kelsi decided as she headed toward her seat. Spotting Ryan, Kelsi was suddenly overcome by a wave of love for him, most likely due to her revelation in the kitchen. She had managed to fine tune more of the plan to tell Ryan she was pregnant while she had been crying with Sharpay and Gabriella, though not by a lot. There were still some things to be figured out, but everything would begin the following morning. In light of seeing him, however, she decided that it wouldn't hurt to give him a taste of what was coming. Especially because at the moment her feelings for him were so incredibly strong – even more so than usual. So before she took her seat she moved behind Ryan's chair and eased her arms around him to hug him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Hey," he said softly, angling his head towards her. If he was surprised, which he had to be, he didn't show it. Instead, he brought his hands up to hold her arms in place. "You okay?" She grinned as she rotated around a bit to face him better and then softly brushed her lips against his. He had no idea.

"I want you to know," she whispered, turning her head so her mouth was right at his ear. "That no woman has ever loved a man more than I love you right now."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews & alerts guys! I really appreciate all of them so much. Kelsi's plan begins. I like how the first one came out, not so sure about the second. Included a Chad/Kelsi scene and subtlety, thy name is NOT Chad Danforth. Pointless little scene really, mainly Chad still acting oddly towards Kelsi after finding out she's pregnant. My logic is that he feels protective of her, but is trying to act normal which results in weirdness. Hopefully amusing weirdness. I have to admit that I'm overly happy with this chapter, though it seems like everytime I say something like that that it ends up being one people like so here's hoping that happens here too. I'm leaving on mini road trip on Wednesday to see a concert in North Carolina on Thursday and coming back home on Friday and am determined to update all of my stories before I leave.**** The good news for anyone reading my stories is that, for whatever reason, I always seem to be hit by a burst of creativity after seeing this band so there may be more updates this weekend. Hope you all like this chapter! Let me know. :)**

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The following morning Kelsi woke up to her familiar nausea though it was slightly easier for her to tolerate now that she knew why she had it. The thought of her baby made her smile as she headed into the bathroom, but that smile quickly faded as she once again got sick. She would definitely not be missing this particular aspect of pregnancy when it went away – which, according to Taylor, would most likely not be until Kelsi's second trimester of pregnancy. Kelsi winced as she remembered that she still had at least a month to go, if not a little more. Not much she could do aside from deal with it, she decided as she leaned over the toilet once more to throw up. Convinced her stomach had finally settled for the moment, she slowly got to her feet and set about getting ready. Today her plan would be starting and she would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous about it. Ryan had such a natural ability for these kinds of things and she wasn't convinced that her plan would measure up. She had brought that up to Sharpay the night before for what had probably been the fourteenth time and the blonde had rolled her eyes in response, reminding her that Ryan would be thrilled no matter how Kelsi told him and that she had the support of her friends to back her up. Her words had hit their mark and Kelsi actually hadn't felt any more anxiety over the entire thing for the rest of the night. Of course, now it was morning and Sharpay wasn't there to reassure her at the moment. Kelsi took a steadying breath as she studied her reflection.

"Okay Kelsi," she muttered, realizing that she would sound like a lunatic should any of her friends see the pep talk she was prepared to give herself. "You are an Evans and Evans scheme. Stop being such a wimp and go out there and do it. Everything is going to fine and Ryan is going to love it." She nodded at herself in the mirror, feeling a surge of confidence flow through her body which lasted for about five seconds. A knock at the door nearly made her jump out of her skin. "Um...yes?"

"Kelsi?" It was Chad. "Are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine," she called back, taking a few steps closer to that door. "Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"At some point, but no rush," he responded.

"That's okay," she said, taking a breath as she opened the door to him. "I'm done." She looked up at him and blinked when he grinned at her like an idiot. "Well you're cheerful this morning."

"It's a beautiful morning," he declared. "The sky is blue, the waves are crashing and the air is clean." She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Chad...are you okay?"

"I'm super!" he exclaimed, causing her other eyebrow to rise in bewilderment.

"You're...super?" she asked, skeptically. She lifted her hand to his forehead, frowning as she did so.

"What are you doing?" he asked, amused.

"Checking for a fever," she informed him. "Since when does Chad Danforth say things like 'I'm super!'?"

"What's wrong with the word super?" he challenged.

"Nothing...except when you use it," she answered. "It's very...odd."

"Can't a guy be in a good mood?"

"Of course...especially when...let me see if I remember: the sky is blue, the waves are crashing and the air is good."

"I believe I said the air was clean," he corrected.

"My apologies, oh oddly cheerful one," she said, making him laugh. "The bathroom's all yours," she added, stepping back to the door that led out to her and Ryan's bedroom and opening it. She smirked at him. "So if you feel the need to break out into 'Oh What a Beautiful Morning' you can." He was still laughing as she left the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She focused her gaze over to a still sleeping Ryan and smiled as she rummaged around in her suitcase for the letter she had written him the night before after he had fallen asleep.

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As Ryan woke up later on that morning, the first thing he felt was a gentle breeze and the first thing he saw was the bright blue of the sky. Both of which reminded him of where he was at the moment and made him smile. He rolled over and the second thing he saw was a folded up piece of notebook paper with his name written on the front in Kelsi's handwriting. He quickly scanned the room, noting that Kelsi was nowhere to be found. More than likely, she was downstairs with the others getting some sort of meal prepared, he decided. He shifted his attention back to the letter, unfolding it as he rolled onto his back to read...

_Morning Ryan,_

_You're asleep as I'm writing this and I keep finding myself looking over at you as I try to write. I guess I'm hoping that some of your talent for writing letters will somehow transfer over to me as I write this. I write songs easily...things like this are harder, though I don't exactly know why. Maybe it's because this letter marks the start of a project that I have thrown together for you with some help. See honey, you're always the one making the big gesture, you're always the one coming up with the elaborate schemes and I thought that it was time that I returned the gesture. Did something big for you for once to let you know how much I love you._

_Now, I already know what you're thinking as you're reading this. Something along the lines of how this is entirely unnecessary and that you already know how I feel about you. You're probably thinking that you know how much I love you and that I don't need to do anything to prove it to you. If I know you as well as I think I do than I know that as soon as you come on downstairs, you'll more than likely find me and tell me as much. I think my biggest joy in this project; at the moment I'm writing this, is the fact that now you understand how I feel every time I find out about a plan of yours. And since we've now entered a sort of role reversal, I'm going to give you the same kind of response you always give me, which would be something along the lines of "it's no trouble and I like doing it". In other words: deal with it. _

_I had such a hard time deciding what I could do or give you for this project and so have fallen back on what I know best (aside from you, that is): music. Songs I've either written or songs I just like. Songs that make me think about you and us. Songs that somehow define our relationship. There will be thirty eight songs in total. You'll read about some of them in letters like this one. I'll talk to you about some of the others and there may even be a few songs brought to you courtesy of our friends. There were so many songs I could have chosen to start things off, but there's one in particular that really stood out to me as a good one. It's one we danced to at our wedding reception on our one year anniversary. It's an older song that was first out when we were little kids, but it has always been one of my mom's favorites. It's a song about marriage and sung, appropriately I think, by a married couple: _When I Said I Do _by Clint Black and his wife Lisa Hartman Black. A sample of the lyrics for you:_

"_When I said I do, I meant that I will 'til the end of all time. Be faithful and true, devoted to you. That's what I had in mind, when I said I said I do. Truer than true, you know that I'll always be there for you. That's what I had in mind (that's what I had in mind) when I said I do." Sometimes songs just get it right and this is one of those times. That is what I had in mind when I made my vows to you and I know that that's what you had in mind too. It's been just over three years and the words are still true. Just like they'll be true for the rest of our lives. _

_I love you honey,_

_Kelsi_

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Ryan had just finished getting ready and was about to head on downstairs to join the group when he nearly collided with Jason and Martha's six year old daughter. "Oops," Jessie exclaimed, looking up at him. "Sorry Uncle Ryan."

"That's okay," he smiled down at her. "What brings you up here?"

"Aunt Kelsi," she informed him. "She wanted me to come up and give you this." She presented him with another folded up piece of paper. "Hurry up, okay? I think the food's almost ready and Mommy says we have to wait for everyone until we can eat. And guess what?"

"What?"

"I think Uncle Zeke made cinnamon rolls!" she exclaimed, with such enthusiasm that Ryan had to laugh. "And they're the _best_!"

"Tell you what," he said, bending over slightly so he was closer to her level. "How about I read and walk at the same time? Don't want to miss any of Uncle Zeke's famous cinnamon rolls, now do we?"

"Nope!" she grinned at him. "Just be careful going down the steps, okay? I don't think Aunt Kelsi wants to have to take you to the hospital."

"I think you're probably right," he agreed. "Don't worry. I'll be careful."

"Good," she said, with a nod, before nearly hopping back over to the steps and making her way down. Ryan chuckled again as he opened his second letter, walking as he read. He took hold of the railing as he reached the steps, mindful of his promise to Jessie.

_Hey Ryan,_

_I'm writing this letter in the middle of absolute chaos. Adults are trying to cook and keep the kids entertained – hard to do since it seems like all the kids want to do is get eating over with so they can go outside and play. There's about a million things going on and it's all I can do to avoid either crashing into someone or knocking something over. Like I said, it's complete chaos._

_And I love it! I was sitting here in the middle of all the insanity and thinking about how much I love my friends and their kids and how much I love you. All of that reminded me of the song _I Love My Life _by Jamie O'Neal. Well actually, I was going to use this song anyway but all of the chaos reminded me, once again, how true it actually is. Here's some of the lyrics:_

"_I'm lookin' out the window, happy just watching my world go round. And I think to myself, how lucky can a girl be. I've got everything, more than I ever dreamed. I love my life. I thank God for all I have and that I love this man who loves his wife. I love my life." That's exactly how I feel. I can't think of anything I don't love about my life right now. Like the song says, it is so much better than I ever dreamed it could be. Some of that has to do with my family and our friends, but most of that has to do with you. I am so lucky to be married to you, a wonderful man who loves me more than I ever dreamed I could be loved by a man. Though, that said, I think I might love you a little, tiny bit more. _

_I think that's all I want to say at the moment, though there's still so many things left to say but we can get to those later. At the moment it looks as if I'm about to be called in to help with the food, especially since – as Zeke has just pointed out to me – I didn't help yesterday. So I'll end this by restating my point, just in case you missed it: I love my life! _

_And I love you – so get your butt in here already!_

_~Kelsi_

--------------------------

"Hey Kelsi, can you grab Phillip for me?" Sharpay asked, picking up James to take him into the dining room.

"Sure," Kelsi agreed. She headed into the next room to pick Phillip up, letting out a small yelp as she went to carry him into the other room. Phillip, suddenly fascinated by her curls, had reached up and given one a hard tug. "What is it with you babies and pulling hair?" she muttered to him, shaking her head in an attempt to get some of her hair out of his reach. Phillip proved to be uneasily deterred and kept reaching for her hair, managing to grab hold of another defenseless curl. She was midway to the dining room and still trying to get her hair out of his grasp when Ryan found her.

"So is this a part of the chaos that you apparently love so much?" he spoke up, still smiling from her letter.

"Oh yes," she said seriously. "Who needs to pay to get your hair styled when you can have a baby do it for free?" she asked, wincing as Phillip gave her hair another hard tug. "Of course, if this keeps up I might be bald soon."

"Here," he said, stepping forward to carefully ease her hair out of his nephew's grip.

"So," she said, studying him for any sort of reaction to her project. "How's your morning been so far?"

"Well I got to wake up in paradise which in and of itself is a pretty good way to start the day," he began. "Then I find a really sweet letter to me from my beautiful wife on her pillow, followed by another one." He nodded thoughtfully. "A pretty great morning, all in all." He smiled at her again, his eyes twinkling. "You were right though."

"About what?"

"How this is all unnecessary because I do know how much you love me."

"I knew you were going to tell me that," she said, with a laugh. "I kind of like this whole role reversal thing. It's fun being on this side for a change. Now, I know this probably won't be as good as the things you do are but..." He cut her off by pressing a finger to her lips.

"It's not a competition, Kelsi," he reminded her, gently. "I love this idea. It's really, very sweet and it's so...you. I love that you want to do something like this for me and I know I'm going to love everything you come up with." He leaned in to kiss her, pulling back when she let out another muffled yelp as Phillip had once again managed to grab hold of another one of her curls. "Okay buddy," he said, addressing his nephew. "I know your aunt has pretty hair, but you gotta stop pulling on it okay?"

"Are you really trying to reason with a six month old?" she asked, amused.

"Can't hurt," he said with a shrug, gently freeing her poor hair once again before lifting Phillip from her arms. "Just one question though," he added, a curious look in his eyes. "What made you pick the number thirty eight? That seems a little random." Kelsi momentarily froze as she tried to think of some sort of answer, smirking as inspiration hit.

"I'm going to give you the same answer you've given me who knows how many times," she said, finally. "That's for me to know and for you to find out."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for all the continued support everyone! I'm starting this off with an apology because I really wanted to get this chapter up sooner, but couldn't get myself motivated to write the past few days. I'm really going to make more of an effort to update sooner from here on out. A couple of notes for this chapter. One, I know that in the movie they ended up changing the prom number so Kelsi wasn't in it. For the sake of this story, let's all pretend that that never happened and that they kept it the way it was. Second, seeing as Kelsi is supposed to be a shy person I had a hard time believing she'd be so willing to do it. So, seeing as I had Ryan and Kelsi as a couple at this time in the other stories, I came up with a way for him to convince her. The idea came to me in a dream and may be slightly hard to picture, though I could honestly see Ryan doing something like that. This marks the first flashback for this story (a brand new one) and is also the first story within a story for this story (got that?). ****Two songs in this chapter, one from My Fair Lady and another one by Ben E. King. My goal is to have the next chapter up in the next couple of days, so fingers crossed there. As always, hope you like this chapter! Let me know. **

* * *

"I have a delivery for you," Gabriella informed Ryan soon after everyone had eaten and headed out to the beach.

"Do you?" Ryan asked, smiling when she presented him with a folded up piece of paper.

"The two of you are really something," Gabriella said, flashing him a smile in response before slipping away to where her daughters were playing to let him read in peace.

"Okay Kelsi," Ryan muttered as he turned his focus to his letter. "What song are you using this time?"

_Hi Ryan,_

_So in writing these notes and coming up with song ideas, I've been trying to think of a wide variety of artists and styles and for this one I'm falling back on what is easily one of my favorite musicals of all time –_ My Fair Lady_. There are a lot of times when this song could apply, though the first one that came to mind was our senior prom. We had danced together before on multiple occasions, but never like this. Aside from a couple of dances with everyone as a group and a dance with each of the other guys, I spent the entire night dancing with you. That night was so magical...at the time it felt like a fairytale. You've given me a lot of fairytale moments throughout the years but that one remains a favorite. By the end of the night my feet were absolutely killing me. By the time you finally dropped me off at home I was completely exhausted, but I still didn't want to go to bed. Because as tired as I was and as much as my feet hurt from my shoes, I could have spent what remained of the night dancing with you. Or as the song from_ My Fair Lady _goes..."I could have danced all night! I could have danced all night! And still have begged for more. I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things I've never done before. I'll never know what made it so exciting. Why all at once my heart took flight. I only know when he began to dance with me I could have danced, danced, danced all night!"_

_I can't even begin to tell you how much I love dancing with you. I am without question NOT a dancer, but with you it doesn't matter. When you're leading me around the dance floor I feel like I could be. You make me feel like I could be Ginger Rogers to your Fred Astaire, even if I totally trip over my own feet whenever I'm not dancing with you. Whenever we dance it always feels like we've somehow stepped into some sort of magical place where we're the only people that exist. I didn't think it was possible for a non-dancer like me to get lost in a dance but I always do - just as long as you're there to lead me. _

_That all said, I can think of one instance where I actually did _not _want to dance with you and that actually leads you into your next song. I can sum up that entire experience with three words: _Stand By Me_. Remember that?_

Ryan grinned, knowing exactly what she was talking about. It had been back during their senior year when they were well into rehearsals for the musical. He could picture the scene perfectly. He had been standing by the lockers with the other guys, talking about random things, when Kelsi had basically marched up to him to give him a piece of her mind. He found out later on that Kelsi had been talking to the other girls in the minutes leading up to that moment. He had heard the story so many times from both Kelsi _and_ Sharpay, who had pretty much set the entire event in motion in the first place, that he could almost picture their conversation in his head, even though he hadn't been there at the time to witness it for himself...

---------------------

"So how's the prom number coming along?" Martha asked Kelsi. Homeroom was set to begin in a few minutes, but for now all of the girls were hanging out by Sharpay's locker talking about the musical. "I know Ryan's been pretty frustrated with it." The song itself had been done for a few days, but Ryan had been struggling with the choreography for it.

"He has a lot of it figured out," Kelsi started, looking across the hallway at the guys and smiling when her eyes landed on him almost instantly. "There's just one part that's driving him crazy."

"Which part?" Taylor wanted to know.

"The part where the one couple arrives and everyone else starts wondering who the girl is and why they haven't noticed her before," Kelsi answered. "Actually it's not so much the choreography itself that's bothering him, it's the girl."

"What do you mean?" Martha asked, confused.

"Well when I first wrote the song, it was shorter and didn't have that part in it yet. Ryan figured out the choreography for what we had and everything was fine...at least up until Ms. Darbus heard it and decided that it should be longer to fill up a more time. So I made some changes and added that whole section." Kelsi let out a small sigh. "Everyone is already paired up and he doesn't know what girl to use for it."

"Why doesn't he just use one of the couples already set?" Taylor asked.

"I asked him that," Kelsi said, rolling her eyes playfully. "He said he can't do that because then everyone else will be all lopsided and it'll hurt the visual. It apparently has to be a new couple. I think he's going to step in as the guy, but he can't figure out which girl to pick. Everyone in the play is already in the scene already, either as one of the dancing couples or in the band or as one of the parents."

"The answer is so obvious," Sharpay spoke up. "It's only a matter of time before he figures it out," she nodded knowingly. "You said everyone in the play is already in the scene, right?"

"Right," Kelsi replied slowly, unsure as to where Sharpay was going with this.

"So then he'll just have to use someone that is not currently in the show," Sharpay grinned at Kelsi. "Preferably someone who is already familiar with the musical since that would make things easier."

"I think I know what you're thinking," Taylor spoke up, smiling suddenly. "And if I do, that's perfect!"

"I know, right?" Sharpay giggled. "Especially since Ryan is going to be stepping in as the guy."

"Mind filling the rest of us in?" Martha piped up, looking as confused as Kelsi felt.

"The way I see it, there is one person and one person only who could step in as the girl," Sharpay began, leveling her gaze on Kelsi. "His girlfriend." It took several seconds for what she was saying to sink in and once it did, Kelsi immediately started shaking her head.

"Oh no," she said. "Not me. I'm going to be in the pit with the rest of the orchestra conducting where I belong! I am not going on that stage. Period."

"You're the perfect person, Kelsi," Taylor grinned.

"Ryan's going to figure it out pretty soon," Sharpay offered, suppressing a laugh at the look on Kelsi's face. "In face, it wouldn't surprise me if he brings it up by the end of the day."

"I am not going on that stage," Kelsi repeated, glancing back over at Ryan. Her eyes narrowed as she watched him. "You're probably right, Sharpay. He probably has it all figured out by now. So I guess that means I have to go set him straight." She nodded and promptly marched over to where Ryan and the other guys were still talking.

"Hey Small Person," Chad said brightly, once he spotted her. She ignored him and instead stepped right up to Ryan and jabbed a finger into his chest.

"The answer is no," she informed him.

"Okay," he said slowly, looking confused. "Um...Kelsi?"

"What?"

"What was the question?"

"Like you don't know," she muttered, poking him again. "Like you haven't already figured out that the only logical girl for you to use in the prom number is me. Like you're not already planning it." She shook her head, not noticing the look of realization that had suddenly appeared in his eyes. "But I'm here to inform you that my answer is no."

"Kelsi...I can't believe it," he started.

"Oh Ryan," she sighed. "I know you probably really wanted to use me and I know I'm probably letting you down, but I wanted to give you plenty of time to think of someone else."

"I can't believe it," he grinned at her. "I was thinking about holding auditions for the part, but that would be so stupid. Of course the girl should be you!" he exclaimed. "I can't believe I never thought of it!"

"I...what?" she asked, for the second time that day. "You mean..." she gulped. "You weren't planning on asking me?"

"Didn't even cross my mind, until you brought it up," he answered. "But this is perfect!"

"No!" she cried. "No, it's really not! I'm going to be conducting, remember?"

"Details," he said, waving his hand in dismissal. "Someone else can take over for that part. It's just one song."

"But...but...I'm not a dancer," she stammered. "Or an actress for that matter."

"I'll keep the steps simple," he promised. "You'll do great."

"I will not and you know why not?" She poked him in the chest once more. "Because I am not performing on that stage. Not now, not ever. Got it?" She shook her head, poking him again for emphasis. "The stage and me...no. Negative. Not happening."

"Kelsi," he said, deliberately keeping his voice calm. "You're the only logical choice." He smirked at her. "You pointed that out yourself."

"What the heck do I know?" she asked, taking a step away from him. "There are other girls you can use, I'm sure of it." She jolted as she took another step backwards and crashed into Zeke. "I'm the last person you want on that stage! See? I can't even walk without crashing into people!"

"But you wouldn't be walking," Jason spoke up. "You'd be dancing."

"He makes an excellent point," Ryan nodded.

"He does not," Kelsi argued, glaring at Jason. "You put me on that stage and I'll find a way to fall off of it and kill myself."

"Don't be silly," Ryan chuckled. "I'm not going to let you fall off the stage. I'll be right there beside you."

"Is that supposed to be encouraging? Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you fall off the stage yourself a few days ago?" she asked. His eyes narrowed as the other guys snickered. "How do I know you won't do it again?"

"That was a one-time occurrence, I assure you," he said. "Come on Kelsi," he continued, giving her his best puppy dog face. "Don't you trust me?"

"That is so not fair," she muttered. "Stop looking at me like that! You know I can't resist that face."

"That's probably why he's using it," Jason nodded.

"Oh shut up, Jason." Kelsi shot him another glare before looking back at Ryan. She felt her resolve weaken as he let out a pathetic whimper. "Oh for heaven's sake...of course I trust you!"

"So you'll do it?" Ryan asked, hopefully.

"No!" she exclaimed. "I said I trusted you, I didn't say I'd dance with you!"

"You only have to dance for part of it," he countered. "The rest of the time, all you have to do is basically stand by me looking beautiful. And," he added, winking at her, "you always do so that's not a problem."

"Flattery is not going to help you," she shook her head and took another step, crashing into Troy that time. "I'm not doing it and there's nothing you can do to change my mind."

"Nothing, huh?" he nodded. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."

"I would," she shot back. "The answer is no. Now come on guys, we have to get to homeroom," she said, breaking away from them and leading the way.

"We still have five minutes," Jason called after her. She ignored him and kept walking.

"How are you going to get her to change her mind?" Zeke asked Ryan, grinning.

"It's easy, Zeke," Ryan chuckled. "I just have to convince her to stand by me. Hey Kelsi!" he called, rushing to catch up to her. "Let me at least try to change your mind."

"Ryan..." she trailed off, shaking her head.

"Kelsi," he said, his eyes twinkling. He then, much to her horror, started singing; "_When the night has come, and the land is dark. And the moon is the only light we'll see._"

"What are you doing?" she hissed. "We're in the hallway!"

"_No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid,_" he continued, ignoring her. "_Just as long as you long stand, stand by me."_

"Ryan, please," she pleaded. "People are starting to look..."

"_So __darlin', darlin', stand by me. Oh stand by me,"_ he sang louder, taking hold of her hand. "_Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me_."

"This is really not funny. Please stop," she begged.

"_If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall. And the mountains should crumble to the sea,_" he began the next verse, managing to grab her other hand. "_I won't cry, I won't cry...._" By then all of the commotion in the hallway had come to a stop as people paused to watch the scene unfold.

"Ryan..." she tried again. He ignored her and continued to sing, somehow managing to slide her backpack off and to the floor. He then pulled her closer and placed one of her hands on his shoulder, slipping his now free arm around her waist. "This is so not fair," she muttered, doing her best to both avoid falling under his spell and to ignore the audience he had drawn.

"_Whenever you're in trouble, won't you stand by me._" He started to sway back and forth, even as she resisted. His voice grew softer as he leaned in to sing in her ear. It was around that moment that it suddenly seemed like everyone else in the hallway had somehow disappeared. "_Darlin', darlin' stand by me..._" She let her eyes close as he finished the song, ridiculously charmed by his antics. The song ended and the students around them broke out into cheers as he quickly, but softly, kissed her. The applause jolted her out of the spell he had put her under and she was convinced that her face was bright red.

"So what do you say?" he asked, grinning at her. "Will you stand by me on that stage?"

"You don't fight fair," she shook her head, unable to stop the smile that spread across her face. "I guess dancing with you up on stage during a show can't be half as bad as having you randomly serenade me in the hallway. So fine." She let out a long sigh. "You win." She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. "But only because, as I just pointed out, you don't fight fair."

"That's why I win," he said, winking at her.

-------------------

_I still cannot believe you actually broke out into song and dance in the middle of a crowded hallway...actually, on second thought I can. You might be the only person on the planet who can manage to embarrass me and__ still get your way. So not fair._

_I guess that brings me back to what I was saying earlier – when we dance, it feels like we're the only people on the planet. It doesn't matter if we're all alone or in a sea of people. It happens every single time. And again, I can't even tell you how much I love dancing with you. Even in a crowded hallway._

_Love,_

_Kelsi_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing everyone! I've said before that I try to respond to every review, which I do, though now I think it's going to get a little difficult with the new way replies are done. I liked the old way because it would tell you if you had already replied and now it doesn't. As a result for the last chapter, I replied to some and know I missed a couple. I think I know who I missed, but aren't positive so since I don't want to flood anyone's inbox I haven't replied to those. So if you usually get a response and didn't, it's in no way personal. I just have a bad memory when it comes to this stuff. This is probably a very minor point, but I wanted to address it anyway. I appreciate every single review and am so happy that everyone seems to be liking this so far. You all rock! I'm annoyed because I wanted to do three songs in this, but there's only one. I finished the chapter and realized it was like 11 pages in Microsoft Word which I thought was a bit ridiculous so I broke it up. The good news about that is that this will be a really fast update since the next chapter is done. It'll be up tomorrow evening at some point. I'm pretty happy with how this chapter turned out so I hope you all like it. The girls better watch out for that Troy though...he's a sharp one. ;) **

* * *

"I have a theory," Troy muttered to Zeke as the two of them worked to set up a hammock Troy had found in the house he was staying in. They had it positioned on the sand near the back door of the main house.

"About what?" Zeke asked.

"What's going on with the girls," Troy replied. "I think that is has to do with Kelsi."

"How come?"

"I tried talking to Kelsi about it last night and told her we all knew something was going on," Troy began.

"And?"

"She said she didn't know what I was talking about, but I think she was lying," Troy nodded, cutting his gaze over to Kelsi, who was walking over towards Ryan at the moment. "She's never been a good liar."

"That's true," Zeke agreed. "That doesn't mean whatever is going on is about her though," he pointed out.

"True. I just have a feeling…" Troy trailed off.

"Suppose you're right," Zeke started, "what do you think she's hiding?"

"I haven't gotten that far yet. Though I'll tell you this – I think Chad knows and he's not saying anything." Troy narrowed his eyes at Chad, who looked to be involved in some sort of race between Lexie and Matthew.

"How would he find out?" Zeke wanted to know. "And why wouldn't he say anything?"

"My guess is one of the girls slipped up to him somehow, most likely Taylor. She would've told him not to say anything about it to the rest of us." Troy pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I wonder if all of the girls know he knows. Or if it's just the one who slipped up."

"So what do we do?"

"I don't know about you, but I want to know what's going on." Troy looked at each girl in turn. "I say we divide and conquer. Get Jason and Ryan to help out since I don't think either of them have a clue either. If one of the girls slipped up to Chad, maybe they'll slip up to us."

"Well I think we can count Taylor out. She might've been the one to tell Chad, assuming you're right, and if you are I can see her as being more determined to make sure the rest of us don't find out," Zeke decided.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Troy nodded. "One way or another we will find out."

-------------------------

"Hey." Ryan looked up from where he was sitting on the sand and smiled up at his wife.

"Hey yourself," he said in response.

"Come here," she instructed, gesturing for him to stand up. When he did she held out her hands for his. "So tell me...how am I doing so far?"

"You're doing great," he said, honestly. "Not that that surprises me."

"Good," she smiled at him. "Now, I want you to do me a favor. See, I have your next song and letter right here." She held up another piece of paper. "And I know that what I wrote in it is completely true, but I decided that it still wouldn't hurt to test my theory."

"And how would we go about testing your theory?" he asked, intrigued.

"It's very easy," she assured him. "All I want you to do is kiss me the way you think I want you to."

"The way I think you want me to," he paraphrased, studying her. He gently pulled her closer to him and leaned in to give her a soft kiss that lingered for several beats. His lips were just barely touching hers, but it was enough to send a feeling of warmth throughout her entire body. "How was that?" he asked, lightly pressing his forehead to hers.

"Hmm." She kept her eyes closed as another smile tugged at her lips. "I'm not entirely sure, actually. I think I need you to do that again. Just to make certain, you know."

"Oh of course," he chuckled. "I want to give you the most accurate results possible." He kissed her again and when he pulled away, she let out a contented sigh. "Good?"

"Perfect," she whispered. "I guess that means you can have this now." He took the piece of paper from her and opened it to read.

"_If you wanna know if he loves you so__, it's in his kiss. That's where it is, oh it's in his kiss. That's where it is, oh-oh. Kiss him and squeeze him tight, find out what you wanna know. If it's love, if it really is, it's there in his kiss." _It's In His Kiss _– Betty Everett. _

_There are so many ways that you show me that you love me, though I would have to agree with this song. I love the way you kiss me. I don't know how you do it, but you always seem to know when I want you to kiss me and not only that you always seem to know exactly how I want you to do it. Sometimes it's soft and sweet and other times I feel like I might literally go up in flames. Sometimes it's somewhere in the middle. However you do it, it's pretty much always how I want you to. __Every time you kiss me, I can feel how much you love me. I'm not just talking about when you kiss me on the lips either. _

_I know how that sounds, though I actually mean that in an innocent way so get your mind out of the gutter._

At that Ryan looked up at her with a laugh. "How do you know my mind was in the gutter? I could be on the exact same page as you."

"Somehow I doubt that," she said, raising an eyebrow at him. "Of course..."

"Of course what?" he asked, suppressing another laugh as he watched her face slowly turn pink.

"It's not important," she managed, feeling ridiculous for blushing in the first place. They were, after all, married and had been for a couple of years so she couldn't quite understand the reaction she was having.

"Now whose mind is in the gutter," he teased, biting back yet another laugh. He knew she probably felt a little silly, but he couldn't help but be charmed by the fact that she was well on her way to turning into a human tomato. He found it endearing, though he knew she would think he was crazy for thinking so.

"Oh shush," she said, swatting at him with her hand. "Just keep reading already."

"Okay," he agreed, grinning, as he picked up where he had left off.

_I'm talking about the times when I'm maybe on the phone and you come over and give me a kiss on the cheek. Or how every once in a while, you'll take one or both of my hands and kiss them. Or __maybe you're walking past me and stop to kiss the top of my head or my forehead. They may be little kisses, but sometimes I think they mean the most because you're making a point to give them even if it means momentarily stopping from whatever it is you're doing. You're not really getting anything back in those moments. Like when you kiss me on the lips, I kiss you in return and it's more of an expression of our love for each other. When you give me all those little kisses, as I'm now calling them, it's more of an expression of the love you have for me. They always make me feel so cherished and so, so loved. I consider myself to me a very lucky woman in that respect since I know a lot of other women whose husbands or boyfriends or fiancés never even think about doing things like that. It's one of the many things that make you special and it's one of the things I love the most about you._

_Love,_

_Kelsi_

"Oh baby," he murmured as he finished her letter. She smiled at him when he looked up, feeling herself melt as he pulled her close once more to place a series of soft kisses on her forehead. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you more," she whispered back.

"I seriously doubt that," he argued, his eyes twinkling at her. She tilted her head up to brush her lips against his. The kiss was just starting to deepen when the sound of someone coughing pointedly made them break apart.

"My wife instructed me to come and tell you two lovebirds that lunch is ready," Jason informed them. "And you both know that she refuses to let anyone eat until everyone is at the table."

"Okay, okay," Ryan said, letting out an exaggerated sigh. He took Kelsi's hand in his and as they followed Jason back to the main house, he lightly bumped her shoulder with his. "Just so you know, I fully intend on picking up where we left of later."

"I'm going to hold you to that," she said, with a grin.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** **I love when I can make fast updates. :-) Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter everyone! I cut the last chapter because I felt that it was too long, though afterwards it made the chapter feel short. So I now have a question for all of you: how long do you consider to be too long? I always worry about having chapters be so long that people end up getting bored and that's the last thing I want to have happen. The last chapter ended up being 4 pages in Word, while this one clocks it at 9. Most of my chapters seem to end up around the length of this one and I'm guessing that's okay because no one's ever commented about it, but when would it be too long? Meanwhile there's two songs here and a new memory featuring a new character that we'll thankfully never see again. I say thankfully because he's pretty rude to Kelsi in the memory. Fun scene to write though as Kelsi's response to him may seem a little strange. It's amazing what a little confidence can do for a person, particularly when they have someone to back them up - in this case, Vance. Speaking of which, we don't see enough of him in the movies to really get a feel for who he is so we get to have some leeway while writing him. The way I see him, he's a pretty laidback person with a deep love for his family and as a result I see him as being protective of the people he cares about, especially if someone is attacking them in some way. All I can say for him in this chapter is go Vance! Hope you all enjoy this chapter. Let me know!**

* * *

"Are you sure that thing is safe?" Kelsi asked, later, as she watched Ryan go to lie down in the hammock.

"Troy and Zeke set it up," he said, with a shrug.

"Exactly," she said, looking over it doubtfully.

"Hey!" Zeke protested. It was after lunch and most of the kids had gone down for naps, leaving a few of the adults to wander outside. "I'll have you know that me and Troy did an excellent job setting that up."

"Sure you did," Taylor spoke up, a slightly mischievous look in her eyes. "It certainly took you enough tries to get it right."

"So it sort of fell apart the first time. We figured it out," Zeke said, somewhat defensively. He pointed a finger at Ryan. "It's holding him up isn't it?"

"And I feel perfectly safe," Ryan spoke up.

"Thank you," Zeke said, grinning now. "Nice to know _someone_ has faith in me and Troy."

"You know Kelsi, this is technically speaking a two person hammock," Ryan pointed out to her.

"Was that an invitation?" she asked.

"Yes," he replied. She took a step closer in apprehension.

"Tell me something, Ryan. How do you suppose I can get myself in there without flipping you out?" She scrunched up her face. "Or sending you flying, for that matter."

"I sincerely doubt that you weigh enough to send me flying," he started. "Just take it easy getting in. As long as you don't decide to try to jump in, I'm sure we won't flip." She bit her lip.

"I can try holding it while you get in," Zeke offered.

"Well…okay…" she said slowly. She sat in the middle and then, as Zeke did his best to keep it steady, swung her legs in and cautiously laid down next to her husband.

"See? I told you we'd be fine," Ryan reminded her.

"That you did," she nodded. "Of course there's still the matter of getting out."

"We'll worry about that when the time comes," he decided.

"Okay," she agreed, snuggling closer to him. They fell into silence, as did just about everyone else it seemed. A sense of tranquility seemed to have come over the group as a whole, most likely because most of the children were sleeping. Kelsi watched Chad and Taylor leave to take a walk down the beach before letting her eyes close. She had ended up having to excuse herself midway through lunch in order to make it to the bathroom to throw up and by then was feeling pretty tired. It was unusual for her, but she suspected it had to do with the pregnancy. The oceans waves were crashing in the background and every now and then she could hear the sound of a bird or two. A light breeze blew every so often, just enough to keep the hammock swaying gently. It was like getting a little glimpse of heaven, Kelsi decided to herself. She let out a happy sigh – something she seemed to be doing a lot of that day.

"You seem nice and relaxed," he said softly and she could hear the smile in his voice.

"I am," she confirmed. "It's so beautiful here and I'm surrounded by some of my most favorite people in the world." She propped herself up on her elbow to look down at him. "I was thinking."

"About what?" he asked, reaching up to tuck some of her hair behind her ear.

"About us. How we've been a couple for over a decade and are still going strong," she smiled. "It feels good. Especially considering we've known people who were convinced we wouldn't last." At that he frowned, looking confused.

"Like who?" he wanted to know. "Our friends and families have always been supportive of us."

"They have," she agreed. "The people I'm thinking of aren't what I would consider to be friends."

"Then who are you thinking of?"

"Oh just a few of the people I met at that society event your parents made you go to back when we were in Julliard. Remember? It was in Rhode Island and neither one of your parents wanted to go, but felt like they had no choice so they made you and Sharpay tag along?" she chuckled. "And you two in turn made me and Zeke come too?"

"Oh geez," he winced. "I completely forgot about that. That was awful."

"I agree," she wrinkled her nose. "There were a couple of randomly nice people but everyone else was so snooty. Especially Alfred and Clarissa Hollingsworth." She raised an eyebrow at him. "You remember, your ex-girlfriend?"

"She was never my girlfriend," he corrected quickly. "We played a couple in a play in middle school and she took the role seriously." He shook his head. "Way too seriously."

"And did you ever think that she would've still been pining for you that many years later?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, his expression deadpan. "Once a girl falls for Ryan Evans, there's no turning back."

"We really need to work on your self-esteem, honey," she laughed. "Once a girl falls for you, there's no turning back? Seriously?"

"Says the girl whose been my significant other for over ten years," he teased her. "Seems to be true enough for you, doesn't it?"

"Well," she said, somewhat sheepishly. "You might have a point. But even so, she was still completely crazy about you."

"I think she was crazy period," he muttered, making her laugh again.

"I agree," she nodded. "I'm pretty sure she hated me on sight. That, by the way, brings me to your next song. Though I guess this one has more to do with me."

"Yeah? What song is that?"

"Different Breed by Carter's Chord," she answered. "It's funny. In high school I was always able to blend into the background almost perfectly. I never really thought of myself at the type of person who would stand out, but there in that room with all of those other high society people I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb." She paused. "It wasn't so bad when I was with your family, but there was a point it seemed like every splintered off on their own and for a while I was left by myself. It was awful. I felt like I might as well have been of a different breed from every other person there, minus poor Zeke." She shook her head. "I was listening to that song the other day and it instantly made me think of that. I remember walking in that room, holding onto you for dear life and watching all the other girls our age look at me with instant hatred – though none as bad as Clarissa. It reminds me of part of the song." She paused again and then softly sang the lyrics to him. "_Every time you take me out, boy, we see another girl whose held your hand. And she acts like she doesn't care you're with me but I know. She don't like the way I look on you, I make her nervous 'cause I don't fit in_." She studied him for a few moments. "You probably could have had your pick of any of those society girls, either from Rhode Island or Albuquerque. And you end up picking me. I remember I went to the bathroom at one point and while I was in the stall I heard Clarissa and her friends trashing me. They kept talking about how you could be dating someone as low as I was and how we were doomed to fail because it was only a matter of time before you saw the light."

"You never told me that," he said, surprised. She bit back a smile as she saw a wave of anger flash through his eyes. "I wish you had. It would've been nice to have been able to stick up for you." He let out a huff. "You're so much better than those girls, Kelsi."

"It was a few years ago," she reminded him. "I'm over it."

"Even so…" he trailed off, frowning.

"Well this might make you feel better," she began, her eyes sparkling. "Sharpay ended up coming into the bathroom in time to hear some of it. They made the fatal mistake of assuming that she would naturally feel the same way they did."

"Uh-oh," Ryan said, starting to smile. "That probably wasn't good for them."

"Uh-oh is right," she confirmed. "Maybe the only time I was happy to see the old Sharpay again," she said, with a laugh. "Honestly, Ryan, I don't know if you could've defended me any better. Those girls seemed to be a lot nicer to me after that." She grew thoughtful. "They had a point in a way. I didn't fit in with that world and I still don't. It would've made perfect sense if you had ended up with a girl like one of them."

"Oh gag me," he interjected, making her laugh again.

"My point is that we sort of come from different worlds. You could have had any one of those girls if you had wanted them. But for some reason I still can't completely figure out, you wanted me. You fell in love with _me_. Me…me with my nice middle-class family with our nice house. Me with my cheaper clothes and often unruly hair. Me with my usually unpolished nails that tend to chip easily when they _are_ polished." She gave him a teasing look. "You could have done so much better."

"I highly disagree," he shook his head.

"I know," she said softly, cutting him off before he could continue. "It's all so amazing to me. A lot of people would consider me to be beneath you, but you don't care about all of that. As far as you're concerned, there's no one better for you than me." She shrugged one shoulder and was surprised to realize she was fighting off tears. "I may not agree with you about that all the time, but I have never doubted that you mean it. I may be considered a different breed than you by other people, but that doesn't matter to you. Out of all of those girls you could have had, you picked me. You didn't only pick me you chased me and now you're married to me." She let out somewhat disbelieving huff. "I love that you never let the fact that we're from different worlds bother you. It was never even an issue for you because you loved me. Because you love me still." She ran her hand through his hair. "And I know that no one can change the way you feel about me."

"That's right," he said softly. "You are the only woman for me and there is nothing anyone or anything can do to change that. Not ever."

"And that," she began, her voice shaking ever so slightly, "leads me into the next song. The last one was more inspired by memories of Clarissa…this one was more inspired by my memory of Alfred Hollingsworth." She shuddered at the memory. "That man was one of the most horrible people I've ever met. I remember he pulled me aside and he…" she trailed off. "He said some pretty awful things."

"What'd he say to you?" he asked, quietly.

"You're not going to like it," she warned him. "I was walking past him and he pulled me aside and he…"

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"Enjoy it while it lasts," Alfred Hollingsworth said, his voice low as he leaned in towards her.

"Excuse me?" Kelsi asked, confused and feeling slightly intimidated. He nodded over to where Ryan was currently talking to a couple of people Kelsi didn't know.

"Your relationship with the Evans' boy. It's only a matter of time before he grows tired of you. I suspect that the only reason he's involved with you in the first place is to have some fun before he looks for someone more suitable to marry. It's only a matter of time before he'll grow tired of you and cast you aside." He looked her over, disapproval in his expression. "I'm surprised his parents are even allowing this travesty of a relationship, though I'm sure they cannot wait until he relieves himself of you. Girls like you are all the same. You pretend to fall for a nice, rich boy like Ryan because you want his money and all of the benefits that come with dating someone so wealthy."

"That's not true!" Kelsi argued. "I could care less about his money. I love him."

"I sincerely doubt that." He practically spit the words at her. "But if you do, I hope you're prepared for heartbreak. Ryan could never have a future with someone like you. He needs to be with someone deserving. You're not even fit to polish his shoes." He jabbed a finger in Ryan's direction. "He'll figure that out soon enough."

"He loves me," she countered. "I know he does." At that Alfred laughed.

"Did he tell you that?" he asked, his voice mocking.

"Yes," she whispered.

"And you're actually stupid enough to believe it? Trust me, my dear," he growled, "he's only interested in you for one reason and one reason only. He'll probably shower you with words of love to make you give in to him, though my guess is that you'll give in easily because girls like you always do. And then he will leave you all alone and go in search of someone suitable. Someone he could actually have a future with." Kelsi looked back over at Ryan, who happened to look up at her at the exact same time. He discreetly pointed at the one of the people he was talking to and made a show of rolling his eyes. The gesture made her smile. She turned back to Alfred.

"Ryan loves me," she informed him. "I don't exactly why know he does, but he does. You can say and believe whatever you want, but I know the truth."

"Ah Kelsi, there you are." Both Alfred and Kelsi looked up to see Vance Evans making his way up to them. "Alfred," he said. His tone was polite, but Kelsi recognized that it had cooled some.

"Vance, hello," Alfred reached out to shake Vance's hand. "We were just talking about your boy."

"Were you," Vance said, dryly. "What about him?"

"Alfred," Kelsi started.

"That's Mister Hollingsworth to you," Alfred cut her off sharply. Kelsi bit back a smile as she watched Vance's eyes narrow at the other man's tone.

"Like I was trying to say," Kelsi started again, feeling oddly bold with Vance standing there. "_Alfred_," she raised an eyebrow at the other man, who shot her a murderous look in response. Vance, meanwhile, looked as if he was fighting off a smile. "Alfred was just telling me that I'm only interested in Ryan for his money and that it was only a matter of time before Ryan got tired of me."

"You always were such a joy to be around, Alfred," Vance chuckled, clearly amused. "Not that it's any of your business, but Ryan and Kelsi are very much in love with each other. It wouldn't surprise me if the two of them got married someday." It was Kelsi's turn to fight off a smile as Alfred's jaw dropped in shock.

"Surely…" Alfred shook his head. "Surely you and your wife don't approve of this," he gestured towards Kelsi. "Surely you don't approve of _her_. Why, this room is full of girls more suitable for your boy than she is. Don't you want him to marry someone deserving? Someone who is actually worthy of your family name?" Alfred brightened. "Someone like my lovely Clarissa. Why, I bet the two of them would be an item if you all hadn't up and moved all those years ago."

"Perhaps," Vance acknowledged. "Guess my son dodged a bullet there."

"I beg your pardon," Alfred snapped, clearly furious.

"No, Alfred, I beg yours." Vance took a step closer to the man. "I realize that this might be difficult for you to understand, but I want my son to marry the woman he loves. That in and of herself makes her worthy. And it might be of interest to note that not only do me _and_ my wife approve of Kelsi, we also love her like she was our own." Kelsi felt her own jaw drop as Vance draped an arm protectively around her shoulders. "Now if you'll excuse us, I think both Kelsi and I have other people to talk to. You know…people more _deserving_." Vance led Kelsi away from Alfred and towards Ryan, leaving Alfred standing there with his jaw hanging open.

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"Go Dad," Ryan grinned.

"You Evans men seem to have a talent for rescuing damsels in distress," she giggled. "Works out pretty well for me, I must say." She watched as Ryan's smile slowly faded.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that creep in the first place," he said, with a sigh. "Why didn't you tell me about that?"

"Because I didn't think it was worth repeating," she admitted. "But see, there's a good part about that story. Aside from your dad coming to my aid that is."

"And what is that?"

"If that had happened a couple of years before it did, the things he said would've really gotten to me. I would've started second guessing your feelings for me and I would've wondered if Alfred was right," she began. "Confidence has never come easily to me…or at least it never used to. But after having been your girlfriend for a few years, I don't know…I may have still doubted myself as a person or I may have still doubted my abilities as a compose, but any doubts I might've had about you and your feelings had all disappeared. I don't know when it happened or how it happened. My guess is that you loved me so much and so well that somewhere along the way I didn't have to wonder how you felt because I knew. When I was listening to Alfred say all the things he did, I didn't feel doubt. I felt anger. Anger because I knew that every single word he said was a lie." Her voice was quiet, but there was no mistaking the passion in it. "See…it doesn't matter what anyone says about you or about us. They can come up with the most hateful things and it wouldn't matter. Because I love you, Ryan Evans. I love you and there is nothing that can ever change that. There isn't anything anyone could say or do to change the way I feel about you." She brought her hand to his cheek, her eyes locked to his as she spoke. "You know what song I chose for this memory?"

"What song?" he whispered the question, barely able to speak over the emotion her words had stirred in him.

"It's a pretty obvious one," she told him. "No One by Alicia Keys. I feel like that song could have easily been written about us." She smiled. "I guess since I sang part of the last song to you I may as well do the same for this one." She paused, searching his eyes for a moment before singing softly to him. "_People keep talking; they could say what they like. But all I know is that's everything's gonna be alright. And no one, no one, no one can get in the way of what I'm feeling. No one, no one, no one can get in the way of what I feel for you_." When she finished singing she gave him another smaller smile. "See? That song really could've been written about -" she started, but was cut off when he moved his hand to the back of her neck and leaned up to kiss her. His kiss left her completely breathless for several seconds afterwards. She jokingly placed a hand to her heart which was pounding hard in her chest. "Goodness Ryan…you have to warn me before you kiss me like that."

"Sorry," he said, giving her a sheepish smile as he flopped back against the hammock. "You have to warn me before you start saying things like that. I couldn't help myself."

"I didn't say I didn't like it," she pointed out. "In fact, get back here," she added, surprising him by grabbing hold of his shirt and yanking him back up to crush her lips to his with an intensity that shocked them both. "See what you do to me?" she murmured as the kiss ended and she let go of his shirt, amused when he simply fell back onto the hammock looking dazed. She playfully waved her hand in front of his face in an attempt to pull him out of the stupor she had apparently put him in. "Are you okay?"

"I…I'm not sure," he managed, though a smile was tugging at his lips. "Ask me again in a couple of minutes after I recover." She giggled, delighted that she could have such an affect on him. She lowered herself back down in order to snuggle up to him again, smiling when his arms came around her. The two of them fell back into a comfortable silence and Kelsi soon found herself yawning.

"If we stay in here too much longer, I think I'll fall asleep," she decided. "This feels really nice."

"It does," he agreed, kissing the top of her head as he started stroking her hair like he had been before.

"Mmm…if you keep doing that, I really will fall asleep," she muttered. She yawned again and he knew it was only a matter of time before she lost her battle to stay awake.

"Go to sleep, baby," he said, his voice soothing. "I think you're already mostly there." She mumbled something he couldn't quite make out and he found himself smiling. "No use fighting it. Just let the swaying of the hammock and the sound of the ocean lull you off to sleep." He kept his voice soft as he pressed his lips to her hair once more. "Dream about me."

"Always," she murmured.


	9. Chapter 9

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A/N: I didn't think I would ever get this posted! First I had a really hard time writing this chapter since all of my inspiration seems to be for Last Name at the moment. Then the power surged while I was working on this and I almost lost the entire document and nearly had a heart attack as a result. Thankfully, the Microsoft Word document retrieval let me get it back - twice, I might add, since the power surged again when I finished. I've set the groundwork for the next chapter in this one - you'll see Kelsi come up with the idea for her next letter and start writing it, but you don't get to see what it's about until the next chapter. Make sure you all have tissues handy for that chapter, by the way, because it'll be fairly dramatic. Only one song in this one, mainly due to a lack of inspiration. I really wanted to get this updated since it's been a while which is why this chapter is partly filler. Thanks again for all the support and thank you especially to my anonymous reviewers: Emma, AnnaLoveBug and JdF. Another extra special thank you to my JdF in particular- I meant to do this in my last update of a story, but completely forgot to. You get a special thank you for going through and reviewing just about ALL of my stories, which I think is really, really cool of you especially since some of those are either old (for me) or didn't get a lot of reviews like Moments. You rock! Well actually everyone who reads and reviews any of my stories rocks - I really, really appreciate it. I hope you all like this chapter. :-)

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"Mommy?" Sharpay looked down as she felt her daughter tug at her hand, smiling as she was once again overcome with love for her precious little girl. Naptime was over and all of the adults and children had made their way back outside, beginning to resume the flurry of activity that had been going on previously.

"Yes baby?" Sharpay asked, amused when her daughter put a small finger to her lips and made a shushing sound.

"Uncle Ryan and Aunt Kelsi are sleeping," Angel informed her, though in Angel speak it sounded more like "Unca Wyan and An Kesi are sweeping," which made Sharpay smile once more. She cut her gaze from her daughter to the hammock, feeling her smile soften as she looked at her brother and sister-in-law fast asleep in it.

"Could they be any cuter?" A voice asked from behind her and she turned to find Taylor also smiling at the couple. Kelsi was snuggled up against Ryan's right side and he was holding her securely in place. Her right arm was around him and angled up towards his chest, her hand resting over his heart, while her right leg was draped over his as if she was determined to keep him exactly where he was. At that exact moment Ryan turned ever so slightly in his sleep towards his wife, partially burying his face in her hair.

"I don't think so," Sharpay replied with a soft laugh.

"Should we wake them up?" Taylor asked.

"Nah, I think we should just leave them for now. They'll probably wake up soon enough from all the noise out here," Sharpay decided.

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Sharpay's prediction proved to be correct as Ryan and Kelsi both woke up within the next few minutes. "Guess naptime is over," Ryan commented, with a yawn.

"Guess so," Kelsi agreed, slowly moving up to a sitting position and wincing slightly as she looked over the side of the hammock.

"Need some help Small Person?" She looked up at a smirking Chad.

"That might be a good idea," she decided. "I'm still wondering how I'm supposed to get out without sending Ryan flying," she added, making both Ryan and Chad laugh.

"Get out the way you got in," Ryan suggested, sitting up beside her.

"Okay," she said slowly, cautiously swinging her legs around and off the edge of the hammock while Chad attempted to hold it steady with one hand, offering his other one to Kelsi to help her out.

"Aunt Kelsi, you're up!" All three adults looked over as Jessie came skipping over to them. "Can I give Uncle Ryan his song now?"

"Sure sweetheart," Kelsi smiled down at the child. While trying to come up with the project for Ryan, Gabriella had come up with the idea of getting the kids to help out as much as they could as she figured that it would be appropriate considering the nature of Kelsi's announcement. In one way or another all of the children would be included and from the looks of things Jessie simply couldn't wait to do her part. Wasting little time and showing less concern than Kelsi had, Jessie managed to climb up into the hammock with Ryan with some assistance from Chad.

"You have a song for me?" Ryan directed his question to Jessie, giving her his complete attention.

"Yup! And guess what?" she asked.

"What?" he fired back, looking as if he was on pins and needles waiting for whatever it was that Jessie was about to say. The sight made Kelsi smile and her eyes filled up with unexpected tears as it hit her once again what a great father Ryan would be to their baby. Meanwhile, Chad glanced over at Kelsi and guessing what was making her eyes well up like they were, slung his arm around her shoulders in a show of support as they waited for Jessie to continue speaking.

"It's one of Aunt Kelsi's songs!" the child answered happily.

"It is?" Ryan smiled at her knowingly. "Well then if it's one of Aunt Kelsi's songs and _you're_ the person telling me about it, I bet I can guess which one it is. _What I've Been Looking For_?" Out of all the things that Jessie had inherited from her mother, one of the biggest had to be her love of dance. She had been making up dances pretty much since she had learned to walk and had begged her parents for dance lessons. Recognizing the talent in their daughter, Jason and Martha had signed her up for ballet lessons right away with tap lessons being added about a year later.

Jessie's love for dance had not only served as a bond to bring her closer to her mother, but also to Ryan. Kelsi and Ryan had babysat for Jason and Martha's kids several times and Jessie had developed a sort of fascination with musicals, especially the ones Kelsi had written the music for. Out of all of the songs Kelsi had written, Jessie's favorite was easily _What I've Been Looking For_. She loved the original version, but after getting Ryan to sing her the version he and Sharpay (mostly Sharpay) had thrown together she had practically begged him to teach her the dance to it. As a result, there had been many times while babysitting the Cross children than Kelsi had found herself keeping Matthew and Jake entertained while Ryan had taught Jessie the dance steps to first that song and then to others.

"Yes!" she confirmed. "I'm supposed to tell you that the song was written with you in mind even though you didn't know it at the time." Jessie gave him a look that was ever so slightly disapproving. "Honestly Uncle Ryan, how could you not have known? It's so obvious."

"How do you figure that?" Ryan asked, amused.

"Well it had to be about _someone_, didn't it? It'd have to be someone she'd have known pretty well and she didn't know my Daddy or Uncle Chad or Zeke or Troy all that well when she wrote it, did she? But you were in the drama club together and according to Aunt Kelsi, you saw her when no one else did even before you were friends and no one knows her like you do," Jessie said matter-of-factly. "It had to be about you." She reached up and patted his cheek with her hand. "You were also the best thing that happened to her since you inspired so much of her music." She paused as she studied him with a thoughtful expression on her face. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he replied.

"Why did it take you so long to figure out that Aunt Kelsi was totally crushing on you? Honestly Uncle Ryan," she said for the second time in about a minute, "don't you pay attention?" Chad snickered, using his free hand to cover his mouth while Kelsi barely suppressed a chuckle of her own.

"Apparently not close enough," he managed, though Kelsi could tell he was fighting off a smile. "I figured it out eventually though."

"That's true," Jessie agreed. "Anyway I'm also supposed to tell you that everything she wrote in the song is still true. You are what she was looking for, though you know what?"

"What?"

"I think she was what _you_ were looking for too," she answered simply.

"She was," Ryan confirmed, looking up to smile at Kelsi. "She was."

"That's why Aunt Kelsi loves you…well one of the reasons, but you know why I wanted to give you this song?" she asked him. She turned around in the hammock so that she was facing him. "Because you taught me the dance to it and it's my most favorite dance in the world! I love you, Uncle Ryan," she said sweetly, moving up onto her knees and giving him a hug.

"I love you too sweetheart," he said softly, hugging her in return.

"Jessie!" Everyone looked over as Matthew came running towards them. "Come play!"

"Coming Mattie," Jessie said in response, giving Ryan another smile before scrambling off the hammock and hurrying towards her brother. Chad trailed after them in an attempt to give Ryan and Kelsi some privacy.

"That was unexpected," Ryan admitted, climbing off the hammock and wrapping his arms around his wife. "Getting Jessie involved, I mean. She's such a sweet kid."

"She is," Kelsi agreed. "And I know how much she loves you and that song so I knew she would have to be the one to give it to you." She gave him a teasing smile. "Don't be surprised if some of the other kids pitch in too."

"You've really gone all out for this, haven't you?" he asked her, though it seemed pretty obvious to him that she had.

"Of course. If I'm going to do this, why do it halfway? Besides…it's really not a problem," she informed him. "I'm enjoying this so far. It's kind of fun being on this side of it for once. I think I'm starting to understand why you're always doing stuff like this. It's surprisingly rewarding."

"It's pretty nice on this side of it too," he said in response, leaning in to kiss her. "I wonder what song you're going to be using next." She shrugged a shoulder in response.

"I guess you're just going to have to wait and see," she said lightly, her eyes twinkling at him.

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"Okay so we have Martha, Gabriella, Kelsi and Sharpay," Troy was saying as he was huddled up with Zeke and Jason. "Since I think we can rule Taylor out. I saw we each pick a girl and give Ryan whoever is left over."

"Okay," Zeke nodded. "How do we decide who gets who?"

"Well I already have Kelsi a little nervous, so I'll take her," Troy decided, a halfway mock evil smirk on his face. "Maybe we should shake up the rest and have none of us try to go after our own wives for information."

"I'll take Martha then," Zeke offered. "I can probably make her tell me what's going on. Let Ryan interrogate Sharpay…maybe the whole twin thing can help us out."

"So I guess I get Gabriella," Jason spoke up.

"Of course. Seeing how she's the only one left," Troy said, barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "Guys, operation find out what's going on is a go."

"Operation find out what's going on?" Zeke repeated. "That's the best you could come up with? Seriously?"

"Hey if you can think of a better name for it, be my guest," Troy shrugged. "In any event, our mission is clear. One way or another we _will_ find out what's going on. I gotta know."

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Kelsi managed to slip inside as Ryan went to go help some of the kids make a sand castle, determined to get started on her next letter. "Oh Ryan," she whispered to herself. "What song should I give you next?" She had several in mind, but was having a hard time figuring out how she wanted everything to flow from here on out. There were so many songs left and so many different aspects of her relationship with Ryan that she wanted to cover. Her memories ranged all over the emotional spectrum and she could only hope that her letters and other song presentations would properly convey all of them to him. She really wanted to give Ryan her complete perspective of their relationship while giving him hints about their future. At she thought about said future, her hand naturally came to rest on her stomach as a smile played on her lips as dreams about and for her baby came to surface. She was torn between wanting a boy and wanting a girl, though she knew that she would love it the same regardless. If it turned out to be a boy, she could only hope that he would take after his father in every way possible. Her smile grew as she thought about having a son who would just about go to the ends of the Earth for the woman he would someday grow up to love just like Ryan did for her. Of course, if the child she was carrying turned out to be a girl, Kelsi could only hope that she might find her own version of a Ryan someday. Her smile turned into soft laughter as she realized that she was getting ahead of herself. The baby wasn't even born yet and Kelsi was already finding herself wrapped up in dreams for their future.

She absently rubbed her fingers against her stomach, her arms suddenly aching to hold her baby. Suddenly all the remaining months in her pregnancy seemed to be like so many years. Kelsi let out a small sigh and forced herself to bring her attention back to the letter she was trying so hard to write. Focus didn't come easily, however, as dreams about her future mixed in with the reality of the present and the lessons of the past. Her thoughts turned somewhat philosophical as it occurred to her how connected the past, present and future truly were and how you couldn't have one without the other two. In some ways she supposed her project was serving as a way to link the three of them together: reminding Ryan about the past in the present while trying to prepare him for the future. She pursed her lips as memories of a time not so long ago hit her. A time where something happened that had threatened to destroy her future completely. It wasn't a time she liked to think about and it wasn't one Ryan had included in his rose project. She briefly wondered why he hadn't and then came to the conclusion that he must have decided to leave it out because he knew how much Kelsi hated thinking about it. It was funny in a strange kind of way – the time she was thinking about currently didn't seem quite as dramatic as her attack on the Julliard campus had been, but these memories were almost more painful. Maybe it was because the repercussions of said attack had been so extreme that she had had no choice other than to deal with it so she could move on. Whereas with this other event, it was easier to focus on her relationship with Ryan rather than deal with the reality of what had happened. After all, she had had to deal with it plenty _while_ it was happening.

She shuddered at the memories and glanced at the window, somehow spotting Ryan immediately. Seeing him reminded her once again how perfectly everything had worked out and as she watched him it occurred to her that she _had_ to write about this particular time of their lives for two reasons. One, so he would be reminded once more of her deep love for him and two, to better understand why thinking about it was so painful for her. With that thought firmly in her mind, she set her pen to the paper and began to write, letting her emotions about that time come pouring out of her head and onto the page.

------------------------------

Meanwhile...

Martha and Gabriella sat next to each other on the sand, both of them keeping an eye on their respective children playing while the two of them continued their conversation. They had been talking for quite a while by then and had covered several topics already and had now moved on to Ryan and Kelsi.

"It's so sweet watching the two of them together," Martha was saying at the moment.

"I love all the stuff they do for each other," Gabriella said, letting out a dreamy sigh at the thought. "It kind of makes me wish me and Troy were more like that."

"You and Troy?" Martha raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah, because you guys aren't gushy and romantic at all." Gabriella let out a short giggle.

"I didn't say we weren't, it's just…I don't know…Ryan and Kelsi just take it to another level," she responded.

"Well that's certainly true," Martha agreed. "Watching them makes me wish I had been a little more creative when I told Jason I was pregnant. Especially with Jessie."

"How'd you tell him?" Gabriella wanted to know.

"I found out on the day before Father's Day," Martha started, "so I decided to get him a Father's Day card and wrote him a little note…" she trailed off, a sheepish look on her face. "I know it's kind of silly."

"I think it's sweet," Gabriella said honestly, a smile on her face at the thought.

"I guess so…it just kind of pales in comparison to what Kelsi has thrown together for Ryan," Martha replied. She paused and a new thought came to mind. "I wonder if he has any idea."

"I'm thinking no," Gabriella decided. "I think he's definitely curious about what has brought it all on, but I think most of his energy is spent wondering what song she's going to come up with next."

"He's going to be so happy," Martha smiled as her gaze fell on Ryan, who was currently assisting Maria with her part of the sand castle. "He's practically dying to be a father, I think."

"He'll be a great one," Gabriella nodded. "And Kelsi's going to be such a great mom. They're so good with all of our kids; I can't wait to see them with their own."

"You know, I know it's still early in her pregnancy but Kelsi already has such a glow about her now. I think it's just going to be getting brighter and brighter as she gets further along."

"I think you're right. The more she gets used to it, the happier she seems to get about it," Gabriella pointed out.

"That's true," Martha agreed, brightening up a bit herself. "Can you imagine her and Ryan once she starts to show?"

"Or when they can start feeling the baby move?" Gabriella added. "It'll be adorable."

"I'm just happy that they're _finally_ having a baby! It's about time they caught up with the rest of us," Martha joked.

"Kelsi's pregnant?" Both Gabriella and Martha jolted at the sound of a male voice behind them and slowly turned to look at each other, both of their jaws slightly dropped in surprise.

"Uh-oh," Gabriella muttered.

* * *

**Uh-oh is right...wonder which one of the boys it is. Any guesses? **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Geez, I picture Kelsi having a really bad hand cramp after this chapter because her letter is like a mini novel. ;) I know it's a little hard to keep track of what song we're at so every now and then I'm going to put in a song tally. So far there have been 10, including the songs used in this chapter. Thanks to DC World who gave me the idea for the first song used - both the song itself and the story that went along with it! There was going to be a flashback from Twenty Five Roses (from chap. 7) but it got cut in favor of the main flashback in this chapter. A note about the timeline - the event Kelsi writes about here happened about a year before Twenty Five Roses took place and about two years after Kelsi's attack. ****When I started writing said event, I tried my hardest to get the image I had in my head to be exactly what came out which I think I did. The only problem is that as I got into it I realized that this flashback was going to end up being pretty epic in size. There's so much story to tell and I didn't want to cut anything out, so this is part one. I think it's pretty clear what's what, but scenes from the current day are divided by long dashed lines and I used a smaller one between the two scenes in the flashback. I warned you all in the last chapter that you will need tissues handy for this chapter. Now I'm telling you that you'll want to keep them handy for the next because as sad as parts of this one is, the really sad/dramatic stuff is in the next part. This flashback will end up covering multiple songs. Really long chapter ahead guys. Thanks again for all of the support and I hope you like this one. As always, let me know!**

* * *

"Kelsi's pregnant?" The voice repeated the question. "That's why you've all been acting so weird?"

"Yes, Zeke," Gabriella said, with a sigh, as both she and Martha looked back at him, "Kelsi is pregnant."

"But don't tell anyone!" Martha warned him. "We weren't supposed to…"

"We got so caught up in our conversation, we just didn't think," Gabriella cut in, giving Zeke a sheepish smile. "Please don't say anything," she pleaded. "She's working on a project for Ryan that'll end with her telling him. She doesn't want him to know until she's ready for him to."

"Please Zeke," Martha echoed.

"I won't," Zeke assured them. "I promise." His face lit up with a grin. "I can't believe she's pregnant! That's awesome."

"Isn't it?" Martha couldn't help returning the grin. "But remember…don't tell anyone."

"Have some faith, ladies. I can keep a secret," he informed them, his smile turning into a smirk. "Wish I could say the same for you guys though," he teased.

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Having finished her letter, Kelsi headed up to the bedroom she was sharing with Ryan and set it on the bedside table where he'd be sure to see it. She came downstairs in time to see the first round of their group heading back inside, more than likely in order to start figuring out what to do about dinner that evening. She swiped a hand at her cheeks to wipe away the tears that had fallen while she was writing her letter and made her way towards them.

"Hey Kelsi," Taylor said, a frown on her face as she took in Kelsi's expression. "What's wrong? Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," Kelsi answered quickly. "I just finished up another letter to Ryan and it got to me is all. I'll be okay."

"Oh Kelsi, there you are!" Gabriella exclaimed, leading the way for the rest of their group. She hurried over to Kelsi and leaned in. "We need a girls meeting, pronto. We have a bit of a situation." After making sure that the men were okay keeping the children occupied, Gabriella led the other women into another room.

"Okay, what is going on?" Sharpay was the first to speak. "Don't tell me another one of you is pregnant."

"No, nothing like that," Martha said, in response. "It's just…one of the boys knows that Kelsi is pregnant." At the look on Kelsi's face, Martha held up a hand. "It's not Ryan!"

"Dang it," Taylor muttered, looking annoyed. "I told him not to say anything!"

"He told you?" Gabriella asked. "He said he wouldn't say anything!"

"I didn't mean to tell him, Kelsi, really," Taylor started. "See we were talking about your morning sickness and I told him I thought you might be pregnant, but that was before we found out that you really were. He noticed that we were all acting strangely and pieced it all together. I just confirmed it for him," she winced. "I am so, so sorry Kelsi!"

"Why were you talking to Zeke about Kelsi maybe being pregnant?" Martha wanted to know, a confused expression on her face.

"Zeke?" Taylor gave her an odd look. "I was talking about Chad! Why'd you think I was talking about Zeke?"

"Because that's who we were talking about," Martha replied, turning slightly pale.

"Wait, wait, wait." Sharpay waved both her hands in the air. "Are you ladies telling us that now both Chad _and_ Zeke know about Kelsi's pregnancy?"

"It would appear so," Gabriella responded. "I'm so sorry Kelsi! Martha and I were talking and we started talking about you and totally forgot that the boys were around. Zeke just happened to overhear, but he promised he wouldn't say anything!"

"So did Chad," Taylor jumped in.

"So that's why Chad has been acting so weird," Kelsi muttered, shaking her head. "Oh well…there's nothing we can do about it, I guess. I just hope they both keep their word." She looked at each of the other women in turn. "Though guys please do me a favor and keep your mouths shut! I don't want anyone _else _finding out!"

"Don't look at me!" Sharpay protested. "So far I'm the only one who hasn't said anything!"

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Upon entering the bedroom he was sharing with his wife, Ryan spotted the letter lying on the bedside table. Forgetting why he had even gone up there in the first place, he kicked his shoes off and sat down on the bed, shifting so he was resting his back against the headboard and slowly unfolded the thick sheets of paper to read the newest words she had written him.

_Hi __baby,_

_I was trying to think of what to write for your next letter and what song I could use__. There were so many different directions I could go with it and there are still so many things I want to tell you. So many things I need to tell you. I got to thinking about some of the hard things we've been through and how they've helped our relationship grow. I can think of so many times where I was struggling with something and you were right there by my side helping me through it. I'm going to go into more detail about a few of those later on, but for now I wanted to remind you of times when I've been there for you. You're usually the strong one out of the two of us, but I hope that you know that I am always here for you. You don't always have to be the strong one. I think I reminded you of that when your Grandpa died. You were so lost in your grief and it just about broke my heart. I was so worried about you. Up until that point I have never been more worried about you, actually, though that ended up changing. In any event, it was so hard for me to see you hurting so much. I just wanted to wrap you in my arms and love away the pain, just like you always do for me when I need you to. _

_Your next song is _Stand By Your Side_ by Celine Dion and it's one I could have easily written about you: "I cry and you comfort me. I'm lost and you hear my scream. So it's hard to watch you falling when you run so deep in me. You live in me. Gonna stand by your side now, let me kiss all your tears away. You can stay in my arms now and I know I can make you believe again." I will always stand by your side and be there whenever you need me. You don't even have to ask. No matter what happens, I hope you know that you are never alone. I will always be there to love away any pain that you're feeling. Always. _

_That song actually ties into what I'm going to talk about next, though I'll be adding in another couple of songs as well. I think you're going to be pretty surprised that I'm bringing this up, since you know how much I hate talking about it. How much I hate even thinking about it. This was something I think you deliberately left out of your rose project because you know how much it upsets me. It was one of the hardest things we've gone through. You always tell me that you never knew what fear was until you saw me lying on that ground that awful winter day with that monster looming over me holding a knife. Well for me, I never knew what fear was until I almost lost you that horrible night five years ago. I remember how I woke up that morning feeling so incredibly freaked out. As the morning went on, I just kept getting more and more panicked and anxious and I couldn't figure out why. Do you remember that? You came over to drop off another box of stuff from your old apartment and surprised me by stopping off by that awesome bakery that was halfway between your place and mine and picking me up some tea and one of their delicious pastries. By the time you showed up, I was pretty much in full panic mode though I did my best to hide it from you. I don't think I fooled you for a second and I'm pretty sure that you thought I was crazy to be so freaked out for no good reason. I can't say that I blame you either..._

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The knock on her apartment door nearly made Kelsi jump out of her skin. She had woken up early that day, completely overcome with panic for some strange reason. She had hoped that it would ease up some, but instead it seemed to be getting worse with every passing minute. Pressing a hand to her heart and taking a few deep breaths, she made her way to the door and peered out the peephole, pleasantly surprised to see Ryan on the other side. She quickly unlocked the door to let him in and noticed that he had a cardboard box at his feet with a small paper bag in one hand and a to-go cup in the other.

"Hey baby," he said in greeting, his voice cheerful. He offered her the items in his hands. "I picked these up at the bakery for you."

"Oh that was so sweet of you," she gushed, trying to make her voice sound as normal as possible. She took them from him and leaned in to give him a kiss of both greeting and thanks. "Thanks Ryan." She eyed the box at his feet and watched as he bent over and picked it up. "How in the world did you manage to carry all of this up here?"

"Very carefully," was the answer. She stepped out of the way to let him in. Ryan was currently in the process of moving out of one apartment and into a new one. As much as he liked where he was living currently, he had wanted to find a place that was both closer to his work and Kelsi. It had taken a little while but he had finally found a new apartment that he liked and that suited his needs. The only problem was that he wasn't able to move in until the following weekend and had to be out of his current place by Monday. He had slowly been packing things up and dropping off boxes at Kelsi's apartment where he would be living for the next week. He had debated looking into a hotel, but that had seemed pretty silly to Kelsi so she had offered him her couch for the week. Of course, when she had found herself talking about the situation with a visiting Sharpay, the blonde girl had rolled her eyes and asked why she wasn't letting Ryan share the bed with her. The answer to that question was simple: both Kelsi and Ryan were still committed to waiting until they were married and quite frankly, Kelsi didn't exactly trust either herself _or_ Ryan to share a bed for a week and keep things innocent. That vow seemed to be getting harder and harder to keep lately, so she figured it might be best if Ryan just slept on the couch. She bit her lip as she watched Ryan find a place for the box that wouldn't be in her way. Maybe the fact that she was so close to having her long-term boyfriend as a roommate was the cause of the panic she was feeling though she didn't think so.

"So what's your plan today?" she asked him.

"I have to go to work," he replied, making a face.

"But it's Saturday," she frowned, setting the bag and cup he had given her on her counter.

"I know, but they needed someone to come in and I was one of the only people available. Besides," he said, coming over to slip his arms around her, "I could always use the extra income."

"You have no idea how weird it is to hear _you_ of all people say that," she said, attempting to sound teasing but apparently failing miserably as he frowned ever so slightly.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "You're giving me weird vibes here."

"I'm fine!" she answered quickly – way too quickly. She swallowed as his eyebrow lifted skeptically. "I have an idea." She purposely slowed down her words and wrapped her arms around his neck. "How about you get one of the other people available to head into work for you and then you stay here with me? We could cuddle up on the couch and watch movies." She brushed her lips against his. "Maybe do some of this too. What do you think?"

"Mmm, don't tempt me," he said softly. "That sounds wonderful."

"But," she sighed, "there's a but coming, isn't there?"

"But," he nodded, "I can't. I already told them I'd come in."

"Okay," she said quietly, lowering her gaze to the collar of his shirt.

"Hey, look at me," he murmured. "What's wrong, Kelsi? I know something's bothering you." His voice was gentle now and for some reason the sound of it made her want to burst into tears.

"You're going to think I'm nuts," she admitted.

"Never," he argued. "Tell me."

"I just…I don't know, I feel really, really anxious and freaked out today. I don't know why. I just woke up with this horrible sense that something terrible is going to happen." She studied him, feeling her panic increase. "And I'm starting to think it's going to happen to you."

"To me?" he said, in surprise. "What makes you think that?"

"I have no idea; it's just how I feel." She tightened her grip on him. "Do you really have to go to work today?"

"Yes," he said softly. "But don't worry. Nothing bad is going to happen today. I'll be fine."

"Promise?" she asked, hating how small her voice sounded. He gently kissed her forehead before responding.

"Promise." She indulged herself by snuggling closer to him.

"You probably have to go, don't you?"

"Unfortunately," he said, giving her an apologetic look. "Hey, what are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing."

"How about we get together for dinner then? We don't have to go anywhere, we can just have a nice quiet evening at home. We can order some pizza and then curl up on the couch and watch a movie or two. What do you say?"

"Will there be cuddling involved?" she asked, giving him a small smile.

"Oh yeah." He gave her a soft kiss. "Maybe some of this too. Come on. We can have one more night in my apartment before I move."

"That sounds nice." Her smiled brightened a little. "Really nice. You're on."

"Good," he smiled, leaning in to kiss her once more. "Now I really do gotta go. Try not to worry about me, okay? Everything will be fine."

"I hope you're right," she sighed again. "You probably are. But humor me – be careful today."

"I will," he assured her. He gave her a gentle squeeze and then, much to soon for her liking, he left after they said their goodbyes. For a couple of seconds Kelsi could've sworn that her panic was easing, but that only lasted until she headed towards her counter to see what he had brought her from the bakery. The fear rose up in her so quickly and strongly that it soon felt like it had a vise grip on her entire body. Giving no thought to the fact that she was still in her pajamas, she quickly found a pair of flip-flops to slide her bare feet into before racing out of her apartment and down the hall. She practically flew down the steps and tore out of the building, hoping with everything inside her that Ryan was still in sight. Luckily for her, he had only made it to the corner and was waiting for the light to change.

"Ryan!" she yelled his name, ignoring the strange looks she was getting from the other people on the sidewalk.

"Kelsi, wh-," was all he got out before she quite literally flung herself at him.

"Don't go," she begged. "Please don't go."

"Kelsi," his voice turned soothing as he gently cradled her head to his shoulder. "Baby, you're shaking."

"I know it's crazy, but I just can't help it. I know something awful is going to happen today." She clung onto him as tightly as she could. "Please don't go."

"I don't know what's gotten you so scared, honey, but nothing is going to happen today, I promise. It's just like any other day," he started, now sounding worried.

"I don't want to lose you," she whispered the words in his ear, cutting him off. He tightened his grip on her in response.

"Baby, look at me," he said softly, locking his eyes on hers when she did so. "You are not going to lose me. Not today and not ever." He might have been speaking quietly, but there was a fierceness in his words that took her breath away. "That's never going to happen, I promise you."

"I love you. You know that right?" she asked, her eyes pleading with him as tears fell out of them. "I love you so much."

"I know you do, honey. I love you too. That's why I can promise you that I'll be okay, because I have to make sure I get back home to see you." He rubbed circles on her back, desperate to help her calm down. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll be really careful today, okay? I'll even call you throughout the day to check in if you want me to."

"You'd do that?" He gently wiped away her tears.

"Of course."

"You promise you'll be okay?" She knew she probably sounded insane to him, but at the moment she didn't really care. She needed to hear him say the words.

"I promise. Everything's going to be fine, I know it will." He placed soft kisses on her forehead and cheeks. "Okay?"

"Okay…" She forced herself to take a few calming breaths. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's okay, honey."

"Okay," she sighed. "Go to work…I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" he studied her.

"Mostly." She pressed her forehead against his. "Do me a favor. Aside from being careful, that is."

"Anything."

"Don't forget how much I love you." She pulled back. "Don't forget. Maybe this will help." She framed his face with her hands and kissed him passionately, doing her best to put every single thing she was feeling into it. It was very much unlike her to kiss him like this in public. Usually she saved these moments for when they were alone, but right then it was strangely important for her to let him know how she felt the best way she knew how to, minus the use of music. He responded with equal passion and she was dimly aware of a couple of wolf whistles being made by some of the passersby. She reluctantly finished the kiss, sliding her hands down first his neck and then his arms. "Don't forget," she repeated.

"Kelsi, I think that's one kiss I'm going to remember for the rest of my life," he said honestly, completely taken aback by the force of the kiss which seemed to have robbed him of his ability to think properly. "Don't forget how much _I _love _you_," he added, his voice going soft again. "Please don't worry about me."

"I'll try." She gave him a shaky smile. "You should go before I freak out on you again."

"Okay," he returned the smile with a hesitant one and pressed another kiss to her forehead. "I'll call you."

"I'll see you later," she said pointedly.

"Yes you will," he nodded, slowly pulling away. "Remember that." She stayed where she was, watching him take several steps backwards as he slowly started walking away. She took another deep breath as he eventually turned around.

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Ryan kept his promise that day and called Kelsi almost every hour to check in and she had felt her anxiety ease a little more with each phone call. By the end of the afternoon, she felt almost normal; especially after he called to assure her that he had made it home in one piece. He offered to head over to her place to pick her up for their dinner, but she turned down the offer because she was feeling a little guilty about making him call and check in all day. She opted instead to take a cab and decided to have it drop her off a few blocks away from his apartment. The day had been a beautiful one and she had spent most of it absorbed in her panic and now wanted to try to enjoy some of it. She kept her pace brisk, however, as she knew she wouldn't feel completely normal until she laid eyes on her boyfriend. There was still a shred of lingering anxiety, which was making her more annoyed than anything else. After all, nothing had happened.

Or at least that had been true up until the point that she heard the sirens. A couple of fire trucks zoomed by on the street beside her and she felt her breath catch in her throat as she watched them turn onto the street that Ryan lived on. She looked up at the sky as she walked with hurried steps, feeling her stomach start to plummet as she caught sight of smoke. "Please no," she whispered as the panic came back in full force. She rounded the corner and suddenly felt her heart come to a stop as her fears for the day were finally realized. "No." She kept her voice at a whisper at first as tears sprang to her eyes. "God, no!" There, before her very eyes, just down the street was the apartment building that Ryan lived in for the time being. Completely engulfed in flames.

"Ryan." She brought a hand to her mouth in horror. "Oh God, please." She somehow noticed a group of ambulances huddled nearby with what looked to be residents of the building, some of them receiving some sort of treatment from the paramedics. She rushed over and searched the crowd, getting more and more anxious as Ryan was nowhere to be found. The events around her all seemed to be happening in slow motion as she searched for him, though she was dimly aware of the firefighters doing their best to put the fire out with what looked to be little success. "Ryan!" She suddenly cut her gaze to the burning building and with absolutely no thought about how this wasn't the brightest idea she could have, she took off on a run towards it, fully intent on racing into it to look for him. "Ryan!" Her run was cut short by one of the rescue workers, who managed to catch her.

She could vaguely hear the firefighter yelling to her that she couldn't go in there, that it wasn't safe, that they were doing everything possible to help and other things she couldn't make out, but that didn't keep her from struggling against him as hard as she could anyway. "Let me go!" she cried out in protest. "My boyfriend is in there!" She forced her elbow into the man's stomach, her eyes locked on the fire which only seemed to be getting worse. Suddenly there was an even greater commotion around her as she could hear one of the firefighters screaming into his walkie-talkie that the building was unstable and on the verge of collapsing. "Ryan!" she screamed his name as the firefighter on the walkie-talkie ordered the men in the building to get themselves out. She was growing tired and her struggle was getting weaker and weaker with every passing second, but she kept it up as long as she could, eventually giving into the sobs that were wracking her body. "No!"

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_All of a sudden all of my fears about that day had come true. I could never properly describe how frightening a building looks when it's consumed in flames – particularly when it happens to be the building that the person you love most in the entire world lives in. I can't even begin to tell you how horrifying it is to watch a building literally crumble to pieces. Especially since I had no idea where you were. I had searched all over the place for you and had been ready to run headfirst into the flames to try and find you. I would have done it too, if that fireman hadn't of stopped me. I remember collapsing to the ground, much like the building did, screaming and sobbing hysterically for you. At that moment I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die because I was convinced that __I had lost you, despite the promise you made to me that morning. _

_I finally understood how you must have felt when you saw that monster holding that knife over me, __prepared to strike at any moment and knowing that you could lose me at any second. It's funny…I was completely petrified during my entire attack, but I think that the fear I felt the day of the fire was about twenty times worse. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's because if I had been killed that day, that would've been it for me. No pain to deal with because I'd be gone. But if I lost you, I would have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I don't know how I'd ever manage to survive without you. You'd probably disagree with me there. You'd tell me I'd figure it out because I'm strong and I'd have the support of my family and my friends to help me through it and who knows, maybe I would make it. But here's the problem: if, heaven forbid, that ever were to happen, my life would be a mere shadow of its former self. It'd be like going from living in color to living in black and white. I might survive, but I would stop truly living. _

_There's still so much I have to tell you about that horrible night all those years ago. I didn't realize it as the building was crumbling, but in a lot of ways my nightmare was only just beginning. I think that's part of the reason why it's so much harder for me to talk about this as opposed to my attack. Ignore all of the nightmares and psychological trauma; the event itself took place in one day. The fire itself may have happened in one day, but there were so many obstacles ahead. There were times I thought the nightmare would never stop. I've gotten this far so I figure I may as well go ahead and continue, but I wanted to pause and give you another song first: _There's No Place That Far_ by Sara Evans. Out of all the songs I could have picked for the fire, it absolutely had to be this one. I don't consider myself to be a daredevil by any definition of the word, but I had no doubts about running straight into a burning building on the verge of collapse to get to you. I would've done anything in the world to get to you and my frantic search continued at the hospital once I got there. See, Ryan, I don't care what I have to go through. If you're in danger somewhere I will do whatever it takes to find you, to save you. I would risk my life for yours if I had to. That's how much I love you. The amazing thing to me is that I know that you would be more than willing to put yourself in danger for me too if you had to. You've actually done it before. That's just the kind of love that we have for each other._

_It's like the song says, "I can't imagine any greater fear than waking up without you here. And though the sun would still shine on my whole world would all be gone, but not for long. If I had to run, if I had to crawl, if I had to swim a hundred rivers just to climb a thousand walls. Always know that I would find a way to get to where you are. There's no place that far. It wouldn't matter why we're apart, lonely miles or two stubborn hearts. Nothing short of God above could turn me away from your love. I need you that much." I do need you that much, Ryan. There isn't anything in this world that could keep me away from you other than an act of God. Even then I'd still try to fight it - even if it was no use. You are the single most important person to me and I cherish your life more than anything else. You already know this to be true but I don't think I could ever say it enough: I love you. I love you so very much, honey. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you and there really is no place that far. _


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I don't think I have ever put this much effort into one chapter. Usually I can finish a chapter within a few hours - sometimes it takes a couple of days. This chapter basically took all week. Parts of this were inspired by the book Remember by Karen Kingsbury (how Ryan got his injuries, the scene with the nurse and Kelsi). I did a whole lot of research for this and tried to make things seem realistic, but I'll ask for some leeway as I'm definitely not a medical expert by any means. Just go with it. This chapter is a monster! I totally didn't mean for it to get this long and the bad news is that the conclusion of the flashback is in the next chapter - this one finishes in the flashback at a sort of cliffhanger, though it's broken up by Kelsi's novel of a letter. But there's good news: part of the next chapter is already written and I'm getting back to work on it after I post this one. My goal is to get the next chapter up tomorrow so it'll be a fast update. After that, I'm taking a mini break from this story to update one of my others (not sure which one yet, if you have a preference let me know). Hope you have your tissues handy! I actually had to stop writing at one point cause I was tearing up, if that tells you anything. I tried to inject some humor at the beginning to break up the sadness. Hope you all like this one - going back to work on the next. Let me know what you think and thanks for all the continued support! **

***Sidenote - I forgot to say it in the chapter, but the George character that Kelsi mentions was one of Ryan's neighbors in his apartment building and also a friend to both Ryan and Kelsi. You haven't seen him before and probably won't again, just wanted to mention it in case you were wondering who the heck he was.**

* * *

"So that's the plan," Troy was saying from his position on the floor with most of the kids around him playing. "We divide and conquer!"

"I'm having second thoughts about this, I think," Zeke spoke up. "I mean, if something is going on it's pretty obvious that the girls want to try and keep it a secret for some reason. Maybe we should just let it go and respect that. They can tell us when they're ready." Troy studied him for a moment and his eyes narrowed.

"You found out," he said simply. "You know!"

"Maybe." Zeke shrugged lightly. "Maybe not."

"You totally know," Troy shook his head, "and you're not going to tell the rest of us." He jerked a thumb at Chad, who was currently playing with trucks with Matthew and Jake. "Just like him. Unbelievable." He swept his gaze over to Jason. "I guess it's just the two of us and Ryan on this mission now."

"Can we at least change the name?" Jason spoke up, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that Zeke most likely knew what the big secret was now. "The one we have is pretty lame."

"Like I told Zeke," Troy began, trailing off to give Zeke a dirty look, "when he was _on_ the team, if you can think of anything better be my guest."

"Anything would be better," Jason mumbled. "Did you put any thought into it at all?"

"Did I put any thought into it?" Troy repeated. "Why no, Jason, I didn't. And let's see, why didn't I? Oh wait, I know!" His voice turned sarcastic. "It's because I was busy coming up with the entire plan itself!"

"But wouldn't it have only been logical to think of a name while coming up with the rest?" Jason countered.

"Somehow I find the idea of _you_ talking about logic to be ironic," Troy muttered in response.

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Ryan paused after reading the first part of the letter, noticing that the next part had some words that were slightly smeared. Proof to him that Kelsi had apparently been crying as she wrote it. That fact in and of itself was enough for him to want to go find his wife to make sure she was all right, but he stopped himself. He might as well just go on and finish the letter since he had already come so far. Besides it was extremely likely that he'd have an urge to go check on her after he finished anyway so it seemed better to wait for now. He found his place and picked up where he had left off.

_I remember being crumbled up on the ground and crying, wondering what in the world I was going to do. I knew that no matter what happened that I still had to find you somehow. I was determined to find you, but at that point I wasn't sure if I'd be looking for you or your body. The thought was too much for me to take and so I stayed on the ground crying until George found me. He gave me the best news I could have heard at that moment: you had not been in the building when it collapsed. Of course, he followed that up with the news that he had seen you being rushed to the hospital beforehand. He needed to go get checked out himself but after seeing you get taken away in the ambulance, he decided to hang around and wait in case I showed up looking for you. Thank goodness for George. __I remember being torn between being relieved that you got out of the building and terrified because I didn't know what had happened to you. George couldn't help me there – he had no idea either, but he figured it must have been pretty bad because the paramedics were in such a hurry. I got a ride to the hospital with George and it was there that I ran into another roadblock in my frenzied search for you. The emergency room was in complete chaos, what with the fire and all. It seemed like everyone in there was rushing in one direction or another and it was nearly impossible for me to find out anything. Imagine my surprise when I finally did find out what happened to you…_

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Kelsi was in shock. She had come across another one of Ryan's neighbors in the hospital who had actually been able to tell her what had happened to Ryan. There was an elderly couple, the Marshall's, that lived a few floors up from Ryan and every now and then their adorable five-year old granddaughter, Susie, would come to visit them. Kelsi had met the couple on several occasions along with little Susie. Apparently almost everyone had gotten out of the building, but somehow Susie had managed to head back in without anyone noticing to find her favorite doll. The Marshall's had been frantic when she had gone missing and before anyone knew what was happening, Ryan was running back into the building to find her. He had been able to find her and by then the fire had been raging. The smoke had been pretty thick, so Ryan had decided that they should get as close to the floor as possible. He had evidently been sort of crawling along holding onto the child, whose face he kept cradled against his chest in an attempt to protect her from the smoke as best he could. Debris had started to fall and something had hit him on the head. He had been unconscious by the time the firefighters found them, draped over Susie as a sort of human shield. His actions had without question done a good job in protecting the child, though she had still inhaled a fair amount of smoke. She had been admitted to the hospital as well and was currently undergoing breathing treatments to help her lungs though her prognosis was pretty good. She would most likely survive.

The jury was still out on Ryan, who in addition to the blow to the head had inhaled a dangerous amount of smoke. The general consensus among the residents of his apartment building was that Ryan was a hero. All of the people who were able and who knew Kelsi had made a point of telling her that they were praying for him and keeping him in their thoughts. Kelsi appreciated their concern, but the news had hit her hard all the same. She had hoped that after hearing what happened to him that some of her fear might decrease, but it had done the opposite. Ryan had been perfectly safe and then had voluntarily put himself back into danger. His life was hanging in the balance and for the life of her she could not get anyone from the hospital to tell her how he was doing. She had spent the last couple of hours in a sort of trance, the shock of the news still lingering with her. She vaguely remembered calling Derby and Vance, who were vacationing in Europe at the time. Derby had just about been inconsolable and Vance hadn't been much better, though he was doing what he always did in times of crises and being the strong one. He had done his best to assure Kelsi that everything would work out and now he and Derby were on their way to New York, though it would be a while until they got there. Meanwhile, Zeke and Sharpay were on their way from Washington, D.C. - where they had been on a vacation of sorts - and would probably be arriving at the hospital soon. Kelsi had alternated between pacing around the emergency room in a numb stupor and sitting on one of the chairs crying. She was just getting up to pace again when she heard someone call her name. She looked up to find Zeke and Sharpay, recently married, hurrying towards her.

"How is he?" were the first words out of Sharpay's mouth and Kelsi could tell that she had been crying.

"I don't know," Kelsi admitted, her voice teary. "No one will tell me anything!"

"Are you serious?" Zeke asked. "You've been here for over two hours!"

"I'm not family," she sniffled.

"Like hell you're not," Zeke growled. "You're his girlfriend! Doesn't that count for anything?"

"Apparently not," she sighed.

"That's messed up," he muttered. "Hold on a second." Kelsi and Sharpay watched as he stalked off towards the admittance desk.

"We got here as fast as we could," Sharpay said after a moment. "How are you holding up?" The question made Kelsi's tears fall faster as it occurred to her that as worried as Sharpay was about her brother, she was still concerned for her friend.

"He promised me he'd be careful," Kelsi whispered. The memory of his promise had been running through her mind, almost as if it were on some sort of instant replay, for the past several minutes. "I saw him this morning...I woke up all freaked out and worried that something would happen to him and I made him promise to be careful." She sniffled again. "And he promised! He looked me in the eye and told me he'd be okay. He was safe, Sharpay. He made it out of the building and was safe! But he went back in..." She swiped a hand at her cheeks to wipe away some of the tears. "How is that being careful?" she demanded, suddenly furious over the situation. "How!?"

"It's not," Sharpay said softly, tears flowing down her face faster as well.

"It's not," Kelsi agreed. "Not at all! And he promised me..." Her voice broke. "He's never broken a promise before...why'd he have to do it now?" Sharpay didn't have an answer for that one.

"Girls." They both looked up at the sound of Zeke's voice, noting that he had a doctor in tow.

"I'm Dr. Ashton," the doctor said, holding his hand out to first Sharpay and then Kelsi. "I have some news about the patient, but first I have to extend my apologies to Ms. Nielsen. Mr. Baylor explained the situation to me, how you're actually the patient's fiancée and not his girlfriend. I know you've been worried and under a terrible strain...it's no wonder you said you were his girlfriend, especially since it's a new engagement." Kelsi fought to keep her jaw from dropping as Sharpay shot her husband an approving look. "You'll be kept informed from here on out, I assure you. Please accept my and the hospital's apology."

"How's my brother?" Sharpay asked.

"Your brother is currently in the ICU receiving treatment. He inhaled a lot of smoke in the fire and we have him hooked up to a ventilator that is breathing for him. We have some medication mixed in with the clean air which will hopefully work together to clean out all of the smoke and chemicals he inhaled in the fire. Now, usually lung damage caused by fire can be hard to treat, but the good news is that the firefighters got to him pretty quickly. Odds are pretty good that it was not the smoke that caused him to lose consciousness. Right now his blood oxygen level is in the high eighties and we're working to get it higher, which is what the ventilator is helping with. The next couple of hours will be very critical," the doctor began.

"Oh God," Kelsi whispered, feeling herself sway under the weight of the news. Zeke stepped between her and Sharpay, putting an arm around both of them to support them.

"What about his head?" Zeke asked. "We were told something hit him?"

"Yes," the doctor confirmed. "Ryan was hit by a piece of the ceiling which is what we think made him lose consciousness. Right now in addition to the damage done to his lungs, he is suffering from a severe concussion which has caused some swelling in his brain. We're hoping that he might regain consciousness if we can get his blood oxygen levels up to where they should be, but there's a very good chance that he won't." The doctor went on to explain that Ryan was in a coma and could stay in one for several weeks, assuming he survived the night. The doctor also told them that Ryan had suffered a number of burns, though he wasn't too worried about those. Kelsi gripped onto Zeke like she would a lifeline, only half listening to the doctor as he dropped what seemed to be one bomb after another on them.

"C-can we see him?" Sharpay asked finally and Kelsi could tell that she too was struggling with the news.

"Yes, though right now only two of you can be in there at once. One of you can stay with him as long as you want to, though I'll ask that the second person only stay in there for ten minutes at a time. At least until his condition improves – then we can modify the restrictions a little bit." Dr. Ashton paused. "I want you all to know that we are doing everything we can to help him."

"Thank you," Sharpay whispered. The doctor told them what room Ryan was in and then hurried on his way to check on another patient.

"Okay ladies," Zeke said, keeping his voice calm. "You two go ahead and see him. I'll stay out here." He looked at Kelsi and Sharpay in turn. "He's going to make it, I know he is."

"I hope you're right," Kelsi managed. She looked over at Sharpay, suddenly feeling more nervous at the thought of finally seeing Ryan. "You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Sharpay said quietly. The two of them pulled away from Zeke and slowly made their way to Ryan's room, nearly running into a nurse on her way out.

"Oh excuse me ladies," the nurse apologized, coming to a stop before they all crashed. "Are you both here to see Ryan Evans?"

"Yes," Sharpay said softly, clearing her throat. "I'm his sister...and this is his girl-...I mean his fiancée," Sharpay corrected, remembering what Zeke had told the doctor.

"Don't look so scared," the nurse said gently. "He might be in a coma, but he's still in there somewhere. A lot of times visits from loved ones can be a huge help to patients. Just try to talk to him like you normally would," she advised. Sharpay gave her a polite nod and stepped into Ryan's room, with Kelsi right behind her.

"Oh God," Kelsi whispered. Ryan was hooked up to a number of machines, including the ventilator which was making his chest rise and fall mechanically. His head was wrapped in bandages, along with most of his left arm. He looked so still and lifeless that it was all Kelsi could do to not run out of the room.

"You're such a jerk, Ryan," Sharpay said suddenly, causing Kelsi to shift her focus over to her. "Making us worry about you like this." The blonde made her way to Ryan's left side and rested her hand on his. "When you wake up, you totally owe us all an apology. You," her voice broke and for several seconds she said nothing. Kelsi could see her shoulders shaking as she cried. "You better wake up soon. We all need you, little brother. We...we love you so much," she said softly. She turned towards Kelsi. "Well come over here already. You're the one he really wants to hear from."

"I...I don't..." Kelsi started; her voice barely audible over the sound of the machines. She shook her head as fresh tears poured down her face.

"You see what you've done?" Sharpay directed the question to her brother. "Your own girlfriend is terrified to get close to you." She stepped away from him and held a hand out to Kelsi, her eyes pleading with her. "Please Kelsi," she said, her voice strained, "he needs you." Kelsi managed a nod and slowly made her way over to Ryan's right side.

"Hi Ryan," she whispered. She reached for his hand, mindful not to disturb the IV that was in his arm, and tried not to think about how strange it felt. "You're a hero, you know that? You saved that little girl's life...and now you have to save your own. We need you to fight, okay? You have to come back to us...you...you have to."

"She's right, Ryan," Sharpay jumped in. "You need to fight as hard as you can to get back to us." She carefully squeezed his hand. Sharpay kept talking to him, but Kelsi tuned her out as she kept her eyes trained on Ryan's face as if willing him to give them some sort of indication that he was going to be okay. She found herself getting lost in memories of him and was jolted back to the present when she heard Sharpay say her name. "It looks like my ten minutes are up," Sharpay said softly, shifting her gaze to Kelsi. "I'll go back to the waiting room to wait for our parents...you stay here with him."

"Are...are you sure? You can stay if you want to," Kelsi said, oddly nervous at the thought of being left along with Ryan in his current state.

"You're the person he needs the most," Sharpay said simply. "I'm sure of it." She leaned in closer to Ryan and kissed his forehead gently. "I'll be back later, Ry. I...I love you." She gave Kelsi a small smile on her way out of the room and Kelsi took a deep breath, taking one step closer to the hospital bed to be as close to her boyfriend as possible.

"Well I guess it's just you and me for now," she whispered. She glanced over at the ventilator and winced. "You should see all the things you're hooked up to right now, Ryan. There's the IV and the ventilator which is helping clean out your lungs...and a few other things too. I don't know what any of those are for," she admitted. "The doctor said that they're doing everything they can to save you...now you just have to do your part. You...you..." she trailed off and soon found herself going in a new direction. "What in the world were you thinking running back into that building?" The question was laced with pain. "That's what the firefighters are for, you know? You were supposed to be careful today, remember? What happened to that?" She shook her head. "You better wake up soon because as far as I'm concerned you owe me a big apology. You broke your promise...you knew how worried I was about you this morning...you looked me in the eye and you promised me you'd be careful. Dammit Ryan." She lightly rubbed her thumb against his hand as her voice broke. "I have never been angrier at," she sniffled as her tone softened, "or more proud of you in my entire life."

Kelsi paused again, wiping away some of her tears with her free hand. "I'm really hoping that you'll keep the other promise you made to me," she said finally. "Remember? You promised me that I wouldn't lose you. I can forgive you for breaking the other one because you saved that little girl's life, but if you break this one..." She held her free hand up to her mouth for several seconds. "Oh Ryan...I miss you already," she said softly. "You have to come back to me...you have to. I need you. Please baby." She squeezed his hand. "I love you...I love you so, so much...more than you could even imagine. Come back to me...fight for me. I...I keep getting hung up on all the promises you made to me today and, well, now I want to make one to you." She leaned in closer to him as a new resolve worked its way throughout her body. "I'm going to stay with you. No matter what happens, I'm not going to leave you. I'm right here, baby, I'm not going anywhere." She gently placed a shaking hand against his cheek, hating how strange it felt. "I promise."

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_I hated the way you looked in that hospital bed. I hated watching the strange way your chest moved with that machine breathing for you. I hated the way you felt when I touched you. I hated being afraid to come close to you in the first place. I had to keep reminding myself that you were still alive, even if just barely at that point. My memories of that time are so vivid...too vivid, if you ask me. Every now and then I'll find myself thinking about the way you looked and it never fails to scare the life out of me. Ignore the fact that it's been years and you have long since made a complete recovery, it still scares me. I remember being alone with you for the first time in that hospital room and the determination I felt when I told you that I was staying with you. As terrible as it was to see you that way, the thought of you being all alone in that hospital room scared me more. I decided then and there that I would do anything I could to help you. To let you know on some level that you were not alone. To do whatever I could do to let you know how much I loved you._

_That brings me to your next song: _Make You Feel My Love_. That song is originally by Bob Dylan, though a whole bunch of people have done covers of it...I'm partial to Adele's version myself. This song is quite possibly one of the best love songs ever written and pretty much describes my determination to stay with you perfectly. "When the evening shadows and the stars appear and there is no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years to make you feel my love...I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue. I'd go crawling down the avenue. No there's nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel my love." See baby, I didn't know if you knew I was with you or not. I didn't know if you could hear me or not but that didn't matter because there was always the chance that you could. And if you could, than I wanted to do anything possible to make you feel my love for you. I was willing to do whatever it took. If it meant sitting by your bedside and holding your hand, I was going to do it. If it meant talking to you and sleeping in the uncomfortable hospital chair next to your bed, I was going to do it. I believed that if you could feel my love for you than it might give you more of a reason to fight. I knew that if the situation was reversed, you would do the exact same thing – which actually brings me to you next song, believe it or not._

I Learned How to Love from You _by Trace Adkins. This is a song about someone who has lost the person that they love somehow. There were times after the fire when I was so convinced that I was going to lose you – this song would have been true either way. Of course, in our case the song would be in the present tense at some of the parts but that's besides the point. The point is that I did learn how to love from you. Not to discredit my family because as you know, I come from a very loving family. I learned a lot about love from them, but you were the one who really taught me what loving someone else meant. It's like the song says: "You found something hiding I did not know what missing. An unlit fire down in my soul. Now my heart knows that I learned how to love from you. You loved like there never was a risk. Shared your heart with every tender kiss. Now I know how much I have to give 'cause I learned how to love from you." I knew exactly what to do after the fire because I knew it was exactly what you would have done. That's just the way you love, Ryan. I knew I could give you what you needed because you had already given me the same thing so many times before. You gave me the strength to love you the way I needed to. That's something that I think helped me help you after the fire and it's something that's going to help me forever. Someday we're going to have the family that we want and I can't help but think how lucky our kids are going to be. Because they're going to have a daddy that loves so much and so easily and who taught their mommy how to love like that too. I think our kids, whenever we have them, are going to be some of the most loved children in the world. They'll have you to thank for that – I'll just be following your example. _

_I kind of got away from the story for a second here, but that's okay because they both explain what caused me to make that decision to stay with you. I couldn't give you medication or medical treatments, but I could give you my love. I believed that it would help you – at least that was my hope and the first nurse you had even said that sometimes visits from loved ones help the most. The theory proved to be correct. I found that out when the nurse came back to check on you. It was then that we got our second miracle of the night. The first one was the fact that you had not been in the building when it collapsed. This one was just as important..._

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Kelsi wasn't sure how many minutes had passed after Sharpay left the hospital room, but now the nurse had come back to see how Ryan was doing. Kelsi eased back from him slightly as she glanced over at the nurse. "Do...do you need me to leave?" she asked, knowing that if she had to leave that she would be right back in the room as soon as the nurse was finished.

"No, that's all right," the nurse smiled at her. "I'm just checking the monitors for now. You're fine." She stepped over towards the ventilator and let out a gasp, causing Kelsi to jump in surprise.

"Is something wrong?" Kelsi asked, hearing the panic in her voice at the thought.

"No, I just...I can't believe it!" the nurse exclaimed. "When I left his blood oxygen level was at eighty-seven." She let out a disbelieving huff. "Now it's not even been twenty minutes and it's jumped all the way to ninety-eight!" She shook her head in amazement, beaming at Kelsi. "I've never seen a jump that high in so short a time! Especially coming from a fire victim. This is a really good sign! It means that his lungs are healing." She stepped around the bed and behind Kelsi to fiddle with Ryan's IV. "You see? Sometimes visits from loved ones are just what the patient needs the most."

"You think I'm the reason it jumped?" Kelsi asked.

"Absolutely," the nurse nodded, giving her a friendly pat on the shoulder. "When he got here his blood oxygen level was in the low eighties, which is pretty bad. In the hours he was receiving treatment without you being in here, we were able to bring it up to the high eighties but it was happening very slowly. In cases like this, the slower things happen, the worse it is. That's why the first couple of hours are so important – we have to get the blood oxygen level up as fast as possible in order for the patient to survive. Now, it most likely would have continued to increase, but there is no way that the medication could suddenly do so much in such a short amount of time." She made her way back to the foot of the bed. "I can't tell you how, but somehow he knows that you're here and it's helping him."

"So...so he'll be okay?" Kelsi asked, watching as the nurse's face fell.

"Well...it looks like his lungs will be, but...well there's still his head..." she trailed off and Kelsi could tell that she felt bad for having to put a damper on the moment. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay," Kelsi said softly.

"This really is a very good thing," the nurse reminded her. "It means that he's turned a corner in the right direction. And who's to say that it's not a sign of other things to come."

"Thank you," Kelsi gave her a small smile before returning her focus to Ryan, barely registering the nurse leaving the room. "Okay, mister," she began, "it seems like you have a lot of work to do to get better. But you heard the nurse, right? Your lungs are healing. Now you just have to worry about your head, okay?" She leaned in close to him again and lightly kissed his forehead. "You're going to get better, I just know you will. I'll be with you every step of the way. You don't have to go through this alone, I promise." She settled herself in the chair by his bed and found herself stifling a yawn. The events of the day suddenly seemed to be taking its toll on her and she scooted her chair down the bed slightly so that she could carefully rest her head on it near his knees. Not the most comfortable position in the world, but for the moment it would have to do. She angled her face towards his and switched hands so she was now holding his right hand with her left as best she could. She then slowly let her eyes close, falling into a light and painful sleep.

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Derby and Vance finally arrived at the hospital and Kelsi took her first break since vowing to camp out in Ryan's hospital room, opting to let his parents be alone with him. Vance had come back out after ten minutes and Derby had stayed in for an extra ten before surprising Kelsi by coming back out. It seemed as if the Evans family as a whole agreed that Kelsi was who Ryan needed the most. And so for the rest of the night and well into the next day Kelsi remained camped out by Ryan's bed while Derby, Vance, Sharpay and Zeke had fallen into a pattern of visitation. One of them would come in for ten minutes and then leave. There'd be a ten minute break and then one of the others would come in for the next ten minutes. It had been a long and restless night for all of them and as they all soon found out, it was the first of many. Ryan's blood oxygen level had quickly reached normal after the first big jump that had happened after Kelsi had been visiting with him. The doctors and nurses had been fiddling with the ventilator throughout the night and the following morning, apparently trying it at different intervals of air and different pressure levels. Each modification they made was a step closer to seeing if Ryan would be able to breathe on his own. It was in the early evening of the day after the fire when they received what Kelsi called their third miracle: Ryan was now breathing on his own. He was still very much in a coma, though the doctors had said that the level of the coma had changed, whatever that meant. There had been a lot of technical talk that Kelsi hadn't understood, but it had been decided that Ryan would be moved out of the ICU and into a private room. That was when the real waiting began.

One day became another one and another one until first one week had passed and then two. Ryan's condition had remained exactly the same and they were all increasingly aware of the fact that the longer he stayed in the coma, the less likely it was that he would come out of it. The other Wildcats had all been out to visit and had stayed as long as they were able to. Kelsi had continued her near constant vigil by Ryan's bedside, unless the hospital staff needed them all to clear out in order to do a procedure of one sort or another. The only other times she was not by his side was when one of the others insisted that she go to get something to eat or take a break to use one of the showers available for patients families. Now they were in the middle of the third week. Derby and Vance had made the difficult decision to check into a nearby hotel, mainly only using it for a few hours each night to sleep. Zeke and Sharpay had come to the same decision a couple of days afterwards, leaving Kelsi as the only one among the group to stay at the hospital twenty-four seven. A fact that had the rest of the group beginning to worry about her in addition to worrying about Ryan and so when everyone had been kicked out of the room for yet another procedure, Zeke decided it was time to have a chat with her.

"Kelsi…we have to talk."

"Guys, I already know what you're going to say," she started. "You're going to tell me that you think it's time for me to either go back to my apartment for a while or check into the hotel with the rest of you." She looked at each of them in turn. "Well as far as I'm concerned, you can save your breath. I'm not going anywhere."

"It's been two and a half weeks, Kelsi," he said gently. "You can't keep going on like this. You have to take care of yourself."

"I'm fine," she argued.

"You're worn out and exhausted," he countered. "You need sleep."

"I get sleep," she shot back.

"Not the kind you need. You've been sleeping in a hospital recliner for heaven's sake. That can't be comfortable," he shook his head.

"It works," she muttered.

"Ryan would hate you doing all this," Zeke pointed out.

"Yeah? Well I hate the fact that he went back into that building," she snapped, jabbing a finger at the hospital room that had become her temporary home. "If he has a problem with it, let him wake up and tell me himself."

"Kelsi," Zeke said softly. "It might take a while for him to wake up..." he trailed off at the look on her face.

"I'm aware of that, Zeke. I don't care," she said defiantly. "Let me ask you something. All of you. Would _you_ leave? If that was your life in there would you leave?" She focused her gaze on Zeke. "If it was Sharpay?" She raised an eyebrow. "Would you leave?"

"No," he whispered.

"What was that?" she asked, hating the way her voice shook.

"No," he repeated, louder this time. "No, I wouldn't leave."

"Sharpay, what about you?" Kelsi shifted her focus over to her. "If it was Zeke, would you leave him?" Sharpay sighed and glanced over at her husband, giving him a small smile.

"Of course not," she said finally. Satisfied, Kelsi focused on Derby.

"If it was Vance?" Derby shook her head in response. "Vance? What if is was Derby?"

"I wouldn't leave," he admitted.

"See? If none of you would leave your spouse, how can you ask me to leave Ryan?" she asked. "I know we're not married, but why does that matter? I love him just as much as all of you love your respective spouses, so why should it matter?" She shook her head and looked back at Zeke. "If you want me to go home to sleep or check into a hotel, you're going to have to do it by force. And if you managed to do it, I would find a way back. I promised him I wouldn't leave him and I won't. I don't care if it takes weeks for him to wake up. I'm not leaving him."

"There's something else to consider," Vance spoke up. "We don't know how damaged his brain is. There's," he paused and Kelsi could tell he was getting choked up, "there's a chance that if he..._when_ he wakes up that he might not be the same person. Have you thought about that, Kelsi?" His tone was gentle and it was obvious to Kelsi that this was something he had been worried about.

"I have," she said softly.

"He might not remember any of us," Vance continued. "I...I hate saying that but it's the truth. He might end up needing special care for the rest of his life for all we know..." he paused again. "Then again, he might wake up and be exactly the same person...I pray every day that that might be the case, but...but we have to look at all sides. If...if he's not the same person...if he's not the same person you fell in love with Kelsi...well...I don't think any of us would blame you if you decided you couldn't handle it."

"Vance." She stepped closer to him. "If he does wake up and if he's not the same person, would you still love him?"

"That's my boy," Vance said simply. "I'll love him regardless." Kelsi nodded.

"I love your son," she started, looking from him to Derby and back again. "I'll love him if he's the same person he's always been and I'll love him if he's not. I'm not leaving...no matter what happens." She shook her head again, tears in her eyes as she did so. "If he doesn't remember me...if he needs to be taken care of for the rest of his life...I'm not leaving him."

"Thank you," Derby said, with a small sob as she stepped forward and wrapped Kelsi in a hug. "Thank you for loving my son so much."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Gonna keep this note fairly short because this chapter is another monster. Wow, this was intense. Parts of this were inspired by "Forever" by Karen Kingsbury. I was looking back over one of my favorite Ryelsi fics, Pulling Together by Awahali (think that's how her sn is spelled) the other day and was inspired by something I saw her do. So inspired that I've decided to do it myself for this story. I've created a boxstr account and have put all of the songs Kelsi has given Ryan into it so if you want to, you can check out the link (found in my profile) and listen to them (if the link and then the files work, that is). Just a note - for some reason the first part of the first song is missing and I can't get What I've Been Looking For to work for me. I'll try to fix those, but if I can't you still get most of the first song and y'all should be familiar with the other one. ;) Let me know if the others work or not. Hope you still have a few tissues handy as you'll probably need them here. This picks up with Kelsi's letter and finishes out the flashback, though we still have Ryan's reaction to said letter in the next chapter (possibly with much smaller flashbacks on the same event). A lot of work went into this one so I hope you all like it. Let me know!**

* * *

"_Without you I'm only driftin' through a life that I'm not living. Without you, I'm a heart without a home. I would ride across the mesa to the Arizona plains or sail beyond the shores of Cisco Beach. I'd go down the Mississippi to the land of hurricanes or I'd climb the hills of Tennessee. If that's where you are, that's where I'll be." _That's Where I'll Be, _Little Big Town_

_Your family meant well when they wanted to try to get me to check into a hotel or whatever, but that just wasn't an option for me. I made you a promise and I intended on keeping it, no matter what happened. I chose this as your next song because that is what life without you in it is like - it goes back to what I said before about how losing you would be like going from living in color to living in black and white. Without you I just kind of exist…I don't really live. This song also kind of reiterates the point made with _No Place That Far_. The songs are kind of similar in that respect, but I really wanted to drive the point home so you'd understand. Basically there's no place far enough to keep me from you and there's nothing I won't do in order to stay with you. If I have to live in a hospital for weeks at a time I'll do it because I love you. When I promised you that I wasn't leaving, I didn't just mean that I wouldn't leave you while you were in the hospital. I meant that I wouldn't leave you ever. In other words, you're stuck with me. _

_I have to admit that reliving all of this stuff is very painful for me, but it's all things you needed to know. On the plus side, it's allowing me to give you a bunch of songs in one letter. One massively long, my hand is killing me and you owe me a hand massage after this, letter I might add. Here's your next song: "As long as I've got arms that cling at all, it's you that I'll be clinging to. And all the dreams I dream, beg or borrow on some bright tomorrow they'll all come true. And all my bright tomorrows belong to you." _All My Tomorrows, _Frank Sinatra._

_It might seem odd that this is your next song and it might seem strange that I'm putting it here, but it makes sense to me. As long as I could, I was going to hold onto you. I had to believe that you were going to come out of it or it would've been too much for me to handle. I had to believe that we would have bright tomorrows again someday, like the song says. If you hadn't of woken up from that coma, I'm not sure if I would have ever had another "bright tomorrow". I can't picture a world being bright if you're not in it. That song was true during your coma and it's true today. I will always hold onto you as long as I'm able to and I know that someday all of the dreams we have for our future will come true on some bright tomorrow, though if you ask me things are pretty bright right now. It's so easy to be optimistic when things are good...it's so much harder to do when things are difficult. I tried so hard to be optimistic and positive for you while you were in that awful coma. I did pretty well with it for the most part, though I did reach my breaking point..._

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The third week of Ryan's coma came to an uneventful end as his condition still had not changed. It was on the first day of the fourth week that Kelsi found herself breaking down. She had tried so hard to stay optimistic for Ryan in case he could hear her, but it was taking its toll on her. The weather wasn't of much help – it had rained for the past five days and that was the type of thing that could put her in a funk in the best of circumstances. She had woken up with a sigh and slowly sat up in the recliner, wincing at the ever familiar back pain. She moved closer to him and rolled her shoulders while she reached for his hand, absently wondering if her back would ever be the same after all of this.

"Morning baby," she said, attempting to sound as cheerful as possible. She had fallen into a habit of greeting him in the morning and telling him good night when she finally decided to try and sleep every night. She also tried to keep him up to date on the weather, though by this point she was wondering if there was any point in any of it. She sighed again as she rubbed his hand. "It's raining...again...kind of like the city itself is missing you. It's definitely not the same without you and between you and me; I'd say that this would be the perfect morning for you to wake up." It was at that exact moment that she felt something break inside of her. "Please?" she whispered the question, only halfway stunned when she found herself dissolving into tears. "Oh Ryan...I've been trying so hard to be positive for you, but I just can't do it anymore," she sniffled. "God, I miss you...I miss you so much...I miss your smile and your voice and seeing those blue eyes of yours...I miss the feel of your arms around me...I miss your touch..." She swiped a hand under her eyes. "I miss your kisses..." A sob escaped from her lips as she pressed her hand to them, collapsing into the chair that she kept right by his bed. The recliner was farther away and hard to move with all of the machines he was still hooked up to, which was why she had moved one of the other chairs by the bed instead. "I miss _you_. I miss you so much that it hurts...God, it hurts...I need you to come back to me...to all of us...dammit Ryan," she sniffled again. "Why can't you just wake up!?" She hadn't meant to yell the question and instantly felt bad. "I'm sorry," she said softly. She lowered her head to his bed as she cried. "It's been three weeks...it's been the longest three weeks of my life. It's time for you to wake up...please wake up, honey...please." Her grip on his hand tightened as she cried harder.

"Kelsi?" She barely registered the sound of Zeke's voice at first and jolted when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Kelsi."

"Hi Zeke," she said, finally, sounding completely miserable.

"What happened?" he asked gently.

"Nothing. That's the problem," she said, lifting her head back up to look at him. He let out a heavy sigh.

"This is exactly what we've all been worried about," he admitted. "You've been under so much pressure...it's no wonder that it's finally getting to you."

"I've been trying so hard, Zeke," she said. "But I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it anymore."

"What do you mean?" he asked, sounding alarmed at the change in her tone.

"This is the first day of week four of his coma," she said, sounding resigned. "Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that I plan on leaving him because I'm not. I meant what I said about staying for however long it takes...it's just...I don't know...I'm so confused."

"You know what you need?" he asked after a moment. "A break." He looked up as Sharpay entered the room, a bag in her hand. "We brought you some more clothes. Why don't you go take a shower and then have a nice breakfast? And I'm not talking about a quick shower and gulping down your food like you usually do either. I'm talking about taking a nice long shower and actually sitting down and enjoying your food for once."

"I don't know," she said, biting her lip as she glanced back at Ryan.

"We'll stay with him, Kelsi," Sharpay spoke up. "He won't be alone."

"Well...maybe a break would be okay," Kelsi decided, with a long sigh. She slowly stood up and leaned in close to Ryan. "Okay baby, I'm going to take Zeke's advice and take a little break, but I'll be back, I promise. You heard Sharpay, the two of them are going to stay with you so you won't be alone..." she paused as she ran the back of her fingers against his cheek lovingly. "I love you honey." She gently kissed his forehead. "I'll be back soon." She pulled away from him and stepped over to Sharpay for the bag, wiping her tears away as she did so.

"Hey," Sharpay said softly, surprising Kelsi by pulling her into a hug. "I just want you to know that I'm so happy that my brother was smart enough to go after you back in high school. There's no other girl in the world who could love him like you do. That's why I know he's going to come back to us...to you."

"You don't know that," Kelsi argued, though she couldn't resist smiling a bit at Sharpay's sincerity.

"Hey, I'm his twin remember?" Sharpay teased. "I know things."

"If that's true, tell me this...if he could talk." Kelsi's voice broke. "If he could talk right now, what would he say?"

"That he loves you," Sharpay said softly, watching as Kelsi's eyes filled up with fresh tears. "And that he's sorry for making you...for making all of us worry so much. He'd tell you that he's going to make it up to you someday, no matter what it takes." Sensing that Kelsi was about to fall apart again, Sharpay changed direction in the hopes of making her smile. "And then he'd compliment his fabulous sister on yet another amazing outfit." She was rewarded by Kelsi letting out a soft chuckle, in spite of all she was clearly feeling. A moment passed and Kelsi watched Sharpay's eyes fill up with determination. "I think he's going to wake up in the next couple of days," she declared. "I just have a feeling."

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The long shower had done wonders for Kelsi's aching body, but had done absolutely nothing for her aching heart. She headed to the hospital cafeteria and forced herself to fill up her tray, even though she didn't feel like eating any of it. That seemed to have been the case ever since she started living in the hospital – her appetite had basically disappeared. She ate out of necessity, not out of hunger. The others weren't aware of it because she could hide it, but she had begun skipping more and more meals. She would leave Ryan's hospital room three times a day for ten minutes, making the others think that she was going to grab some food but usually she just got a water to sip on. Yesterday her food intake had consisted of exactly one apple all day. She sat down at an empty table and forced herself to take a few bites of what she had gotten, knowing that if she didn't that she would more than likely pass out. She was stunned to realize that she was suddenly completely famished. She had to keep reminding herself to slow down as she practically inhaled the food on her tray. When she finished, she stood up to throw out her trash and put the tray away, fully intent on returning immediately to Ryan's hospital room.

Her body seemed to have a mind of its own, however, and she found herself heading to the hospital chapel instead. She quietly stepped into the room and wondering what in the world she was doing there when she should be with her boyfriend. She ignored the thought and went with her instincts, letting the chapel door come to a close behind her as she slowly walked down the aisle towards the cross. She sat down in one of the pews as she studied it, feeling her anger over the situation come bubbling to the surface.

"Ryan's a good person," she whispered, keeping her attention on the cross. "He's one of the sweetest men in the world and he risked his life to save that little girl. He's a hero." She shook her head angrily. "And what does he get for being a hero? He gets stuck in a coma for three weeks! Over three weeks as of today. You're supposed to be a loving God. I've heard that all my life from my parents. You're supposed to be there for Your people and You're supposed to care about them. So where are You? You have the power to help Ryan wake up, so why won't You? Why don't You care?" Once again she found herself dissolving into tears, though this time instead of tears of pain they were tears of anger. She leaned forward and rested her head on the back of the pew in front of her and let them come.

"Excuse me?" She felt a light touch on her shoulder and jerked back upright in surprise. "Oh I'm sorry!" The voice apologized. "I didn't mean to startle you." Kelsi turned towards the sound of the voice and felt her eyes widen in surprise. Unless she was mistaken, the woman currently standing next to her was Ellen Marshall – the mother of the little girl that Ryan had saved from the fire.

"It's okay," Kelsi whispered, unsure of what else she could say. She hadn't admitted it to anyone, but she had struggled with feeling angry at Susie. She knew it was a horrible thing to feel which was why she had kept it to herself. It wasn't that she had any ill will towards the child – she was only five, after all – it was more that she was angry at her for heading back into the burning building. Susie had not only put herself in danger, but she had been the reason why Ryan had gone rushing back in. Deep in her heart, Kelsi blamed the little girl for Ryan's coma although she knew that it had been Ryan's decision. That fact had probably been the single hardest thing to accept about the entire situation.

"We've only met a couple of times, but…you're Kelsi, right?" At Kelsi's nod the woman continued. "I'm Ellen Marshall."

"I know," Kelsi said softly. "Is there something I can help you with?" she asked after a long moment.

"I…I wanted to let you know that my husband and I have been praying for Ryan every day. We've been so worried about him…we…we owe him so much," Ellen Marshall said, tears in her eyes as well. "I don't know what Susie was thinking running back in the fire like that…if Ryan hadn't of gone in after her…" she trailed off. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to start crying…he saved our little girl's life…that's something we will never forget and something we can never thank him enough for…I can't even tell you how much we're hoping that he'll make a full recovery." She studied Kelsi sadly. "How are you doing? I can't imagine how hard this all must be for you…it's obvious that you love him very much."

"I do," Kelsi managed. "I…I really miss him," she said honestly.

"Honey?" Both of them turned at the sound of another voice and Kelsi was further surprised to see herself looking not just at Peter Marshall, Susie's father, but Susie herself. "It's almost time for Susie's check up," the man said.

"I know…I just wanted to stop in here for a moment first. You…you remember Kelsi, right?" Ellen said and Kelsi watched as the man's face filled with a knowing sadness. He stepped closer, Susie trailing along beside him.

"Of course. Hello Kelsi," Peter said, offering Kelsi his hand and giving her a warm handshake when she accepted it. "I…we're so sorry about Ryan. We've been praying for him."

"I know," Kelsi said, giving Ellen a small smile. "I appreciate that." She focused her gaze on Susie and found herself overcome with guilt for ever being angry at the precious little girl that now stood in front of her. "Hi Susie," she said softly. "Do you remember me?"

"You're Ryan's Kelsi," the little girl said simply and Kelsi found herself blinking back more tears. Kelsi watched as Susie turned towards her mother and gave her a wide smile. "See Mommy? I told you I'd be able to give Ryan my picture. Kelsi can give it to him."

"Your picture?" Kelsi directed the question to Susie, but glanced up at Ellen.

"Last night Susie decided that she wanted to make Ryan a picture," Ellen said softly. "She…she was hoping to be able to give it to him, but I wasn't sure that she should go in to see him…" she trailed off and Kelsi nodded. No doubt seeing Ryan in his current condition would be frightening to the little girl.

"Will you give him my picture?" Susie asked, focusing her smile on Kelsi.

"Of course," Kelsi said softly. Susie beamed at her as Ellen pulled a folded sheet of paper out of her purse and handed it to Susie, who gave it to Kelsi.

"You can look if you want to," Susie told her. Kelsi nodded and slowly opened up the paper, mainly just to be polite. Her breath soon caught in her throat as she looked at the picture. Susie had drawn herself and Ryan, holding hands and standing under a rainbow. Underneath, in childish handwriting, were the words "my hero".

"Oh…this is beautiful," Kelsi whispered.

"She's been so worried about Ryan," Ellen said, keeping her voice soft. "Every night since she's been back home, she's made a point to say a little prayer for him."

"Ryan's my hero," Susie informed Kelsi. "That's why I drew that. He saved me from the fire…it was really, really scary in there," she said, her eyes wide with fear. "I knew I wasn't supposed to go back in there, but I forgot my doll. She's scared of fire too," she added. "It was really hot and smoky and I didn't know how to get back out. But Ryan found me." Susie brightened some, though Kelsi could see the lingering fear in her eyes. "He picked me up and told me to hang on real tight. He told me that everything was going to be okay. He promised" Kelsi let her eyes close as images of Ryan doing his best to comfort the child filled her mind, not surprised to feel her eyes fill up with even more tears. She was surprised, however, to suddenly feel two little arms around her neck. Susie had apparently climbed up onto the pew beside Kelsi to give her a hug. "Don't cry, Kelsi," she said sweetly. "He'll be okay. He promised that we'd both be and I'm fine. He'll be fine too."

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Kelsi wasn't sure how she managed to make her way back to Ryan's room after falling to pieces in the chapel. She vaguely wondered how many times a person could fall apart in one day as she rounded the corner and opened the door to his hospital room.

"There you are," Sharpay said, smiling at her. "You were gone longer than we thought you were going to be."

"Oh I'm sorry," Kelsi said, instantly feeling bad.

"Oh don't even go there," Zeke shook his head. "You deserved a nice long break." He gave her an appraising look. "You look better," he decided.

"Well I took a nice long shower and had a big breakfast, as ordered," she said, lifting an eyebrow at him. "And then I spent some time in the chapel…" she sobered as she handed Sharpay Susie's drawing. "I ran into Susie and her parents. She wanted me to give this to Ryan."

"Oh," Sharpay whispered, a hand going up to her mouth as her brown eyes filled with tears.

"What is it?" Zeke asked, coming over to stand by his wife to look as Kelsi took her place back at Ryan's side. "Oh wow." Zeke and Sharpay kept talking about the picture, but Kelsi tuned them out. She focused her gaze on Ryan as she took his hand.

"Hey baby," she said softly. "I'm sorry I was gone for so long, but I'm back now. I ran into Susie…oh Ryan…I knew you were a hero, but I've been so angry at you for going back into that building…I'm so sorry." She gently stroked his cheek with her free hand. "What you did was incredible…you saved her life and now you're her hero. You should see her, Ryan, she's made a complete recovery…she told me how you took care of her in the fire and how you promised her that you'd both be okay." She studied him, trying her best to ignore how frail he looked. "I want you to know something." She lowered her voice so the other two couldn't hear her. "I forgive you…for going back on your promise to me…for putting yourself back in danger after you were safe. You…you did the right thing, honey." A sad smile tugged at her lips. "Just when I didn't think I could love you anymore, you go and surprise me. Seems like you're always surprising me…" she sighed. "Maybe you could surprise me by finally waking up, huh?" She gently kissed his forehead. "Please wake up, baby…we've been without you for far too long." She ran her thumb along his hand as she watched him, willing him to wake up. She was so caught up in studying him that she nearly jumped a foot in the air when she heard Sharpay let out a loud squeal.

"What the heck did you do that for!?" Zeke exclaimed, nearly toppling out of the chair he had apparently sat in without Kelsi noticing. He pressed a hand to his heart and Kelsi found herself stifling an unexpected giggle at the look on his face. "Give me a heart attack, why don't you?"

"Look!" Sharpay pointed towards Ryan, ignoring her husband.

"What?" Zeke asked.

"Look!" Sharpay repeated, this time adding a little hop.

"It's his foot," Zeke said, looking confused over why his wife was suddenly so excited.

"Just watch," Sharpay ordered. Zeke and Kelsi exchanged a look and a shrug before they both turned to look at Ryan's foot.

"Sharpay, why are we…" Kelsi trailed off as she finally realized what was causing Sharpay to act the way she was: Ryan's foot moved. "Oh my God," she whispered.

"Did you see that?" Sharpay looked up at Kelsi, her eyes shining. "I think he's waking up!"

"I'll go get a doctor," Zeke said, excitement now in his voice as well. Zeke returned in less than five minutes, with a doctor in tow. It was then that they got what Kelsi would later call their fourth miracle: after three weeks in a coma, Ryan was finally waking up!

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The doctor had warned them that it might take Ryan a while to regain complete consciousness, though he was definitely starting to come out of his coma. He explained that the length of time it took a patient to wake up from a coma depended on how damaged the brain was. The more damaged the brain was, the longer it took for a patient to wake up. On the flipside, the faster a patient woke up, the less damaged the brain was. He went on to tell them that it could take a few hours, even in the best case scenario. In other words, they would have to keep doing what they had been doing for just over three weeks – wait.

Kelsi let out a long sigh from her spot in the chair by his bed. She had thought that it was hard to wait before; that was nothing compared to how she felt now. On one hand, she was obviously thrilled that Ryan was finally waking up. It was only what she had been practically begging him to do for the past three weeks. But on the other hand, Ryan waking up seemed to bring about an entirely new set of nerves. She had meant what she had said to Ryan's parents about loving him even if he wasn't the same person she knew and loved, but she couldn't help feeling a little afraid. What if his brain was damaged to the point that he couldn't remember any of them? What if it was so damaged that he really would need special treatment for the rest of his life, like Vance had worried about? What if he somehow remembered his family, but forgot about Kelsi and everything they had shared together? Every minute that passed seemed to add yet another what if to Kelsi's brain and after an hour of waiting, it was all she could do to keep from screaming. She fidgeted restlessly in her seat and found herself wondering why the room seemed to be closing in on her all of a sudden. She reached for Ryan's hand, which she had let go of a few minutes before, and almost jumped out of her skin when she felt his fingers move ever so slightly. She studied his hand and couldn't help but wonder what was spookier: seeing Ryan looking basically like a corpse or watching his body slowly start to wake itself up from its long sleep.

The process had started with his feet and then moved to his hands. The movements were small, though obvious, and seemed to be happening more and more frequently. As if on cue, his hand jerked again in hers. She couldn't help the small shudder that passed through her body and she wondered when, if ever, Ryan would ever start feeling normal again. She had almost gotten used to how cold and lifeless he felt, though she absolutely hated it. Now his body was starting to move, which was good, but the movements were erratic and unnatural. She let out another sigh and once again found herself almost having a heart attack, though this time it was due to the door opening.

"Whoa, easy there Playmaker," a surprisingly familiar voice said. Her head snapped over to the door to find a smiling Troy.

"Troy!" she exclaimed, letting go of Ryan's hand as she stood up. "What are you doing here?"

"A better question might be, what are _we_ doing here?" he said, his eyes twinkling as he stepped over to hug her.

"We?" Kelsi repeated.

"Come on in guys," Troy said and Kelsi let out a small gasp as Jason and Gabriella came into the room, both of them smiling.

"Oh my gosh," Kelsi whispered, rushing over to hug first Gabriella and then Jason. "What are you guys doing here? When did you get here?"

"A couple of days ago," Gabriella said, laughing softly at the look on Kelsi's face.

"Why didn't you come by?" Kelsi asked, confused.

"Because we were busy," Jason informed her.

"Busy with what?" Kelsi's brow furrowed as she looked between the three of them.

"Well…we were all feeling bad because we've been discouraged about Ryan," Troy started, his expression sobering. "I wasn't sure if he was ever going to wake up."

"I was," Gabriella cut in, making Troy smile.

"Okay, so Gabriella remained optimistic," Troy corrected. "But the rest of us…we kind of lost hope. I'm sorry to admit that," he said, sincerely.

"It's okay," Kelsi assured him. "It's been hard."

"Yeah well, Gabriella convinced us that we weren't doing anyone any good by being all depressed about it so we decided to do something positive instead," Troy continued.

"Which was what?" Kelsi asked.

"Well we knew that Ryan was getting ready to move into his new apartment before the fire and well," Gabriella picked up where Troy left off and smiled at Kelsi, "we thought that Ryan and the rest of you had enough to worry about what with him being stuck here and all…" She paused and Kelsi could see her eyes were shining. "We figured that once Ryan woke up, the last thing you all would want to do was help him move so we decided to do it for you."

"What do you mean?" Kelsi wanted to know.

"We were able to get the keys to Ryan's new apartment from Vance and we got the keys to yours from Sharpay. We knew Ryan had been bringing boxes over to your place in preparation for the move, so we first hauled them all over to his new place and then set to work getting everything unpacked for him." Gabriella's smile softened. "We also did some decorating for him so his apartment is all nice and ready for him so he'll have a home to go to once he gets out of here."

"Are you serious?" Kelsi was stunned. She hadn't so much as thought about the fact that Ryan had been about to move before the fire. She pressed a hand to her mouth as she found her eyes once again filling with tears. "You guys did that for him even though we didn't know when…or even if…he was waking up?"

"Of course," Troy grinned at her.

"We love him too," Gabriella reminded her.

"Oh…you guys…" Kelsi shook her head as she hugged Gabriella and then each of the boys again. "I should've thought about that."

"You had your own job to do right here," Jason spoke up. "Martha wanted me to tell you that she sends her love. She would've come but well…we have the baby and all."

"Chad and Taylor send their love too," Gabriella spoke up. "They tried so hard to make it back out here, but they just weren't able to."

"You all are amazing," Kelsi gushed.

"Good timing too, huh?" Troy asked. "I can't believe he's waking up!"

"It's about time!" Jason declared.

"Tell me about it," Kelsi said, with a sigh.

"Hey…what's wrong?" Gabriella asked, gently, taking in the look on Kelsi's face.

"It's funny…I've spent so much time worried about him waking up and now that he is I'm terrified," Kelsi admitted, wincing at her honesty. "Does that make me a bad girlfriend?"

"Kelsi, you have lived in this hospital for three weeks," Troy started. "Over three weeks actually. You have stayed by his side basically all the time, only leaving when you had to. You've been here talking to him, sleeping in that chair and probably destroying your back in the process. And you're worried that you're a bad girlfriend?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Not even remotely close, Playmaker."

"Of course you're scared," Gabriella said, putting an arm around Kelsi. "Sure, you're happy too, but there's still a lot we don't know. We don't know if he'll wake up and be the same Ryan that we all love or not. It's a scary thing. It doesn't make you a bad girlfriend, Kelsi, it just makes you human is all."

"So how do I deal with it?" Kelsi asked.

"One step at a time," Gabriella advised.

--------------

One hour of waiting soon turned into two and then three. The movements Ryan was making had spread to all of his legs and arms and were becoming more and more pronounced. By the three and a half hour mark, he was starting to slowly move his head slightly in either direction. Kelsi once again found herself alone with him as all of the others had decided to go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat for dinner. She winced as she got back out of her chair to pace around the room a bit, trying to massage the small of her back as well as she could.

"Okay, mister," she muttered. "Assuming that you make the full recovery I'm hoping you make, you so owe me a back massage." By that point she was mainly talking to him out of habit and as usual was not expecting a response. So when she heard him make a slight moaning sound, she had what was probably her eighth near heart attack that day. "Ryan?" She cautiously made her way back to his side, instinctively reaching for his hand "Baby?" She let out a gasp of surprise as she felt her hand being squeezed, albeit weakly. "Ryan," she repeated his name softly, her eyes trained on his hand. "Can you hear me?" She held her breath as she waited. She didn't have to wait very long as a couple of seconds later, she felt another weak squeeze. "Oh God," she whispered. She moved her free hand to his cheek. "You're doing so good, honey. I know it's probably hard to wake up…you've been sleeping for so long, if you can even call it sleeping…in any event, you're doing good…so good…keep it up, baby…come on," she coaxed him, keeping her voice soft. "Come back to me. You can do it."

Another half hour passed and she finally sat back down in her chair, feeling slightly dejected. She had been able to get him to squeeze her hand a few more times, and he seemed to be making that moaning sound more often, but he still hadn't opened his eyes. She stifled a yawn as she watched him, carefully resting her head on his bed by his knees like she had done so often before. "Come on baby," she murmured. She was just about to let her eyes close for a few minutes when something caught her attention. She slowly lifted her head, hey eyes focusing on his still closed ones. Closed, but she could detect movement.

"Ryan?" Her own eyes widened as she watched his open ever so slightly. "Oh Ryan." She got to her feet to ease in closer to him. "Come on, honey…let me see those blue eyes…it's been so long," she whispered the words to him, watching as his eyes opened halfway for a second or two before closing again. He almost seemed to wince in the process. "I know the lights are pretty bright in here," she said, thoughtfully looking up at the light that was above his head. She reached up and flicked it off. "Maybe that'll help some…it's still bright in here but…" she trailed off as his eyes fluttered open again, holding her breath as he blinked several times. "Ryan…honey…it's okay…I'm right here." She watched as his brow seemed to furrow in confusion. He first looked one way, squinting slightly, and then slowly shifted his gaze in her direction. She bit her lip as she slowly moved into his line of vision, hoping that she wasn't about to pass out from the suspense that had taken hold of her entire body. "Ryan," she said his name quietly, and held back a sob as his gaze seemed to lock on hers. "Hi," she whispered. Tears were threatening to escape from her eyes at any second, but she fought against them. The moment of truth seemed to be upon them as she watched him work his mouth, apparently in an attempt to say something.

"Ke…" His brow seemed to furrow deeper, this time in concentration. "Kel…Kelsi." She brought a hand to her mouth and closed her eyes tightly against all the emotions that were swirling around in her body. His voice was a little scratchy and groggy and the word was slurred slightly, but she had absolutely no doubt in her mind of what he had been trying to say. The tears came rolling down her face and she felt something that she hadn't felt in weeks – pure joy. She brought a trembling hand to his cheek and leaned in to kiss his forehead gently.

"Finally," she whispered. It was at that very second that Kelsi realized that she had received a fifth miracle: not only was he finally awake, but he remembered her! "Finally," she repeated softly, kissing his forehead again.

-----------------------------------

_Finally. After three long weeks of waiting and worrying and crying and praying…after three weeks of wondering if I would ever see those gorgeous eyes of yours or hear your wonderful voice again…after three of the longest weeks of my entire life, probably _the_ longest three weeks of my life, you finally came back to me. You still had a long journey ahead of you with all the physical therapy and whatnot, but after those three weeks all of that barely mattered to me. Because I finally had you back. Not to beat my analogy into the dust, but after three long weeks of living in black and white my life was finally back in color. I felt like my soul had been tied up in chains the entire time you were in a coma, chains that disappeared the second you said my name. _

_Almost losing you was the single most horrifying experience of my entire life so far. You are everything to me, Ryan. When you woke up I decided that as much as I loved you before, that I was going to try and love you more. I was going to do more to show you how much I loved you and I was going to tell you I loved you more often. I was determined to love you stronger and better than any woman has ever loved her man. I don't know how well I've succeeded in doing that, but I will never stop trying. You said it to me in one of your letters to me in your rose project and I'm going to turn it around and say it back: you make the world so much better by being in it, honey. And I will love you forever._

_I think I made my point, but just so we're clear – _

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_Love,_

_Kelsi_

_P.S: Don't you __ever __scare me like that again!!!_


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: This chapter is yet another monster. Hope you all have your tissues handy since it gets pretty intense. So this chapter wraps up the fire storyline for this story - no more flashbacks though, this chapter takes place entirely in the present. There was no way I could write all of that intense stuff in the last few chapters and not have them talk about it which is what happens here (though songs are still given). There's going to be a complete shift of mood in the next chapter as I'll be focusing on the lighter side of Ryan and Kelsi. No tissues will be needed! :) Some news for you all: I'm expecting to update both Last Name and Then You Stand within the next couple of days, with Last Name more than likely being updated first (chapter's already about half done). I also have an announcement to make - I got so caught up in writing the whole fire/coma storyline and it basically took on a life of its own, so much so that scenes I had planned to include originally had to get cut to make room for more important stuff. The flashbacks have been dominating this story for a while (though thankfully all of you have seemed okay with that) and I wanted to break away from that since there's still so many different things that Kelsi needs to tell Ryan in this story as a whole. That all said, I have to get the scenes I was planning to write (but cut) out of my head so I've decided to write a oneshot (may end up being a twoshot depending on how it goes) featuring those scenes that will be a companion piece to this story. It's currently untitled, but once I get a title I'll include it in whatever story I update next. So look out for that. Thanks again for all of the support everyone!**

**Oh yes, in answer to a question one of my anonymous reviewers, Bee, asked in a review for the last chapter (thanks for the review by the way!) - I do take song requests/suggestions for this story. If there's a song you want included let me know either in a review or a message and I promise to check the song out and if I can make it work for the story, I'll include it. :)**

* * *

For a few minutes after finishing Kelsi's letter Ryan remained seated on the bed absorbing the words she had written him. He was stunned that she had chosen to write about the fire as the subject was one he knew she considered taboo. Her feelings about it were so strong, in fact, that even their families and friends wouldn't bring it up around her. It wasn't Ryan's favorite subject in the world to discuss either, though every now and then he wished he could talk about it with his wife. Up until this point, they had had exactly one conversation about the fire which had taken place a week and a half after he had woken up from his coma. He'd tried to bring it up a few times since then but every time the pain that had flashed in her eyes had been more than he could handle. She would do her best to brush him off like mention how yes, the fire had been awful, but at least he was okay now. She would keep her voice casual, but those big eyes of hers would be pleading with him to drop the subject. He wasn't sure if she was aware of it or not, but every time she turned her baby blues on him he rarely had the strength to resist her – particularly when they were full of such pain. So instead of pushing the issue, he would give her a soft kiss on the forehead and agree with her. She would give him a smile of gratitude before wrapping her arms around his neck to hug him. It always seemed like she hugged him harder than usual in those moments, almost in what sometimes felt to him like a type of desperation. Ryan soon came to the conclusion that his desire to keep Kelsi from pain of any kind was stronger than his desire to talk about the fire and had stopped bringing it up.

That made the fact that she had chosen to bring it up herself all the more special to him. She had given him insight into what was probably the one area of her mind that he'd never really had access too before. She had poured so much of herself and her emotions into the letter, even though doing so had obviously been hard on her. He had always thought that he knew how much she loved him; he knew that she loved him with all of her heart and soul, but even knowing that he hadn't been fully aware of just how deep her love for him went. It was so far beyond what he had imagined it to be and the realization overwhelmed him. He folded the letter back up and set it back onto the bedside table gently. This was one letter that he knew he would treasure for the rest of his life. His gaze lingered on it for a few more seconds as he stood up and he was certain that he had never wanted to see his wife more than he did right then. With that goal in mind, he hurried out of the room and down the stairs to head into the kitchen. At the sight of his friends and their children he paused, his urge to find Kelsi temporarily on hold as he watched them. Kelsi had easily sacrificed the most while he was in his coma, but he couldn't discount all of the support that his friends had shown not only him but Kelsi and his family as well. He was only half surprised at the emotion that filled him as he watched them all.

From his position in the kitchen he could see into the family room and it was there that he observed Taylor, Jason, and Martha playing with the children. The sound of giggles from the little ones mixed in with the lighthearted conversation coming from his friends and Ryan found himself smiling in response. He shifted his focus from them to the rest of his friends in the kitchen, noting that both Chad and Kelsi were missing. Wondering absently where they were, Ryan observed Troy and Gabriella slicing up some vegetables while Zeke and Sharpay were both behind the stove. Ryan did a small double take as he watched Sharpay add a spice of some sort to one of the pots on the stove, doing it with a flourish that made both her brother and her husband chuckle to themselves at the sight. Growing up, Ryan never would've imagined Sharpay so much as stepping foot in the kitchen to attempt to cook but apparently being married to Zeke had caused her to unleash her inner chef. Ryan watched her grab another spice as Zeke stepped closer to her to critique, causing Sharpay to roll her eyes playfully in response. The commotion the others were making faded into the background as he watched his twin and Zeke. The two of them had put their own lives on hold while Ryan was in his coma, just like Kelsi and his parents had. They had been a near constant fixture at the hospital and had helped to hold Kelsi together when she had fallen apart. Ryan felt his eyes well up with unexpected tears at the exact second Sharpay looked right up and at him. There must be something to the whole twin telepathy thing after all, Ryan decided as he walked over to them.

"Hey Ry," Sharpay said, cautiously, taking in his appearance. "What's up?"

"You look like you've just been hit by a train," Zeke added, looking him over as well.

"Kelsi's newest letter..." Ryan started, shaking his head in wonder as he thought about it. "She wrote about the fire." He watched as identical expressions of surprise appeared on both of their faces.

"Are you serious? She hates talking about that," Zeke said in disbelief.

"Talking about it? She hates _thinking_ about that," Sharpay corrected, a sad smile on her face. "I can't say I blame her...I don't like thinking about it either."

"She told me everything," Ryan said softly, looking at each of them in turn. "About how she felt watching the fire...her feelings about the coma...Susie...the way she struggled...everything."

"No wonder she seemed upset," Sharpay said quietly.

"Kelsi's upset?" Ryan locked his gaze on hers. "Is she okay?"

"Not exactly," Sharpay admitted, wincing slightly at her honesty. "She excused herself a little while ago...said she needed some fresh air and headed outside."

Noticing Ryan's panicked glance towards the door leading out to the beach, Zeke held a hand up. "Dude, relax. Me and Chad have been taking turns keeping an eye on her. She took a walk down the beach a ways...first towards the water and then she veered off further away from the house," he informed him. "The last time I was on Kelsi watch she was sitting on the sand looking at the ocean. Chad's out there at the moment and trust me; wherever she is now I'm sure that he has her in sight." Zeke grinned at his brother-in-law. "We look out for our little sister." At that Ryan smiled.

"I appreciate that," he said sincerely. "And hey...I don't know if I ever said it or not, but thank you. Both of you."

"For what?" Sharpay asked.

"For putting your lives on hold while I was in my coma," he answered. "For not giving up on me. For watching out for Kelsi," his smile widened, "then and now. It means so much to me that you guys did all that."

"That's what families do," Zeke said simply.

"We love you, Ry," Sharpay whispered as she hugged her brother. When she pulled away, however, she lifted an eyebrow at him. "But if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I might have to hurt you." Her eyes softened as she studied him. "Seriously, Ry, don't do that to us again. Mom and Dad need their son...Kelsi needs her husband...and I need my twin. You're too important to us to lose, you know?"

"I know," Ryan said softly. "I love you too, Shar."

"You know, growing up I always wished I had siblings," Zeke said, thoughtfully. "I had my cousins and all, but it's not the same thing. I knew when I married Sharpay that I'd be getting a princess and that you'd be my brother-in-law, obviously. We've been friends for years now and somewhere along the way I realized that I didn't just have a brother-in-law. I had a brother." He grinned. "And a little sister in Kelsi. I finally got the siblings I wanted, forget about the fact that it's not by blood." He nodded at his wife, who by then had started to tear up a little. He shifted his focus back to Ryan. "Sharpay's right. You're too important to us to lose." He studied Ryan for another couple of seconds and then chuckled at himself. "Oh what the heck?" he asked, giving Ryan a guy hug.

"Okay, enough mushiness," Sharpay ordered, though she was smiling. "Go find your wife," she instructed Ryan, who tipped his hat to her before heading outside. Chad was standing a little ways away from the house and peering down the beach.

"Hey," Ryan said, causing Chad to look over at him.

"There you are. I've been wondering when you were going to show up," Chad said in response, offering Ryan a small smile in greeting. "Kelsi's down there," he added, pointing to a small figure a ways down the beach. "I don't really know what happened, but she seemed pretty upset when she came out here."

"She wrote about the fire," Ryan told him. Chad's eyebrows lifted in surprise.

"Guess that explains that," he said, nodding to himself. "She hasn't done much aside from alternate between sitting and standing on the sand, at least not while I've been out here." He frowned and Ryan could tell that he was a little worried. "She needs you."

"That's why I'm here," Ryan said softly, making Chad nod again in response. Ryan started to move toward his wife but stopped to look back at his friend. "Hey." He caught Chad's eye. "Thanks for keeping an eye on her."

"Anytime," Chad said sincerely. He pointed to Kelsi again. "Go." Ryan turned and started walking again, soon breaking into a light jog to reach her faster. He didn't notice because he wasn't looking, but Chad lingered outside for a while watching Kelsi and waiting until Ryan was within feet of her before heading back inside to join the others.

-----------------------------

Kelsi took a deep breath and held it for several seconds, determined to get a grip on her raging emotions. She had cried writing her letter and shortly afterwards, but had thought she had recovered. She had apparently been wrong. It hadn't been long after talking with the other women that she found herself being flooded by all of the emotions she had felt earlier. She had tried to focus on what was happening around her with little success. She had ended up deciding to head out to the water, hoping that the sound of the waves would calm her like it had earlier. Instead the ocean seemed to have the opposite affect, though she did draw some comfort from the solitude. She released the breath she had been holding, frustrated to realize that it hadn't helped all that much. She absently lifted her hand to her stomach as it occurred to her that the pregnancy hormones probably weren't helping matters. She bit her lip for what was probably the fiftieth time as she stared at the ocean and wondered again how Ryan would react to her letter. She froze as what she referred to as her Ryan intuition suddenly kicked in and she knew that he was close. She didn't have to turn her head to confirm that fact, she just knew. She took another deep breath in another attempt to get a hold of her emotions though she knew that it would end up being in vain.

Ryan, meanwhile, had come to a stop a few feet from her to study her. From where he was standing he could only see her profile, but it was enough for him to tell that she was indeed upset as he had been told. He watched her bite her lip and nodded knowingly to himself. She had a habit of biting or chewing on her lower lip when she was trying not to cry. He stepped closer and could tell the exact second that she sensed his presence because she went completely still. He watched her lower her eyes as she bit her lip again briefly before slowly turning her head toward him.

"Hi," she whispered the word as her eyes locked on his. He felt his brow furrow slightly as he noticed that her eyes were shining with unshed tears. Kelsi had always worn her emotions on her sleeve and in a lot of ways was an open book for other people to read. That said, Ryan knew that there was no one on the planet that could read her as well as he could. Whereas other people could looked at her and get a good general sense of how she was doing, he was able to pinpoint the way she felt exactly. He knew that she kept a big part of herself hidden from the eyes of others; a part that only he had access to. Now as their gaze held, he found himself almost drowning from the weight of all the emotions he saw swimming in her eyes. They seemed to stay that way for a long while, not speaking but still communicating in a way that was almost above speech. He eventually found his attention drawn elsewhere as he noticed her lip quiver. That was enough to have him finally close the gap between them. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders so they were forming a kind of T shape and softly kissed her temple.

"Oh Kelsi," he murmured, pressing another kiss to the side of her head. "My beautiful, sweet, precious Kelsi." He punctuated each word with a soft kiss. She lifted her still aching hand up to hold his arm in place, but he surprised her by catching it and bringing it to his lips. Remembering all that she had physically written, he moved so that he was behind her and dutifully began gently massaging her poor hand with both of his. He shifted slightly in order to place a few kisses on the other side of her head. Kelsi leaned back into him and found herself closing her eyes as he showered her with affection, feeling herself come a little more undone with each kiss. "What in the world did I do to deserve a woman as amazing as you are?" he whispered the question in her ear. It was then that the tears she had fought so valiantly against began spilling out of her eyes and down her face. She twisted around just enough to be able to look at him and the combination of pain and love that he saw in her eyes was enough to nearly send him to him knees. "Oh honey," he murmured, "what can I do to make this better?"

"You really scared me," she said softly, her eyes wide as she ignored his question. Her lip trembled as she sniffled, turning herself around completely to wrap her arms tightly around his waist. "You really scared me," she repeated, her voice softer still.

"I know I did," he said sadly in response. He brought his arms around her, reaching one up to cradle her head against his chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby."

"I thought I was going to lose you. F-first when the building c-collapsed and then in the hospital." Her grip on him tightened almost to the point of pain but he kept his mouth shut. "You looked so awful in that bed, all pale and lifeless. You were so c-cold too." A violent shudder went through her at the memory, causing him to start rubbing circles on her back to try to calm her down. She eased back just enough to look at him and he was staggered by the amount of fear he saw in her eyes. "You know, usually I l-like watching you sleep but sometimes..." She shook her head as her brow furrowed. "S-sometimes you'll be lying a certain way or the light will be bad and it t-takes me right back to that hospital room. It always scares me to d-death. I always have to touch you to m-make sure that you're okay." Her tears were falling hard by then and she knew that she was borderline hysterical and needed to calm down, but couldn't. "It's been years, b-but I'm still so s-scared of losing you." It was a secret that she had somehow managed to keep from him and the reason why she could never talk about it. The realization left Ryan reeling as he brought his hands to either side of her face to force her to keep looking at him.

"You are not going to lose me," he said fiercely.

"You don't know that!" she cried. "Anything could happen...d-didn't the fire prove that? You almost d-died then, didn't you?"

"No," he replied, surprising her into silence. "Maybe that's what the doctors believed or maybe that's what the coma made you all believe." His voice was passionate. "Maybe that's what the machines told everyone, but that was never going to happen."

"How c-can you say that?" she challenged.

"You know what I was thinking while I was in that burning building? I was thinking that I knew we were going to get out of there because I had to get Susie back to her parents and get myself back to you." She opened her mouth to say something but he pressed a finger to her lips. "That was my prayer while the debris was falling: that I would make it back to you. That was my promise; that was what I clung onto when I was fighting to remain conscious. As I was slipping under, that was my vow. Somehow, someway I was going to make it back to you."

"B-but," she started, trailing off when he gently shushed her. He managed to extract one of her arms from around his waist and then pressed her hand to his heart.

"Feel that?" he asked, his voice lowering. "Feel it beating?" He smoothed some of her hair away from her face with his other hand. "I kept my promise, didn't I? I came back." Kelsi forced herself to try to take deep breaths while she felt his heart beating, drawing comfort from it.

"That time, but..."

"You are not going to lose me," he repeated his earlier statement, this time in a whisper. He leaned in to press his lips to her first her forehead and then her cheeks as he tenderly kissed her tears away. "Is this why you don't like talking about the fire?"

"I..." she paused, letting her eyes close as she savored the moment. "It h-hurts so much to think about it," she continued, her voice so soft that he could just barely hear her. "I c-can't take the pain and I didn't w-want you to know how scared I still was. I t-thought if I ignored it, maybe the fear and p-pain would go away."

"It didn't work, did it?" he asked quietly, his tone sympathetic.

"No," she whispered. "It still hurt s-so much."

"Aw baby," he murmured soothingly. "How am I supposed to love away the hurt if you don't let me know about it?" Kelsi couldn't supply Ryan with an immediate verbal response. So instead she lifted her hand from his heart to rest around his waist, taking comfort in the gravity that body part offered. Needing more than that, her hands innately found their way to his muscular shoulder blades, only to have her head guided back to his chest as he gently started to rock her. "Let me do it now," he said, relieved when he was struck by a wave of inspiration. "I want to give you a song."

"I thought that was my job," she said quietly. A small smile appeared on Ryan's face as he sensed that she was starting to calm down, if only a little. It was a start at least.

"Well this song can count in your thirty-eight if you want it to," he told her. "Since it's one I think you'd pick. Especially once you hear why I picked it." He gave her a light squeeze.

"What song?" She absently rubbed his back as she let her eyes close, forcing herself to focus both on the way he felt and what he was about to say.

"_So Small_ by Carrie Underwood," he answered. "Let's see if I can get the chorus right," he paused while he quickly ran through it in his head. "_'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand. And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands. And when you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small,_" he said softly. "See, baby, we've been together for over ten years. We've gone through a lot of stuff. Most of it wonderful, but we've had some hard times too. The fire...the fire was horrible and scary," he started, kissing the top of her head when she tightened her grip on him. "It was a big challenge to us and it changed both of us...for the better, I think. It seemed like a huge deal at the time, but really, if you look at the rest of our relationship and who we are both as a couple and individually...it's so small in comparison. In a lot of ways it doesn't matter what we go through because our love is so much bigger than all of it." He rested his head on hers. "I know you've been dealing with all this leftover pain and fear from the fire and I am so, so sorry about that. But you can let it go now, baby, and know that if it ever comes back that you can come to me so I can make it better. I don't want you to be afraid anymore, especially not of something that small. Just remember that the love we have for each other is bigger than any obstacles that come our way."

"How do you do that?" she wanted to know.

"Do what?"

"Make everything seem okay?" she asked, pulling back to look at him. He smiled and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand.

"I'm your husband," he said simply. "That's part of my job description." At that she broke into a smile, much to his relief. He gently wiped away the tears that remained on her face. "Hey I have an idea," he said suddenly.

"What's that?"

"How about letting me draw you up a hot bath after we get something to eat for dinner? I'll clear it with Chad and Taylor so they know, but I don't think they'll mind. Then after you take a nice long soak, how about you slip into your pajamas and then let me give you a back massage?" he offered.

"Mmm...that sounds heavenly," she said, with a sigh. "But you don't have to do all that."

"I don't mind," he assured her. "Besides...after reading that letter I have an overwhelming urge to pamper you. I seem to recall that I owe you a back massage."

"You've given me a ton of back massages since then," she reminded him.

"That's besides the point, my dear," he informed her. "Come on...what do you say?"

"I say okay," she decided. She lifted an eyebrow, finally feeling more like herself after her little breakdown. "You know, my hand still kinda hurts," she said, innocently.

"I'm not surprised. You wrote me a little book," he teased her. "How about I give you another hand massage too? I'll do both of them this time." He smirked at her, grateful that she seemed to be feeling better. "Anything else?"

"I could always use a foot rub," she quipped.

"Funny how you went from telling me I didn't have to do all that to continuing to add on more body parts," he said lightly. "At this rate, I might as well just give you a full body massage."

"Tell me something Mr. Evans," she began, giving him a pointed look though he was happy to see that her eyes were twinkling. A good sign. "Just what exactly are your intentions this evening? Because for some reason I'm starting to think that you have something else in mind other than a soothing back rub." At that he laughed.

"Believe it or not, my intentions are entirely innocent," he informed her.

"They are?" she asked, her voice laced with doubt.

"Baby, you've had a very emotional day," he began, softly. "And if you ask me, I think that the thing you need most tonight is a good night's sleep. I just want to get you nice and relaxed to help make that happen," he finished sincerely. He paused for a beat and then smirked again. "Of course, I can't promise that my intentions will be so innocent the next time." At that she let out a short giggle that made his heart soar. This was a vast improvement over her tears, which had just about broken his heart. He grew more serious as he studied her. "You okay now?" he asked, his voice tender.

"I think so," she said, honestly. "I'm sorry I," she trailed off as he shook his head.

"Don't apologize," he cut in. "There's no need." He searched her eyes, looking for any indication that something was still wrong. He noted some lingering fear and gently cupped her face in his hands. "Are you really okay?"

"For the most part," she answered after a moment.

"How do I change that from 'for the most part' to yes?" he asked her. She gave him a faint smile.

"Kiss me," she whispered. "I just...I need you to kiss me." She brought a hand to his mouth, lightly running a finger across his bottom lip. He watched as a sort of desperation appeared in her eyes, along with a familiar desire that he had seen who knew how many times. "Kiss me in a way that makes me forget my own name...that makes me forget everything except for you...except for us. Please, baby," she practically pleaded with him, though it was hardly necessary.

"Okay," he agreed, his voice low. He gently pushed her glasses up to the top of her head and then brushed his lips across first her brow and then her now closed eyelids. He moved to her cheeks and then her chin before finally brushing them against her lips. He pulled away for a few seconds, letting the anticipation between them build before leaning back in to kiss her. At first the kiss was soft and slow as he attempted to soothe away the last of the horrible emotions that had plagued her for so long. It gradually built in intensity as they both slowly began pouring more of themselves into it. Somewhere along the way she started to cry again, though this was more of a result of their love for each other than her pain. It wasn't long until they were practically clinging onto each other as the kiss became more and more passionate, only ending when their lungs were practically screaming for air. She let her head fall against his chest as she worked to get her breathing back under control. "Better?" he asked, his voice weak as he too took in some much needed air.

"What?" She knew he had asked her something, but for the life of her couldn't remember what it was not two seconds later. He chucked breathlessly as he moved his hands back to where they had been: one cradling her head lovingly while the other gently rubbed her back. They fell into silence as they both recovered.

"Ryan?" she asked finally.

"Yes, baby?" She pulled back again to look at him.

"Will you do me a favor?" She pursed her lips for a couple of seconds. "Two, actually."

"Name 'em," he said, softly, in response.

"Number one," she began, holding up a finger as her expression grew somber. "No more fires." Her voice shook slightly on the words but he pretended that he hadn't noticed, even though he knew that she knew that he had.

"No more fires," he promised. She nodded, satisfied.

"This other one might be kind of silly but humor me," she requested.

"Okay," he agreed, watching her face soften.

"Hold me for a while?" The question was so innocent and sweet that he couldn't resist kissing her forehead before replying.

"Three things," he started. "One...you are adorable," he smiled. "Two, you never have to feel silly for asking me to hold you. It just so happens to be among my favorite things to do. And three, it's a really good thing that's what you want because I had no intentions of letting you go for a while anyway." She smiled at that, snuggling back up to him as they once again fell into a comfortable silence.

--------------------------

"Think she's okay?" Zeke asked Chad as the two of them, along with Gabriella, stood just outside of the house looking down the beach at the two figures that were their friends. From the looks of things it appeared that they were wrapped up in a tight embrace.

"Ryan's holding onto her," Gabriella replied, with a little giggle. "Trust me, she's fine."

"I hope so," Chad said solemnly. "I don't like seeing Small Person so upset. Especially," he paused as he glanced at the house behind them to make sure no one else was listening. "Especially," he repeated, "since she's gotta stay strong for Smaller Person."

"Smaller Person?" Gabriella asked, amused.

"Of course." Chad nodded as if it was the most logical thing in the world. He glanced at Gabriella and grinned. "That's what I'm calling the baby," he informed them.

"I'm sure Kelsi will be thrilled," Zeke said, rolling his eyes. The door to the house opened then and Sharpay stuck her head out.

"Dinner's ready guys," she told them, lifting an eyebrow at her husband. "How is it that I'm the one announcing this when you're the cook?"

"Because, my darling wife, no one could ever possibly dream of announcing dinner as wonderfully as you can," Zeke answered, somewhat dramatically, causing both Sharpay and Gabriella to giggle at him.

"Oh brother," Chad muttered under his breath, following the others back into the house after shooting one more look down the beach. Spotting Martha shortly after making it to the dining room, he broke out another grin as he slung his arm around her shoulders. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, Martha, because I know how much you like waiting for everyone to be seated before eating but I'm afraid I have no choice. I think we might have to start this particular dinner without Ryan and Kelsi."

"Yeah, I agree," Zeke nodded as he set James in his high chair. "I think they might be out on the beach for a while."

"We should make them each up a plate then and stick them in the oven to keep them warm," Martha decided. "So they'll have their dinner ready for them by the time they get back."

"Already on it," Taylor spoke up as she finished loading up one plate and then started on the other one.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Troy teased, laughing when she playfully stuck her tongue out at him.

-------------------------------

"This feels so good," Kelsi said softly, letting out a contented sigh. She wasn't sure how long Ryan had been holding her, but it didn't matter. As far as she was concerned she could spend the rest of the night out on the beach in his arms.

"It does," he agreed. It was then that Kelsi remembered that she still had a couple of songs to give him that night and smiled to herself as she realized that this was the perfect opportunity for her to do so.

"You know what it feels like?" she asked.

"What's that?"

"Home," she answered, easing away from him to look into his eyes. "That's actually your next song. It's another one that a lot of artists have done, but I prefer Chantal Kreviazuk's version."

"What song is that?"

"_Feels Like Home_," she told him. You know, Ryan, we have our apartment in New York and our little house in Albuquerque and they're both wonderful places to live, but at the end of the day they're just places of residence. I wouldn't call either of them my home, not really. You know where I consider home?"

"Where?" he asked, curious.

"Right here," she said softly, "in your arms." She brought her hand to his cheek lovingly. "You see honey, you are my home. It doesn't matter where we are...whether we're in New York or New Mexico, whether we're standing on a beach in paradise...if you're there with me, I'm home." She lightly rubbed her thumb against his cheek. "That was another bad thing about the fire, though I didn't realize it until later on. I didn't feel alive the entire time you were in that coma. I felt more like I was just kind of surviving. Everyone wanted me to go to my apartment or get a hotel to rest, but I could never do that because doing so would've meant leaving my home. See, we might not have been married then, but you had already become my home. I don't know when it happened exactly but you were." She reached into the pocket of her shorts and surprised him by pulling out a folded up piece of paper and handing it to him.

"Please don't tell me you wrote this after writing that other letter," he said, wincing at the thought.

"No," she assured him. "I asked Gabriella to do it for me since my hand was hurting so much. Open it up...it's a few of the lyrics from that song."

"Okay," he agreed, unfolding the letter in the process before reading it out loud. "_But I'm all right, 'cause I have you here with me. And I can almost see, through the dark there is light. Well if you knew how much this moment means to me and how long I've waited for your touch. And if you knew how happy you are making me. I never thought that I'd love anyone so much. It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me. It feels like I'm all the way where I come from. It feels like home to me._" His voice grew softer as he read and then he looked back at her as he repeated the last line. "_It feels like home to me_."

"I picked that part of the song for a few reasons," she told him. "The first line sort of has to do with the coma itself...See, as hard as it was for me to see you that way I knew that it would be so much worse to be away from you. That was another reason why I couldn't leave. I...I used to get nightmares in the hospital...I think I told you that the first...and only other time we talked about this...There were a few nights where I woke up and had to keep myself from screaming because I would dream about you finally slipping away from me completely. Whenever that happened, I always had to go back to that chair by the bed and hold your hand while I watched you breathe so I would know that you were still with me in some capacity. And as long as that was true, I knew you could come back. I wouldn't have been able to stand having those nightmares and then having to wait to see you." She took a few breaths. "The next couple of lines apply more to the day you woke up...When your eyes opened and you first looked at me..." She shook her head, overcome. "I had been waiting so long for you to open your eyes up and look at me again...I'd been waiting for your touch. God..." She grabbed one of his hands and pressed it to her face. "You have no idea how much I missed your touch. I can't even tell you how many times over the course of a day that I'll find myself getting so completely lost in your touch that I can't even think straight. You have no idea how much I craved your touch while you were in the coma...or how wonderful it was to finally feel it again. It just...it felt like home." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "You woke up and I was finally home."

"Kelsi." It was the only word he could get out through the emotions her words had stirred in him. He brought his other hand to her other cheek and watched as her eyes closed as she leaned into it. He then slid his hands into her curls as he leaned in to kiss her, using his kiss to try and say what he wasn't able to verbally at the moment. "You're right," he whispered as he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers.

"About what?" She kept her eyes close as she once again found herself savoring this moment with him.

"This does feel like home," he answered, keeping his voice soft. "You are my home, Kelsi."

"I'm happy you feel that way," she told him quietly, brushing her lips against his for a second. "Because I happen to have another song for you and this one is also about home. Only in this case, whereas the first song was to tell you that you're my home...this one is to let you know that you can think of me as yours." At that she opened her eyes to look into his and smiled at him. "So it obviously makes me happy that you already think that because I can just go into the second reason why I wanted to include this song."

"And what exactly is this song?" he asked.

"_Bring It On Home_ by Little Big Town. You know...this can not only tie into the last song I gave you, but also the one you gave me too. You told me that to remember that our love is bigger than any obstacle we might face...well this song is my way of telling you that you can come to me any and every time you're faced with a problem of some sort and I will do everything in my power to make it better for you. And if you can't come to me for some reason." A sad smile appeared on her face. "Like, for instance, a three week long coma...if you can't come to me, I'll come to you." Her smile brightened as she studied him. "I don't know why I'm trying to explain it when I can just as well sing the song to you, if you want me to. It says it better than I can anyway."

"I would love for you to sing it," he said, smiling at her and once again finding himself overwhelmed by the love he saw in her eyes.

"Okay," she nodded, bringing her hands to rest against his chest as she began singing softly. "_You've got someone here wants to make it all right, someone that loves you more than life right here. You've got willing arms that'll hold you tight, a hand to lead you on through the night right here._"

"_I know your heart can get all tangled up inside._" He surprised her by starting to sing along and she found herself growing silent as he continued. "_But don't you keep it to yourself._" He gave her a pointed look as he sang that line and surprised her once again by easing her into a dance as he went into the chorus, causing her to slip her arms around his neck in response. "_When your long day is over and you can barely drag your feet. The weight of the world is on your shoulders. I know what you need. Bring it one home to me._" He leaned in closer, singing softly into her ear as he went into the next verse. "_You know I know you like the back of my hand. You know I'm gonna do all that I can right here..._" Kelsi soon found herself lost in the magic of the moment as she laid her head against his shoulder, smiling when she felt his arms tighten around her. She closed her eyes as both the song and the dance continued, occasionally adding harmony to his beautiful melody, and decided that this moment was like getting a little glimpse of heaven. Because she could think of nothing more heavenly than being alone with her husband on a beautiful beach while they danced to only the sound of their voices and that of the ocean.

* * *

**Okay, show of hands: who now has an urge to dance with Ryan on the beach while he sings a love song to you? :-P **

***raises own hand***


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I think I say this in every chapter, but I always mean it - thanks for all the support everyone! Whether you've been reading and reviewing or just reading, I appreciate all of you so much. Last chapter I said you wouldn't need tissues and I found out that I unintentionally may have lied. They might be needed for the first part as Kelsi does some mental gushing. One song in this, bringing the total up to 18 so far if I'm not mistaken. I'm not overly happy with the way this ends, but oh well. Not much else to say other than I hope you all like this! As always, I love hearing what you think!**

* * *

There were two things that Kelsi noticed when she woke up the following morning. One was the fact that the nausea that she had grown so accustomed to was absent – at least for the time being. She was positive that her morning sickness would kick in at some point, but for now reveled in the fact that she didn't need to rush off into the bathroom immediately upon waking like she had done almost every day for the past couple of weeks. She wondered if it had anything to do with how completely relaxed she had been when she had fallen asleep the night before. She had stayed out on the beach dancing with Ryan for a while after their intense discussion, eventually coming in when they decided that they needed to get something to eat. They had both been pleasantly surprised to find that Taylor had fixed them both up a plate and put them in the oven to keep their food as hot as possible. The house was pretty quiet when they returned for dinner as Troy, Gabriella, Jason and Martha – along with their children – had returned to their house. Chad and Taylor, along with Sharpay and Zeke, had put their respective children to bed as well and had been playing some sort of board game in the living room. It had seemed that they were intentionally giving Ryan and Kelsi their space and for that Kelsi was thankful. As much as she loved her friends, the time alone with her husband was exactly what she had wanted.

Ryan had kept his word and drawn her up a hot bath after they ate, as promised. Kelsi had thought she had been pretty relaxed after that, but Ryan had followed through with first a hand massage and than a foot massage before instructing her to lay down on her stomach so he could give her a back massage. He had been talking to her in soothing tones as he started with her shoulders. Up until that point she had been able to respond, but by the time he reached her shoulder blades she had been reduced to monosyllabic mumbling. By the time he reached the middle of her back she had been unable to respond at all. She had started to nod off by that point, though she managed to hold off until he reached the small of her back. His intention had been to lull her into a deep and peaceful sleep and that was exactly what he had done. She vaguely remembered feeling him place a soft kiss on her shoulder as he told her he loved her, keeping his voice at a whisper, before moving to lie down beside her. She was certain that she had been fast asleep before his head hit his pillow. She smiled to herself as she thought back to the night before, eventually bringing herself back to her original thought which had been that her nausea was missing.

That had been the first thing she had noticed upon waking. The second thing was that she was somewhat entangled with her husband. Her smile widened slightly as it occurred to her that this seemed to be the case most mornings. It didn't seem to matter what positions they had both been in when they had fallen asleep; they always seemed to be intertwined with each other by the time they woke up in one way or another. It was probably a silly thing to consider but Kelsi found herself wondering just what exactly went on while they slept to bring them to the positions they found themselves in in the morning. Now, for instance, she noticed that Ryan was more or less mirroring her own position. They were both lying on their sides facing each other and both happened to be holding onto their respective pillows, forming a sort of oval shape with their bodies. She stretched out her hand that was underneath her pillow, her right one, and was unsurprised to feel it brush against his. She had somehow gotten a foot to rest on top of one of his legs while the knee of her opposite leg was resting against his thigh. They were also close enough that her left hand was on his pillow near his chest while his right forearm was lying on top of hers with his hand on _her_ pillow. She was suddenly happy that she hadn't felt the urge to stretch upon waking because if she had her hand would've plowed directly into his face and she was quite positive that he would not appreciate being woken up that way. Kelsi found herself suddenly overcome with unexpected giggles at the mental picture, turning her head into her pillow to help muffle the sound. She wasn't sure what it was about said mental picture that had set off such a silly reaction and she found herself wondering if pregnancy hormones could cause temporary insanity.

Amused at herself, she eased her left arm out from underneath his and rolled onto her back. She heard him mumble softly in his sleep and felt his right arm move around her waist, instinctively pulling her closer to him. Shortly afterwards she felt her breathing come to a stop as his hand came to rest near her belly button. She felt her hormones kick into overdrive as her eyes filled with tears. Her thoughts immediately flew to her baby, to _their_ baby, and she found herself overcome with wonder over the fact that his hand had happened to come to rest directly above where their baby was currently growing inside of her. He was still fast asleep and as such was completely oblivious to the fact – though he would've been oblivious even if awake since he didn't know about the baby yet – but even still Kelsi couldn't help feeling like something incredible was happening. Ever since she had found out that she was pregnant, she had found her arms aching to hold her son or daughter and for now the closest she could get to doing that was pressing her hand gently against her stomach. She was about six weeks along and doubted that the baby was able to feel the connection as of yet but it didn't matter because she could feel it. It was something she doubted she could explain to anyone else, though she wondered if the other women could relate. She pressed a hand against Ryan's as a few tears trickled out of her eyes, holding his hand gently in place. She wasn't the only one who would have to wait to hold their baby – he would too. This was the closest he could get to doing so for now, just like her, and so in a small way Ryan was connecting with his child for the very first time even though he was unaware of it.

Kelsi lightly rubbed his hand as she found herself dreaming about the future. Ryan tended to be very protective of her and she just knew that once he found out she was carrying his baby he would slowly go from being protective to being overprotective. She could imagine him driving her crazy trying to make sure she and the baby were okay, especially as they got further and further into the pregnancy. She found herself sniffling as she pictured him talking and singing to her stomach. She could almost picture the look of wonder and joy that would surely be on his face the first time he felt their baby move inside of her. She could almost feel the way his hand would hold onto hers once they finally made it to the delivery room and almost hear him urging her on. She imagined herself screaming at him to never touch her again and ordering him out of the room. She then pictured herself pleading with someone to get him to come back as she realized that there was no way she could possibly give birth to their baby unless he was there with her. She brought her hand to her mouth as more tears fell, now imagining him holding their baby for the first time. He would be nervous at first and gentle, oh so gentle, as she just knew he'd be scared of doing something wrong. She also knew that the nerves wouldn't last for too long as the paternal instincts she knew he had would kick in. His voice would be tender and soothing and Kelsi knew that their child would feel safe and loved in his arms, just like she did.

She felt him stirring beside her and forced herself to get a grip. He had worked so hard to calm her down the night before and she knew that he'd be concerned if he woke up and found her crying again. She swiped at her eyes and took several deep breaths, surprised when they actually helped. He moved some more and she somehow managed to stop crying. She another breath and turned her head to face him, a genuine smile on her face by the time he opened his eyes. "Morning baby," she said softly.

"Morning Kels," he mumbled sleepily. He lifted his hand to his eyes to rub at them while he propped himself up on his other elbow. "How'd you sleep?"

"Wonderfully," she replied, beaming at him happily. "Thanks to you."

"Good, I," he trailed off as he studied her. "Are you okay? You look like you've been crying." She could see the concern rising in his eyes and held up a hand in an attempt to cut it off.

"Well I was a little bit, but not because anything was wrong or anything like that. They were happy tears," she informed him. "I got to thinking about everything you did for me last night and I don't know...it just reminded me of what a lucky woman I am to have such a wonderful husband." She moved into more of a sitting position and leaned in to softly kiss his cheek. "I love you honey. I don't think I can ever tell you that enough."

"I love you too baby." His voice was gentle as he searched her eyes to make sure that she was actually okay.

"I really am fine," she assured him. "Stop worrying."

"I wasn't worrying," he argued. She lifted her eyebrow at him as she playfully reached up to smooth his brow.

"Sure you weren't," she teased him. "I've just been a little over emotional lately for some reason," she added as an afterthought. "Maybe it's just from getting to spend so much time with everyone. There's a lot of love in these houses."

"Or maybe it's just your mommy alarm kicking in," he smiled. At that she froze.

"My what?" she asked breathlessly, noting that her nausea had suddenly decided to kick back in.

"Well you know, maybe seeing everyone with their kids is making you want to be a mommy." He lightly nudged her. "Maybe we should start actively trying to make that happen."

"Uh yeah, maybe," she stammered, suddenly anxious to bring their discussion to a close. "I have to go to the bathroom," she added, rather abruptly. She hopped off the bed and resisted the urge to go running into the bathroom – though part of that had to do with the fact that she had a feeling that she was just seconds away from literally throwing up.

"Okay, that was weird," Ryan muttered to himself. He thought back to something Troy had said to him the day before about how he believed that whatever the girls were hiding from them had to do with Kelsi. Ryan had brushed off the idea at first, certain that it had to do with another one of the girls, but now he couldn't help but wonder if Troy was right.

---------------------------------

That morning everyone seemed to be split off into three groups. There was the group of adults working to get breakfast on the table. Some of the children – the twins, Abby and Jake – were playing in the living room with a couple of the adults. The other children were running around outside and were being supervised by Jason, Gabriella and Sharpay. Jason heard Sharpay comment about wanting to check on something in the house real quick and smiled to himself. Now seemed like the perfect opportunity to try to get some information out of Gabriella.

"So Gabriella," he started, attempting to keep his voice casual. "How are things?"

"Things are wonderful," she said in response, giving him an odd look. "We've been staying in the same house...you've seen how things are."

"For the most part," he nodded. "But I wanted to check anyway. It's beautiful here, isn't it?"

"Very." She glanced inside and happened to spot Troy through the window. Seeing her husband made her eyes narrow as she remembered his determination to find out the secret. She leveled her gaze on Jason for a few seconds before shifting her attention back to the kids. "I'm not telling you."

"Not telling me what?" he asked innocently.

"What the secret is. I know you're working around to bringing it up," she answered. He felt his eyebrows lift in surprise and absently wondered if it was possible that Gabriella could read minds.

"There's a secret?" He had tried to sound incredulous over the idea, as if he had no idea what she was talking about, but had failed miserably. That much had been obvious by the look Gabriella had given him. "Okay, fine, I know there's a secret and I was trying to find out what it was," he said after a moment. "Chad and Zeke already figured it out, so what's the point in keeping it a secret from the rest of us?"

"Because it's a surprise," Gabriella said, choosing her words carefully. "For one of you. I won't say who."

"Well Troy seems pretty convinced that the person with the secret is Kelsi," Jason began, "which tells me that Ryan is the one is for a surprise."

"That may or may not be true," she acknowledged. "It's not my place to say. It is possible that my husband is wrong, you know. Kelsi might be the one with the secret or it might be one of the rest of us."

"Well it can't be Taylor or Sharpay," Jason decided. "Troy thinks one of you is trying to keep the secret from your respective husband. That rules them out because if it was one of them, their husband now knows the truth. So that leaves you, Martha and Kelsi."

"That doesn't mean it's Kelsi," Gabriella pointed out.

"No it doesn't," Jason agreed. "But out of the rest of you, only one of you has been avoiding Troy and that's Kelsi. So I'm thinking that he's right." He screwed his face up as he tried to think about what the secret could be. "If he is that means that the surprise is for Ryan so what could she possibly want to keep from him?" That comment was more to himself and not to Gabriella. He suddenly let out a laugh as something hit him. "What, is Kelsi pregnant or something?" At his words two things happened: one, Gabriella felt the blood slowly drain from her face as she tried to think of how to response. Two, the door leading outside slammed shut as someone let out a loud gasp.

"You told him?!" Sharpay practically shrieked, causing both Jason and Gabriella to turn to face her. Gabriella gestured wildly at Sharpay from behind Jason's back in an attempt to shut her up, but Sharpay plowed on ahead anyway. "You told him the secret? After we all promised Kelsi that no one else would find out that she was pregnant?!"

"No, actually, I didn't," Gabriella said quietly. Jason looked back and forth between the two and suddenly let out a gasp of his own.

"You mean I was right!?" he exclaimed. It was Sharpay's turn to feel the blood slowly drain from her face as it occurred to her that she had just confirmed the fact that Jason had somehow managed to guess properly. He let out a disbelieving laugh. "I was kidding!"

"Oops," Sharpay whispered.

"Way to go, Sharpay," Gabriella said sarcastically.

---------------------------

"What?" Kelsi asked warily. She was sitting across from Abby in the living room and the two of them were rolling a ball back and forth. Ryan was in there with them, doing his best to keep the twins and Jake amused, though at the moment he was watching Kelsi with an odd look on his face.

"I was just thinking," Ryan said lightly. "About how one of you girls is hiding something and how Troy thinks it's you. I was just wondering if he was right is all."

"Oh come on Ryan," she said, forcing her tone to match his. "Do you really think I could keep something from you?"

"You kept all the lingering feelings you had about the fire and coma from me," he reminded her. Kelsi fought the urge to wince in response. She had walked right into that one. She narrowed her eyes at him playfully, wondering why her husband had to be so sharp all of sudden.

"Because I was trying to protect you," she reminded him, "and because I didn't want to deal with them. It was something I didn't and don't like thinking about so I managed to keep it from you."

"It might have been a bad secret, but you still kept it," he shot back.

"That's right, it was a bad secret which is why I kept it," she nodded. "I'm not going to tell you what the secret is this time or who the secret belongs to, but I will tell you that it's a good kind of secret." She smiled at him sweetly. "When have I ever been able to keep good news from you?"

"Good point," he said, smiling in response. "You always seem to be bursting at the seams whenever you have good news or something you're excited about."

"Exactly." She turned her focus back to Abby, hoping that Ryan would drop the subject.

"Of course," he said slowly, "if you weren't the one with the secret tell me why you've been trying so hard to avoid Troy?" The question was unexpected and made her pause to gather her thoughts.

"Because I'm a horrible liar," she said finally. "I do know what the secret is and I know Troy's trying to find out. I would hate to be the one to break it."

"Uh-huh," he said, sounding a little skeptical.

"Do you want to keep questioning me or do you want your next song?" she asked him in the hopes of distracting him. He pursed his lips for a few seconds.

"The song," he decided before giving her a look of warning. "That's not to say that more questions won't be coming later."

"I guess I'll have to worry about that later then," she replied. "The song is _Novocaine_ by Little Big Town. I know I've used them a couple times already, but I can't help it – especially not in this case since it was directly involved in a memory I want to remind you of." She grinned at him as she continued. "You should remember this; it was only a couple of months ago. You were off running errands or something and I was home alone listening to some music while I started dinner. This song happened to come on and I found myself getting really into it. I think I started by singing along and tapping my foot to the beat." She let out a giggle at the memory. "Of course, I got more and more into it as it went until I was dancing around like an idiot. I think that was around the time you came home."

"Oh yeah," he laughed. "I came home to find my wife dancing around the kitchen with a carrot."

"That was my microphone," she corrected him, making him laugh harder. "At least it was until I chopped it up."

"I think that was around the time you were playing the air guitar." He shook his head, his eyes twinkling. "Before going into the air drums which, by the way, I don't believe I'd ever seen anyone play before."

"Hey, I will have you know that it takes a certain talent to be able to play the air drums," she informed him.

"Oh of course," he said, mock seriously. "Gotta make sure you keep up with the beat and all that. I was especially impressed with how you managed to not only play the air drums, but also to do so while doing some sort of booty shaking thing and flinging your head around."

"Yeah well, I didn't know you were home," she said, blushing slightly at the memory.

"Apparently not," he agreed.

"You could've said something you know," she pointed out.

"What and not see the rest of the show? Never," he grinned.

"Did you really have to clap and make me feel stupid?" she asked.

"That was some quality entertainment, Kelsi. A performance like that deserved applause," he said in response. "You have no idea how adorable you are when you rock out. Especially when you think you're alone." He laughed again. "Or how cute you were when you finally noticed me and turned bright red."

"You are the only person who will ever see me dance like that," she giggled. "You are also probably the only person who would insist on playing the song again so we could both dance around like idiots to it."

"Hey, I'm a choreographer, Kelsi. I gotta stay up to date on all the dances out there and you had some moves I don't think I've ever seen before," he joked. "I had to learn them for myself." She rolled her eyes at him though she was still laughing.

"I love this," she managed a few seconds later. "I love how we can have this really deep, meaningful, almost spiritual relationship and still be able to have fun together." She let another short round of giggles. "And act completely silly with each other. It's not all serious all the time."

"That would be no fun," he decided.

"I want to talk more about that later, but first I must admit that I chose that song for another reason too. Remember the lyrics?" she asked him, going into them before he could answer. "_Come on, let me kiss and make it better and better ain't the best I can do. I'll take your wrong and make it right. I'll take your load and make it light. Dry your eyes and you can bet, any hurt that you remember gonna help you forget. Make you numb to the pain. Hey, I'll be your Novocaine_." She smiled at him. "It's a lighthearted and fun song, but if you listen to the lyrics you realize that there's a sweetness and a playfulness and an almost sassiness about it. I guess it ties into my point yesterday about how I'll always be there for you. I will always be there to love away any pain you have in whatever way it takes. Sometimes that involves listening to you while you vent. Sometimes that involves holding you if you need to cry. Sometimes a problem needs a sort of serious response and that's what you'll get." Her smiled widened into a grin. "And then there's other times where a problem can be solved in a more playful kind of way, like this song talks about. Sometimes you just need someone to kiss and make it better." She smirked at him as she flashed him a look that was just short of suggestive, mindful of all the other people around. "And better ain't the best I can do either."

"Oh believe me baby, I am well aware of that," he grinned, winking at her in response.

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**Uh-oh...another guy knows the secret and Ryan's getting suspicious. Should get interesting. ;-)**

**I've decided to take a page out of jenpen1027's book and recommend another fanfic to you all - and it happens to be by jenpen1027 herself. It's a beautiful story called The Wallflower. Check it out!  
**

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	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Well it's been a while since I updated this one so you guys are getting rewarding with a monster of a chapter. :-) I really hope that Kelsi's letter to Ryan (the end part of it) makes sense. I tried SO hard to think of a song for that memory and just couldn't so I ended up having her shift gears as a way to get two songs in this chapter bringing the song tally up to 20. There's technically three songs in here, but the second one doesn't count towards the tally. Thanks to all my pow wow'ers, you all know who you are. And I just noticed that I have reached just over 200 reviews with this story and am beyond thrilled. I never imagined I'd get so many! You all are so sweet and I never exactly know how to respond to them. This is especially true for an anonymous reviewer INTY whose review basically completely blew me away. I don't expect any of it and it seriously means so much. So...thank you, thank you, thank you!!! And if you don't like reviewing for whatever reason, but still read or have this on alert thank you too! There's smaller dashed lines before and after the flashbacks and the longer ones break up scenes in the present day - I think it's pretty clear here what's what, but let me know if it's not. I really hope you guys like this chapter!**

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"Thanks for writing that for me Taylor." When Kelsi had told Taylor how long her previous letter to Ryan had been, Taylor had winced and volunteered to write the next one for her.

"You're welcome," Taylor smiled. "I love this story! You and Ryan are so cute together and it gives the added bonus of Chad's reaction."

"I think he was about five seconds away from walking over to Ryan and punching him in the face," Kelsi giggled. "Until I set him straight and then he just thought that both of us were insane."

"Like he's one to talk," Taylor chuckled. "Want me to deliver this to Ryan or do you want to?"

"I'll do it," Kelsi replied, taking the letter from Taylor and getting to her feet. It was now after lunch and most of the group was on the sand or in the water aside from the two of them who had been sitting in the house working on the letter. Kelsi led the way outside and scanned the beach for her husband, smiling when she saw him standing by the shore watching some of the children playing.

Feeling oddly playful, Kelsi took off on a light run towards him and launched herself at him, relieved when she landed on his back with her arms around his neck. "Hi honey!"

"Okay this is new," Ryan laughed as he reached up to grab her forearms to help hold her in place. She giggled softly as she turned her head to kiss his cheek.

"I have a letter for you," she informed him, holding up the hand that held said letter and waving it in front of his face. "Let me down." She halfway slid off of him while he kept a hold of her arms in an attempt to keep her from crashing down onto the sand. He took the letter from her and smiled when she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek against his bare back.

"Looks like Taylor wrote this one," Ryan said as he unfolded the letter.

"She did. She didn't want me to write another one so soon after that last one," Kelsi told him.

"Aunt Kelsi, come play!" Kelsi smiled at the sound of Maria's voice and gave Ryan a gentle squeeze before releasing him and turning her attention to Maria and a couple of the other children.

Ryan walked over to one of the beach chairs the group had hauled down and eased into it as he read his newest letter. This one had continued with the theme that Kelsi had started earlier that morning about how she loved that they could have fun together. It expanded more into loving how silly they could be together which led into a memory. Ryan smiled as it started, remembering the day as if it were yesterday even though it had been before one of the rehearsals for Senior Year. Ryan and Kelsi had gotten to the auditorium before anyone else had and started out talking about the play but it hadn't been long before they were talking about musicals in general...

--------------------

"I always loved the Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra musicals," Kelsi admitted. She was sitting next Ryan on the piano bench and resting her head on his shoulder while he absently played the piano.

"Me too. We used to watch those a lot whenever we went to our grandparents house. They were always some of my favorites, even though they were a little cheesy," he said in response, making her smile.

"That's what makes them so good though," she pointed out. "I always liked On the Town the best."

"Oh yeah, that was a good one. What's your favorite part?" he asked. She grinned and pulled away from him to look at him.

"That's easy. I love the part with Chip and Brunhilde when they're on the top of the Empire State Building when they sing _You're Awful_. That's such a sweet song," she smiled. "I love watching Frank Sinatra and Betty Garrett together."

"They played off each other well," Ryan agreed. "I think that's my favorite song from that musical too." He grinned at her. "Let's see how did that one go?" He thought about it for a few seconds and then half-surprised her by starting to sing, "_Those words that everyone knows, but my thoughts get mangled and all the words gets tangled. But since you asked me, here goes._" He slowly got to his feet and held a hand out to her. "_You're awful, awful good to look at._" Kelsi giggled and let him first pull her to her feet and then ease her into a dance as he continued. "_Awful nice to be with, awful sweet to have and hold._ _You're nothing._"

Kelsi pulled away from him, acting like she was offended while he grabbed her to sing the follow up line, "_Nothing if not lovely._" She smiled as she put her arms around him again for the moment as he went on."_Nothing if not dazzling, nothing but pure gold. You're frightening,_" he sang. She pulled away from him pretending to be upset as they kept reenacting the scene from the movie. "_Frightening me when you say that you might go away. You're boring._" Kelsi gave him a mock look of warning. He smiled as he sang the next line. "_Boring into my heart to stay._" He sang about her being cheap for any diamond or pearl before leading into the last line of Frank Sinatra's first part of the song, "_What I said before, I'll say again. You're awful, awful nice to be my girl._"

Kelsi moved to sit back on the piano bench facing away from the piano while he dropped to one knee in front of her and rested one of his elbows on her knee. "_You're old dear,_" she sang, resisting the urge to giggle when he pouted. "_Old with worldly wisdom._" He perked up and tapped a finger to his temple while she nodded. "_Old like gorgonzola, old like vintage French champagne. You're so-so,_" she continued, holding a hand up and making the so-so gesture with it before getting back up and walking a few steps away from him. "_So-so kinda charming,_" she sang, turning back around to face him again. He grinned and got up to join her. "_So-so kind of witty, so I can't explain._"

"_Can't stand you,_" he jumped back in, smiling when her face fell slightly. "_I can't stand you to give some fella the eye._" Her face lit back up as he eased her into another dance. "_Can't see you in the arms of another guy. Who needs you?_" She looked at him, smiling when he winked at her. "_Needs you to distraction, needs you 'til he's crazy? Needs you rain or shine._"

"_I'm the one who needs you and I think you're awful,_" they sang together. He gave her a soft kiss on the lips before they headed into the last line. "_Awful nice to say you're mine._"

"I can't believe we just did that," Kelsi chuckled, amused at both of them. "Though Ryan?"

"Yes?" he answered, gently smoothing some of her curls away from her face.

"I think you're awful," she smiled and then shrugged as he grinned at her. "I couldn't help myself."

"Well you know what?" he asked softly. "I think you're awful too." He leaned in to give her a lingering kiss.

"Okay, okay break it up you two!" Ryan and Kelsi turned to find a laughing Troy leading the rest of the cast up to the stage. "Time to get busy!"

"I think that's what they were doing," Jason joked causing a now blushing Kelsi to more or less leap away from Ryan and scurry back to the piano.

"You're awful," Martha chided Jason while Taylor reached over to smack him upside the head. Kelsi and Ryan exchanged a smile at Martha's word choice before Ryan got the rehearsal underway. Kelsi was still grinning to herself as she made sure her music was in order for the number they were about to work on.

"What are you so happy about?" Chad asked curiously, a smile on his face as well.

"Ryan thinks I'm awful," she informed him.

"What?" Chad's attention snapped over to Ryan. "He said that to you?"

"Yup," she answered cheerfully.

"Why that no-good," Chad started as his eyes narrowed. He was about to continue when he paused and turned his attention back to Kelsi. "Wait, why are you smiling? He insulted you!"

"It's okay, Chad," she giggled. "I think he's awful too."

"You..." Chad trailed off, confusion etched across his facial features. "What?" He looked back and forth between Ryan and Kelsi. "You both think the other one is awful?"

"Of course!" she replied.

"And this is a good thing?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow at her.

"A very good thing," she nodded.

"Right," he said, drawing the word out as he glanced between the two of them again. "You guys are weird," he decided finally.

-------------------

Ryan couldn't help laughing as he finished the letter. He could still picture the glare he had noticed Chad giving him when Kelsi had informed him that Ryan had said that she was awful. A glare that had quickly turned into utter confusion as Kelsi had tried to explain what she meant. Ryan looked up and over at his wife who was currently looking for seashells with Maria, Angel, Lexie and Sharpay and smiled. He felt his heart swell up with love as he watched Kelsi, once again reminding himself how thankful he was for her and the life they were building together. He loved all of the sides of their relationship that she was highlighting for him, especially the lighthearted moments like the one she had just written about. Well actually, he corrected himself, the one Taylor had technically written.

Ryan kept his gaze trained on his wife with the children and his sister, smiling at the picture they all made. As he watched them he felt a now familiar longing deep in his spirit. It was one that had been swelling up a lot lately, especially the more he watched his friends and their kids. It was something that he had been dreaming about and hoping for ever since he and Kelsi got married. If he was being honest with himself, he'd have to admit that it had been a lingering thought in his mind ever since he and Kelsi had become serious. It was the longing to be a Daddy and for his wife to be a Mommy.

He turned his head at the sound of little Abby's laughter and chuckled as he watched Troy spinning around with her in his arms. Further down the beach Chad and Matthew were involved in a series of races and Ryan knew Chad was letting the child win every time. He watched Martha, Jason and Jessie playing in the water together and then shifted his focus over to Zeke and Gabriella who were making the twins giggle by dipping their toes in the water so they could feel the small waves. Taylor and Jake were nearby and she was chasing him around, much to his delight. He felt his smile soften as it suddenly seemed like his arms were literally aching to hold a baby.

The sound of crying brought his attention back to Kelsi as she picked up Lexie. "The wave caught her by surprise." Ryan looked up at Taylor who had moved beside him at the sound of her daughter's cries. Taylor smiled at him before nodding her head towards the scene. Kelsi was talking softly to the child and bouncing her in her arms, gently wiping away the remains of the tears on Lexie's cheeks and eventually coaxing a small giggle out of her. "Looks like Kelsi has it under control." Taylor turned her focus back to Ryan, who looked practically spellbound by the scene. Taylor felt her smile widen into a grin as she gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder before resuming her chasing of Jake.

Ryan, meanwhile, felt an unexpected lump in his throat as he watched Kelsi set Lexie back down. His gaze flickered to her flat stomach and lingered there. He had joked earlier about her mommy alarm kicking in and now he couldn't help but feel like his daddy alarm was now fully activated and going off. When Kelsi had started her project with the songs he had briefly wondered if she was gearing up to tell him that she was pregnant. He had dismissed the thought quickly, positive that it was just wishful thinking on his part. By then he had come to believe that the reason for her project was just what she had said it was: she wanted to let him know how much she loved him and she wanted to do something big as a means to do so. He brought his attention back up to her face and knew that the two of them would have to talk about what he had mentioned that morning about actively trying to have a baby. It was time. He just knew it.

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"I know something you don't know," Jason said in a sing-song voice to Troy.

"What are you talking about?" Troy asked. A full two seconds passed before he gasped. "Are you talking about the secret?"

"Yup," Jason replied.

"Excellent! What is it?" Troy wanted to know.

"Sorry dude," Jason shrugged, biting back a grin as Troy's jaw dropped.

"Sorry?" Troy's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean sorry?"

"I promised I wouldn't tell," Jason answered.

"You have got to be kidding," Troy muttered. "First Chad, then Zeke and now you! All of you know and you won't tell me!"

"Uncle Troy?" Both of them turned at the sound of Jessie's voice.

"Yes sweetheart?" Troy asked, smiling at her.

"Stop whining," she said sweetly, causing Jason to break into laughter.

"I wasn't whining," Troy started, but stopped when Jessie lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Sure you weren't," she shook her head at him before hurrying out of the dining room after the other children.

"You were kind of whining, dude," Jason snickered. "Real mature."

"After all you, me, Zeke and Chad have been through," Troy began, shaking his head at him, "you guys know something and won't tell me what it is. That's just wrong."

"No, wrong would be telling you," Jason countered. "You'd understand if you knew." He grinned. "Which you don't."

"Rub it in why don't you?" Troy said sarcastically.

"Oh, I intend to," Jason laughed.

"Some friend you are," Troy mumbled. "Guess it's just me and Ryan now."

----------------------------

"You're a jerk sometimes, you know." Ryan looked up to find Martha grinning at him. It was a little later in the day and she was holding what looked to be another letter and giving him a mock look of disapproval. "I just wrote Kelsi's latest letter to you and I just want to say that I am completely on Kelsi's side in regards to this memory."

"Uh-oh," Ryan smirked at her as he accepted the letter.

"I hope you appreciate all the effort she's giving this project," Martha said, her voice softer than before. "Though I guess it's pretty pointless of me to say that when I know you do." She looked over at Kelsi talking to Gabriella. "You picked a winner, Ryan. I know you know that too."

"I do," he said softly.

"She picked a winner too," Martha decided before smirking. "Even if you are a jerk sometimes."

"What in the world did my wife write about to make you think that?" Ryan asked innocently.

"I think I can sum it up in one word: bugs." She lifted an eyebrow at him and then laughed at the look of confusion of his face as he thought about it before stepping away and leaving him with his letter.

"Bugs?" he muttered to himself as he opened the letter and began to read.

_Hi Ryan,_

_Apparently none of our friends want me to write anything to you today after the letter I wrote yesterday so as you may have noticed, I had Martha write this one. All day I've been reminding you of some of the more lighthearted moments that we've had and this letter is keeping with that theme. This one's funny because most of the time you're kind of like my own modern day version of Prince Charming but I have come to find out that my Prince Charming as a little bit of an evil side. The memory I'm going to talk about will highlight that point perfectly I think. _

_It was a couple of months ago and you had volunteered to head to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner for me. I think it's safe to say that you were in for a bit of a shock by the time you came home..._

-------------------

Ryan had just balanced the bag of groceries on his hip and stuck his key in the lock when he heard Kelsi scream. His heart suddenly pounding in his chest, he fought with the lock and barreled inside as soon as the door opened, practically throwing the bag of food on the ground in the process. He ran into their family room fully prepared to rush to Kelsi's aid only to come to a screeching halt at the sight that greeted him.

There was his normally calm wife standing on their couch lifting one of her shoes in the air as if poised to strike. There didn't seem to be any kind of danger that Ryan could detect so the visual left him confused, to say the very least. "Um Kelsi?" he spoke slowly, as if not wanting to startle her. "What are you doing?"

"Ryan!" Kelsi exclaimed. She scurried across the couch and carefully stood up on the arm of it to hop over to the chair closest to him. She then proceeded to grab his arm and pull him in front of her. "Thank goodness you're home!"

"Would you like to tell me what exactly is going on here?" he asked, completely baffled by her strange behavior.

"I saw a bug!" she informed him. He blinked several times as he tried to process her comment.

"Wait...you're telling me that you climbed up onto our couch, shoe in hand, because you saw a bug?" He turned around to face her. "Are you serious?"

"It wasn't just _a _bug, Ryan," she said, defensively. "It was the biggest bug I've ever seen in my entire life!" He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by her screaming again and grabbing his shoulders to spin him back around. "Look! There it is!" she cried, pointing it out. "You have to go kill it."

"Okay, okay, calm down already," he muttered, his eyes finally landing on the bug – which, to be fair to his wife, was rather large. At that moment the bug started making its way towards them causing Kelsi to scream again.

"Ryan!" She flung her arms around his neck in a type of chokehold. "It's coming over here! Kill it!"

"Okay...Kelsi...Kels," he sputtered, reaching up to try to loosen her grip. "Can't...kill bug if....I can't...breathe." Kelsi released her grip on him and practically shoved him towards the bug.

"Kill it!" she ordered.

"Just relax all right? I'll kill the bug, I promise," he assured her, rolling his eyes. It may have been a large bug but for the life of him he couldn't understand the hysteria its presence caused. Kelsi, for her part, hopped off of the chair and fled to the kitchen to safety. "Women," Ryan muttered, though he couldn't help but be amused by her antics.

Shortly afterwards he made his way to the kitchen after killing the offending bug and disposing of its remains. He quickly washed his hands before turning to his wife and making an elaborate bow and then dropping down to one knee dramatically. "The offending bug has been slain, milady," he said grandly, making her giggle.

"Thank you ever so much, kind sir," she said in response. "In honor of your heroic deed I am hereby proclaiming thee the lord of bug killing." She grabbed a butter knife and made a show of touching it to both of his shoulders.

"You know, milady, I've heard that oftentimes whenever someone performs such a heroic deed as the one that I have just done, that they receive a favor of some sort that is usually given to them by a fair maiden like yourself," he said, so seriously that she let out another giggle.

"Now what kind of fair maiden would I be if I did not give you such a favor?" she asked, nodding. "Arise, kind sir, and receive your prize." She helped him up and then leaned in to give him a kiss.

Later on, Kelsi and Ryan were enjoying their dinner even though Ryan seemed to be using every opportunity available to tease her about her reaction to the bug. "You should've heard yourself. I thought you were being murdered! Imagine my surprise to find you fighting off a little bug instead."

"You saw that thing! It was huge," she countered. "That thing was like a bug of death!"

"A bug of death," he repeated. "Seriously?"

"Have you ever seen a bug like that?" she challenged.

"Well no, but what did you expect? It to whip out some sort of gun and attack?" he laughed. "Honestly, Kelsi, you looked ridiculous. A grown woman cowering on top of a couch holding a shoe."

"I don't like bugs," she said in defense.

"Well color me shocked," he teased her. "From your reaction I could've sworn that you simply adored them."

"Oh shush," she mumbled, narrowing her eyes at him playfully as she stood up to take some of their dishes to the sink. He followed suit and it wasn't long until they decided to turn in for the night. She had just changed into her pajamas when he was struck by an idea.

"You know, Kelsi," he said lightly, walking up behind her while she was running her brush through her hair. "I certainly hope that that bug didn't have any friends." He bit back a smile as he watched her hand freeze.

"What?" she asked.

"Well you know, sometimes seeing one bug means that there's others lurking around waiting to be found. I mean you might see one on the floor or maybe in the sink..." he trailed off, watching her scan the floor around her. "There could be one in the bathtub..."

"You...you don't really think that do you?" she asked, now looking at their bed and at the walls.

"It's possible, isn't it?" he asked in response. "There could be one in one of the drawers or there could be one right about...." he inched closer to her. "Here!" He suddenly ran his fingers quickly up her spine causing her to scream and frantically grab at her tank top and sort of shake it in what appeared to be an attempt to get rid of any bug that might be clinging onto it. At the sound of his laughter, however, she stopped and whipped back around to face him.

"Ryan Evans!" she shrieked. "You are such a jerk!"

"I didn't know you could scream so loudly!" he managed, doubling over in laughter. "That was awesome."

"That was not funny!" She marched over to him and proceeded to slap at his arm. "Don't you ever do that to me again! You big jerk!" She punctuated each word with another smack.

"Oh come on Kelsi, I was kidding," he snickered, trying half-heartedly to dodge her hits. "You should've seen yourself! You practically levitated of the ground."

"Shut up!" she nearly growled. "You know how much I hate bugs! You almost gave me a heart attack! You are the biggest jerk in the world!"

"So you've been telling me," he laughed. "I couldn't help myself." He made an attempt to get a hold of himself. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"No you're not," she argued, narrowing her eyes at him. "You're proud of yourself!"

"Well maybe a little," he admitted, ducking when she went to smack him upside the head. "I didn't think that would scare you that much. That was so much better than I thought it would be." He allowed himself some more laughter before trying once more to get a grip. He then gave her his best puppy dog look. "I'm sorry baby. Forgive me?"

"Bite me," she said, rather uncharacteristically, in response making him bust out laughing again. She shoved past him and marched into their bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. He followed after her and was amused to find the door slammed in his face. He went to open it and found it locked, which sent him into another round of laughter. He waited patiently for her to emerge and grinned as she proceeded to ignore him entirely. Giving up for the moment, he headed into the bathroom to wash up for bed and came back out to find her curled up on her side reading a book.

Ryan stifled a chuckle as he noted that she had moved as far over on her side of the bed as humanly possible without falling off of it. "You know," he began as he climbed into his side of the bed. He eased himself closer to her. "You're really, really cute when you're mad."

"I'm not talking to you," she informed him.

"Come on baby," he said, his voice turning sweet. He scooted closer to her and used his fingers to gently brush her hair away from her face before placing a soft kiss on her temple. "You're not going to stay mad at me all night are you?" He kissed first her cheek and then her jaw, bringing his hand to rest on her hip. "It's still pretty early after all and I don't know about you," he continued, lowering his voice down to just above a whisper, "but the thought of going to sleep right now just doesn't appeal to me." He started softly kissing his way down her neck, sliding his hand up her arm to gently push the strap of her tank top just of her shoulder so he could kiss it.

Kelsi tried to get interested in the book she had been reading but it was getting increasingly harder for her to concentrate. She bit her lip as she attempted to shrug him off of her before she gave into his attempts to distract her. "I'm trying to read," she managed, though her voice was breathier than she had hoped it would be.

"_Trying_ to?" he asked, sounding pleased with himself. She could feel him smile against her skin and was suddenly struck by an inspiration of her own.

Kelsi rolled onto her back and smiled at him. "Yes, though it's hard to read with you doing all that."

"Well then I guess you have a choice to make," he said, his voice now sounding sultry. "You can continue reading your book or you can let me continue to try and make up for scaring you. What's it going to be?"

She made a show of biting her lip as if she was considering it before finally yanking him down to kiss him. "I choose you," she whispered. She surprised him by suddenly flipping him over so he was now on his back. "I love you," she murmured as she eased herself over him to kiss him again.

"I love you too," he said softly, completely taken aback by the sudden change in her mood. As time went on her kisses became more and more fiery and he had a hard time complaining about it. She pulled back after a long while and smirked at him as she reached up and over to turn his bedside light off. She gave him as smoldering a look as she could manage and he could swear that he could feel his blood literally boiling in his veins. She leaned back in towards him, changing direction at the very last second and placing a loud smacking kiss on his forehead.

"Goodnight!" she said cheerfully as she promptly rolled off of him.

"What?" he asked, confused. "What do you mean goodnight?"

"What do you mean what do I mean?" she asked, deliberately keeping her tone light. "I'm going to sleep and I wanted to tell you goodnight before I do so. Just like I always do."

"But...but..." he sputtered. "I thought..."

"Thought what?" She made a show of bringing a hand to her heart and batting her eyes at him. "Whatever did you think I was going to do?" she asked, innocently.

"You..." He looked over at her and she felt her lip quiver at the look on his face. "You practically attacked me...flipping me over, kissing me like that."

"Like what?" she pressed, fighting not to lose control and start laughing.

"Like you were about two seconds away from tearing my clothes off," he answered, shaking his head in bewilderment. "And then you just stop?" His tone was just short of whining. "What do you call that?"

"Payback," she answered.

"What?" he asked, studying her face briefly. "What?" he repeated, lifting an eyebrow at her.

"I call it payback," she replied, unable to hold back her laughter anymore. "That's what you get for scaring me!"

"Oh now that was just wrong," he said after a long moment, his eyes narrowing at her even as his lip twitched.

"It serves you right!" she giggled. "You didn't think I could let you scare me like you did and not get revenge did you?" she somehow said over her giggles. "My goodness, Ryan, you were practically whining. That was so," she began but ended up letting out a small yelp instead and he suddenly yanked her back towards him and started tickling her, making her laugh harder. "Stop! Please...it hurts now."

"Say you're sorry," he said, laughing too now as he moved over her and managed to get a hold of both of her wrists as she struggled against him. Lifting them over her head and holding them firmly, but still gently, in place with one hand while he resumed tickling her with the other.

"Ryan, please!"

"Not until you say you're sorry," he shot back, amused when she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Never!"

"Fine with me," he grinned at her. "I can keep this up."

"Okay, okay!" she cried out after less than a minute. "I'm sorry! Stop!"

"It served you right," he quipped, mercifully lifting his hand away from her and he leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Didn't your mom ever tell you that it's not nice to tease people?" He released her wrists and she brought her hands to his shoulders.

"Didn't your mom ever tell you that it's not nice to scare people?" she countered as she fought to regain her breath. "Come here." She gently tugged him down to brush her lips against his. "I love you, Ryan Evans." She lifted an eyebrow at him. "Even when you're a jerk."

"I love you too, Kelsi Evans," he said softly before smirking. "Even when you're a tease." He leaned in for another kiss and she slipped her arms around his neck to hold him in place as the kiss deepened.

"You were right earlier you know," she murmured.

"About?" he asked, reaching up to smooth her hair away from her face.

"About the thought of sleep not being so appealing," she answered, making him chuckle.

"Hmm...Guess that means we'll just have to think of something else to do," he said, with a decisive nod.

"Guess so," she agreed, smiling when he gently kissed her again.

---------------------

_I'm going to stop the memory there since I'm not the one writing it, but I trust that you remember exactly what happened next. I spent so much time trying to think of the perfect song to go along with this memory and none seemed to fit. I briefly thought about using the song _Anything You Can Do _from __**Annie Get Your Gun**_ _– you know, "Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you." Because if you ask me my revenge on you totally beats you scaring me. But I decided against that since it doesn't really fit. I tried so hard to find the perfect song to use. I've come to realize that there is no perfect song that will fit both this memory and our relationship. Or if there is I can't think of it. So I'll just reiterate my earlier point about how much I love all the fun we have together. I love how much time we spend laughing together, even if it's sometimes at the other person's expense – always done in a loving way, mind. I love that we can joke around with each other and are perfectly free to be ourselves. _

_Actually, in thinking about all of this I have just realized something important. I guess I'm changing gears here but it just occurred to me that it's memories like this one that make me fall in love with you all over again. I can't explain it exactly. We've been a couple for over a decade and you always hear people say that being in love like we were in the beginning is just a phase. They say that because love, real love, grows and develops over time. While that is certainly true, it doesn't change the fact that I am somehow still in love with you – much like how I was in the beginning, but deeper somehow. _

_Know why? Because just when things start feeling normal something happens. It can something as basic as you scaring me and me getting revenge like I wrote about here (well had Martha write about). It can be something that wouldn't make sense to other people and it can be something mundane. It can be something as simple as a look. Whatever that "something" is it triggers something inside of me that make me fall for you all over again. Maybe that's crazy. I don't know. What I do know is that our love may have changed over the years but I am still completely, hopelessly and helplessly in love with you. _

_Looks like I have a song for you after all. It's called, appropriately enough, _Makin' Me Fall in Love Again_ and it's by Kellie Pickler. "Baby sometimes you can say the craziest things. I love how you don't care what nobody thinks. You're highly original, totally in-typical, never change. All I gotta do is look at your smiling face. There you go makin' me fall in love again. There you go makin' me fall in love again. Oh, and I gotta tell you there's nothin' better than you and me together, workin' on forever. Everyday with you is always somethin' new. Only gotta be yourself and there you go makin' me fall in love again." _

_See baby, I never know exactly when it's going to happen but it always does and I can't even begin to tell you how much I love that. Or how much I love you._

_You know, in case you somehow forgot. _

_~Kelsi _


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I'm so sorry that it's been so long since my last update of any of my stories. I've been going through some stuff lately that has had a bad impact on my writing, but I think I'm back now. I do ask that you all be patient with me for a while as I'm still sorting some things out. I'm planning on updating all of my stories ASAP. I have to give a special thank you to jenpen1027 for all of her help with this chapter. She helped me smooth over some rough spots and there's even a few lines in here that are all her, a few of those being in the second paragraph - pretty much all of the non-dialogue parts. I wanted to be sure that I gave her proper credit so thanks jenpen1027!**

**Okay now. I can get a little obsessed over chapter length sometimes, worrying about whether a chapter is too long or short. There's been a lot of times I've had to break up a chapter because I felt it was too long and most of the time it probably wasn't needed. In this case I have absolutely no doubt that it was. This is the first part of what was originally a longer chapter and I made the decision to chop it off right as Kelsi is going into a flashback. The next chapter will start with the flashback itself so be warned - it takes place a little over a year from the current day during their second year of marriage and the chapter will conclude in the present. Tissues _will_ be needed for that chapter just so you know. If I had kept it all in one piece this chapter would've been well over 20 pages which is why I felt the break up was needed. The good news? The next part is just about finished and will be posted sometime tomorrow evening so it'll be a fast update. As always thank you all SO much for the support and I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Let me know!  
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"What's wrong?" Kelsi looked over at the sound of her sister-in-law's voice. She had been perfectly fine until she had started watching Ryan and the others with the children. Her hormones had kicked in strongly and without warning, so she had wandered a little ways down the beach to try and get a grip on her suddenly raging emotions.

"Are you sure your brother wants kids?" The question was out of Kelsi's mouth before she had time to think about it. There was a brief moment of disbelief that she had actually stated that fear out loud. Before she even had time to truly comprehend what was falling out of her mouth, her inner most thoughts came tumbling out. "I mean," she continued, not noticing how her words were slowly picking up speed. "We've talked about kids and he's said he wants kids, I mean he even said as much this morning but what if he's only saying he does because he knows I do? I mean, what if he's spending all this time with all of your kids and its making him realize that he really doesn't want to be a father right now? What if he'd really rather work on his career?" She let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a cry. "I've been thinking about that for the past few minutes, kind of pathetic right?" Kelsi's verbal ramble finally started to trace off as traces of reality fought their way back into her mind. Taking a deep breath, Kelsi's confused eyes met Sharpay's sympathetic ones. "I'm honestly not sure where it's coming from. I mean, I _know_ he really wants to be a father so why am I so freaked out about it all of a sudden? What the heck is wrong with me, Sharpay? I feel like I'm going insane."

"Well hello hormones," Sharpay commented matter-of-factly. "You're not insane, Kelsi, you're pregnant." She deliberately lowered her voice as she spoke.

"Yeah, but how does being pregnant explain me suddenly wondering about whether or not Ryan wants to be a father? I know he does so why is this an issue all of a sudden?" Kelsi asked, as an exhausted sigh left her body.

"Kelsi, you have to remember that your body is going through a lot of changes right now which is messing with your emotions. Yes, you're thrilled about the baby, but you're freaked out and worrying about the future. It was probably easier to believe that Ryan wanted kids when it was just in theory. Now that theory has become a reality and you're scared," Sharpay started. "I remember having this exact same freak out about Zeke when I was pregnant with Angel. I think it's natural."

"Well it sucks," Kelsi complained. "I hate feeling so insecure about this. I'm just scared that when I tell him he'll be disappointed. I want him to be as excited about this baby as I am and I hate not being sure that he will." She let out a heavy sigh as her head fell gracelessly on Sharpay's shoulder. "You know how this makes me feel? Like I don't have enough faith in Ryan and what he's told me in the past regarding kids...and us...and being parents." With each new noun, Kelsi's hand flailed from side to side, waving excitedly in front of Sharpay's face. "I mean, I'm supposed to know him better than anyone else on the planet and I'm still worried about how he'll react. It doesn't feel right and it doesn't feel good," Kelsi sniffled.

"I think that's natural too," Sharpay told Kelsi, as her hand came to trail soothingly through the shorter woman's curls. "I know it's not a very good feeling, but I bet that most women worry about this just like you are. It doesn't mean you don't have faith in Ryan...it just means that you're scared."

"But I shouldn't be," Kelsi argued.

"Kelsi, you're going to have a child. You should be terrified," Sharpay said honestly. "It's a big responsibility and it's not one to take lightly." She paused for a moment before continuing. "Remember your freak out the other night? When it finally hit you that you're going to be a mommy?"

"Yeah, I remember," Kelsi said softly.

"You were amazed because you couldn't believe how much you could love someone you haven't even met yet. You felt that first connection to your child and you already love him or her so much that maybe you're worried that Ryan won't be able to because he doesn't have that exact same connection you do. You're scared because he doesn't have the same feelings for this baby that you do at the moment. The reason being that he doesn't know about the baby yet. You're scared because you're worried that he still won't have the same feelings you do once he finds out." Sharpay's voice was gentle. "It's not that you don't have faith in Ryan. You just need the reassurance that he'll love this baby as much as you do is all."

"I hope you're right," Kelsi sighed. She opened her mouth to say something else but ended up closing it as both she and Sharpay suddenly froze.

"Hi Ryan," they said together.

"Okay now that was a little freaky," Ryan piped up from behind them. "How'd you both know I was coming over here?"

"It's my Ryan intuition," Kelsi replied, forcing herself to take a deep breath to calm down.

"You're my twin," Sharpay shrugged, trying to ignore the rapid beating of her heart.

"Yeah, okay, but you guys said that at exactly the same time. It was weird," he said in response. "In any event, Zeke sent me over here to ask about dinner."

"What about dinner?" Sharpay asked, discreetly cutting her gaze over to Kelsi who still seemed to be fighting to get a grip on her emotions.

"It seems like everyone is thinking about ordering some pizza," he informed them. "What do you guys think?"

"Pizza's fine with me," Kelsi answered quickly.

"Me too," Sharpay agreed. She glanced back at her brother who inclined his head towards Kelsi, as if asking if she was okay. "I'll go tell the others." She lifted her hand to make the so-so gesture and then jerked her thumb towards Kelsi to indicate that he should stay with her. He nodded in response before stepping closer to his wife and wrapping his arms around her.

"You okay?" he asked, keeping his voice light.

"I'm fine," Kelsi said softly, leaning into him and letting him support some of her weight. "Just thinking."

"Hmm." He pressed his head gently against hers. "I've been thinking too."

"About what?" she asked. She placed her hands over his to keep him in place as she let her eyes close.

"Well..." he began and she was puzzled to hear him sounding a little nervous. "Remember this morning when I was joking about your mommy alarm going off?" Kelsi's eyes flew back open at the question.

"Um yeah...what about that?" she asked, hoping he hadn't picked up on the way her voice was shaking a little bit.

"Well I wanted to talk to you about that because my daddy alarm has been going off...big time," he answered slowly.

"Meaning?" she asked cautiously, hoping her voice didn't resemble too heavy of a squeak.

"I've been watching our friends and their kids and watching you with all of their kids...earlier I was watching you comfort Lexie after a wave scared her and it just..." he trailed off and Kelsi sensed that he was gathering his thoughts. "I see you with other people's kids and it makes me want to see you with _our_ kids. I want to see you holding my baby...holding our baby." He shook his head and decided he may as well be blunt. "I guess what I'm saying is that I think we really should start trying to have a baby. I really want you to be a Mommy and me to be a Daddy and as ridiculous as it sounds, I almost wish it could happen now. The sooner, the better."

"You...you mean that?" she asked, feeling her heart leap inside her chest at his words. "Really?"

"God, yes," he replied. "It's time...I know it is." He paused again. "I mean, if you want to...I'm not going to try and force the idea on you if you're not ready right now."

"Are you kidding?" She spun around in his arms and flung hers around his neck. "There is nothing I want more than to have your baby."

"Really?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh God yes!" she exclaimed. "Oh Ryan...you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say all this. You just...you have no idea," she added, her voice suddenly teary. An endless litany of "you cannot tell him now" seemed to be playing over and over again in her head amidst the tears. She had a plan after all; she could stick to it...right?

"Hey...what's the matter, baby?" he asked, his voice immediately soothing.

"Nothing's the matter," she assured him. "I'm just really, really happy," she managed. And guess what, I _am_ going to have your baby...Kelsi took a deep and calming breath as she worked to keep the news in her head instead of having it fall out of her mouth.

"Well good," he murmured as he started placing tender kisses on her cheeks and her forehead.

"I love you," she whispered. "I love you so much." Kelsi felt her confession drift further and further away as she allowed herself to get lost in her husband's kisses.

"Mmm." His lips found hers in a sweet, soft kiss. "I love you too, baby." He lifted his hand to run the back of it against her cheek lovingly. He was about to kiss her again when he felt something tug at his shorts. Looking down he smiled as he realized that it wasn't a some_thing_ he had felt, rather, it was a some_one_ – a someone by the name of Angel.

"Hi Uncle Ryan! Come play with us!" She beamed up at him. "Please?"

"Sure sweetie," he agreed.

"Yay!" Kelsi chuckled as Angel cheered and turned to lead the way back to the others. The child had only made it a few steps before spinning back around to face them. "You too, Aunt Kelsi, okay?"

"Okay," Kelsi nodded, amused when this made Angel break out into another cheer as the group resumed walking.

"Lexie! Maria! Matthew! Guess what?" Angel called out suddenly, racing ahead to join her friends. "Uncle Ryan _and_ Aunt Kelsi are gonna play with us!"

-------------------------

"I swear I came this close to telling him," Kelsi hissed to Martha while they were all inside the main house waiting for the pizza to arrive. "I had to keep reminding myself not to."

"Can't say I blame you," Martha said, cutting her gaze across the room to Ryan. "How could you not be tempted to tell him? Especially when he's going on about how much he wants to be a father."

"I don't know how much longer I can hold out," Kelsi admitted. "He wants it so much."

"Well how many songs do you have left?" Martha wanted to know.

"Eighteen," Kelsi winced. "Why did I want to do thirty-eight songs again?" she asked, making Martha laugh.

"You'll get there," Martha promised. "Hey!" she exclaimed a half-second later, her face suddenly lighting up. "How about you let the rest of us come up with a song for Ryan? We all love him too and it'll give you one less song to worry about. What do you think?"

"Sounds great," Kelsi replied, turning to smile at her.

"Great!" Martha beamed. "I'll go and talk to the others."

"And I better go talk to Ryan," Kelsi nodded. "So he can have his next song." She winced as she studied her friend. "Keep your fingers crossed that I don't blurt out the secret in the process."

"Will do," Martha assured her. "Take a deep breath. You can do it."

"I can do it," Kelsi repeated. She settled her gaze on Ryan as he talked to Troy across the room and made her way over to him. "Hey boys."

"Ah Playmaker. We were just talking about you," Troy informed her.

"You were?" she asked, temporarily thrown off track and she glanced from Troy to Ryan and back again.

"We were," Troy confirmed. "And as it is, Ryan happens to be in agreement with me in thinking that you're the person keeping the big secret." He hesitated as he scanned the room, narrowing his eyes at each of the other men. "You know the secret I mean? The one that _everyone_ knows except for me and him."

"None of the kids know," Kelsi offered, earning her a raised eyebrow from the former basketball captain.

"Great, so Ryan and I are on the same level as the children. That's wonderful," he said sarcastically.

"It's not like you guys won't ever find out. You will." Kelsi fought to keep her pace natural as she willed the uprising nerves to stay at bay. "Eventually. Now I realize that you two have probably been conspiring to figure out your next course of action, but if you don't mind I'd like to kidnap my husband for a little while."

"Of course I don't mind." Troy smirked; he had known Kelsi long enough to be able to tell when she was trying to control her nerves. Turning his attention to Ryan, he added, "That gives him an opportunity to use his husband magic on you to figure out the secret."

"Husband magic?" Kelsi couldn't help letting out a small giggle at the term.

"Every person has a weak spot, Kelsi," Troy nodded. "Everyone has their own kind of kryptonite and Ryan happens to be yours. He can get to you in a way that no one else can. You've done a wonderful job keeping the secret from him so far, but if you ask me it's only a matter of time before he gets you to cave."

"You might be right," she shrugged. "Or you might not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. But in the meantime..." She extended her hand to Ryan and smiled when he took it. "I have some songs to deliver and I need to get him alone to do it."

"Just what kind of songs are you giving him?" Troy teased her, amused when her face flushed in response. "Hey!" he protested a half second later when he felt someone smack him upside his head. He turned to find a smirking Taylor.

"Don't tease Kelsi, it's not nice," she chided him.

"Neither is hitting people," he point out. "And by the way, ow!"

"Oh don't be such a baby, I didn't hit you that hard," she replied, rolling her eyes at him playfully. "Now come help us with the kids and let Kelsi talk to her husband in peace."

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"So tell me," Kelsi began as she led Ryan to the living room towards the back of the house. "Are you going to try to work your so-called husband magic on me to try and find out the secret or do you want your songs?"

"I'll take the songs, I think. There doesn't seem to be much point in trying to work my magic on you now since you're probably more determined to keep the secret safe after talking to Troy," he said slowly, studying her carefully. "So I'll let you off the hook...for now."

"Imagine my relief," she teased him. She sat down on the couch and patted the spot beside her, waiting until he joined her. "You know, sometimes I feel like we've created this perfect little storybook kind of life. We're happily married and still going strong as a couple after being together for as long as we have. We have two beautiful homes in two different states. We have wonderful families and friends and it feels like we're really starting to get somewhere in our careers." She held up a finger for each new topic she brought up. "I don't know about you, but that feels pretty close to perfect...most of the time anyway."

It does," he agreed, smiling at her.

"Pretty close, but not quite. That's kind of what your next song is about – or actually your next grouping of songs. See when I married you I promised to love you and cherish you. I promised to be with you in good times and in bad and I promised you that I would be the best wife I can be to you. But, to quote part of your next song, I never promised you a rose garden. That's actually the name of the song itself and for the record it's by Lynn Anderson." She gave him a slightly sheepish smile. "I promised you my best, not perfection because as hard as I try I could never give you perfection. And even though you always seem to be much closer to being perfect than I am, you could never give me perfection either no matter how hard you try to."

"Life wasn't supposed to be perfect," he said thoughtfully, making her smile again.

"No, it wasn't. Life is beautiful and complicated and messy and wonderful." She shook her head as she looked away from him momentarily to gather her thoughts. "Life's about balancing all of those things – the good and the bad," she said finally, reaching over to grab his hand again. "That's true of life in general, though at the moment I'm just applying that to our marriage. Sometimes things happen outside of our relationship that causes problems or pain." She paused as she focused on him again and released a small sigh. "Like the fire," she said quietly, leading him to squeeze her hand gently. "Or...or my attack...things that we don't really have any kind of control over. We can't stop them from happening; we just have to figure out how to get through them. Earlier I told you that there is nothing and no one that can keep me away from you. I told you that you can always come to me when bad things happen and if you're not able to that I will come to you. I guess this is kind of saying the same thing over again, but in this case I'm not talking about things that happen to us that we can't control. I'm talking about the problems that we sometimes cause ourselves."

"What do you mean?" he asked curiously.

"Well you know we have a very loving and amazing relationship that has so many wonderful layers to it. We have a kind of love that I always dreamed about, but it's still not perfect. It's like the song says: '_Along with the sunshine there's gotta be a little rain sometimes_.' We still have problems every now and then. Sometimes one or both of us can get a little irritable and cranky and a little snippy. Every now and then we'll get into an argument, usually over something that really shouldn't be a big deal." She glanced away from him again as the memory she was about to use to highlight this point came to mind. "I think the worst one happened a little over a year ago...I'd say that it's easily the biggest fight we've had since we've been married. I remember I came home all upset and you had been watching the news..."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Gonna keep this fairly short since I'm exhausted. Everyone have their tissues? I hope so because you will definitely be needing those this chapter. I said it in the last chapter, but this chapter opens with the flashback. It'll jump back into the present day afterwards and I think it's pretty obvious when it does - for the record, it's when Kelsi is looking at her and Ryan's linked hands. Everything before that is the flashback. I have to say that this is one of the only chapters where I practically winced the entire time writing it - at least the fight scene. There's a lot of harsh words said by both of them in this chapter and my defense for that is that people tend to say things they don't mean when they're super emotional. So keep that in mind. Long, long chapter ahead guys (which should explain why I decided to break up the chapter between this and the last one) so get ready. Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Let me know! **

**Thank you for your continued support everyone and a special thanks to the two ladies who helped me out with this chapter!  
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Kelsi had been battling with her tears ever since leaving Safe Horizon, the shelter for abused women and children that she volunteered at whenever she was able to. She had started volunteering there shortly after she had been attacked on the Julliard campus and had developed such a love for these women and children that she had kept going throughout the years. That said, the amount of time she had spent there had gone down in the past couple of years as she worked to balance her marriage and blossoming career. But even with all that she had going on she was still able to make it down there at least once a month, usually twice and sometimes several times depending on her schedule. It was generally a rewarding experience and she had lost count of all the people who had left the shelter and gone on to have wonderful lives. A lot of good work was done in that building and she was proud to be a part of it, even if only a small one.

Of course there was another side of the story. As hard as the counselors and volunteers tried, they simply were not able to save everyone. It was a sad truth to admit but some women just didn't want the help offered. A surprising number of the people who came into the shelter ended up going back to whoever had been abusing them. At first Kelsi had been stunned to learn that anyone who voluntarily return to a bad situation and couldn't imagine what anyone's reasons for doing so could be. Now she understood the reasons...or at the very least understood the reasoning behind them. Sometimes there were women who didn't think they were worth the effort involved to help them, sometimes they didn't think they deserved any better than the life they had left. It was a false assumption, of course, but one a lot of women believed. In the same vein, some of them didn't believe they could ever truly rise above their situation and so gave up. Sometimes the fear of the unknown could be scarier to deal with than the fear that came with living with an abuser. That one was probably the hardest for Kelsi to understand.

And then there times when women believed that the person abusing them had changed. Their abusers would seek reconciliation and the victims would believe them. They would leave the shelter and go home, fully expecting things to be different. Every now and then they would be. It was pretty unusual, but Kelsi could recall a handful of times where the abuser had in fact changed and healthy and even loving relationships had been formed. But those times were the rare exception and not the rule. Sometimes an abuser would make an attempt to change but quickly revert back to their old habits. And then there were the abusers who never had any intent to change at all. They could say all the right words to make their victim come home and then attack as soon as the front door was shut.

For every woman that Kelsi knew who had gone on to better lives, there was another who had gone back to their abuser only to be severely injured or worse. It always broke her heart to hear those stories whether she knew the woman or child personally or not, but it was so much worse when it was someone she knew. That had been the case that afternoon. Kelsi had arrived at the shelter in the morning and had been there all day. It had been a rare off day for both Kelsi and Ryan, but Ryan had been pretty moody the past couple of days and Kelsi had wanted a break. The two of them had sort of snipped at each other over breakfast and her thoughts towards him on the way to the shelter had been less than charitable.

Her annoyance towards her husband had vanished as soon as she had walked in the doors of the shelter and took in all the women and children that were scattered throughout the building. Ryan might not have been in the best of moods lately, but he was still Ryan. A man who Kelsi knew loved her completely and who treated her like a princess most of the time. They had had a few bad arguments in their relationship, but she had never been afraid of him. He could be yelling at her, which was unusual in and of itself, but she had never felt unsafe with him. Quite the opposite in fact. She had begun her work that morning determined to make up with him as soon as she got home. Once she had sorted all of that out in her mind, the morning had actually been a very pleasant one. The women and kids she talked to were all doing well and feeling optimistic about their futures – always a wonderful sign. Kelsi had even been thinking that this was the best day she had ever spent there.

At least until they got the news. There was a young woman who had been coming to Safe Horizon off and on for about a year named Nicole who Kelsi had struck a friendship up with. The woman reminded Kelsi of herself in a lot of ways. They were close in age and Nicole happened to have a love of music and played the flute. She had always dreamed of getting to perform with an orchestra and after getting to hear her play once, Kelsi had been convinced that she possessed the ability. Nicole was a wonderful person with a big heart...which was probably the reason she kept going back to her boyfriend and abuser, Patrick. In her head Nicole knew that Patrick more than likely wouldn't change and that was what kept her coming back to the shelter after leaving. But in her heart, she still loved Patrick and held out hope that he would change which is why she would always leave in the first place. Kelsi had spent so much time trying to convince her to stay at the shelter but it never seemed to work for too long. Though this last time she had returned, Kelsi had been positive that she'd stay.

She had been wrong. Weeks had gone by since Nicole had left and everyone who worked at the shelter had been waiting for her to come back. Everyone, Kelsi included, thought it was only a matter of time. But when the police showed up that afternoon they all learned that Nicole would never come back. Patrick had given her no choice. He had beaten her to near death about a few days before and then had thrown her out on the street like a piece of garbage. By the time someone happened to find her it had been too late. Nicole had died on the streets of New York City, cold and alone. Patrick, for his part, had since been found and was currently in jail awaiting trial. Nicole's sister had told the police about how Nicole had attended the shelter which is what brought them there that day.

The news had hit Kelsi like a ton of bricks and she could've sworn that she had actually felt her heart break as she learned what happened. Out of all of the women and even children that Kelsi had known who had ended up being killed, this one was by far the most personal. Nicole had been her friend and Kelsi had known that a wonderful life was out there somewhere waiting for her. A life that she would never get to live now. Kelsi had left the shelter earlier than originally planned. After receiving such horrible news there was only one place she wanted to be: at home in her husband's arms. The need for Ryan was like a physical ache and was the only thing that kept her going long enough to make it home in the first place. He may have been moody lately, but she had no doubt that he would be there for her like he always was.

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Ryan flicked the television off with a shake of his head. He had been watching the news and it had been one sad story after another. Natural disasters, car accidents, people being killed...it had been an endless stream of heartbreaking stories that should have made him feel something. But they hadn't. On the contrary he felt strangely numb, just like he had been feeling all week. He didn't know what was wrong with him exactly. He almost felt like life was starting to drag him down a little more with every day that passed. He knew his attitude was starting to get to Kelsi and felt a little bad about it, but didn't know how to change it. It was just starting to feel like life was a series of one bad thing happening after another and he was tired of it.

He sighed as he wandered towards the kitchen, stopping when he heard the door to their apartment open. "Kels?" he called, though couldn't help but feel stupid a half second later as there was no one else it would've been.

"Yeah," she replied, sounding as if she had been crying. Sure enough when she appeared a few seconds later after taking off her coat and setting down her purse he could see tears in her eyes.

"Hi." His tone was cautious and as horrible as it was to think, he was almost dreading finding out what was bothering her. It was pretty obvious from her behavior that it was bad.

"Oh Ryan," she sniffled as she came closer. "I've had such a bad day."

"Sorry to hear that," he said in response. She hesitated as if waiting for him to ask her what was wrong and he was surprised to find himself fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "What happened?" he asked finally.

"Remember Nicole?" she replied and the question seemed to cause her pain. "She...she's...her boyfriend beat her up really badly and then left her...oh Ryan." She sniffed again as she swiped at her cheeks with her fists.

"Is she okay?" He knew the question was a dumb one since Kelsi was so distraught, but it had come out of Ryan's mouth before he could think about it.

"No....she...she died," she whispered.

"That's too bad," he nodded, reaching over to pat her arm. "I'm sorry." Several seconds passed by while Kelsi looked at him with a stunned and hurt expression on her face.

"That's too bad?" she repeated. "You're sorry? That's all you have to say?"

"Well yeah," he shrugged. "That's really sad, Kels."

"I come home in tears because a woman that I considered to be a friend was brutally murdered by her boyfriend and all you can tell me is that it's too bad and really sad and you're sorry? Are you kidding me?" She was incredulous.

"What else do you want me to say? What else is there? There's isn't anything I could say to bring her back to life so what's the point?" he challenged.

"What's the point?" she echoed, completely taken aback by the coldness in his tone.

"Are you going to keep repeating everything I say or what because, quite frankly, it's getting annoying," he snapped unexpectedly.

"What is wrong with you? You're my husband! You're supposed to care when I'm upset! You should care about this!" she exclaimed. "Someone I cared about is dead. Doesn't that matter to you at all?"

"I said I was sorry didn't I?" he countered. "People die every day, Kelsi. A lot of times in horrible ways and most of the time for no reason. It's awful and sad but there's nothing we can do about it. Just watch the news! You hear the stories all the time – people get killed, places get destroyed, bad stuff happens. All the time! Dwelling on it doesn't do any good so again I ask you: what's the point?"

"Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" The question came out in a whisper as she studied him. "You're acting like a completely different person."

"What did you want me to do? Tell me. What did you expect?"

"I expected you to actually care, for one," she began. "I expected you to hold onto me and make sure I'm okay. I expected you to be the person who always knows what to say to make it better."

"Well that's a pretty tall order isn't it?" he asked sarcastically, feeling a little guilty when she flinched. "Though I guess I can't blame you for saying it because after all I'm the person who always has to fix everything for you. Heaven forbid you deal with something on your own."

"Ouch," she said softly. "That was a little uncalled for, don't you think?"

"Maybe," he conceded before letting out a heavy sigh. "Look Kelsi, I really am sorry about Nicole. I'm sorry that you're hurting but there's nothing I can do to help and to be honest, I don't see much point in trying."

"I see," she said, forcing herself to stay calm even as anger rose inside her. "In other words what you're saying is for me to shut up and deal with it while you do nothing." She shook her head again. "What is going on with you lately, huh? You've been moody and snippy all week and I'm sick of it! So what's the problem?"

"I don't know, okay? I don't know! I've been busy with the show and not getting enough sleep and I don't know. I was watching the news earlier and hearing about all of these horrible stories and I was just waiting to feel something. You know? They were the kind of stories that should make you feel something and they should have. But you know what I felt after watching the news? Do you?" he asked, pressing ahead before she could even open her mouth. "Nothing. Not a single thing! I can't make myself care no matter how hard I try to and I'm tired, Kelsi. I'm tired of trying to care. I'm tired of hearing about things that should matter but don't?" He frowned. "Lately it feels like nothing matters and I don't know how to change that."

"It feels like nothing matters?" she repeated. The words had felt like a steel hammer to her gut. "Nothing at all?"

"Nothing I can think of," he shrugged.

"What about your family? Don't they matter? What about our friends? Do they matter? Huh?" She let out an angry and disbelieving huff. "What about me? What about our marriage? Does that matter?"

"Ugh," he groaned in frustration. "I never should've brought this up. I knew you've overreact."

"Well I'm sorry, Ryan, but I tend to get upset when my husband implies that nothing matters! Because you may as well be telling me that I don't or our marriage doesn't," she shot back.

"That is not what I meant! You're twisting my words around," he said in response, rolling his eyes.

"No I'm not," she argued. "Didn't you say that you felt like nothing mattered? That would have to apply to everything wouldn't it?" She raised an eyebrow at him. "So then hey, if nothing matters maybe I should go out to a bar, have a few drinks and find a good looking guy to take me home for the night. I mean...I know we're married, but hey, nothing matters right?"

"Stop it," he warned. "You don't want to go there."

"Why not?" she taunted. She wasn't sure which one of them was more surprised at the words that were falling out of her mouth and she wasn't entirely sure where they were coming from. She didn't mean any of them but she was too fueled by her hurt and anger to stop. "Does the thought of that bother you? It shouldn't...I mean you said you've been feeling numb and all that lately right? And our marriage doesn't matter so why should our vows?"

"Kelsi." His voice was quiet and dangerous at the same time, but she couldn't help herself.

"Why should you care if another man kisses me or touches me or," she continued.

"Stop it!" he yelled, causing Kelsi to jump. It was at that point that she realized that she had gone too far. She was positive that she had never seen him that angry before. "Just stop! Don't you ever say stuff like that to me!"

"Why do you even care?" she challenged. "You're having a hard time caring about anything, I thought, so why should that bother you?"

"You're my wife!"

"Yeah, but nothing matters remember?" she reminded him.

"You know what? Maybe you're right," he said coldly. "Maybe I shouldn't care if my wife wants to act like a slut." He knew his words were cruel and he knew that he would regret them as soon as they were out of his mouth, but at the moment he wanted to hurt her and badly as she had hurt him so he continued. "Maybe I should do the same thing...expect in my case I'd find a beautiful woman to bring home. You have your fling and I'll have mine. I mean, after all, I did decide to wait until I was married to have sex so I never really got to experiment. Maybe now's the time to start."

Kelsi recoiled as if she had been physically struck. She supposed that she had probably had it coming and a part of her knew he hadn't meant it, but it felt like a poisoned dagger to the heart anyway. She could see the regret flash in his eyes a second later but by then it was too late. "Kelsi..." he started.

"No." She held a hand up to stop him. "You know, maybe you are right. Maybe nothing matters. Not me, not you, not us." Tears were streaming down her face and he was shocked to see her slowly pull her wedding ring off. "Not our marriage," she spit the last word out as she threw the ring at him. He opened his mouth to say something but ended up clenching his jaw instead.

"I can't do this right now," he decided. "I'm going out." With that said, he turned on his heel and stunned her by heading towards the apartment door.

"What?" she whispered. "You're just leaving? This isn't over!"

"We're not getting anywhere, Kelsi," he said calmly – too calmly – as he grabbed his jacket. "I think that it might be good for us to get some space between us for a while."

"When are you coming back?" she demanded.

"Don't know," he shrugged. "Later." He reached the door and put his hand on the knob.

"Don't go," she said quietly, causing him to momentarily pause. She held her breath as she waited and felt her heart drop to her knees as he then yanked the door open and walked out, slamming the door shut behind him. "Ryan." She brought a trembling hand to her mouth as she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that he had actually walked out on her. "Fine," she muttered a moment later. "Fine! Just leave! Who needs you anyway?" she called out, though she was aware that he couldn't hear her. She paced angrily for about a minute, trying her hardest to hold onto her temper in an attempt to stave off the crushing pain that she knew was soon to come. She managed to hold it off for about a minute and then stopped as her eyes happened to fall on her ring which had bounced of Ryan's forehead and landed on the floor by the couch.

"I should just leave you there," she mumbled before letting out an exhausted sigh. "Ugh!" She stomped over to it and bent down to snatch it up off the floor and shove it unceremoniously back onto her finger. As she straightened back into a fully standing position, she found herself looking at a collage of pictures of herself and Ryan that Troy and Gabriella had given them for their anniversary.

The collage was a perfect collection of some of the best moments in Ryan and Kelsi's relationship. There were pictures from their time spent at East High, most of them taken during their senior year. There were pictures from the Christmas they had all spent together and a picture of them from the prom. There were a couple of pictures from Julliard, some of which Kelsi had been surprised that Gabriella had managed to find. There was a picture from Kelsi's twenty-fifth birthday which had ended up being her and Ryan's surprise wedding day and another taken on their first anniversary where they had decided to renew their wedding vows in a church so Kelsi could have the wedding she had always dreamed about. Ryan had promised her that they would do that as a way to celebrate their anniversary but she had been stunned when it had actually happened.

That day had been a beautiful one and Kelsi felt her eyes well up with fresh tears as she lifted her hand up to trail her fingers along the picture Gabriella had chosen to represent it. It had been taken during the reception when neither Kelsi nor Ryan was paying any attention. Kelsi remembered the moment perfectly. Her feet had been killing her and she had just slipped off her heels to get some relief when Ryan had sneaked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He had then leaned in close and whispered that he loved her before placing a soft kiss on her temple. Kelsi had turned around to return the sentiment back to him and then found herself laughing as she adjusted to the subtle change in her height now that her heels were off. She had made some joke about feeling short and had moved up onto her tiptoes to kiss him, even though it wasn't necessary and had been surprised to find herself being lifted off of the ground just enough that the two of them were eye level. Kelsi remembered wrapping her arms around his neck as she got lost in his sweet kiss. The kiss had come to an end and she then remembered him continuing to hold her just off the ground as their eyes had met and held. It had been at that particular moment that the picture had been taken.

"Oh Ryan," she whispered as she studied the picture. She often heard the saying that a picture was worth a thousand words and now couldn't help but think that that saying had never been more true. She wasn't exactly sure how it was possible, but it the love she and Ryan shared almost seemed to radiate off of the picture itself. Her tears began falling harder and harder as that crushing pain she had been holding off feeling suddenly flooded her entire body. "Ryan." She buried her face in her hands as she sobbed, the emotions of the day coming at her so fast and strong that she was having a hard time catching her breath.

"Ryan," she repeated his name as her head popped up suddenly as she realized what she had to do. Without thinking about grabbing her key or a jacket, she bolted out of the apartment and raced down to the street. It was at that point that she remembered that it had started to rain as she got back to their building and by then the rain was falling pretty hard. She ended up completely soaked in less than a minute but she didn't care. Ignoring the fact that she more than likely looked like a lunatic she started screaming Ryan's name as she began frantically searching for him. She started with the block their apartment building was on and quickly found herself growing more and more desperate as it occurred to her that she had no idea where he went.

"Oh Ryan where are you?" she asked, her voice sounding broken and teary. She came to a stop in the middle of the block and ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to figure out where he might have gone. She was just about to give up when she thought she heard her name being called. She squinted into the direction she thought it had come from, struggling to see with all of the rain.

"Kelsi!" She felt her heart leap in her chest as she caught sight of Ryan across the street on the corner. She ran down the block while he jogged across the street toward her, nearly getting hit by a cab in the process.

"Ryan!" She struggled to come to a stop but ended up barreling into him and almost falling into the street as a result. Luckily for her, his reflexes were sharp and he managed to catch her just in time. "Ryan." His name came out on a sob as she flung her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry!" she cried, feeling his arms wrap tightly around her. "I'm so sorry!"

"I'm sorry!" He said it at the same time she did. "I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry I was so cold when you told me about Nicole. I'm sorry I wasn't more sympathetic to how upset you were and I'm sorry I didn't comfort you like I should have." He ran a hand through her wet hair. "I'm sorry I said that I felt like nothing matters. It was a horrible thing to say and I never should've said it."

"I overreacted," she argued. "I'm sorry I responded like I did." She pulled away from him suddenly to look in his eyes. "I'm sorry I was so cruel to you...I...I would never betray our wedding vows. You know that, right?" Her eyes were desperate as she continued. "I would never do that to you. You are the only man that I want and the only one that I need and the only one that I love. I love you so much...I never should've said what I did. I didn't mean it...I was trying to hurt you and I'm so, so sorry that I did." She chewed her lip for a few seconds. "I didn't mean it," she repeated. "You have to know that. I didn't..." she trailed off as he pressed a finger to her lips.

"I know," he whispered. "I know. It's okay."

"No it's not...it was a horrible thing to say...you didn't deserve it," she shook her head.

"Yes, I did," he countered. "I was being a total prick to you for no reason. You came home upset and in tears and I just brushed you off like you weren't important. I treated you so badly..." He framed her face with his hands. "I'm so, so very sorry. I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, I promise." He kissed her forehead. "I'm so sorry."

"Ryan..." she began but stopped again when he shushed her.

"I'm sorry about how moody and snippy I've been this whole week...it all kind of came to a head today but I never should have taken it out on you. I was way out of line."

"I knew you've been struggling this week," she jumped in. "I should've tried to find out what was wrong and help you through it instead of going at you like I did."

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he admitted, letting his forehead fall against hers. "I don't know when I got so numb and so cold, but I hate it. I hate feeling this way and I hate that it's hurting you." Ryan took a gulp of air before continuing. "I hate that I made you cry. I hate not being the husband you deserve. I really don't deserve you...especially not after today."

"That's not true," she cut in gently.

"Kelsi...you are the single most important thing in the world to me and I made you feel like you didn't matter at all. I always wanted to treat you like a princess because that's how you should be treated and I made you feel like nothing. That's...there are no words to describe how horrible that is. You have no idea how sorry I am." He ran his thumbs gently over her cheeks as he went on. "You do matter, baby. You have to know that...you matter so damn much. I can't even tell you how much." She tightened her hold on him as his voice broke. "You are everything to me...you are the only woman that I could ever love and the only woman I could ever want or need. I would never...our wedding vows did mean something...they did. I would never..."

Kelsi raised her gaze to Ryan's. In his eyes she saw the reflection of her own, mirroring their duo feelings of regret. She gently let her hand caress her husband's forehead, relishing the knowledge that he was in fact her husband. And above the earlier regret and anger, Kelsi felt gratitude and blessed that she could be so lucky. A new tear trailed down her cheek as she fought for words. But this tear wasn't one of distress, but one filled with happiness because Ryan was hers and she was his. Looking into his steady gaze she said the words that conveyed everything she was feeling and more. "I know Ryan...I know."

-----------------------------

Kelsi looked down at her and Ryan's linked hands and couldn't help smiling. "I felt so awful that day. I couldn't believe all the things I said to you which is probably why I kept apologizing over and over again. I had to make you that you knew how very sorry I was."

"Me too," he said quietly, giving her hand a squeeze. "Me too."

"You know what thinking about all of this made me think of?" she asked, after a moment.

"What's that?"

"Your next song. It's by Trace Adkins..._I Wanna Feel Something_. I was thinking about how numb you had been feeling back than and how you tried so hard to feel something, but couldn't. It reminds me of the song..._I just wanna feel somethin', somethin' that's a real somethin' that moves me, that proves to me I'm still alive. Run my fingers through your fingers, across your face and through your hair and close my eyes and breathe you in like air. I just wanna feel somethin'_." She lifted her gaze back to his. "I get that way too sometimes...as you know." "You know what always pulls me out of it?"

"What?" he asked softly.

"You." She brought her free hand to his cheek. "You always find a way to bring me back."

"Kind of like how you always find a way to bring me back," he smiled. "It doesn't matter what it is that's making me feel like that in the first place...you always pull me out of it."

"That...was exactly what I was going to say to you," she admitted. "Are you reading my mind again?"

"Apparently," he chuckled. "Sorry about that."

"In any event..." She gave him a look of mock warning. "It doesn't matter how far gone either of us are or how horrible we are...it doesn't even matter if we're both gone. Somehow, someway we'll find a way to pull each other out of it. The world may be mean and depressing sometimes, but our love is stronger than all of it."

"Of course it is," he agreed. "There's nothing our love can't overcome. We might get sidetracked every now and then but never for too long."

"Never for too long." She trailed off as she studied him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong...I was just thinking about Safe Horizon and all the women who end up there, like Nicole..." She gave him a sad smile, prompting him to let go of her hand in order to wrap his arm around her instead. "It's so sad, Ryan. I just don't understand how anyone could voluntarily hurt someone else...especially the children." She felt her brow furrow as she continued. "It's just...I've been volunteering there for years and I still can't wrap my mind around it."

"Me either," he said softly as he rubbed her arm soothingly. "It's horrible. But at least there are places like Safe Horizon that can help," he offered in the hopes of making her feel a little better.

"That's true. It's just...it's so sad seeing all the women who come in, especially when they're new. They're always so sad and jumpy like they're always waiting for someone to hurt them and it breaks my heart. It just breaks my heart," she sniffled, unsurprised to find her eyes filling up with tears.

"I know." He leaned it to kiss the side of her head. "I know it does, baby. That's why you're the perfect person to help out over there...you genuinely care about them and their stories." Ryan gently wiped away her tears with his other hand.

"I can't help it." Kelsi shrugged, taking a deep breath. "I can't imagine what that's like. I mean...I did get attacked and all that back then..." she paused as memories of said attack momentarily came to mind. She shook her head as she looked deep into her husband's eyes. "But as awful as that was, I still can't imagine what it'd be like to live with the person doing the abusing. To live in constant fear of the person who says they love you." Somewhere in the course of their discussion, her hand had moved from his cheek to her lap but now she lifted it back to his cheek for a moment before sliding it to the back of his head. She absently played with his hair as she continued. "It just...I've thought this before but remembering what happened to Nicole just brought it back home for me."

"What?" he asked, causing her to smile at him again.

"How lucky I am to have you," she said, her love for him evident in the tender way she spoke. "We've had our fights and I've seen you really angry, but I have never had any reason to be afraid of you. You have never and would never raise a hand to me in violence and it would never even cross your mind even if you were completely furious at me. It's just not the kind of man you are," she said simply. "You are kind and sweet and gentle and loving and you go out of your way to make sure I know how much you love me. Those poor women have lived lives of fear but it's kind of the exact opposite with you. With you there is no fear. Not of anything...you make me feel safe. It's not only that you wouldn't hurt me yourself, it's that you try to protect me from anything that might hurt me. I'm...I'm going to go into more detail about that later but for now I just want to say..." She had to take a second as she fought to work past the sudden lump in her throat. "I just want to say thank you. Thank you for never giving me a reason to be afraid and for loving me so well. I just..." She gave him a slightly sheepish smile as her voice broke. "I love you so much...I know I've said that already today but -"

"I love you too," he whispered huskily, to cut her off. It was at that point that she noticed that he had tears in his eyes as well. "You have no idea how much."

"I think I do," she argued, snuggling closer to him. "You're always looking for new ways to show me after all."

"And if you ask me I still have a long way to go," he informed her.

"Oh Ryan," she murmured, brushing her lips against his for a few moments before shifting on the couch just enough to ease her head onto his shoulder. As seemed to be the case often with them, they soon fell into a comfortable silence while they took the time to savor both the moment and each other.

"Hmm," he said finally, sensing that it was time to try and break the mood a little bit. "You know when you were talking about the fight and our making up afterwards?"

"Of course," she nodded.

"I just remembered what happened next," he told her. She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him, her eyes twinkling.

"You do? Because I'm a little fuzzy on that part."

"Oh, are you? Well then I guess I better jog your memory then, huh?" he teased her.

"Guess so," she agreed. He smiled as he leaned in to give her a lingering kiss that stole her breath. "Hmm...that did help me, thank you. Though actually it just occurred to me that you're kind of wrong...though that was very close."

"Close?" he repeated, lifting an eyebrow at her. "That's what happened."

"You kissed me, yes, but I remember that kiss being about twenty times hotter," she quipped, making him laugh. "It was passionate and steamy and I remember doing my best to get as close to you as humanly possible."

"I am good aren't I?" he joked.

"You have your moments," she giggled. "Though, hey, I think I was doing pretty well too."

"Mmm...that you were," he agreed. "The rain added a nice touch too, I thought."

"It did," she nodded. "Kissing me in the rain...that was pretty darn romantic, Evans."

"Yeah well," he smirked. "I do my best." She watched him glance towards the door with a glint in his eyes. "You know, it's not raining at the moment but I think we could probably recreate that kiss."

"We probably could," she agreed.

"You know what they say...no time like the present." He leaned in for another kiss but Kelsi pulled away from him laughing.

"Watch it, mister," she cautioned. "There's other people lurking around, several of them being children."

"Right but they're all out there somewhere," he reminded her, pointing towards the kitchen. "Doing whatever they're doing and we are completely alone."

"We are not _completely_ alone and you know it. Sorry babe, but this idea has to be put on hold. I am not going to have Angel or one of the other kids...or even worse, someone like Chad or Troy come barging in here while we're practically making out. So behave yourself," she warned.

"Fine," he said, making a show of pouting. "I'll be good...for now," he added, winking at her.

"Hmm...well just in case..." She reached over and grabbed a pillow from her other side and amused him by sticking it between them as she slid farther away. "I have another song to give you."

"Okay," he chuckled. "What song is that?"

"_Love Is Not a Fight_ by Warren Barfield," she replied, her expression growing serious. "I was listening to this song the other day and it really struck a chord with me. See, it's a song about how love is more than something we fall into which I think is how a lot of people see it. You fall in love with someone and go through that sort of honeymoon phase where everything is new and perfect. It's intense and intoxicating and completely pulls you in. It's an incredible feeling and an important part of a relationship. But you know the problem? It eventually wears off, especially when something bad happens. It's easy to be in love when things are, well, easy. But it's harder to love when things get hard."

She looked past him while she worked out what she wanted to say. "The song kind of talks about how sometimes love feels like a fight. I think a lot of time marriages and relationships fail because one or both people isn't willing to work on it. Love is not a feeling...I mean it is, but it's so much more than that. Or at least it's supposed to be. Love, like life, can be messy and complicated and difficult. People hurt each other sometimes...even people that love each other as much as we do. It goes back to what I was saying before...life can never be perfect. Love can never be perfect. At least not love between two people...it can come close, sure. But it's never perfect."

She took a deep and calming breath as her eyes locked with his. "I don't know what kinds of things we're going to have to deal with as we continue to build our lives together. I don't know what kind of trouble or roadblocks we'll run into or when we'll run into them. We talk about wanting kids and how wonderful it will be, which it will, but there'll be problems there too. There'll probably be times when we wonder why we wanted to be parents in the first place. I can't imagine this ever being the case, but maybe they'll even be a time where things aren't going well with us to the point that one or both of us wants out of this marriage." Ryan opened his mouth to comment, but Kelsi held her hand up to silence him.

"I don't ever see that day coming, to be honest. But for all we know it could. I feel like I keep repeating myself here, but my main point is that bad things will happen to us and there'll be times when it'll be hard to love each other. Like that fight we had when Nicole was killed...that was a horrible, painful argument and it was the kind of fight that sometimes breaks up marriages. As much as I wish it weren't true, we'll probably have a few more of those fights down the road. I can't promise you that they won't happen because odds are that they will." She reached out for both of his hands. "There's going to be times when they'll be a huge storm going on around us and it may feel like we're holding onto a tiny little tree to try and survive it. There may be times that we're ready to give up on ourselves or each other or our love."

"But it's like the songs says..._Love is not a place to come and go as we please. It's a house we enter in, then commit to never leave. So lock the door behind you, throw away the key. We'll work it out together, let it bring us to our knees. Love is a shelter is a raging storm. Love is peace in the middle of a war. And if we try to leave_," she squeezed his hands as she continued, "_may God send angels to guard the door. No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for._" She lifted his hands to first kiss one and then the other as she struggled with the lump that had returned to her throat. "See Ryan," she said, her voice full of emotion. "When I married you I promised to love and honor and cherish you for as long as we both shall live and I meant every word. There may be times when it'll be hard for me to love you...like during that fight we had, but I'll love you anyway. That's what it comes down to after all. Love is not a feeling we feel...it's a decision we make and I choose to love you until the day I die, even when you're harder to love. I promise that I will never walk away from you or our marriage, no matter how hard things may get. And it is my prayer and hope that if one of us ever _does_ try to leave...that God will send angels to guard the door, like the song says. I...I will always fight for you, Ryan Evans...I will always fight for our love because our love is worth fighting for....it is..."

"Kelsi," Ryan murmured her name, his voice thick. He tried to force his way through the tears and emotions that her words had caused to well up in him so that he could speak, but soon found that he was unable too. Instead he framed her face with his hands before bringing his lips to hers in a kiss that was full of passion and love and a form of desperation. Kelsi found herself yanking the pillow out from between them to toss it behind her in order to get closer to him, practically crawling onto his lap. He kissed his way to her ear. "I will always fight for you, Kelsi Evans," he whispered. "Always."

* * *

**Whew. That was intense. **

**For the record, the shelter I have Kelsi volunteering at, Safe Horizon, is a real shelter for abused women and children in New York City. In doing my research I learned that Safe Horizon is NYC's "largest provider of domestic violence residences with more than 425 beds available throughout the five buroughs." The quoted part was taken from their website which is their name (dot) org if anyone happens to be interested. It looks like an incredible organization that is fully dedicated to helping victims of domestic abuse (among other things). That all said while Safe Horizon is a real place, the story in the flashback about Nicole and her boyfriend Patrick is complete fiction and NOT based on real people.  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thanks, as always, for all the support so far everyone! I am putting a heavy steam advisory on this chapter as the newest entry , if you will, in what a few of us are calling the steam wars. This advisory will still be in effect for the next chapter (once it's done, that is). I tried to add more steam than usual in here while still keeping it classy and I think I pulled it off. I can see this chapter being kind of surprising, both in terms of Kelsi's actions and the fact that I'm writing it and this isn't really my normal. I think I explain it pretty well in Kelsi's letter. I just thought that since I'm covering all the different sides of Ryelsi's relationship, this kind of stuff has to be included. Thanks to Jen for suggesting the song used in the chapter - think it works perfectly. Little bit of a surprise in here too. Hope you all enjoy it! Let me know. :)  
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Gabriella couldn't help smiling to herself as she went in search of Ryan and Kelsi to inform them that the pizza had arrived. So far the week had been wonderful – the group trip was long overdue, in her opinion. She loved spending so much time with her family and her closest friends, and the fact that Kelsi had found out that she was pregnant just seemed to make the trip feel more special. She had never said anything to Kelsi about it, but up until this point she had almost felt sorry for her composing friend. For the longest time, Kelsi had merely sat on the sidelines and watched while all of her friends had children – not just her high school friends, but her Juilliard friends as well. Kelsi had once commented to Gabriella that it felt like everyone she knew was having babies and growing their families...everyone, that is, except for herself and Ryan.

Gabriella knew that Kelsi loved the life she was living and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but she had also seen the look of longing that appeared on Kelsi's face every so often - the look that seemed to appear the most often when she was holding one of the children. The look that told Gabriella, along with anyone else paying attention, just how much Kelsi wanted to be a mother. There had even been times when she had caught a glimpse of Ryan as he watched that look of longing appear on his wife's face, and it seemed to Gabriella that his reaction was always one of pain. Pain because he knew how much Kelsi wanted a baby and he hadn't yet been able to give her one. Knowing Ryan like she did, Gabriella assumed that he blamed himself for that.

Not that it was his fault. Gabriella believed that things in life happened when they were supposed to happen, which wasn't necessarily when people wanted them to. The reason, then, that Ryan and Kelsi had not become parents was simply because it hadn't been time for them to be. At least not until now. A fresh smile appeared on Gabriella's face at the thought. She had always known that the two of them would still manage to be happy; even if they never had the children they both wanted so much. That was actually part of the reason why Gabriella had been so happy to find out that they _were_ going to have a child...the years that they had spent together so far as a married couple had served to strengthen what had already been a strong bond between them, resulting in what Gabriella saw as an unshakeable foundation for them to build on. The life Ryan and Kelsi were building together was a beautiful one; the love that they shared was deep and profound. Gabriella couldn't imagine a more perfect environment for a baby to be born into.

Finally spotting Ryan and Kelsi in the back living room, Gabriella found herself hesitating in the entryway at the sight that greeted her. The two of them were snuggled up on the couch with just enough space between them so that they could still look at each other. Both were leaning against the back of the couch with Ryan's right arm stretched along it, providing a cushion of sorts for Kelsi to rest her head on. He seemed to alternate between stroking her hair and caressing her cheek with his left hand. Kelsi was holding onto his left wrist as if to keep his hand where it was and occasionally letting her hand slide from his wrist to his elbow and back. Gabriella felt her smile soften as she watched Ryan lean in to softly kiss her forehead while Kelsi's eyes fluttered close. Gabriella watched as Kelsi then wrapped both of her arms around his waist and cuddled a little closer to him.

The scene was so beautifully tender that Gabriella was unsurprised to feel her eyes well up with tears. Yes, the love that Kelsi and Ryan shared was the perfect foundation for their growing family. She pressed a hand to her mouth as she thought about how overjoyed Ryan would be when Kelsi finally told him that she was having his baby. She took a couple of steps backward in an attempt to give them some more privacy for a few moments while she collected herself. It was funny the way things worked out, she mused. Unbeknownst to any of the others, Kelsi was not the only one with a secret. Gabriella had one of her own and had been planning on revealing it once they had arrived on the island. But then Kelsi had found out that she was pregnant and as a result, Gabriella had pushed her own secret aside in favor of helping to keep Kelsi's, because as far as she was concerned Kelsi's was more important.

Gabriella waited a few more moments while her thoughts drifted to her own secret, wondering for probably the hundredth time how and when to go about revealing it. Coming up empty, once again, Gabriella brushed it off. She could worry about that later. For now, she needed to inform Ryan and Kelsi that dinner had arrived. She softly cleared her throat as she entered the room, smiling when they both looked up at her. "Sorry to interrupt, guys," she apologized, "but the pizza's here."

"Mmm...I don't wanna get up," Kelsi complained, though there was a smile on her face. "Though I am pretty hungry..."

"We'd better hurry then," Ryan nodded, getting to his feet and then extending a hand to his wife to help her up. "Pizza always seems to disappear pretty fast with this group."

"Thanks to all of you men," Gabriella teased him. "You guys all seem to go crazy whenever pizza is involved."

"Well of course," Ryan grinned. "When pizza's involved, it's every man or woman for themselves."

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"Okay, Kelsi...stop being such a wimp," Kelsi muttered to herself. After finishing her pizza, Kelsi had moved away from the group to write her newest letter to her husband. If she had been worried about any of the other letters she had already written him, it was nothing compared to the anxiety she felt about this particular letter. It seemed silly that it would be the case when she had talked about more serious things, but then again the topic of this letter wasn't exactly one she talked about often. She chewed on her lip nervously while she paced. "Come on, Kelsi. You're being ridiculous...just go over there and give him his letter already."

"Um...Kelsi?" Kelsi looked over to find Martha and Taylor looking at her curiously. It was Martha who had spoken. "Are you okay?"

"Oh sure, I'm perfectly fine." Kelsi tried to assure them, but could tell that she hadn't by the looks on their faces.

"Yeah, because people usually talk to themselves when they're perfectly fine," Taylor teased. "What's the matter, Kelsi?"

"It's just this letter." Kelsi help it up as evidence. "I'm a little nervous about giving this one to Ryan."

"Why, what's it about?" Martha wanted to know.

"What's what about?" Kelsi's eyes widened at the sound of Sharpay's voice. She turned to find not only Sharpay, but Gabriella as well.

"Kelsi's latest letter to your brother," Taylor answered.

"Kelsi's nervous about giving it to him," Martha added. "We were just wondering why."

"It's just the subject matter..." Kelsi said, looking uncomfortable.

"Which is what?" Taylor pressed.

"Well..." Kelsi stole an anxious glance at Sharpay. "It's about, well, some of the more, um, private aspects of our relationship."

"Meaning?" Martha asked.

"Well, you know, you have the emotional stuff and the mental stuff, I guess...at least I guess there could be mental stuff...haven't really thought about that," Kelsi rambled, earning her a couple of raised eyebrows. "You know, there's all of that stuff and then there's the, well, more...the more physical stuff..." she trailed off.

"Oh," Taylor nodded. "I think I know what you're talking about."

"Someone mind filling the rest of us in?" Sharpay asked. "More physical...what, you mean like hugs and stuff?"

"Well...not exactly..." Kelsi stammered.

"Kisses?" Gabriella supplied. "Didn't you already talk to him about that?"

"Well yes, sort of, but not exactly," Kelsi managed.

"What?" Sharpay asked, confused.

"I mean, it does involve kisses, that's certainly true. And hugs...well in a way I suppose, it could mean...but that's not...not exactly what it's about, you see. It's about, well, other stuff," Kelsi babbled. "You know, other physical kind of stuff."

"Oh," Martha gasped, stretching the word out so it covered three syllables. "I think I gotcha."

"Yeah..." Kelsi nodded.

"Okay, I'm feeling really slow today." Sharpay muttered, glancing at Gabriella who shrugged.

"Think about it, Sharpay. She's talking about physical stuff...other than kisses and hugs," Taylor said pointedly.

"Like what else...what other kind of physical things do you do with Zeke?" Martha supplied.

"You mean..." Gabriella started.

"I don't..." Sharpay said at the same time.

"Oh for heaven's sake. I'm talking about sex! Sex! You know, the reason I'm pregnant in the first place!?" Kelsi exclaimed, causing both Gabriella and Martha's jaws to drop at her bluntness. Several seconds passed while all four of the other girls gaped at Kelsi in surprise.

"Okay, in the future," Sharpay began, "a simple 'none of your business, Sharpay' will suffice!" She shuddered in disgust. "I really didn't need to hear that."

"Well, you wanted to know," Kelsi mumbled, blushing.

"Sex is an important part of any relationship," Taylor pointed out matter-of-factly. "Especially in a marriage. It's important for couples to have that connection."

"Well, thank you, Dr. Phil," Sharpay said sarcastically.

"Hey, I'm just saying that it's important. I think it's good that Kelsi is addressing that issue with him in her project." Taylor shrugged.

"I bet he's good at it too," Martha said absently, though her face turned bright red half a second later as she realized what she had said.

"Martha!" Sharpay exclaimed in horror.

"Oops," Martha whispered. "I can't believe I just said that."

"Well, it's probably true," Gabriella spoke up shyly. "I mean Ryan is a great dancer so he probably has great control of his body..."

"Gabriella!" Martha giggled. "I can't believe _you_ just said _that_!"

"You're the one who said you thought he'd be good at it in the first place! I was agreeing!" Gabriella retorted.

"Girls, you're talking about Kelsi's husband here," Taylor pointed out, though she was trying not to laugh.

"Her husband!? You're talking about my _brother_!" Sharpay screeched, causing Chad, Troy and Ryan to look over at them in curiosity. All of the children had been put to bed and Zeke was staying in the main house on kid duty, so to speak, while Jason was over at the other house, also on kid duty. She flushed and deliberately lowered her voice. "This is just...ew...I really don't want to hear this!"

"Then you might want to cover your ears," Taylor advised, smirking at her. "I think Martha and Gabriella are probably right." She shot her gaze over to Kelsi, who resembled a tomato. "Are they?"

"About Ryan being, um, good?" she asked timidly. "I, um, I'm, well, I'll...." She gulped and lowered her gaze to the ground. "I don't know if the word good is, well, good enough actually," she admitted.

"And I think I just threw up a little." Sharpay shuddered again as she lifted a hand to her mouth.

"Sorry." Kelsi whispered as both Gabriella and Martha dissolved into giggles.

"Hey, I told you that you might want to cover your ears," Taylor reminded her. "Not our fault that you didn't listen."

"You guys really need to stop, I beg you," Sharpay pleaded, her face an interesting shade of green. "There are some things I really don't need to know about my brother...and this takes the cake."

"What don't you need to know about me?" A male voice piped up from behind them causing all five of their jaws to drop.

"Nothing!" Sharpay answered quickly. "Nothing at all!"

"Kelsi has your latest letter, Ryan," Taylor offered. Ryan looked from one woman to the next, his intrigue rising at each new face his eyes met. Neither Martha nor Gabriella would look him in the eye and both of them were giggling uncontrollably. Sharpay looked as if she was about to puke on someone, most likely him, and Kelsi's face was bright red while her eyes were as big as saucers. Only Taylor looked reasonable composed, though on closer inspection he noticed that she looked as if she was about to start laughing at any second.

"Okay, what's going on?" he demanded, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. "What's wrong with all of you?"

"Nothing!" All five women chorused, causing one of his eyebrows to lift skeptically.

"Here's your letter!" Kelsi practically shoved the folded up piece of paper at him. "I'm, um...I'll be inside...you...um, maybe go off by yourself when you read that, okay? Okay." She was in the house before he could blink.

"What in the world..." he muttered, completely bewildered.

"You should go read," Gabriella managed through her giggles. "It's important." His other eyebrow raised in shock as she let out an extremely uncharacteristic snort.

"Yeah, reading letters from your spouse is very important. Especially when it's about important things, like that letter," Taylor added.

"Yeah...go read your letter, already," Sharpay put in, willing herself to look at him and then being unable to suppress the look of disgust that appeared on her face as a result. "I...I have to find Zeke. Like right now." She disappeared within seconds, much like Kelsi had, leaving Ryan alone with Taylor and the still giggling Martha and Gabriella.

"Well...I'm going to go read," he said slowly.

"Good, that's good," Taylor said, barely able to hold back the laughter that was dying to escape.

"Okay...see you ladies later then," he nodded. Ryan turned to walk away and then looked back, shaking his head at them. He headed away from the group and tried his best to ignore the hysterical laughter coming from the three women he had just left.

"Okay Kelsi," he muttered as he found a private spot to sit down. "What did you write about this time?" Ryan assumed that the subject of this letter was more than likely the cause of the hysteria he had just left. He shifted a bit to get more comfortable as he opened it.

_Dear Ryan,_

_I can't believe that I'm writing you a letter about this, but it feel like it's too important a subject for me to ignore. Before I tell you what this is about, I have a request to make – I know you haven't been going around showing everyone the letters I've written you and I'm sure that you won't suddenly get the urge to, but please...if there's ever a letter I want to stay between the two of us it's this one. I think I would actually die of embarrassment if anyone else happened to find it. That said, I can't believe I'm writing this with everyone else around. I've just finished my pizza and most of the rest of you are still eating, so I'm hoping that'll be enough to keep you all occupied so I don't have to worry about anyone asking questions._

_I'm sure by now you're wondering what I could possibly be writing about that would be making me worry so much about privacy and I honestly don't know how to begin. I guess I'll start with a promise we made to each other in high school. Namely that we were going to wait until we were married to have sex. It was actually a decision I had made a while before we started dating and I remember how scared I was to tell you. Of course, my fears ended up being for nothing since you came to the same decision. It wasn't the most popular choice we could have made and it wasn't the easiest promise to keep, but somehow we kept it. _

_The very first time we made love it was on our wedding night. I don't think that there are enough words to describe how nervous I was that night. It may seem odd to say, but I'm happy that you surprised me with our wedding the way you did...I think if I had known in advance what the day would be, that I would have been even more nervous about the wedding night. That way, I was still nervous, but not nearly as much. There weren't really any expectations since it all happened so fast...I woke up expecting it to be like any other Valentine's Day/birthday and all of a sudden it became my wedding day too. That was a help._

_But even so...I think I had about a million butterflies flying around in my stomach when you carried me into that hotel room. I can't tell you how comforting it was to notice that you were nervous too. Though you handled it so much better than I did. There we were in that beautiful hotel room with that big, soft bed. I vaguely remember seeing some champagne chilling in there too. It was about as romantic as it could've been for our first time, but you know what? I didn't care about any of it and I didn't need any of it, I just needed you. The truth is that our first time could've been just about anywhere and it would've been beautiful. Because you made it that way. _

_I was so scared at first, did I ever tell you that? Scared of not being good enough for you, scared of having you see me that way...without clothes, that is. I know that probably sounds silly, but I was terrified of being that exposed even though I trusted you completely. I was scared that it would hurt and scared that I would cry if it did. I think I had about three near heart attacks while you were carrying me to that bed, worrying about all of that. And then I was lying there reaching for you and you were kissing me and all of a sudden all of those fears went away. The only thing that mattered to me was you, and you were so sweet and so incredibly gentle. It did hurt, a little bit, and I did cry...though most of that was due to the beauty of the moment. Beautiful because after so many years of loving you and wanting you and needing you, I was finally yours in every way possible. Mind, body and spirit. I felt like such a dork, crying like that, but you just leaned in and softly kissed away my tears and then told me how much you loved me. _

_It's funny in a strange way. I always knew I wanted you, but I never really knew how much until that night. I never knew it was possible to feel so much or to need someone so much, but you showed me otherwise. Nothing could have prepared me for how I felt that night. It's been about three years and I have no idea how many times we've made love since then and you'd think I'd get used to wanting you so much, but I never do. Sometimes I have such an intense need for you that it takes my breath away. Usually I just kind of hang back and wait in those moment because odds are pretty good that you'll end up making some sort of move, but sometimes...well, sometimes I feel like I'm going to turn old and gray by the time you make a move, so I've learned that in those times I need to take charge. I still remember the first time I ever did so, the first time I ever made a direct move on you in that way. I had tried so hard to get your attention and it just wasn't working. You, my dear husband, were being extremely difficult that day and it was driving me crazy, so I decided to take control. I'm not sure who I surprised more in that moment...you or me..._

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Her husband was trying to kill her, Kelsi couldn't help thinking. The two of them had just spent the morning and part of the afternoon at Lava Springs for some charity thing of some sort. It was awful to admit, but at the moment Kelsi honestly couldn't remember what the event had been for. All she could recall was that it had meant enough to the Evans family that Vance and Derby had requested that Ryan and Kelsi return to Albuquerque to attend. Whatever...Kelsi was sure that she'd feel bad about not remembering later on, but for now she had other things on her mind. Namely, the belief that her husband was trying to kill her.

Her reasoning was simple. First, he had decided to dress all in black for this particular occasion. Black dress pants, black button down shirt with a black tie. Already looking better than a man had a right to, in Kelsi's opinion. She had spent a lot of time watching him while they were at Lava Springs and so had been distracted all day. "Um Ryan?" She called his name timidly, hoping that he'd notice that she was practically drooling over him.

"Nice event, huh?" His voice was pleasant enough, though Kelsi found herself gulping down a mouthful of air as she watched him slowly undo his tie. "The staff did a great job setting up, don't you think? And I think a lot of money was raised too."

"Yeah...money...good," she murmured, biting down on her lip anxiously as he tortured her by unbuttoning the first couple of buttons of his shirt and then stopping. "Oh heaven help me," she mumbled under her breath.

"Hmm?" Kelsi let out a quiet groan of frustration as it didn't seem as if Ryan was paying her any attention at all. He was driving her completely insane and had no idea he was doing it. He walked past her then, his arm brushing against hers in the process. The physical contact seemed to be the last straw for Kelsi, and so she did something that she had never imagined she was capable of: she grabbed hold of his arm and yanked him back and in front of her. "Kelsi, what?" was all he could get out before she shoved him hard against the wall and kissed him roughly.

"Shut up," she ordered, pulling her mouth away from his for the briefest of seconds. She pressed her body against his, needing to get as close to him as possible. Kelsi couldn't help letting out a small whimper of triumph as she felt his arms wrap around her. She kissed along his jaw line as she let her hands slide slowly down his chest to his stomach. His shirt had still been tucked neatly into his pants, but now she yanked it out before running her hands back up to his shoulders and bringing her mouth back to his. "I need you," she muttered the words against his lips, sliding her hands up his neck to his face. "I need you so much I can hardly stand it." She moved her now trembling hands to his shirt and started fumbling with the buttons where he had so annoyingly stopped. She tore her mouth away from his in the hopes that it would help if she could watch what she was doing. Unfortunately for her, her hands were shaking too much for her to have any success with the buttons.

"Oh the heck with it," she grumbled impatiently. Before she could stop to think about it, she grabbed his shirt with both hands and tore it open, sending buttons flying in the process. She glanced up at him, intending to kiss him again, but stopping when she noticed his expression which was equal parts shock and lust. She bit her lip as she felt her face slowly begin to heat up as she wondered what in the world she had just done. "Oops..." she whispered, blushing harder as his expression didn't change. "Sorry about your shirt...I got a little carried away..." She broke off when he let out a breathless chuckle. She then let out a gasp as he suddenly reversed their positions in a swift movement.

"Babe, does it look like I care about my shirt?" he asked, reaching up to begin freeing her hair from the bun she had put it in for the event. He carefully removed each individual hairpin and then carelessly tossed them to the floor.

"Well...I've never done anything like that before," she managed, though she was finding it hard to breathe as she was sandwiched between the wall and his body.

"As far as I'm concerned, you can tear my clothes off anytime you want," he informed her, crushing his lips against hers before she could respond, kissing her hungrily. She tightened her grip on his shoulders and let out a moan as his lips moved downward to assault her neck. "Bed, now." He softly growled the words in her ear as he started backing up, pulling her along with him.

"Couch is closer," she quipped, straining to stay as close to him as possible as they moved.

"Good point," he agreed, changing direction and somehow managing to steer them to the couch.

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Ryan gulped as he read Kelsi's letter, suddenly having an overwhelming urge to go run into the ocean or track down some ice to pour down his shirt. He remembered the memory Kelsi reminded him of so perfectly that it made it difficult for him to think, let alone to try and concentrate on her words. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it, knowing that he'd be finding his wife immediately afterwards.

_I think the two of us have gotten a reputation as being this cute and sweet and innocent couple, especially among our friends. I think a lot of that has to do with how our relationship started out and how it developed...it felt so pure in the beginning and I think everyone could see that. I think that once they all got that idea of us as this innocent couple in their heads, they couldn't get it out. They probably can't imagine us as being capable of the passion I just reminded you of. You know one thing I love about our relationship? All of the contrasts in it. We can be so sweet and innocent, like people think we are – as proven by our first time together. And then on the other hand, we can be so passionate, almost unbearably so. We have this heat between us that never fails to amaze me and I hope the fire never goes out._

_You know, Ryan, to kind of change gears on you here – we live in a society where it feels like there isn't anyone who wants to wait for anything. Instant gratification and all that. In this kind of society, our decision to wait until we were married to have sex is a strange one. I think it's a little sad that so many people feel that way because sex should be so much more than something you do because it feels good. But then, I always believed that it should mean something...not that it wouldn't have meant anything if we had given in before we got married. It would have, but it wouldn't have been as special, I don't think. _

_I've had a couple of friends ask me if I ever regretted waiting and I can honestly tell them no. You know why? Because you, my sweet husband, were worth the wait. When we got married, I traded my last name for yours and promised to be with you forever. Like I said before, I gave myself to you completely that day – mind, body and spirit. You are the only man that has ever touched me, the only one I've ever made love with and the only one I want. Just like I'm the only woman you've ever touched or made love to. I don't know about you, but I think there's something very sexy about that. _

_The reason I wanted to remind you of the first time I basically attacked you was because sometimes I don't think you have any idea what you do to me. Of course there are other times when I think you're completely aware of that fact, but that's beside the point. The point being that as close as we were before we got married, as affectionate a couple we were before then...nothing could've prepared me for what it'd be like once we were married. All of a sudden we had a new way of expressing our love for each other. It seems like the beauty that so entranced me that first time seems to become more and more beautiful every time. The reason that being with you that way is always beautiful is because we always put so much love into it. Even in those times when it's all heat and fire and passion like the time I reminded you of...I never look at it as us having sex. Sex doesn't seem like a good enough word to describe it, it doesn't seem strong enough or meaningful enough. I prefer calling it making love because that's exactly what's happening. _

_When I was thinking about talking about all of this with you, I was trying to think of an appropriate song and the first one that came to mind was _The Nearness of You_ by Norah Jones. See, honey, I don't need all the candles and soft lighting and soft music...all the things that people use to "set the mood". I certainly don't mind having those things since they can add to the experience, but at the end of the day the only thing I need is you. It's like the song says, "When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me, all my wildest dreams come true. I need no soft lights to enchant me if you would only grant me the right to hold you ever so tight. And to feel in the night the nearness of you." There aren't enough words in the dictionary for me to properly describe what being close to you does to me. You're kind of like a drug, you can be so intoxicating to me. There are times when I need to block out the rest of the world and focus only on making love with you. _

_I have more to say about this subject, but I should warn you – this is one of those times. So if you ask me, I think you should leave the rest of the group and come on upstairs because I need you, baby. I need you so much._

_Love you,_

_Kelsi_

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"Okay, that was a little odd," Troy decided. He; along with Chad, Taylor, Gabriella and Martha; had just watched Ryan suddenly bolt up from where he had been sitting and dash into the house as if it was on fire. His eyes narrowed as he watched Martha and Gabriella glance at each other and start giggling. "What?"

"He's probably just in a hurry to find Kelsi," Taylor supplied, fighting the urge to smile. "Especially after reading her latest letter."

"Why, what was it about?" Chad wanted to know.

"Nothing that concerns you," Taylor answered honestly. "Let's just say that it was about a topic that would, well, make Ryan want to see his wife. That's all."

"Oh...okay," Chad said slowly, glancing at Troy who shrugged.

"It's probably a good thing he went inside then," Troy offered. "If it's something to make him want to see her, than I bet she wants to see him too."

"That's true," Taylor agreed. "I bet she does."

"Ryan's such a good husband to her," Martha managed.

"Don't you remember, Martha? He's better than good," Taylor quipped, causing both Martha and Gabriella to laugh harder.

"Okay, what is with you women?" Troy exclaimed. "You've been acting like loons off and on this entire trip so far." His eyes narrowed further as he looked from one woman to the next. "This is about the secret, isn't it?"

"You mean the secret that we all know?" Chad grinned. "Aside from you and Ryan, that is."

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me about that Chad," Troy said sarcastically. "Everyone else gets to know while Ryan and I are kept in the dark. Real nice, guys."

"You'll find out eventually, Troy," Taylor pointed out.

"Eventually," Troy huffed. "I want to find out now!"

"Fine," Gabriella said suddenly, finally managing to get a hold of herself. "You want to find out what the secret is, I'll tell you."

"What?" Chad, Taylor and Martha chorused, each one looking surprised.

"Troy has every right to know what the secret is," Gabriella said calmly. "I never should've kept it from him in the first place."

"Gabriella, what are you doing?" Taylor hissed, lifting an eyebrow when Gabriella winked at her.

"You want to know the secret, Troy?" Gabriella asked him.

"Well duh," he replied quickly. "It's only been driving me completely insane!"

"Okay," she nodded. "You want to know the secret, well here it is." Gabriella took a deep breath as she locked her eyes on her husband's. "I'm pregnant."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Monster of a chapter ahead! Thanks, as always, to everyone who is reading and/or reviewing! I got such a kick out of some of the reviews for the last chapter - you guys crack me up sometimes. Heavy steam alert for this chapter (long live the steam wars! ;)). I think this might be steamier than the last chapter was, actually, but I think I kept it classy. Parts of this was inspired by MarieLightning's Ryelsi fanfic _Mad Hatters_ which I would recommend to anyone who loves Ryelsi steam (that one is rated M). Speaking of ratings, this is probably about as close to M as I'll ever get, but I think it's safe to give this a T rating for this chapter. For anyone confused about how many songs Ryan has gotten so far, as of this chapter, it's 25. There's 2 songs in here, but only 1 counts towards the 38...why? Because the second one, as wonderfully appropriate as it is, seemed perfect for a bonus song, but didn't seem to fit the purpose of the rest (which was for Kelsi to highlight different things she loves about Ryan/their relationship.** **Thank you to one of my anonymous reviewers, Bee, who suggested the first song in the chapter & thank you to AllForLoveandHappiness who suggested the second song! Enjoy the chapter, guys! Let me know what you think. :)  
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Ryan flew up the stairs as if his life depended on it, thinking only of finding his wife and letting her know exactly what he thought of her letter. He yanked open the door to their bedroom and was surprised to find her nowhere in sight. What he did find, however, was that the lights had been lowered and there were some flameless candles placed around the room, making the atmosphere warm and inviting. There was soft music playing in the background and he smiled, realizing that the bathroom door was closed. He walked over to it and knocked lightly. "Kelsi?"

"Yes?" She called back, and he could swear he heard a smile in her voice. "Did you need something?" she asked innocently, making him snicker.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do need something," he began, reaching for the doorknob and unsurprised to find the door locked. "You."

"You'll have me," she promised. "Once I'm done."

"Done doing what?" he wanted to know.

"Taking a bath," she called back, making him gulp in response. "And then getting ready...but don't worry. I have something for you to do in the meantime."

"Yeah?" he called back, his voice strained.

"Yeah...you can read your next letter. It's on your pillow," she told him.

"Okay...Kelsi?"

"Yes?"

"How long do you think you'll be?" he asked, trying to keep his voice light but failing.

"Not too long," she giggled. "I'll be out before you know it."

"Kelsi? Hurry up," he suggested, smirking when he heard her laugh again. He headed to their bed and reached for the letter on his pillow. He let out a heavy sigh – he had the feeling that the next few minutes, or however long it took for his wife to emerge, would be some of the longest of his life.

----------------------

"_Okay," she nodded. "You want to know the secret, well here it is." Gabriella took a deep breath as she locked her eyes on her husband's. "I'm pregnant." _

"No, really," Troy laughed. "What's the secret?"

"I just told you," Gabriella said calmly. "We're having another baby."

"Come on, Gabriella. We decided that we weren't going to have any more kids once we had Abby. Two was enough, remember?" he asked, though it was clear to the others that he was trying not to panic. "You...you can't be pregnant again. You're...you're just trying to distract me, keep me from figuring out what the real secret is." He trailed off as he noticed the seriousness in his wife's eyes. "This is a diversion of some sort...right?"

"Sorry, Wildcat, I know we decided not to have any more kids, but apparently life had other plans," she said softly.

"You're pregnant." It was a statement, not a question. "With another baby?"

"As opposed to what?" Chad mumbled to Taylor, though both of them were as stunned as Troy was.

"How are we supposed to afford another child?" Troy whispered. "Didn't you think about that?"

"Oh, Hoops," Chad winced.

"That's nice, honey," Gabriella muttered and there was an unusual iciness to her tone. "I tell you I'm pregnant and you ask me if I thought about how we're supposed to afford it. Because I planned this." She pursed her lips and the others could see her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Because I lied to you when I agreed that we shouldn't have any more kids." Gabriella let out a huff. "Look, I know we had a plan, but that plan has changed. Deal with it."

"Gabriella -" Troy started, regret flashing in his eyes, but stopped at the look she gave him.

"I'm going back to the house now," she informed him. "Whenever you decide to come in, don't bother coming upstairs."

"Sounds like a one-way ticket to couch-ville," Chad muttered under his breath, earning him a slap from Taylor _and_ Martha.

"He's right, Bolton," Gabriella nodded, and it was Troy's turn to wince. She only called him that when she was mad or upset. "Maybe a night on the couch will change your perspective. Maybe in the morning you'll worry less about money, and more about the fact that I'm carrying your child." She cut her gaze to the other women, letting out a sigh in the process. Gabriella knew she was being a little harsh, but her hormones were suddenly raging. "Goodnight everyone," she said quietly.

"I'll walk with you," Martha offered.

"Me too," Taylor agreed, getting to her feet as well.

"You're sleeping in this house, remember?" Gabriella gave her a half-smile.

"Even so," Taylor countered. Gabriella nodded once at Chad and turned to head back to the other house, flanked by the other women.

"I handled that really badly, didn't I?" Troy asked, watching the three of them leave.

"Extremely," Chad agreed. "Don't worry about it, Hoops. You remember how crazy women can get when they're pregnant." He shot Troy a cheeky grin. "Though asking her if she'd thought about the money? Bad move." He shook his head. "Bad on so many levels."

"I realize that, thank you," Troy said sarcastically. He let out a heavy sigh. "I could see the danger signs and I said it anyway." He smirked as he studied his best friend. "So, now I know what it's like to be you," he added.

"Nice trash talk, coming from a guy who'll be spending his night on a couch," Chad shot back, not missing a beat.

"Touché," Troy acknowledged. "I'll have to make it up to her."

"That you will," Chad nodded. "For the record? I don't know how I'd respond if Taylor announced that she was pregnant again."

"You'd put your foot in your mouth, like always," Troy quipped. Chad chuckled and a few moments passed before Troy continued. "But then again, haven't you guys talked about having another one?"

"Talking about it and doing it are two very different things, my friend," Chad pointed out.

"Oh well...at least I know what the secret is now," Troy said, his voice brightening.

"Yeah." Chad answered slowly, hoping Troy didn't notice his hesitation.

"Crazy, isn't it?" Troy asked, now sounding contemplative.

"What's that?"

"I would've bet money that Kelsi was the one with the secret." Troy shook his head. "It just seemed so obvious."

"That should've been a clue right there," Chad managed. "Kelsi was...Kelsi was like a decoy...they were trying to mess with us."

"Well, it worked," Troy nodded. "Those girls are tricky."

"Yeah..." Chad agreed. Deciding that a quick subject change was in order, Chad continued. "So, how are you going to make this up to your wife?"

"That is a very good question," Troy winced, remembering the look that had been on Gabriella's face. "It's gotta be good..."

----------------------------

"Why didn't you tell us you were pregnant?" Taylor demanded as soon as the three of them were safely in the other house.

"How far along are you?" Martha asked, half a second later.

"Just about three months," Gabriella answered, smiling. "I didn't find out until just before we left to come here. I guess you could say I was in denial. I mean, we really weren't planning on having another baby but..."

"Stuff happens," Martha said simply.

"Yeah," Gabriella nodded. "I was going to tell Troy, and the rest of you, once we got here, but then Kelsi found out about _her_ pregnancy. I didn't want to ruin her moment."

"Typical," Taylor rolled her eyes, though she was smiling. "Just like you to withhold good news out of concern for someone else."

"Your pregnancy is important too," Martha added. "As I'm positive Kelsi would agree."

"I know my pregnancy is important," Gabriella assured them. "But this is my third...still wonderful and amazing, but, well...I don't want to say it's not as special, but..." she trailed off, unsure of how to finish her thought.

"Every pregnancy is special," Martha said thoughtfully. "Whether it's the first or the fifth...but I know what you're saying. The first one is probably the biggest deal, only because it's beginning of parenthood. By the time the second ones comes, you've sort of gotten a grip on the whole parenting thing...of course then the challenge is learning how to be a good parent to both kids, which can be difficult. But by the time the third kid comes along, assuming you have a third kid, you've kind of gotten a handle on that too." She grinned. "Kind of."

"Exactly," Gabriella agreed. "And in this case you have to add in how much Ryan and Kelsi have wanted to be parents. They've been sitting back and watching all of us and now it's their turn." She smiled again, her face lighting up. "Kelsi's so happy about finally being pregnant. And you ladies know that Ryan is going to be over the moon about it when he finds out. It just felt like it was their time to shine."

"Typical Gabriella," Taylor said to Martha, who laughed. She turned her focus back to Gabriella and smirked. "So how long are you going to make Troy suffer until you forgive him?"

"Well knowing Troy like I do, he probably feels pretty bad right about now." Gabriella pursed her lips as she considered the question.

"As he should," Taylor interjected. "Asking about the money? What was he thinking?"

"He wasn't," Martha shrugged. "That seems to be a problem all of our husbands have."

"Not thinking?" Taylor asked. "Yeah, that's definitely a husband problem. I think our men are the worst about that. Zeke and Ryan seem to use their brains more often."

"Yeah, but you gotta wonder about Ryan. He knows Kelsi better than any of the rest of us does...shouldn't the fact that she randomly threw together this project send up some red flags?" Martha pointed out. "I mean, yeah, he knows something's going on, but come on. It's kind of obvious."

"Well, it's like Gabriella said," Taylor began. "Ryan's going to be over the moon about being a father. Maybe he wants it so bad that he's afraid to hope for it, so he's convinced himself that it's something else. Who knows?"

"It's going to be interesting to see if Kelsi can finish out her project without him figuring it out. Think it's possible?" Gabriella asked.

"Sure, it's possible, but I don't know," Taylor replied. "At least Troy thinks he knows what the secret is. Maybe now he'll lay off her. If so, that'll help."

"And if nothing else, worse comes to worse, at least we know that Ryan won't be figuring it out tonight," Martha giggled. "I think he's going to be too preoccupied for that."

"I think you're probably right," Taylor chuckled. "Did you guys see how fast Ryan flew into the house after he finished her letter?"

"He was like a human version of the Road Runner," Gabriella laughed.

"Yeah, that trait seems to run in the Evans family. First Kelsi disappeared into the house in a matter of seconds, then Sharpay, and then Ryan," Martha managed.

"Speaking of Sharpay, do you think she's gotten over our conversation?" Gabriella asked, wincing slightly. "I feel a little bad about that...I didn't even think about the fact that she's Ryan's sister."

"Yeah...we did kind of gross her out," Martha agreed. "Don't blame her though."

"Hey, I'm not taking responsibility for that one," Taylor objected. "You two were the ones being inappropriate," she giggled, giving Martha a mock stern look. "I was not the one thinking about what Ryan would be like in bed."

"It just came out," Martha said, blushing. "Side effect of being married to Jason, I guess. But..." She turned to Gabriella. "At least I didn't start talking how Ryan must have excellent control of his body, like someone else here did."

"Excuse me, I did not say he had _excellent_ control of his body," Gabriella protested. "I believe I used the word 'great'. And come on, ladies, you've seen the way that man moves." She grinned, her eyes narrowing mischievously. "Though, come to think of it, he's only gotten better as he gets older..." Her eyes widened as the other two burst into laughter at her word choice. "As a dancer! He's improving as a dancer all the time, which probably affects his control..." She giggled. "Excellent might be pretty accurate, come to think of it."

"Gabriella Bolton!" Martha exclaimed, though it was difficult for her to get the words out.

"You used to be so innocent," Taylor managed. "What's happened to you?"

"Hey, I don't hear either one of you disagreeing!" Gabriella pointed out.

"Oh my goodness." Martha attempted to get a grip, but failed miserably. "I don't think I'm ever going to be able to look Ryan in the eye again without giggling."

"Me either," Gabriella admitted. "He's going to think we've lost it."

"Actually, ladies, I think he _already_ thinks we've lost it," Taylor chuckled, slowly regaining control.

-------------------------

Ryan opened his letter, struggling to focus enough to read. It was very difficult as his brain was currently full of images and memories that made it hard to concentrate. At least, hard to concentrate on anything other than the idea of attempting to tear the bathroom door off its hinges in order to get to his wife. He grinned at the thought, imaging the look of shock that would appear first on Kelsi's face, and then on Chad and Taylor's faces once they noticed. Ryan could almost hear Taylor's questions and could see the brilliant shade of red his wife would undoubtedly turn, along with the smirk that would be on Chad's face as Ryan attempted to explain. Better to leave the door properly intact, Ryan decided. He'd just have to wait patiently, or at least as patiently as he could manage, until Kelsi came out of the bathroom. He felt his throat go dry as he thought about what would happen soon after she emerged. The first letter had nearly robbed him of his ability to think, and he could only imagine what this next letter contained. He was quite certain that what little thinking abilities he had left would all vanish once he finished.

He exhaled, his mind going back to the thought of Kelsi taking a bath in the next room. She had said something about getting ready and he found himself gulping down a mouthful of air, wondering what that meant. She was probably engaged in multiple beauty treatments, all of which were unnecessary in his opinion, though he appreciated the fact that she wanted to do them. Especially since she was doing them specifically for him. Of course, that fact only made him want her to hurry up even more. It had barely been a minute, but waiting was torture. He was dying to get his hands on her and the sooner he could, the better. Forcing himself to take what was supposed to be a calming breath; he focused his attention on the letter, hoping that it would be able to distract him. For a little while anyway.

_Hi baby,_

_In my last letter, I talked to you about our first time, and how much I love all of the contrasts in the physical side of our relationship. I talked a little about what you do to me and how much I want you sometimes. I also mentioned how nothing could've prepared me for what it'd be like when we got married, and it's that point I want to expand on right now. _

_It still feels so strange to be so open about all of this with you, which is silly considering the nature of our relationship. I've always been able to talk to you about anything, but this is one topic I don't really bring up. I don't know...it's one thing to make love and it's another thing to talk about it. It may be odd to say, but writing about it feels almost as intimate as actually doing it. Maybe more so. It makes me feel kind of exposed, but that's okay because it's you. And I have to admit that even though it feels weird, it's nice to share all of this with you. It makes me feel closer to you._

_But going back to my original point about how I wasn't prepared for this part of our relationship. I knew it would feel good, but I didn't know how good. Not just physically, but emotionally. I'm not sure what's sexier to me: the things you do or the feeling behind those things. It's not possible for you to touch me without making me feel how much you love me. A touch is never just a touch and a kiss is never just a kiss, it's always something deeper. Sex is supposed to be one of the best ways for a couple to express their love for each other and I have found that to be entirely true. I know how much you love me, but I'm never more aware of it than when you're making love to me. It never fails to take my breath away. Of course, you have a habit of taking my breath away anyway. _

_There are so many things I could bring up to illustrate that point, but considering what this letter is about, there's one time in particular that seems to stand out. It wasn't that long ago, actually. I'd had a horrible, awful, miserable day. We were in the middle of our last show and I got stuck at the theater, working with one of the actors, who was having trouble with a couple of their songs. You volunteered to stay with me, but I sent you home. I ended up being at the theater two hours longer than usual and was in a terrible mood when I got home. All I wanted to do was change my clothes and go to bed, but you had other plans..._

------------------------------

"Ugh," Kelsi groaned as she let herself into her and Ryan's apartment. She'd just spent two hours with an actress that was just as bad as Sharpay had been in her diva days, if not worse. As if the day hadn't been long and stressful enough. Right now she could think of one thing and one thing only: crawling into the nice, comfortable bed she shared with her husband and falling asleep. She set her bag down and suddenly froze, her eyes focusing on a path of rose petals laid out on the floor. "Oh no," she mumbled, rolling her eyes. The trail of rose petals could only mean one thing: Ryan was in the mood for romance. If this had been any other time, Kelsi would've been touched by the gesture...and it wasn't that she wasn't, she just honestly wasn't in the mood. Not only that, someone would end up having to clean up and it would probably end up being her. She let out a heavy sigh as she began following the trail which would no doubt end in their bedroom.

"There you are." Ryan smiled at her as she appeared and she bit back another groan as she took in the soft lighting and music. He also had some red wine chilling on one of the tables, naturally accompanied by a pair of wine glasses. "I didn't think you'd ever get home. I've missed you, baby."

"It's been just over two hours," she reminded him and he was taken aback by the sarcasm in her tone.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice calm.

"Look, Ryan, it's been a really long day. My feet are killing me and so is my head. I appreciate that you took the time to get everything set up, but honestly all I want to do is go to bed," she informed him.

"Hey, what do you know? That's what I want to do too," he said, cheekily, in response.

"Ugh. Men." Kelsi muttered. "Clean up the petals, okay? I'm changing my clothes and going to sleep."

"You could do that," he nodded. "Or you could take your shoes off and have some wine...it'll relax you."

"Ryan," she started.

"Kelsi," he cut in. "Look, I know things have been insanely stressful with the show, and I'm sorry that you got stuck at the theater for so long. I know you're tired."

"Then let me sleep," she snapped. She kicked her shoes off as she watched him pour himself a glass of wine.

"Come on, honey, at least have some wine. You need to relax a little," he said, his voice soothing.

"Fine. Give me the damn wine," she sighed.

"I love it when you talk so sweetly," he teased, handing her the glass he'd already poured and then pouring himself another.

"Don't push me, Evans. I'm not in the mood," she warned him.

"Yes, but you could be..." She lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Not tonight." Kelsi bit her lip as she glanced around the room. "Maybe tomorrow," she added.

"Not likely. We have two shows tomorrow, remember? We'll both be too exhausted to talk, let alone do other things." He paused, watching her as she took a sip of her wine. He smirked, moving closer to her.

"I'm too exhausted now," she told him, frowning when he shook his head. He gently ran the back of his hand down her face.

"Do you realize how long it's been since I've touched you?" he asked quietly.

"You're touching me now," she pointed out as he flipped his hand around to brush her hair behind her ear.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. When's the last time we made love?" he wanted to know.

"Not that long ago," she answered, defensively. "It was just a couple of weeks ago, remember?"

"I remember us coming home for the break between two shows and practically jumping on each other, yes. And it was great, more than great actually, don't get me wrong. But I'm not talking about a wild, passionate roll in the hay because we're both going crazy from wanting each other, here." He cupped her cheek with his hand. "We've had a few of those since the show started and hey, I'm not complaining." He softly kissed her forehead before slowly kissing his way down the side of her face. "I love those times...they're wonderful and passionate," he spoke between kisses, "and hot...so very hot. But when's the last time we had some romance? Do you remember?"

"Well, no," she managed, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach from his kisses.

"Exactly. That's the point. It's been a long time." His lips found their way to her neck, and Kelsi bit her lip as he lingered there, and she resisted the urge to sigh. "Far too long. And, like I said, I've missed you, baby."

"Ryan." His name came out on a whisper, as opposed to the firm tone she had been going for. "I appreciate the thought, really I do, but I..." The point she had been about to make was suddenly lost as his mouth moved, somehow managing to find another sensitive spot on her neck.

"But what?" he asked, smiling against her skin.

"But I...I...I want to sleep," she said, her voice weak.

"No, you don't," he whispered in her ear, making her shiver.

"Y-yes, I do," she argued.

"I love you," he murmured, gently easing her wine glass out of her hand to set it on the table before tugging her closer. "I love you so much. You have no idea."

"I love you too." She let her eyes close as he kissed his way to her throat. "So much."

"Then let me make love to you," he suggested, his voice low and seductive. He lifted his head to look at her and she felt her knees weaken at the intoxicating combination of desire and love in his eyes. "Let me make sweet and slow..." He paused, brushing his lips against hers before smirking at her. "_Achingly_ slow love to you." She let out a small whimper as he softly kissed her again, feeling all of her reluctance disappear. Unable to resist, Kelsi wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to him as the kiss deepened. "And then?" he continued, once the kiss ended. "Let me do it all over again."

"Ryan," she half said, half moaned his name as she opened her eyes to find his triumphant. She bit her lip, torn between her need to kiss him again and her annoyance that he got to her. Her eyes lit up as an idea came to mind. "I don't think so," she said, attempting to sound casual though she knew there was no hiding the longing in her tone. "Let me go." She bit back a giggle as his eyebrows rose in surprise and then felt her eyes narrow as he smirked again.

"Fine, have it your way." Ryan stunned her by letting go completely.

"Hey, get back here," she protested as he took a couple of steps away. "You can't do that."

"Do what?" he asked innocently.

"Tell me you want to make achingly slow love to me and then let me go," she pouted.

"You _told_ me to let you go," he teased. "Excuse me for following instruct-" He trailed off as Kelsi grabbed his hand to pull him closer and then kiss him. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she deepened the kiss. "Mmm...this is more like it," he said, quietly. He curled his fingers around the bottom of her shirt, his fingers brushing against the soft skin underneath. His eyes met hers again and Kelsi felt her heart skip a beat at the intensity in his. "I love you, baby, and I want you. You have no idea." He slowly started lifting her shirt up, making her lift her arms so he could pull it off completely. "You are so beautiful," he murmured, bringing his mouth to hers for another kiss, this one light and sensual, effectively weakening her knees once more. "I love you," he whispered the words as this kiss ended, locking his eyes on hers.

"Ryan." She collapsed against him, positive she'd fall otherwise, feeling lightheaded. He scooped her up into his arms and carried her to their bed, laying her down gently before easing himself over her. "I love you..."

--------------------------------------

_You know, in the other letter I talked about how gentle you were our first time. I talked a little about the heat we have between us. This time, I wanted to focus more on the romantic side of this part of our relationship. Making love was the last thing I wanted to do when I got home, but you managed to get me into the mood...pretty easily, I admit. You told me you wanted to make achingly slow love to me that night and you did. Twice. You were so romantic and loving and sensual that night that it's a wonder I didn't completely lose my mind. You can drive me absolutely crazy and I suspect that it's on purpose. I mentioned it in my last letter, but I never knew I could want somebody so much. And not just want, but need. _

_But you know what I find truly incredible? The fact that you want me just as much as I want you. You make me feel beautiful and desirable and sexy...words I would never think of to describe myself. You make love to me in a way that shows me exactly what you're feeling. When it's hot and passionate, I can always feel how desperately you need me right at that moment. It's more than a want in that case, it's an intense need. So intense that you, my usually in control husband, lose all control because you can't stand it. Sometimes it's slow and familiar, gentle and soothing. It was like that our first time and it's been like that a few other times since, usually when one of us is in desperate need of comfort. It's strange...I never really thought of sex as comforting, at least not until our first time. It's hard for me to describe though in those times I feel completely safe and protected. Not that I don't feel that way around you in general, but...like I said, it's hard for me to describe._

_When it's romantic and sensual, I can feel just how deeply you love me...how much you cherish me...how much you adore me...how strong your love for me is. Just as strong as my love for you, if not stronger. In those times it almost feels like more of a spiritual act than a physical one, like our souls come together as one. In those times it's like we're connected in every way possible, and it never fails to bring tears to my eyes. I am always overcome with gratitude in those moments because I never imagined anyone could love me so much. It's amazing. _

_As I was thinking about what song to give you now, there were a lot that came to mind. A lot that would've worked. But I decided to go with one that doesn't just apply to this part of our relationship, but our relationship in general. It's an older song...another one of my mom's favorites, _I Love the Way You Love Me_, and it's by John Michael Montgomery. "And I could list a million things I love to like about you, but they all come down to one reason I could never live without you. I love the way you love me. Strong and wild, slow and easy, heart and soul, so completely. I love the way you love me. Oh, baby, I love the way you love me." _

_I think that about sums it up. I do love the way you love me, Ryan...it just takes my breath away. You can't possibly imagine what your love does to me. Maybe you can a little, but not completely. Like now, for instance. You're out in our room reading this letter and I am presumably still in the bathroom trying to get ready. I'll be thinking about the things I've told you and the memories I've brought up...about what I know is going to end up happening tonight once I'm done. And as I think about it, I know that my stomach will be filled with a million butterflies and my hands will be trembling. You drive me completely crazy, I swear...you won't be with me while all of this is happening, but it won't matter. You'll still be getting to me. I'll keep getting distracted remembering the feel of your body against mine or the way your hands and lips feel on my skin, and I'll probably have to force myself to concentrate on what I'm doing. And then, once I'm out there with you, all of those feelings I will no doubt have been struggling with will get about twice as bad, because as powerful as the memories of you are, the reality is so much sweeter. I love you, baby. I'll be out soon. _

_Love,_

_Kelsi_

-----------------------------

Kelsi took a deep breath as she studied herself in the bathroom mirror, wishing for the millionth time that she'd packed something more enticing to wear. Of course, she hadn't planned on attempting to seduce her husband on this trip with their friends. But then, it probably didn't matter too much what she was wearing. She doubted Ryan would care too much. Her mind drifted back to the last memory she'd talked about in her letter and she smiled, feeling her face flush. She lifted her hands to try to fluff up her curls, but she stopped in mid motion. Her brow furrowed as something occurred to her, something she hadn't thought of before.

Kelsi's eyes lowered to her stomach as she worked out the math in her head. That night had been a couple of months ago, and unless she was mistaken, there was a good chance that she'd conceived that night. "Oh my goodness," she whispered. She should have put two and two together when she found out she was pregnant, but she had been too caught up in the fact that she _was_ pregnant, that she hadn't given much thought as to _when_ it had happened. She felt her eyes fill with tears and forced herself to get a grip. She might have just reminded her husband of the night they'd conceived their baby and he still had no idea she was pregnant. The thought made her more emotional than it should've, and she took several deep breaths, hoping that she wouldn't go out there and blurt out the truth. She was still determined to stick to her plan and not have him find out until the very last song had been given. She had known it'd be difficult, but she hadn't imagined that it would be this hard to keep her pregnancy a secret.

She shook her head as she swiped at the few tears that had fallen. She would focus all of her attention on the recent things she had written Ryan, and she would somehow keep the news about the baby to herself. She would stick to her plan, no matter what. She took another deep breath and opened the bathroom door. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she headed into the bedroom and found Ryan nowhere in sight. She was just about to call his name, but noticed that the doors leading out to the balcony were open. She headed towards them, smiling when she finally spotted him. He was resting his forearms on the railing and looking down towards the beach, lost in thought. "Ryan?" Her voice was quiet, but he heard her anyway, and he glanced over and smiled.

"There you are." Ryan pushed away from the railing to meet her.

"Um...hi," she said, somewhat lamely.

"Hi yourself," he replied, amused. "Those...those were quite some letters you wrote me." She watched as his smile turned into a smirk. "I have to admit that I thought about trying to dismantle the bathroom door after reading the first one."

"Did you?" she chuckled. "Does that mean you liked the letter?"

"Oh, Kelsi..." Ryan shook his head. "Liked isn't the word. It'd have to be something much stronger."

"Hmm." She could feel her eyes twinkling and she reached for him, pulling him closer once he grabbed her hands. His eyes drifted from hers and down her body, and then back up again, in a way that made her stomach tighten. She flushed, giving him a sheepish smile once his eyes met hers again. "I know it's not the sexiest outfit in the world." She glanced down at the tank top and pajama shorts she had pulled on. "I didn't think about packing anything more, well, appropriate, I guess?"

"Kelsi...there is nothing you could wear that could make me want you more than I do right now," he said, softly, making her gulp.

"You're doing it again," she told him.

"Doing what?" he wanted to know.

"Making butterflies." She pressed a hand to her stomach. "I think there's a few million in there. And look." She lifted up her hands, both of which were still trembling slightly. "This is your fault, too."

"I would apologize, but I don't think I'm sorry," he grinned.

"You...you really thought about tearing the door down?" she asked, shyly.

"Multiple times. It's been torture waiting for you, you know. I've been dying to get my hands on you," he said honestly.

"Well, your hands are on me now," she pointed out. "What do you want to do about that?"

"That is a very dangerous question," he replied, lifting a hand up to caress her cheek. "Very dangerous," he repeated. She felt her throat go dry as his eyes focused in on her mouth.

"Ryan," she whispered his name, her eyes fluttering shut as he kissed her. "Mmm." She smiled at him as the kiss ended. "You know...I like the shirt you're wearing. It's a nice color on you."

"Um...thanks," he said, in response, confused by the abrupt change in subject.

"But you know, as good as it looks on you; I think it'd look better somewhere else." She gave him a meaningful look. "Like on the floor."

"Hmm." His eyes danced while he chuckled. "I think you might have a point." She smiled as he took his shirt off and dropped it unceremoniously on the floor.

"Yeah, I was right," she nodded, about to say something else, but she was silenced by his lips against hers. She wound her arms around his neck and let out a muffled squeal of delight as she was suddenly swept up into his arms. "I love when you do that," she gushed, beaming at him as he began carrying her to the bed. "It's so romantic." He was just setting her down on the bed when she gasped. "Oh, Ryan! I almost forgot! I have another song for you." She propped herself up on her elbows while he straddled her legs. "Though this is kind of a bonus song...I'm not counting it in the official, so to speak, thirty-eight."

"What song?" he asked, struggling to remain patient, though it was increasingly difficult when all he could think about was kissing her again.

"It's by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw," she answered. "_Let's Make Love_."

"Okay," he agreed cheerfully, unable to resist the urge to press his lips to hers as soon as the word was out of his mouth. He gently pushed her onto her back and began kissing his way down her throat.

"Would you behave yourself, please?" she giggled.

"That's no fun," he mumbled, his wandering lips now slowly making their way across her collarbone.

"Do you...do you want the...the lyrics or not?" she asked, breathless. "Oh," she sighed as his searching mouth found a particularly sensitive spot on her neck. She closed her eyes as his mouth lingered, moaning softly while her hands dug into his shoulders, too lost in the sensation to finish her thought. She felt him smirk against her skin, letting out a whimper of protest as he suddenly stopped.

"Okay, okay," he sighed, kissing his way back to her face. "I'll be good. I...what?" he asked, finally noticing that she was pouting.

"You stopped." She half smiled, half glared at him.

"You asked if I wanted the lyrics," he reminded her, his voice innocent, making her eyes narrow. "So, if I were you, I'd hurry up and get to them, because honestly, I don't know how long I'll be able to wait." The look in his eyes sent her heart beating in double time.

"Um...well..." she stammered, struggling to remember the words to the song. "I, um, I think this verse...well, and the chorus...um..." She pursed her lips, trying her best to ignore how inviting he looked. "It just seems to sum up what I...what I was trying to say. Um...the verse..._Do you know what you do to me? Everything inside of me is wanting you._" She caressed his cheek with her hand as she spoke, her voice shaking. "_And needing you. I'm so in love with you. Look in my eyes, let's get lost tonight in each other..._And the...the chorus..._Let's make love, all night long, until all our strength is gone. Hold on tight, just let go. I want to feel you in my soul. Until the sun comes up, let's make love._"

"Mmm." He pressed his mouth to hers, kissing her softly and slowly while his hands began moving over her. "Is that what you want, baby?" he murmured the words against her lips, making her tremble.

"Please," she whispered, holding his face in her hands. "Make love to me, Ryan." She brushed her lips against his. "All night long...I need you...I need you like I need air...please, baby." She looked deep in his eyes as she spoke, giving him the feeling that she was looking straight into his soul.

"You are..." he started, searching her eyes as he tried to think of something profound to say. "You are the reason for my existence," he said, simply. "I was put on this Earth to love you." He kissed her softly before continuing. "Everything that I am...everything that I ever was... everything I ever will be...it all belongs to you. You are the only woman who has touched my heart and the only one who ever will...you are everything to me, love." He gently kissed away the tears that had fallen from her eyes as he spoke. "I am ridiculously in love with you...and I always will be."

"Ryan." Her voice was just above a whisper. "You...you are everything I need in this life...you really are." Her voice broke, leading him to kiss away more of her tears. "Love me..." she whispered, too overcome to say anything else.

"I do," he promised, bringing his mouth back to hers, his kiss somehow managing to be sweet and sensual at the same time. "I'll love you forever."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Guys, I think I've been bitten by some sort of LP bug. The past three chapters have come together so quickly (for me) and I'm about to start working on the next chapter. This is filler in that there are no songs given - this chapter sort of serves as a way to set up what's coming. Change of mood here, maybe a little unexpected, but we'll see. The dream/flashback was taken from 25 Roses and there's tissue warnings coming up, so be warned. As you read this, keep in mind that at this point in the story neither Ryan nor Kelsi knows about Gabriella's pregnancy. Thanks, as always, for the continued support everyone! Hope you all enjoy this chapter. :)  
**

* * *

Kelsi let out a faint whimper in her sleep as she tossed fitfully from one side to the other. If she had been able to analyze her dream while she slept, she would have been surprised. The night had been completely wonderful. She had spent the majority of it making love with her incredible husband, stopping every now and then to take a break, until the sun started to come up – falling asleep pretty soon thereafter. After a night so amazing, she might have assumed that her dreams would be sweet. But here it was, just a couple of hours after the sun began its slow ascent into the sky, and she was in the middle of a horrific nightmare. A nightmare about a time in her life that she preferred not to think about, unless it was strictly necessary – as was the case sometimes at Safe Horizon. Kelsi let out another whimper, this one just slightly louder than the first, turning over for probably the hundredth time as her nightmare continued...

----------------------

_Kelsi was passing one building and coming towards the next when someone suddenly reached out and grabbed her, pushing her roughly against the wall of one of the buildings. She bit back a gulp as she realized it was him. _

"_Now see...I think me and you could have some fun together. You just have to give me some kind of chance," he said darkly. "What your boyfriend doesn't know won't hurt him."_

"_Please let me go." She had wanted to sound threatening, but the words came out in a whisper as she was engulfed by a wave of fear. He moved a hand up to grip her chin tightly. _

"_You know sweetheart, I was willing to make this fun for you too but now you're starting to annoy me," he said, sneering at her._

"_Then let me go," she tried again. He laughed at that. In the shadows between the buildings it was a dark, evil sound. _

"_Oh don't worry, I'll let you go," he promised. "After I have my fun that is." He had then tightened his grip on her chin to the point of pain and forced his lips on hers. She clenched her lips together in response, furious and terrified at the same time. He moved his hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming as he dipped his head down to kiss her neck. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced back the bile that rose up her throat. _

_Thinking only of getting away from him, she quickly brought her leg up between both of his and jerked it upwards as hard as she could. The move served as enough of a distraction for her to shove at him as hard as she possibly could, and that gave her a tiny window where she was able to start running. She threw her bag behind her in hopes that maybe he'd trip over it once he came after her, which he no doubt would when he recovered. She screamed as loud as she could while she ran. Surely there were other people in the nearby buildings that could help her. She heard footsteps behind her and from the sounds of it; he was gaining on her quickly. Too quickly. She had just opened her mouth to scream again when he lunged at her. She hit the ground hard and before she could blink he had flipped her over on her back._

"_You really shouldn't have done that," he growled at her. She hadn't even seen the slap coming and cried out instinctively at the pain in her cheek. She struggled against him furiously, managing to scrape her nails across his cheek but it was no use. She soon found herself completely pinned underneath him, unable to move at all. He reached into his pocket and pulled something out. She heard a click and her eyes widened as she realized that it was a knife. "Look sweetheart, I tried to make this easy on you, but you just wouldn't cooperate. I didn't want to have to use this." As she stared at the knife she couldn't help wondering if it was actually possible to die from sheer horror alone. She whimpered as he slowly dragged her shirt upward and then she let out a short scream as he swiped the knife across her side, hard enough to leave a mark but not enough to do any serious damage. "Aw, did that hurt?" he asked in a mocking tone. _

"_L-let me g-go. P...P-Please," she whispered._

"_What was that word? At the end there?" he asked, seeming greatly amused by her terror._

"_P...Please," she repeated, tears streaming from her eyes now. He laughed and it occurred to Kelsi that evil had its own sound. _

"_Aw but sweetheart, I haven't had any fun yet," he said. He suddenly pressed his lips against hers again and she was convinced that she would literally be sick. The hand lowering the knife lowered away from her neck. She struggled as best she could but all it did was anger him further. He brought the knife to the side of her face and pulled away from her slightly. "You're determined to make this difficult aren't you?" he growled at her. "Maybe you need to be taught a lesson." _

_He raised the knife and she managed to get an arm up to protect her face just as he made a slashing motion with it. The knife slid down her arm instead and she bit back a scream. He let out a string of curses as they struggled and Kelsi was suddenly convinced that he was going to kill her. She cried out again as he pinned down her injured arm with his knee, the pressure of his weight nearly unbearable. "I didn't want to have to do this but you give me no choice." He eased into more of a sitting position, keeping her pinned down with his legs. He raised the knife back and paused, waiting for the perfect moment to strike_.

--------------------

Kelsi jackknifed into a sitting position, barely holding back the scream that was dying to escape, her entire body covered in a thin layer of sweat. She was gasping for air, her eyes scanning the room wildly, looking for any sign of danger while her heart raced in her chest. The nightmare had been so real...so real that she could still vividly remember how everything had felt. She felt the bile rise in her throat and bolted out of the bed and into the bathroom, just barely making it to the toilet in time to throw up. Her stomach emptied itself once...twice...three times before it calmed down again. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably and she still had to fight the urge to scream, a result from the terror still inside her small body.

Kelsi slowly got to her feet and brushed her teeth, though it was difficult with her hands shaking so much. She then washed her hands and splashed handful after handful of cold water onto her face. A part of her still felt like it was trapped in the dream, and she was hoping the cold would jolt her completely awake. She took a deep breath, and then yelped loudly as someone knocked on the door.

"Kelsi?" It was Chad, sounding concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Um...yeah?" Kelsi called back, though her voice was shaking.

"Are you sure? You don't sound good," Chad said, his voice doubtful and increasingly worried.

"I...I just had a bad dream. I'm okay." Kelsi responded, hoping to calm them both down. "D-did you need the bathroom?"

"Well, sure, but I can go downstairs if you need..." Chad began.

"No, it's okay...you can use the bathroom... Kelsi trailed off, suddenly remembering her current state of undress and flushed. "Actually...do me a favor...I'll unlock the door, but...um...well, count to ten before you come in, okay?"

"Um...okay," Chad called back, sounding confused.

"Thanks." Kelsi unlocked the door and darted out of the bathroom, making sure to close her and Ryan's door behind her. She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down, but it was no use. The memories of her nightmare rushed back into her head and she practically flew back to the bed – or more specifically, back to Ryan. She felt it was silly to be so freaked out, after having been awake for a few minutes, but she couldn't help herself and suddenly needed her husband in the worst way.

Ryan, however, was still fast asleep when she made it back to him and if she hadn't been so panicked, she would have smiled. Nights like the one the two of them had just shared never failed to knock him out completely...so completely that he had been oblivious to Kelsi's erratic tossing and turning during her nightmare. He was lying on his side, facing away from her, and she lifted her hand to try to shake him awake but hesitated. A part of her felt bad for wanting to wake him up, especially over a nightmare, but the larger part of her needed his comfort too much to care. So after another moment of hesitation, she grabbed his shoulder and gently shook him. "Ryan?" No response, so she shook him again. "Ryan?"

"Mmm," he grumbled, still sounding mostly asleep, though he rolled onto his back.

"Ryan?" she called again.

"Wha-" he mumbled, his eyes opened ever so slightly. "Kels... His words were slightly slurred and she knew he was just barely awake, but it was good enough.

"Oh, Ryan," she sniffled, tears in her eyes and in her voice. She lay down beside him and wrapped her arms around his waist as tightly as she could. His arms came around her instinctively as she pressed her face to his shoulder, still trembling.

"Kels..." he repeated, suddenly sounding much more alert, as the feeling of her tears jolted him awake. He tightened his hold on her automatically. "What's wrong?" He lifted a hand to the side of her head and began stroking her hair away from her face, using his other hand to rub circles into her back in an attempt to soothe. "What's the matter, baby? What happened?"

"Oh, Ryan...I'm sorry," she whispered. He seemed so concerned that she instantly felt guilty for waking him up. He probably thought something terrible had happened, based on the way she was behaving. "I...I had a nightmare and I n-needed you, but..." She forced out a weak chuckle. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have woken you up." She attempted to pull away, but he wouldn't let her.

"Hey." He shifted onto his side, just enough to be able to look at her as he caressed her cheek with his hand. "Don't ever apologize for needing me," he said, gently. "It's okay." Ryan pressed his lips to her forehead. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I...I dreamed about my attack," she told him, a shudder rippling through her body as she spoke. "It was s-so real..."

"I'm sorry, baby," he said softly, kissing her forehead again. "It's okay now."

"Ryan?" she asked, quietly.

"Hmm?" he replied, continuing to rub circles into her back as another, smaller shudder worked its way through her.

"I need you," she whispered.

"I'm right here, honey. I'm not going anywhere, I promise," he assured her.

"No...I mean...I _need_ you," she repeated, making his eyebrows rise slightly in response.

"Can't get enough of me, huh?" he quipped, though his voice was calming. He had been hoping to make her smile and was relieved when she gave him a small one.

"Something like that," she nodded. "It's...it's comforting...remember my letter? I couldn't really explain it well, but..." She sighed, trailing off as she watched him. "I feel a lot better than I did when I woke up, but I don't know...it's like the dream is still in there lingering...I can't make the fear go away..." She bit her lip, watching the way her words made his face change. He looked sad, almost, and she knew it was because he hated the thought of her being afraid. "But you can...make it go away. Please..."

"Okay," he agreed. "It's okay, Kelsi...don't...don't think about the dream..." He brushed his lips against hers. "Think about me...only about me..." He kissed her again, his arms wrapped securely around her as he continued his efforts to soothe away the last of her fear. "Only about me," he repeated, rolling her onto her back before kissing her again, this kiss deeper than the last.

--------------------

"You're awful," Martha giggled to Gabriella as the two women watched their respective husbands herd their children into the main house. They'd gotten a later start than normal, and it was fast approaching lunch time. From the looks of things in the other house, it appeared that everyone staying in it had gotten off to a late start as well. Gabriella smirked as she watched Troy dart after Abby, who had decided she wanted to try to run down to the water. He caught up with her easily enough and had the now giggling Abby swept up into his arms in record time. Troy had spent an uncomfortable night on the couch and Gabriella had been giving him the silent treatment ever since they'd all gotten up. Her anger at him had disappeared by the time she'd woken up, but she wanted to make him sweat.

"He deserves it," Gabriella said innocently, shooting a grin at her friend. "I'll let him off the hook soon enough." She fixed her face into a scowl as they reached the door of the house, which Troy was holding open for them. "Bolton." Gabriella nodded at him, all businesslike, as she headed in.

"Thanks Troy," Martha snickered.

"You're welcome," Troy sighed. He had the feeling that it could end up being a very long day. Unless...Troy lit up as he was struck by an idea.

"What?" Martha asked, intrigued by the new expression on his face.

"I think I know how to get back on Gabriella's good side," he declared, now sounding determined. "Though, first, I need Playmaker."

"You might want to hold off on that one," Zeke piped up from the kitchen. "Kelsi and Ryan aren't down here yet."

"Well, as soon as she comes down, I'll need to talk to her," Troy announced.

"Whatever, man," Zeke shrugged.

---------------------------

"You know what I wish?" Kelsi asked, snuggling closer to her husband. The terror of her morning had been pushed to the back of her mind and Kelsi was in a wonderful mood.

"What do you wish?" Ryan wanted to know, absently playing with one of her curls as he spoke.

"I wish that it was just the two of us on this trip," she answered, making him chuckle. "I mean, I love our friends and I love spending all this time with them and their children, but I just know it's only a matter of time before someone comes up here looking for us. And as beautiful as the beach is, I could be perfectly happy spending the day here." She turned her head to kiss his shoulder. "Wrapped up in your arms, sleeping the day away. Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?"

"It does," he agreed, kissing the top of her head.

"But I suppose that, since we _are_ here with our friends, we'll have to put that idea on hold," she sighed. "Maybe we can have a lazy day in bed when we get home," she added as an afterthought.

"Sounds good to me. But, in the meantime, we'd better get up before they send up a search party," Ryan decided, giving her a gentle squeeze.

"Probably," she said, sounding resigned. She yawned and slowly sat up to stretch, keeping the blanket pulled around her. "I wonder if anyone's started lunch yet. I'm starving," she admitted. "I'm going to get dressed."

"And I'm going to take a quick shower," he decided, getting up. He rummaged around trying to find something to wear and Kelsi couldn't help smiling as she watched him, keeping her eyes trained on his face and feeling like the luckiest woman alive.

"Hey," she called, reaching out for him. "Get over here." He had been on his way to the bathroom, but now stopped and turned to face her, a smirk on his face.

"Did you need something?" he asked, heading back to the bed and grabbing her hand.

"Yes," she nodded. "Come here." She tugged on his hand, pulling him partway over her body and making him laugh.

"Don't even tell me," he shook his head. "You're insatiable, woman," he teased. Kelsi rolled her eyes, feeling playful.

"That's not why I wanted you to come over here, silly," she informed him. "I have a secret."

"Yes, I remember that," he said, now sounding thoughtful. "Me and Troy are the only people who don't know what it is, I might add." He was about to say something else, but she shook her head.

"That's not the secret I'm talking about. There's another one," she said, attempting to sound somewhat mysterious.

"Yeah? What's that?" he asked, amused when she made a show of looking first one way and then the other.

"Come closer," she said, in a stage whisper, giving his arm another tug. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I'm going to anyway." She leaned in toward him and angled her mouth right at his ear. "One of the women on this trip has a major crush on you."

"Really?" he grinned. "That's a coincidence, because it just so happens that one of the _men_ on this trip has a crush on _you_," he winked at her. "But don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, her eyes twinkling. "I hope it's the blond...he's a hottie."

"Hmm...well, for me, I hope it's the little brunette who loves music," he smiled. "You know, the one with the amazing blue eyes? She's really cute."

"Tell me something," she began. "Supposing that she _is_ the one with the crush on you. What are you going to do about it?"

"Let's see..." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I'd have to get her away from everyone else, first, you know. Get some alone time with her."

"Of course," Kelsi agreed, her tone serious.

"And then I'd have to profess my undying love to her..." he continued, lifting an eyebrow when she burst into giggles.

"I'm sorry...you just sounded so formal. I wasn't expecting it," she managed. "Please continue."

"Well, like I was saying before _someone_ interrupted me." Ryan gave her a pointed look, causing another giggle to escape from her. "Ahem. Like I was saying, I'd have to profess my undying love to her and then I'd take her into my arms, like so," he continued, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. "And I'd look deep into those amazing blue eyes of hers and I would ask her to be my wife."

"So soon?" Kelsi teased him.

"Of course! This is my true love we're talking about here," he reminded her, making her smile.

"Well, if she is your true love, then I'd suppose that she'd have to accept," she nodded.

"She would," he said, his voice serious though his eyes were dancing. "And then I would have to lean in...like this," he continued, leaning in toward her while he spoke. "And we'd have to seal our engagement with a kiss." With that, he brushed his lips against hers.

"I love you." Kelsi beamed at him, leaning in for another kiss before swatting his arm. "Go take your shower." He gave her a mock salute and she couldn't help chuckling as she watched him disappear into the bathroom.

-------------------------

Kelsi reached up to pull her hair into a ponytail, as she moved to stand in front of the mirror, and frowned when the action caused her tankini top to ride up, exposing part of the scar left over from her attack all those years ago. She was about to yank her top back down, but hesitated, instead choosing to pull it up just enough so that she could see the entire scar. It was on her left side, starting about an inch below her ribcage and extending diagonally across her stomach, ending just below her bellybutton. She absently ran her finger along the length of it, wincing as she remembered, all too clearly, how it had felt when the knife had slashed across her skin. She could remember how cold the ground was against her back, along with the weight of her attacker pinning her to the ground...his name had been Alex, she recalled suddenly. Alex Cooper. She had learned his name in the weeks leading up to the trial.

She let out a long sigh as she studied the ugly scar on her stomach for another few seconds, and then shifted her attention to the inside of her right forearm, where her other scar was located. This one ran all the way from her wrist to her elbow, in a slightly jagged line. Her frown deepened as she looked from one scar to the other. Two scars, both ugly...time had faded them some, but not nearly enough in her opinion. She had tried various lotions and creams designed to help scars fade, but none of them had worked. She had briefly considered the surgery route to try to have them removed, but knew she'd never be able to go through with it. So she chose to live with them, but keep them hidden as much as possible. The challenge there was her arm, since obviously her stomach was covered the majority of the time anyway.

Kelsi shook her head, feeling her eyes fill up with tears as she recalled, once again, how it had felt to receive both of the hideous scars. She shuddered as her memories shifted from the feeling of the knife against her skin to that of Alex's lips forced against hers. If she could choose to have any one of her memories about that awful day disappear completely from her mind, it would be that – the feel of those lips against hers. The memory always made her feel dirty...perhaps because she had struggled so much over feeling like she had betrayed her boyfriend, at the time, by having another man kiss her. Even if it _had_ been against her will. She was so lost in her unwanted memories that she jumped when she heard Ryan call her name as he emerged from the bathroom.

"Hey, baby, are you ready to go downst-" he started, but stopped as he caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," she said quickly, yanking her top back in place and spinning around to face him.

"Then why are you crying?" he asked softly.

"It's nothing, I..." she trailed off, her lip trembling. "I just need a hug, I think." Ryan frowned, but walked over to her, opening his arms in invitation. She wasted no time, throwing her arms around his neck instantly. "Much better," she sighed, once his arms were wrapped securely around her waist.

"Okay, out with it," he said, his tone gentle. "I know something's bothering you."

"It's kind of ridiculous," she told him. "I...I was putting my hair up and it made my top ride up so I could see part of my scar. It just got me thinking about how I got it, is all. I got upset...as you noticed. But I'm fine."

"First your nightmare, and now this," he frowned, though she could see it.

"I know..." She tightened her hold on him. "It's annoying."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"It's okay." Kelsi turned her head to press a kiss to the side of his neck. "I'm over it."

"Liar," he whispered, easing away to look at her face. "It's still bothering you. The memories."

"The scars," she corrected, absently. "Well, the memories too, but...I was mostly thinking about the scars. I hate them."

"I know," he said sympathetically. "They're not as bad as you think they are, though."

"Not as bad?" Kelsi was incredulous. She took a step backwards away from him and yanked her top upwards again to show him her scar. "How can you look at it and say that?"

"Easily," he shrugged. "I know that they bother you, but I hardly notice them anymore."

"How is that possible?" She raised her right arm so he could get a good look at that scar, still holding her top partway up with her left hand. "Look at them, Ryan. They're hideous. Don't tell me that they aren't." She let out a humorless chuckle. "How can you look at them without cringing?"

"Because every time I look at either of them, it reminds me of how I almost lost you," he replied honestly. "It reminds me of the way it felt to see you pinned to the ground with that monster raising his knife over you."

"Right," she interrupted before he could continue. "I get that. So again I ask how can you stand to look at them? Doesn't it bother you?"

"The scars don't bother me, Kelsi," he shook his head.

"Why?" she demanded.

"I would rather have you alive and with scars than have you dead and buried six feet under," he said quietly. "So, yes, I look at them and remember how they got there, but they remind me that you lived. You were almost killed that day, but you weren't." He shrugged and then surprised her by gently running his finger along the one on her stomach, just like she had earlier. "The scars just don't seem all that important when I think about what could have happened and so, they don't bother me."

"That doesn't make any sense," she whispered, suddenly frustrated with him, though she had no idea why. "They're horrible, Ryan. Horrible and ugly and I hate them so much I can hardly stand it!" She yanked her top back down abruptly, swatting his hand away from her stomach in the process. "I hate that I have them and I hate how I got them!" A part of her knew she was getting overly upset, but she didn't seem able to stop herself. "I don't understand how you can say they're not important and I don't understand why they don't bother you. And for that matter, I don't even know how you can stand kissing me after what happened that day."

"What?" he asked, sounding completely confused.

"Someone else kissed me, remember? The same person who tried to kill me! He forced himself on me, and he kissed me. Kissed my lips, my neck." She shivered as the unwanted memories flooded through her mind again. "Someone else...not you! Do you have any idea how much that bothers me!? Even so many years later? All of my kisses are supposed to be for you!" She found herself dissolving into tears and when she continued speaking it was hard to get out more than one word at a time. "Just...you....and that...that creep stole them...he...he hurt me and he..."

"Come here," he said quickly, stunned by her outburst. "Come here," he repeated, pulling her back into his arms, wrapping them tightly around her small body. It was hard to say which one of them was more surprised by her breakdown. Kelsi pressed her forehead to his shoulder as she cried, wrapping her arms around his waist. The change in her mood had been practically instantaneous and she was convinced that she had her hormones to thank. She felt like a crazy person all of a sudden, and that just served to make her cry harder. "Kelsi...baby..." he whispered, sounding so concerned that it made her heart hurt. "Ssh...It's okay, you're okay."

"I'm sorry," she managed, feeling worse with every second that passed.

"Where did all that come from, baby?" He spoke just above a whisper, gently rocking her. "Why are you so upset all of a sudden?"

"I don't know," she mumbled. Or actually, I do know, honey, it's because I'm pregnant with your baby and it's making me crazy, she thought to herself. "I...I..." She absently rubbed his back. "I don't like thinking about that day."

"Me either," he said softly. "But it doesn't usually get you so upset...are you okay?" He eased back slightly, gently lifting her head up with one of his hands. Kelsi felt a fresh layer of tears build at the sight of his face. She had thought he sounded concerned, but she hadn't realized just how worried he was until she saw his eyes. She bit her lip, ordering her hormones to behave themselves so she could at least stop crying.

"I'm fine...really...I know it doesn't usually get to me so much, but I don't know...That nightmare I had was so real, it was like being there again." She took a deep breath, relieved to notice that she was starting to feel somewhat normal again. "It just made me remember what it was like right after it happened...how freaked out I was. I...I haven't thought about it in so long...it just kind of took me by surprise and I lost it." She forced a smile on her face. "I'm sorry I worried you...I even scared myself for a while there...but I really am okay."

"Are you sure?" he asked, sounding both doubtful and anxious. "Maybe you should go back to that therapist?" he offered. "Maybe you haven't worked it out as much as you needed to?"

"No," she cut in gently. "I dealt with all of that just fine...it was just a strong memory. I'm okay now." She brought her hands to his face as she spoke. "I really am...I'm so sorry I scared you."

"Scared isn't the word," he frowned. He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her waist again. "It reminded me of how it was after it happened too. I forgot how much I hated those days."

"Me too. But I really am okay," she assured him.

"Even so." He tightened his hold on her. "Let me hold you until my heart starts beating at a normal pace again, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, putting her arms back around his neck. "I'm sorry, honey," she added.

"Stop apologizing," he said, though he kept his words gentle. She let her head rest on his left shoulder, her forehead pressed lightly against his neck. They stayed in that same position, silent, for another minute or two before she turned her right arm so that she could look at the scar again.

"Ryan?" Her voice was soft as she eased her head off his shoulder to look at him, relieved to see the panic gone from his expression. "My scars really don't bother you?" Her voice sounded small as she asked the question and she watched his eyes soften. He reached up and lightly grabbed her right wrist, pulling her arm slightly away from him. He gently kissed the inside of her wrist, where her scar began. Kelsi's eyes filled with tears as he proceeded to kiss his way down the length of the scar, his lips whisper soft on her skin as he did so.

"Kelsi Evans," he began, his voice tender. "You are, and have always been, the most beautiful woman in the world...even with your scars and no, they don't bother me." He leaned in to give her a lingering kiss on her lips. "Not when it's years later and you're safe and warm and, most importantly, _alive_ here in my arms."

"Oh Ryan," she sniffled. "I love you."

"And I love you." He lightly touched his lips to hers once more, making her smile. It was at that point that she vowed to do whatever it took to keep her hormones under control. She would do whatever it took to keep him from worrying as much about her as he just had. Her smile wavered as it occurred to her that maybe it was time for her to write about her attack. She had been meaning to do so ever since she first started putting her project for him together, but had put it off, first in favor of the fire. She had known that writing about his coma would be extremely difficult and so had written about it as soon as it had occurred to her, knowing it would get harder the longer she put it off. Afterwards, she was so emotionally drained from talking about it that she had wanted to focus on more lighthearted subjects, which she had. Now, she had written about that horrible fight they'd had when her friend Nicole had been killed and as far as she could see, there was only one unpleasant memory left to write about – her attack. She could put it off no longer...that much was apparent by the horrendous nightmare and the breakdown she'd just had.

Ryan was just about to say something else when they were interrupted by a knock on the door. "And there's the search party," Ryan said quietly. "Are you okay to see everyone?"

"Yes," she promised him. "Thanks to you," she added, making him smile.

"Okay." He quickly pressed his lips to her forehead before releasing her and heading to the door. "We're coming," he called as he walked. He reached the door and opened it to find Troy looking somewhat triumphant. "Oh, hey Troy."

"Hey guys," Troy nodded, flashing them both a smile. "I came up here for two reasons. One." He held a finger up. "To tell you that lunch is ready. It seems like we all got a late start today. And two." Troy held up another finger, his smile turning into a smirk. "Good news, Playmaker. You don't have to worry about spilling the secret anymore. I know about the baby."

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**Uh-oh.... ;-)**

**Hey y'all - I haven't done a fanfic recommendation in a while so I would like to do one here. If you haven't done so already, check out Heaven by erfan18. It's the sequel to Living Without You (and if you haven't read it, go check that one out too) and it's going to be great - have a look!  
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	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: The LP bug continues. :-) I really don't know what there is to say about this chapter. I'm still working to set some events in motion for future chapters (intense stuff is coming, though not here). This sort of feels like filler, but not really. Song tally at the end of this chapter: 26, though it's two songs sharing the same spot. I must warn you...there's parts of this chapter where I felt like brushing my teeth immediately after writing due to the fluff content. Hope you all enjoy! This story is clicking along pretty nicely (fingers crossed that it continues) so hopefully it won't be too long between updates. Going to try to get some work done on LN this week, so maybe I'll be able to update that soon. As always, thanks to the support, everyone! This really is such a wonderful community we have here. A special thank you to anyone who has put this story on alert or in their favorites. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :-)  
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"The baby?" Ryan asked, confused.

"What!?" Kelsi shrieked at the same time.

"Yeah," Troy grinned at Ryan, ignoring Kelsi for the time being. Kelsi, for her part, slowly felt the blood drain from her face as she half walked, half stumbled closer to them. "I found out the secret. Guess what, Ryan?"

"No! No guessing, no secret," Kelsi cut in, sounding frantic. "You don't know...you can't..."

"Sure, I do," Troy beamed. "I found out last night and there doesn't seem to be any reason why it should remain a secret. I mean, it was bad enough with Ryan and I not knowing. Now that I know, I can hardly leave him in the dark."

"But...but it's not time for you both to know!" Kelsi cried. "You have to wait."

"Look, Kelsi, you've been such a great friend to Gabriella through this, wanting to keep the secret safe for her, but you don't have to do that anymore," Troy told her.

"Gabriella?" Kelsi's brow furrowed. "What are you..."

"Would one of you please tell me what's going on here?" Ryan piped up. "Is someone having a baby?"

"Yes," Troy nodded. "And you'll never guess who."

"Troy, please...I beg you," Kelsi pleaded.

"Kelsi, it's okay, really. I swear...you must be the most loyal friend in the world. It's so cute," Troy chuckled.

"Who is it?" Ryan wanted to know.

"Ryan, I'm so sorry..." Kelsi whispered, chewing her lip anxiously and knowing that she wouldn't be able to stop Troy from blurting out the truth.

"Gabriella," Troy told him.

"I wanted to tell you, but I..." Kelsi trailed off, turning her focus to Troy. "Gabriella?"

"Gabriella?" Ryan said at the same time, a smile on his face.

"Gabriella," Troy confirmed. "She's pregnant! We're going to have another baby. Can you believe it?"

"Gabriella's pregnant?" Kelsi asked, confused. "Are you sure?"

"What do you mean, am I sure?" Troy asked, giving her an odd look. "She told me."

"She told you that she was pregnant?" Kelsi spoke slowly, trying to make sense of what was going on.

"Yeah...she felt bad for keeping it a secret in the first place," Troy shrugged. "Guess she didn't want to anymore." He let out a disbelieving laugh. "I still can't believe it, but...but isn't it great?"

"Of course it is!" Ryan exclaimed. "Congratulations!"

"Gabriella's pregnant," Kelsi whispered. "She's having a baby." Her gaze flickered between Ryan and Troy, and she felt a lump form in her throat as the news worked its way through her. Gabriella must have been telling Troy the truth, she reasoned to herself, no way would she make something like that up. Kelsi pressed a hand to her mouth, fully anticipating the tears she knew were coming. Gabriella couldn't be that far along in her pregnancy...she still looked the same, after all. Knowing her friend like she did, Kelsi could only assume that Gabriella had decided to keep the news of her own pregnancy a secret to let Kelsi have her moment. A small sob escaped her as she realized that their babies would be probably be born within a month or so of each other.

"Oh," she whispered, looking back and forth between Ryan and Troy again. The former was the first, and only, man she had ever loved. She had felt an attraction to him the second she met him and it hadn't taken him long to win her heart entirely. The latter had been the star of the basketball team when they met, the type of person who would normally never associate with someone like her, and yet Troy had been kind enough to rush to her aid when she had tripped and sent all of her music flying. He had then tried to make her feel better by singing her song as written, singing Ryan's part, ironically enough...the way she had wanted _Ryan_ to sing it in the first place. Troy had become the first of Kelsi's adopted band of brothers, the Wildcats, and so held a special place in her heart. Not to say that each of the remaining Wildcats didn't all have a small share of her heart, but Troy was just a little different – as they all were.

Kelsi sniffled, her eyes going back and forth between the two men again, looking from one pair of blue eyes to the other. Oh, how she loved them both...in drastically different ways, of course. Two of the most talented men she knew, both of which would become fathers, one for the first time and the other for the third, within a month or so of each other. One of which had no idea, the other of which just found out. "Oh...you guys," she blubbered, her vision blurry with her tears. She closed the gap between herself and Troy and proceeded to fling her arms around his shoulders, with no warning. "I love you, guys. Not in the same way, of course, that'd be silly." she rambled. "Oh, come here," she added, extracting one arm from Troy and then reaching out to grab Ryan's shirt to pull him closer. "I'm so happy for both of you."

"Both of us?" Troy asked, his brow lifting curiously.

"Oh, um yeah," Kelsi stammered, realizing her mistake. "You because Gabriella is pregnant and Ryan because...well...because I know how happy he gets when his friends are happy..." she said, lamely, feeling her face get hotter and hotter as she spoke. "So how far along is she?" she asked quickly, doing her best to ignore the odd looks she was getting.

"Um...well..." Troy winced. "I don't know," he answered honestly.

"What? What do you mean you don't know?" Ryan wanted to know.

"Well, when Gabriella told me, I kind of thought she was kidding," Troy said slowly.

"Uh-oh," Ryan muttered. "What did you do?"

"Earned myself a night on the couch," Troy told them. "I asked her how we were supposed to afford another baby..."

"Oh, Troy. " Ryan closed his eyes, shaking his head. "That's bad."

"Tell me about it...she's still not talking to me," Troy sighed. "That's actually the real reason I had for coming up here. I need help, and you two are the only ones who can help me."

"How can we help?" Ryan asked, curious.

"Well, I was thinking..."

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"Gabriella!" Kelsi hurried down the stairs to find Gabriella.

"Kelsi!" Gabriella exclaimed in greeting, grinning at the look of excitement on Kelsi's face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kelsi whispered, working to keep her voice down while everyone else busied themselves with getting the food on, and the kids settled at, the table.

"I didn't want to ruin your moment," Gabriella whispered back.

"Ruin it? Are you kidding?" Kelsi hissed, making Gabriella giggle. "This is great! I can't believe we're both having..." She trailed off, suddenly aware of Ryan and Troy close behind them. "I can't believe this is happening!" She glanced back towards their husbands, relieved when Gabriella looked back and then nodded.

"It's exciting!" Gabriella gushed, just as Troy and Ryan caught up to them.

"Hey honey," Troy spoke up cautiously.

"Bolton...Help Abby get settled, okay?" she responded, not looking at him, though she winked at Kelsi as she spoke.

"Okay," Troy agreed, letting out a sigh as he moved past Kelsi and Gabriella to locate his youngest daughter.

"Oh hey, Gabriella," Ryan piped up. "I hear that congratulations are in order!"

"Yes," Gabriella beamed at him, stopping to accept his hug. "It's crazy...we never planned on this, but...it just happened. I'm not sure how we're going to juggle having three kids but...it'll work out."

"I'm so happy for you guys," Ryan smiled. "It _will_ all work out. You have to believe it...everything happens for a reason, right? You guys didn't plan for this baby, but obviously you were meant to have it. I'm positive that it'll work out." He slung one arm around Gabriella, and the other around Kelsi. "Just like how I know that one of these days, Kelsi and I will have a baby. Everything works out when it's supposed to..." He trailed off, suddenly looking wistful. "I just hope it's someday soon. You and Troy are so lucky...I can't wait until it's our turn," he added, looking at Kelsi, who froze. "Hey...you okay?" he frowned as he watched her, noting that she seemed to be turning an odd shade of green.

"Um...yeah, I'm fine," she whispered, suddenly feeling like she was about to throw up. "I just...want to get something real quick. Go ahead. I'll be in there in a second." She slipped under his arm and hurried towards the bathroom. Ryan's frown deepened as he watched her go.

"That was a little strange," he said, sounding confused. "I'm starting to get a little worried about Kelsi."

"Why?" Gabriella asked quickly, hoping to distract him.

"She...she had a rough morning and now..." he trailed off again.

"I doubt it's anything serious," Gabriella assured him. "Don't worry. If something's wrong, she'll tell you."

"Yeah...you're right," Ryan said slowly, though his expression didn't change. "At least I hope so."

_Meanwhile..._

"Ugh...this has gotta stop," Kelsi groaned, pressing a hand to her stomach. She had thrown up twice, and then rinsed her mouth out with water, but still felt gross. "I don't know how much longer I can deal with this."

"Kelsi?" She jumped, startled, and spun around to find Troy, who was holding Abby.

"Kelsi!" Abby exclaimed happily, offering her a small wave.

"Hi Abby," Kelsi said in response, smiling at her.

"Were you just talking to yourself?" Troy asked, amused.

"Maybe," she flushed. "But I'm not crazy, really," she added, making him laugh. She gave him a mock stern look. "You shouldn't sneak up on people like that."

"Not my fault you scare easily," he teased, though his expression became thoughtful. "You know, maybe it's my imagination, but you still don't seem all that comfortable around me...which is how you've been since this whole secret thing started. But...the secret is out, so I don't get it."

"What makes you think there was only one secret?" she asked, not stopping to think about it, though her eyes widened when she finally realized what she had said.

"What do you mean?" he wanted to know.

"We should head to the dining room," she said in response, avoiding his question. "I'm starving." She couldn't help wincing a little bit at the lie. She _had_ been starving, but that had changed once her nausea had returned. Now, after being sick _again_, the last thing she wanted to do was eat.

"What did you mean?" Troy pressed, ignoring her comment. "Is there more than one secret?" His eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me that there's more than one secret."

"Actually, Troy, there _is_ more than one secret," she smiled, feeling oddly bold. She shook her head to herself, amazed at how quickly her moods seemed to shift today. "Troy, you may know _Gabriella's_ secret, but you don't know _mine_." She bit back a giggle at the look on his face.

"What? You have a secret too?" Troy asked, stunned.

"Maybe..." she grinned. "Or maybe I'm just with messing you. That's something you're just going to have to wonder about. Now come on...let's go back to the others. The sooner we eat, the sooner we can get on with your plan to get back on Gabriella's good side." With that, she turned and headed towards the dining room, leaving Troy standing there with his jaw dropped open.

"Silly Daddy," Abby giggled, bringing her hand to Troy's chin and pushing it upwards to try to make him close his mouth. "Better," she decided, making him chuckle.

"You know what, Abby?" he asked, smiling at her. "I think something fishy is going on around here, and I'm going to find out what."

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"Ryan, what is this all about?" Gabriella asked, confused. Lunch had ended, and Ryan was practically dragging Gabriella towards one of the back rooms of the house. Most of their group had ventured outside, all of them full from the delicious lunch they had eaten. At least it had looked good. Gabriella's nose wrinkled at the thought...her stomach had been acting up and she hadn't been able to eat much. Neither had Kelsi, Gabriella remembered, instantly feeling sympathy for her friend. Gabriella glanced at Ryan and couldn't help frowning. Kelsi had done her best to make it look like she was eating, but Gabriella was pretty certain that she hadn't fooled anyone. She had noticed, after all, and she knew Ryan had too. Gabriella had almost been able to feel Ryan's concern for his wife increase as lunch went on and couldn't wait until he knew the truth, so he could stop worrying.

Fact chance of that, she thought a half second later. Ryan would still worry about Kelsi; it'd just be for a different reason. "Just come on," he said, breaking her train of thought.

"Ryan, what-" The question died in her throat as he pushed open a door and was greeted by Kelsi, who was sitting at a piano that Gabriella hadn't even know was in the house, and Troy.

"Gabriella," Troy began. "I know I messed up when you told me about your pregnancy and I can't blame you for making me sleep on the couch last night. I deserved it. I should have reacted with joy...and instead, I managed to put both of my feet in my mouth at the same time."

"No arguments here," she said gently, though she couldn't help smiling.

"Gabriella...I've loved you since high school. You and our girls...our beautiful, wonderful little girls are what keeps me going. You three are like my own personal miracles...and now you're carrying what will be my fourth miracle and I should have been over the moon about it." He smiled, stepping closer to Gabriella as he spoke. "I'm sorry that I wasn't...but I am now. And now that I've finally gotten my act together, I wanted to try to make up for how I acted last night."

"Oh Troy," Gabriella sighed. "You don't have to..."

"I do," Troy interrupted, nodding to Kelsi, who surprised Gabriella by playing the opening of _You Are the Music In Me_. "Kelsi wrote this song a few years ago, as you remember. She wrote it for us...well, actually..." Troy flashed a smile at Kelsi before he continued, focusing his attention on Ryan for the moment. "She may have written it _for_ me and Gabriella to sing, but it was _about_ you. Not only was it about you, but it was inspired by you. This...performance, if you will, is as much for you as it is for Gabriella." Troy turned his attention back to his wife. "For Gabriella, it's my apology...for Ryan; this is your next song in Kelsi's project."

"_Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, yeah. You are the music in me,_" Kelsi began singing, her voice soft at first, but slowly grew in volume as she continued. "_You know the words 'Once upon a time'_ _make you listen, there's a reason. When you dream there's a chance you'll find a little laughter or happy ever after._" Kelsi looked up at Ryan, smiling at him as she sang the part that had originally belonged to Gabriella.

"_You're harmony to the melody that's echoing inside my head,_" Troy joined in, his voice blending with Kelsi's. He locked his eyes on Gabriella's as he and Kelsi continued the song, both getting more into it as they went along.

"_It's like I knew you before we met. Can't explain it, there's no name for it._" Kelsi began the next verse, her eyes softening as she watched her husband.

"_I'm saying words I've never said,_" they sang together, Troy continuing on his own. "_And it was easy._"

"_So easy,_" Kelsi echoed, smiling when Troy pulled Gabriella into an impromptu dance. Her smile widened as Ryan crossed the room and sat beside her on the bench. "_'Cause you see the real me_," she continued, surprised when both Ryan and Troy joined her.

"_As I am, you understand and that's more than I've ever known,_" Gabriella chimed in so that the four of them were singing together. "_To hear your voice above the noise and know I'm not alone._" Kelsi nudged Ryan with her shoulder as they sang that line, making him grin in response. "_Oh, you're singing to me. When I hear my favorite song, I know that we belong, yeah, oh. You are the music in me._"

Troy held up a hand, grinning at the confused look on Gabriella's face as he and Kelsi stopped singing, even as Kelsi continued to play. "I know, I know, we're changing it up a little. I guess you could call this the remix version." The music from the song they had been singing slowly began turning into something else as she improvised, giving Troy a chance to speak. Troy glanced at Ryan. "And not the way your sister did it either," he added, making Ryan chuckle. "Let's see if this works," he nodded to Kelsi and continued singing, this time on his own and at a slower pace. "_When I hear my favorite song, I know that we belong. You are the music in me. It's living in all of us, it's brought us here because..."_

"_Because all I wanna do,_" Kelsi began softly singing the chorus of _Just Wanna Be With You_ as Troy continued, making the pace match Troy's. "_Is be with you, be with you._"

"_Because you are the music in me,_" Troy sang at the same time.

"_There's nothing we can't do, just wanna be with you,_" Kelsi continued, Troy joining her partway through. "_Only you. No matter where life takes us, nothing can break us apart. You know it's true. I just wanna be with you._" Kelsi brought the music to a close while both she and Troy looked at their respective spouses and sang the last line without accompaniment. "_I just wanna be with you._"

"I love you, Wildcat," Gabriella beamed at Troy, brushing her lips against his.

"I really am happy we're going to have another baby," he told her, his voice sincere. "I love you too." Kelsi smiled as Troy and Gabriella moved to another part of the room, probably to give her and Ryan some privacy, and rested her head on Ryan's shoulder.

"They _both_ were about you," Kelsi said softly. "You...you give me inspiration to make music, even if I don't really feel like it, because you are my music. You always have been and you always will be." She let out a contented sigh as he kissed the top of her head. "And I always did want to be with you...from the first time I saw you. It was...it was like I had been waiting for you, almost, that first time. Waiting and not knowing I was." Kelsi let her eyes close as she spoke. "It only got worse, you know. Wanting you, that is. Wanting to be with you, to be your girlfriend. That song was true when I wrote it and it's true now. I just wanna be with you...from now until forever."

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"Hey, are you feeling okay?" Troy asked Gabriella. Ryan and Kelsi were still sitting by the piano, which Ryan was playing while Kelsi kept her head on his shoulder.

"Not exactly," Gabriella admitted. "My stomach's been bothering me, but I'm used to it. It's just like how it was with the other two."

"Three months?" Troy asked, confirmed what she had told him moments before.

"Just about," she smiled.

"When did you find out?" he wanted to know.

"Just before we left to come here," she told him. "I was going to announce it sooner, but then..." She trailed off, her brow furrowing slightly. "But then we all got caught up in the whole secret thing."

"Yeah...the secret," Troy said, his voice turning contemplative. He thought back first to the conversation he'd had with Kelsi and Ryan earlier, and then to the brief one he'd had with Kelsi before lunch. His gaze shifted over to their composing friend and he found himself going still as he watched her. He looked from Kelsi to Gabriella and back again, feeling something begin to click in place like pieces of a puzzle slowly coming together. He remembered Gabriella's outburst from the night before, giving him another piece. He looked between the women once more and it occurred to them that they both seemed to have a glow about them, a very similar glow, at that. "Oh my God," he said quietly, the final piece of the puzzle locking into place.

"What?" Gabriella asked.

"Kelsi's pregnant." He whispered the words, feeling the truth in them the second he spoke them.

"Troy." Gabriella's voice was cautious as she tried to figure out how to proceed.

"I'm right, aren't I?" he asked. He locked his gaze on Kelsi, who surprised him by looking up at the same time. He watched the expression on her face change as she looked at him, and he had to work to keep from smirking. He watched a dozen emotions flicker across her face before it settled into one of panic. "I'm right."

"Yes," Gabriella confirmed, her voice just below a whisper. "Troy, please..." Troy kept his eyes on Kelsi, watching as she bit her lip. Her eyes were pleading with him, just like he was positive that Gabriella's were, though he didn't check. The smirk he had been fighting turned into a smile...a smile that softened as he studied Kelsi, surprised to find himself getting slightly emotional. Looking at her, he could see the shy girl she had been in high school, the one who had tripped and sent her music flying that day in the auditorium so many years ago. The girl who had become the basketball team's little sister by the end of their junior year. The girl who had blossomed into the beautiful woman she was today, thanks largely to the man sitting beside her, the man whose last name she had taken as her own.

Troy shifted his attention over to Ryan for a moment, taking in the picture the two of them made together. Ryan was everything that the other Wildcats would have chosen for Kelsi, if they'd had the choice. He loved her with everything that he was and it showed. There could be no man better for their petite friend and vice versa. Troy's smile turned into a grin as he wrapped his mind around the knowledge that Ryan and Kelsi would be parents in a matter of months. No question in his mind that the child would be loved. He brought his gaze back to Kelsi's and nodded. He would not reveal her secret, instead, he would let Ryan believe that _Gabriella's_ pregnancy had been the real secret. He found himself chuckling as he realized that, as much as it had annoyed him, his friends were right to have kept it a secret in the first place. He nodded at her once more, watching as her face lit up with gratitude.

'Thank you' Kelsi mouthed to him, smiling as he winked in response.

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"So...are you feeling okay? Ryan asked softly, causing Kelsi to look at him.

"I feel fine," she said carefully. "Why do you ask?"

"Because earlier you said you were starving, but..." He trailed off, studying her. "You barely ate any lunch." She winced; she'd thought she'd done a good job pretending to eat, but apparently hadn't.

"Oh...well, I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought," she said lamely.

"Hmm...how's your stomach been?" he asked, watching as a wave of panic momentarily overtook her face. "You're still getting sick, aren't you? Earlier...when you said you had to get something...you had to throw up, didn't you?"

"Ryan," she began, working to keep her voice soft. "I'm fine. I promise...yes, I had to throw up and yes, that's why I could barely eat, but...I really am okay."

"Are you sure?" Kelsi reached up to smooth his brow, her touch light. "This has been going on for so long..."

"I'm fine," she assured him, locking her eyes on his. It had never been harder to keep her pregnancy a secret, she realized, hating the concern she saw in his eyes. "Really." He searched her face for a long moment, finally letting out a sigh.

"Okay," he nodded, looking unsure. "You'd...you'd tell me if you weren't, right?"

"Of course I would," she said quickly, though she barely resisted the urge to wince again. Earlier she had vowed to keep her hormones in check, but as she watched him, she wondered if the hormones were any match for the guilt she was feeling. "Please don't worry so much, baby. It makes my heart hurt...I'm okay...I'd tell you if I wasn't, I promise. Don't worry."

"Easy for you to say," he said, though he gave her a small smile. "I can't help it...I'm very protective of you."

"I know," she smiled. "And I love that." She leaned in to kiss him. "It's one of the reasons why I love you so much." She nudged his shoulder lightly with hers. "You might even be getting a song about it. Not that that was a hint or anything." She kissed him again, mindful of the fact that Troy and Gabriella were still in the room.

"I love you, Mrs. Evans," he said quietly. "You know that..." She smiled as his hands returned to the piano, playing the chorus of one of the songs they had sung earlier. "_All I wanna do is be with you, be with you. There's nothing we can't do, just wanna be with you, only you._"

"_No matter where life takes us, nothing can break us apart,_" she joined in. "_You know it's true. I just wanna be with you._"


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Hey guys! Kelsi's having a rough day in this chapter and we find out that Angel is like her mother in more ways than one. You'll see what I mean. :) A special shout-out/thank you to my good friend Jenn who has become what I refer to as my resident pregnancy expert (my r.p.e. for short). I've been trying to make Kelsi's pregnancy as realistic as possible and Jenn's been wonderful and answered all my pregnancy questions (even the stupid ones...and believe me, I've had a few of those). This chapter features 2 flashbacks. The first was inspired by a talk with Jenn about _Last Chance_. Ryan and Kelsi were so ridiculously flirty with each other in that little bit and it made me wonder what might've happened beforehand. The next flashback is my spin ****on the graduation scene from the 3rd movie. ****Changed a few things (i.e the way they were lined up) while trying to keep the basic scene mostly intact. For the record,**** this is how I think they should've been lined up (starting from the left, if you're looking at the stage): Martha - Jason - Taylor - Chad - Gabriella - Troy - Kelsi - Ryan - Sharpay - Zeke. I don't know...it makes more sense to me that way (I do have my reasons, if you're curious, ha). Anyway, that flashback is my take on what Kelsi may have been thinking in those moments, along with things I think _should've_ happened. ;-) Hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know.  
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**"Pregnancy sucks." Taylor and Martha looked up at a disgruntled Kelsi. "I think I've thrown up more today than I have in my entire life." Kelsi grimaced while she lowered herself to the blanket they were sitting on, a faint smile appearing briefly on her face at the sight of Angel, Maria, and Lexie play nearby. Her smile quickly disappeared, however, a scowl replacing it as she went on. "And why, why do they insist on calling it _morning_ sickness? Is it morning?" She looked back and forth between her friends. "No, it's not. It's the middle of the afternoon and gee, I just came back from throwing up. Again! Geez...I wish I could _only_ puke in the morning," she huffed as her rant continued. "Why not just call it pregnancy sickness?"

"That would make more sense," Martha nodded, patting Kelsi's arm sympathetically.

"This will go away, right?" Kelsi asked. "Around the fourth month of the pregnancy?"

"It should," Taylor assured her, wincing as she watched Kelsi's face slowly turn white.

"It should? What do you mean, it _should_?" Kelsi asked, sounding panicked now. "I thought it was only supposed to last for the first trimester!"

"Well, for most women it does," Martha said quickly.

"Most?" Kelsi groaned. "What happens to the rest?"

"Sometimes the sickness can last for the entire pregnancy," Martha told her, almost unwillingly.

"Tell me you're kidding." Kelsi looked back and forth between the two of them again. "Please, tell me you're kidding."

"I'm sure it won't last for your whole pregnancy, Kelsi," Taylor said, trying to sound convincing.

"I certainly hope not!" Kelsi exclaimed. "Oh, this is just peachy!" Her eyes narrowed as she observed Ryan standing a ways down the beach with Sharpay and Jason, all three of them laughing at the moment. "You guys know I love my husband," she began. "Very, very much. He's my everything and I couldn't live without him." She shook her head, annoyed. "But right now, I have an overwhelming urge to walk over there and kick him."

"Why?" Martha asked, amused.

"Because I'm the one that has to deal with all this pregnancy craziness! I'm the one that'll spend the next six weeks or..." She shifted her narrowed eyes to Martha. "The _entire_ pregnancy throwing up."

"Sorry," Martha whispered.

"I'm the one dealing with those blasted hormones that make me feel like a nutcase when they kick in. Let's see, what am I forgetting?" Kelsi's voice turned sarcastic as she made a show of tapping her chin with her finger. "Oh, yeah, there's also the whole giving birth thing! I swear...all he had to be involved with was the fun part. I'm the one that has to do all the work!"

"The joys of womanhood," Taylor grinned.

"Humph," Kelsi grumbled.

"It's not all bad, Kelsi," Martha offered. "Sure, the sickness sucks and the hormones can be annoying. Giving birth can be painful, you'll get no arguments from either one of us there. But there's the good stuff too."

"Martha's right," Taylor nodded. "Like the first time you feel your baby move inside of you."

"The first time _Ryan_ feels the baby move," Martha smiled.

"The knowledge that this baby was created out of the love you share with your husband," Taylor said, softly. "Not to mention the way it'll feel to hold your baby for the first time."

"What about the way it feels the first time you _hear_ your baby?" Martha asked Taylor, who nodded.

"Kelsi, you'll hear that baby crying and all of the difficult parts of the pregnancy won't matter anymore. They'll put that baby in your arms and you'll forget all about the pain and exhaustion you're feeling because that won't matter anymore, either." Taylor's voice was gentle as she spoke.

"You have so many wonderful things to look forward to, Kelsi. I know it feels hard right now when you've been puking your guts out all day, but it'll all be worth it," Martha added. "Out of all the reasons why you could be throwing up, this is easily the best."

"You know what?" Taylor asked. "Sometimes I feel bad for men." At Kelsi and Martha's look, she chuckled. "I mean, yes, we do all of the work and they only have to do the fun part, but we get to be so perfectly in tune with our baby from the beginning. We're the first to feel our babies move...men have to wait."

"Good point," Martha agreed. She turned to Kelsi and grinned. "Remember that the next time you want to kick your husband."

"I just...I want this pregnancy to be over with so I can meet my baby," Kelsi sighed. "I have so much time left in my pregnancy...I want to hold my baby now." She looked between them again. "How in the world did you two handle the waiting?"

"It's hard sometimes," Taylor acknowledged. "Just remember that every day that passes brings you one step closer."

"I'll try to remember that," Kelsi nodded, wincing as she felt her stomach turn. "Oh, please, no....Lord, in heaven...I do not want to throw up again."

"Morning sickness?" A voice asked from behind them and they all turned to find Zeke, holding a tray loaded down with various things.

"Ugh, don't get started on how stupid that term is," Kelsi moaned.

"Kelsi is having a rough day," Martha informed Zeke.

"I know," Zeke nodded. "Gabriella's having a rough afternoon too. Which is why I have put together what I call the Sharpay Baylor pregnancy survival pack," he smiled as he very carefully squatted down behind them, mindful not to upend the tray in the process.

"The Sharpay Baylor pregnancy survival pack?" Kelsi repeated, looking intrigued.

"Yup! I already gave Gabriella hers. See, I made you guys some nice, dry toast which I've surrounded with some saltine crackers. All to be washed down with some ginger ale," Zeke explained, smiling at Kelsi, as he sat the tray down in front of her. "Sometimes this would be the only thing that Sharpay was able to keep down. Just make sure to eat kind of slowly...according to her, it helps."

"Oh Zeke," Kelsi smiled at him, touched. "You didn't have to do this."

"It's nothing," he assured her. "You and Gabriella looked pretty miserable so it was the least I could do."

"Thanks," Kelsi's smile softened. "This was very sweet of you."

"Where were you when I was pregnant?" Taylor joked.

"So...while I'm here...how's the song project going?" Zeke asked as Kelsi took an experimental bite of her toast. He waited while she chewed and swallowed.

"I think this might stay down," she decided a few seconds later. "I can only hope." She set the toast down and reached for the glass of ginger ale to take a small sip. "The project is going great. I think he's really enjoying it." She took another sip before reaching into the pocket of her shorts and pulling out a folded up piece of paper. "That reminded me...I need to give him this." She unfolded it as she spoke, skimming over what she'd written.

"Just one page?" Martha asked. "I thought you were doing longer ones."

"Most of them have been pretty long," Kelsi agreed. "This one I just wrote down the lyrics. I want to talk to him about this one."

"What's it about?" Taylor wanted to know, though she flung a hand up a second later. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay," Kelsi assured her, pausing to take another bite of her toast. "It's about the moment I knew I was in love with him," she admitted, somewhat shyly. "Of course, I didn't _tell_ him I loved him until months later, but that's not the point."

"Aww," Martha beamed at her. "You remember the moment you knew you loved him. That's so cute."

"That's Ryan and Kelsi for you," Taylor chuckled. "The epitome of cute. Especially back in high school."

"Well..." Kelsi began, her face flushing slightly. "I can't tell him about it until I either walk over there or he comes over here."

"That sounds logical," Taylor said seriously, her eyes twinkling.

"So, go over there," Martha urged.

"Would it sound pathetic if I said I was scared to move?" Kelsi asked sheepishly. "I finally _don't_ feel like I'm about to puke. Not sure I wanna risk the movement."

"Maybe if you stay really still, the sickness won't come back," Zeke teased her.

"I know it'll come back at some point," Kelsi shot back, giving him a playful shove. "I'm just enjoying the break. Especially since it's been so brutal today."

"Want me to go get him for you?" Zeke offered.

"I'll get him!" The group looked at Angel, who had wandered closer sometime during their conversation.

"You want to get Uncle Ryan?" Zeke asked, smiling at his daughter when she nodded. "Okay, sweetie, go ahead. He's over there with Mommy and Uncle Jason," he added, pointing Ryan out for her.

"Okay, Daddy." Angel gave him a bright smile before taking a few steps away from the group.

"She's such a little sweetheart," Taylor grinned as she watched Angel, though she was surprised when Angel came to a stop. "I wonder why she stopped," she said thoughtfully.

"Uh-oh," Zeke muttered.

"What do you mean, uh-oh?" Martha asked, curious.

"Uncle Ryan!" Angel yelled, almost at the top of her lungs, causing _all_ of the adults in their group to look over at her. Angel kept her eyes trained on her uncle while she flung an arm up in the air and snapped her fingers...well, she attempted to snap them, but didn't quite succeed. She then pointed to the ground in front of her. She waited several beats before making a show of rolling her eyes at Ryan. "Are you coming or not?" she demanded, sticking her hands on her hips in a perfect imitation of her mother.

"Angel!" Zeke hissed, though it was clear that he was trying not to laugh.

"What, Daddy?" she asked, innocently looking back at her father, though she had a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Sweetie, you can't just demand for people to come over," Zeke said patiently. Angel looked back over at Ryan and smiled as she noticed he was walking over to her.

"Why not? It works," she pointed out, causing Kelsi to nearly choke on the sip of ginger ale she'd just taken.

"Yes, but it's not very nice," Zeke pointed out.

"Ahem." Ryan tapped his niece on the shoulder as he reached her.

"Finally," Angel sighed, shaking her head at him. "Took you long enough."

"Angel!" Zeke hissed again, though he still looked amused.

"What was that, little lady?" Ryan asked, crouching down to Angel's level.

"I said it took you enough," Angel repeated. "Weren't you listening?"

"She gets this from her mother," Zeke mumbled to Kelsi, who let out another giggle in response.

"Did you really have to yell at me from across the beach?" Ryan asked.

"No," Angel answered.

"So why did you?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, smiling at him. "'Cause it's fun?"

"You think yelling at your uncle is fun?" Ryan asked, his lip twitching.

"Yes," Angel responded, seriously.

"I see," Ryan nodded, making a show of pursing his lips thoughtfully. "Well, I don't think you should have done that." He glanced over at the other adults, his eyes settling on Kelsi as he winked at her.

"Why not?" Angel asked, sounding curious now.

"You hurt my feelings yelling at me like that," he said, sighing dramatically. "It leaves me no choice."

"Uh-oh," Zeke piped up, his eyes twinkling as Angel looked back at him. "I think I know what that means," he added in a teasing voice. Ryan lifted his hands up and wiggled his fingers at his niece.

"You better say you're sorry," Ryan said, in a sing-song voice. "I'll give you until the count of three. One..." He inched himself closer. "Two..." He frowned. "Hmm....I'm forgot...what comes after two again?"

"Three," Angel replied, instantly clamping her hands over her mouth. "Oops!"

"Oops is right," Ryan agreed. "I warned you." He scooped her up before she could run away, holding her securely in one arm and tickling her with his free hand.

"Daddy help!" Angel cried, giggling uncontrollably.

"Sorry, sweetie," Zeke said innocently. "I told you it wasn't nice to yell at people and this is why. It wakes up the tickle monster, but I think there's a way to get him to stop," he offered, turning to grin at Kelsi.

"He's right, Angel. You have to say the magic words," Kelsi informed her. "You have to tell Uncle Ryan that you're sorry and he'll stop."

"Sorry...Uncle...Ryan," Angel giggled, squirming in his arms.

"Uh-oh," Ryan frowned. "I think the tickle monster is starting to get tired."

"Say it again," Taylor jumped in. "I think it's working!"

"I'm sorry...Uncle Ryan," Angel repeated, beaming at her uncle as he slowly stopped tickling her. "Did the monster go to sleep?"

"Almost," Ryan smiled at her. "He's very, very tired but there's a problem. See, the tickle monster is very sad, too." He offered her an exaggerated pout.

"I can make it better!" Angel declared.

"You can?" Ryan gasped in mock surprise. "But how?" Angel responded by wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and giving him a kiss on the cheek. She then put her hands on either side of his face.

"I love you, Uncle Ryan," she told him.

"Aw, thank you," he smiled at her. "I love you too, sweetheart."

"All better?" she asked.

"All better," he assured her, gently kissing her forehead before setting her back down on the sand. Ryan watched her scamper back to a giggling Lexie and Maria before turning his attention to his friends.

"Hey girls," Martha called as she got to her feet. "Who feels like playing by the water?"

"I do!" Angel and Lexie chorused, Maria echoing them a second later.

"All right," Martha grinned at them. "Let's go see if we can round up any other takers." She looked back to Zeke and Taylor, giving them each a pointed look. "Who wants to help me supervise?"

"I will," Taylor said, stopping to smile at Kelsi before getting up to join Martha.

"Me too," Zeke nodded. He leaned in towards Kelsi. "Remember...eat slowly," he murmured to her, patting her on the shoulder.

"I will," she whispered back. "Thanks."

"Geez," Ryan muttered as he watched the three of them leave with the children. "First, I get yelled at by a toddler and then everyone leaves. I feel so loved," he said, his tone playful.

"Everyone didn't leave," Kelsi pointed out. "Come here, you." Ryan took a few steps closer and paused, thoughtfully studying the patches of sand on either side of his wife. His eyes lingered on her tray and he frowned.

"That...looks familiar," he said slowly, his brow furrowed as he tried to place it. "The toast with the saltines around it..."

"Oh, um, Zeke put it together for me," Kelsi said carefully. "He knew my stomach had been bothering me. Um... I have another song for you," she added, quickly changing the subject. "Have a seat."

"Where do you want me?" he asked, still looking undecided on where he should sit.

"Somewhere close," she smiled up at him. "Here." She carefully moved the tray off to the side and patted the space in front of her. He sat down on the blanket facing her, stretching his legs out on either side of her, mindful of the tray so he wouldn't knock anything over. "You know what this one's about?" she asked.

"Not yet," he replied, watching as she set the piece of paper she had been holding on the blanket between them. She scooted a little closer to him, deciding to stretch her legs out as well, resting them over his and then wrapping her arms around his neck.

"This next song sort of describes what it was like falling in love with you," she said softly. "I remember the day I realized I loved you like it was yesterday. Of course, that was an important day for other reasons, too."

"What day was that?" he asked curiously.

"The first showing of _Senior Year_," she answered. "My realization sort of happened in two parts...the first was right before the show. I was having a total panic attack..."

-------------------

"Kelsi?" Kelsi looked up at the sound of Ryan's voice, her eyes wide with panic. "Are you all right?"

"Of course," she squeaked. "Why do you ask?"

"Because you look like a deer caught in headlights," he replied. "What's wrong?"

"I can't go out there," she whispered.

"What do you mean?" he frowned. She pointed at the curtain, her hand shaking as she did so.

"I can't go out there," she repeated. "Someone else has to conduct...I can't do it." Her voice was teary as she continued. "I know this isn't like me, I mean I never have a problem with conducting, but I don't know...I looked out at the crowd earlier and it looks like a full house. There's parents and students and teachers," she gulped, "and the Julliard representatives. I just...I can't go out there. I know I'm just going to mess something up...everyone's worked too hard for me to ruin the music during the show."

"Come here." He pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair as he continued. "You're not going to ruin anything."

"Yes, I am," she whispered. "I don't know how, but I am. I never should've looked out at the audience...seeing the people from Julliard totally freaked me out." She wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. "I can't do it, Ryan."

"Sure you can," he said calmly. "You've done it before, haven't you?"

"This is different," she argued. "It's never mattered so much." She pulled back to look at him. "We've been working so hard making sure that the music and choreography is just right. We've put so much effort into this and now...now the show's about to start. The representatives are in the audience waiting to see what we've come up with and I don't know...it just feels like our futures are just hanging in the balance. Like all I have to do is hit a wrong note or play the wrong chord and it's over. There's so much pressure, Ryan."

"I know. I feel it too, but everything's going to be fine," he assured her. "The music is beautiful, Kelsi. They're going to have no choice but to love it. You've been out there leading the orchestra before and I've never seen or heard you make a mistake."

"But Ryan," she began, trailing off when he pressed a finger to her lips.

"Everything is going to be fine." He lifted a hand to her cheek, gently rubbing it with his thumb. "Repeat after me: everything is going to be fine."

"Ryan..."

"Say it," he cut in. "Come on."

"Everything is going to be fine," she said, sighing. "For you maybe," she added.

"Let's try this again..." he smiled at her. "This time with no ad-libs, please. Everything is going to be fine."

"Everything is going to be fine...Ryan..."

"Shush," he said softly. "Look at me, put everything else out of your head and just focus on me for a moment." He waited until she locked her gaze on his before he continued. "You are a gifted composer, Kelsi. The music you've come up with for this show..."

"That we came up with," she interjected quietly. "You helped."

"A little, maybe, but most of it was your creation...and it's wonderful. You were born to do this, Kelsi, and you are not going to mess anything up," he said sincerely. "I know you're feeling the pressure and I know you're freaked out about the Julliard people in the audience, but as soon as the music starts it's not going to matter. You'll get lost in the music and the show like you always do and everything will be fine. It'll be just like any other performance."

"You're forgetting something, Ryan," she reminded him.

"Yeah? What's that?" he asked.

"This _isn't_ like any other show...ignore the Julliard people. I've never had to sing in a show before! I've never had to dance in a show before either..." She shook her head. "What if my voice does something weird? What if I end up falling off of the stage, after all?"

"Kelsi...your voice is lovely. I've never heard it do anything weird," he chuckled. "And you've never fallen off the stage once in all the rehearsals we've done. You won't even get near the edge of it." He reached up to adjust the hat she was wearing. "Besides, it's not like you have to sing and dance by yourself. I'll be right there with you. You're going to be great, I know it."

"If you say so," she said doubtfully, wincing as Ms. Darbus called for everyone to take their places. "Oh my goodness," she whispered. "I guess this is it."

"Yeah...take a deep breath," he advised, nodding when she obeyed. "Here's what you're going to do. You're going to walk out there with your head held high. You are going to be brave and confident and you are going to play your heart out tonight. Everyone is going to love you, I promise." He pursed his lips as he studied her. "Something's missing."

"What?" she asked, panicked.

"Your smile," he replied.

"It's hard to smile when you feel like you're going to puke," she pointed out.

"Well, don't do that," he teased. "Now, come on...smile."

"Ryan..." she whispered, biting her lip.

"Kelsi..." He put his hands on either side of her face and looked deep into her eyes as he spoke. "You have no idea how proud I am of you. You have come so far in the time I've known you, both as a person and a composer. You have family and friends who love you, both backstage and out in the audience." He kissed her forehead. "And you have a boyfriend who is completely crazy about you. Now go out there and show that audience what you're made of."

"Ryan..."

"Kelsi, everything is going to be fine, I promise," he said quickly.

"I wasn't going to freak out again," she informed him. "I was going to tell you to break a leg."

"You too." He nodded to the curtain. "Go on...I'll be out there with you soon."

"Okay," she nodded, taking another deep breath. "Okay."

"Oh, hey, I almost forgot. There's one more thing..." he said.

"What's that?" she asked.

"This," he murmured, bringing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

"Thanks," she smiled at him, kissing him sweetly in return. "See you out there." She pulled away from him and hurried out to take her place, a genuine smile on her face by the time she reached the piano...

* * *

"I don't think I could feel the ground beneath my feet as I walked to that piano," Kelsi told him. "It was like walking on air. You just...you just replaced all of my nerves with these warm and fuzzy feelings that were unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I forgot all about the Julliard representatives because I couldn't stop thinking about you." She smiled at him as she began absently playing with his hair. "I think that was when I realized that my feelings for you had changed. Sometime along the way they had changed from an intense liking to something else...I don't know...I had a feeling that I was in trouble, somehow, but it was a good kind of trouble. And when you rose up from beneath the stage..." She shook her head. "Yeah...I knew I was in trouble...but then the show got going and I didn't have the time to think about it anymore since I had too many other things to think about. It wasn't until later that I thought about my feelings for you again...when Ms. Darbus was announcing what colleges we would all be attending..."

* * *

The nerves Kelsi had felt before the show were back tenfold as she stood between Ryan and Troy in a line all her fellow seniors while they waited for their cue. Ms. Darbus had shown up backstage to inform them that the Julliard representatives had made their decision and that she would make the announcement of what that decision was during the graduation scene. "Breathe," Ryan whispered, leaning close to Kelsi so she could hear him.

"Can't," she hissed back, reaching up to fiddle with the collar of her graduation gown, but finding her hand intercepted by Ryan's on the way.

"Try," he whispered back, weaving his fingers between hers. Kelsi lowered her gaze to their joined hands, noting how perfectly her hand seemed to fit in his. Ryan gently rubbed her thumb with his, more than likely in an attempt to get her to calm down. "It's almost over, Kelsi," he added, leaning in close enough that his lips accidentally grazed her ear, causing an unexpected shiver to run throughout her entire body. "Just breathe."

Easy for him to say, she thought, as it suddenly became even harder for her to breathe. Though this time it wasn't her nerves that were causing the problem. It was Ryan. Kelsi wasn't sure if it had been his lips brushing her ear or what, but it suddenly felt like Ryan was completely invading all of her senses, making it hard for her to think – let alone breathe. She turned to look at him and was surprised to find her eyes meeting his. She gulped as her gave her an encouraging smile, feeling her throat go dry. Her heart kept doing funny things in her chest as those warm and fuzzy feelings he had caused before the show came back, flooding her entire body.

She was so caught up in him that she completely missed their cue, but luckily for her, he gently tugged her along so she wouldn't get left behind. He had to let go of her hand so they could walk through the two rows of singing students, but picked it up again as soon as they took their places in front of the group. Kelsi shot a nervous glance at Ms. Darbus and her grip on Ryan's hand tightened instinctively. She momentarily squeezed her eyes shut, though they popped back open when the phrase 'Please let Ryan win' zoomed through her mind. Her eyes widened as she snuck another look at him, grateful that he was looking out at the crowd at the moment.

Kelsi had wanted to attend Julliard as soon as she had heard about it for the first time. It was her dream, the one thing she'd always wanted more than anything else and so she had been positively thrilled to find out that she was in the running for the scholarship. Especially considering that it would be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for her parents to be able to afford to send her there. Getting the scholarship was crucial in order for Kelsi to be able to live out her dream. But now as she stood here next to Ryan, she was reminded of how much _he_ wanted the scholarship, too. Ryan was, and had always been, Kelsi's biggest competition, but she had never looked at him that way. Partly because he was her boyfriend, first and foremost, but mostly because they had worked so hard to bring the show together, focusing on making the musical the best it could be rather than trying to outdo each other.

Now as she watched him, she was reminded once again of how much he deserved the scholarship. Just as much as she did, if not more. As much as she wanted the scholarship for herself, she couldn't help wondering how she would manage to live with herself knowing that she had stolen it away from him. Ryan would be so disappointed if he didn't get it. He would pretend to be happy for her, but she'd look in his eyes and know that it was all an act. Ryan may have been a good actor, but in recent weeks Kelsi seemed to have developed the ability to read him like a book. Her brow furrowed as she considered that, dismissing it a few seconds later as a surprising revelation slowly came to light. Sometime during the creation of the show, Kelsi's priorities had shifted, even without her consciously realizing it.

Kelsi gulped as she continued to study Ryan, feeling her heart skip a beat as some new truths worked their way through her. The first was the knowledge that as much as the scholarship meant to her, Ryan meant more. She was stunned to realize that she would rather give up her dreams of attending Julliard than rob Ryan of his chances to go. She gulped again as the third truth sank in, feeling her heart beating in double time as a result. The reason that she would prefer Ryan to win over her was simple: she was in love with him. She gulped for a third time as that truth began running through her mind over and over again, as if it was stuck on repeat. "Oh my goodness," she whispered, feeling light headed as she gripped his hand even tighter, holding onto him like he was a lifeline.

"Kelsi Nielson." Kelsi inadvertently took a surprised step backwards, startled by the sound of her name. It had felt like she had been up on that stage pondering her feelings for Ryan for hours, but as Ms. Darbus called her name, she realized that it had probably only been for a little under a minute, considering that she was one of the first seniors that would be called.

"Wrong way," Ryan whispered beside her, sounding amused. He gently tugged her forward before carefully freeing his hand from her grip.

Kelsi tried to take another step backwards, acting purely on instinct. She was stopped, however, by Ryan who had pressed his hand to the small of her back to hold her in place as Ms. Darbus continued. Kelsi took a deep breath, fearful of what was coming. "Kelsi Nielson," Ms. Darbus repeated. "The Julliard School scholarship recipient, music."

Kelsi's jaw dropped open as she closed her eyes in shock, unsurprised to find them filling with tears as she was suddenly aware of two things. The first being that she had won the scholarship...her dreams of attending Julliard were coming true and she should be thrilled. Should be, except she wasn't because the only thing that she could think about was the fact that Ryan hadn't gotten it. And that led her to the second thing she had suddenly become aware of: Ryan's hand had dropped from her back the second Ms. Darbus had made the announcement. He was probably reeling in disappointment and maybe even angry with her for taking it from him, and so couldn't stand to so much as touch her for the moment.

Dimly aware that she had to step back so the scene could continue, she turned to Troy first, too terrified of what she knew she'd see in Ryan's eyes once she found the courage to look. "Congratulations Playmaker!" Troy whispered in Kelsi's ear as he pulled her in for a hug.

"Thanks," Kelsi murmured back. She took a deep breath, knowing that she'd have to face Ryan and his crushing disappointment sooner or later. She turned to face him, her eyes firmly shut...though they flew open in surprise as she felt him pull her into a warm hug.

"Congratulations, baby," he whispered in her ear.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, hugging him back automatically in an attempt to prolong the moment for as long as possible. Her eyes met Sharpay's, standing on Ryan's other side, and she was surprised to see the blonde smiling at her.

"Congratulations," Sharpay mouthed. Kelsi was suddenly grateful that Ryan was still holding onto her or she may have collapsed to the floor, stunned to notice that Sharpay's smile actually looked genuine. She managed what she hoped was a warm smile in return before finally pulling away from Ryan, wincing as her eyes met his. The entire exchange had probably taken a grand total of five seconds, but they had been the longest five seconds of Kelsi's life.

"Sorry? For what?" he asked softly, looking slightly confused. Kelsi studied him carefully, letting out a small gasp as it occurred to her that the disappointment that she had been expecting to see was missing.

"Stealing this from you," she murmured.

"Kelsi..." he whispered, his brow furrowing. "You deserved it! I would've been so disappointment if you hadn't been the one to get it. I am so proud of you!" He placed an enthusiastic kiss on her forehead as Kelsi gaped at him, feeling her eyes fill with fresh tears. She had been convinced that Ryan would be angry at her, but she had apparently been wrong. There was no doubting the honesty of his words or the sincerity she saw in his eyes...Ryan was truly and genuinely happy for her.

"Oh," she whispered, fighting back a sob that was suddenly dying to escape. If she'd had any doubts of her feelings for Ryan in the moments that had passed since realizing them, they were all gone. There was no denying what Kelsi now knew to be true: she was completely, helplessly and hopelessly in love with Ryan Evans.

"And I am pleased to announce that due to the excellence displayed here this evening, the Julliard School has made an extraordinary decision. Another senior is being offered a Julliard scholarship." Ms. Darbus was saying, jolting Kelsi out of her Ryan-induced haze. 'Please be Ryan, please be Ryan.' The phrase was flashing through Kelsi's mind at warp speed as she waited for Ms. Darbus to continue, as if thinking it could make it possible.

"Congratulations," Ms. Darbus continued. "Mr. Ryan Evans, choreography."

"Yes!" Kelsi exclaimed loudly, even before the crowd began to cheer, unable to help herself. Her face slowly turned pink as it occurred to her that just about everyone had heard her cry out. She quickly covered her mouth with her hand, her face changing from pink to bright red in response to all of the snickers she heard around her.

"Go Ryan!" Sharpay cried, at the exact moment that Kelsi was wishing she could somehow melt into the stage and out of sight.

"That's my boy!" Vance yelled from the audience a split second later. The audience erupted into applause at that point, much to Kelsi's relief. She made a mental note to thank Sharpay and Vance later on for trying to help out. Ryan turned to her then, a wide grin on his face.

"So, are you happy for me or what?" he teased her, leading her to give him a sheepish smile in return. She pursed her lips for a moment as she studied him, trying to figure out the best way for her to respond.

"Just do it," Sharpay suggested from Ryan's other side, peering out from behind him to smirk at Kelsi. "You've all ready given a show, why not give 'em an encore too?" she asked, a playful tone to her voice.

"Oh, why not," Kelsi murmured before launching herself into Ryan's arms. "I am so proud of you, Mr. Choreographer!" she told him, holding him tightly as she felt her heart swell in her chest. She hadn't taken anything from Ryan after all, she thought happily. She would be attending the school of her dreams alongside the man she loved. She grinned as that fact resonated throughout her body, having an overwhelming urge to break into song. She giggled to herself at the thought, deciding that she had embarrassed herself in public enough for one evening. She could always sing later...when no one was around.

"What's so funny?" he murmured, his lips grazing her ear like they had earlier and she waited for the now expected shiver to race through her before responding.

"Just thinking about how this is all working out," she replied, pulling back to look at him. "We get to go to Julliard _together_! I never thought it could happen." Unable to resist, she brought her hands to either side of his face and leaned into give him a brief, but enthusiastic kiss. "I'm so happy and I am so, so, _so_ proud of you." And I love you. Her eyes widened at what had almost come tumbling out of her mouth, not quite ready to say them out loud...at least not yet...

* * *

"Do you have any idea how incredible...and how terrifying it was to realize I was in love with you?" Kelsi asked, pausing to reach over to grab her ginger ale and take a sip. "It was like..." She waved her free hand as she thought, trying to will the right words to come. "It was like I had been falling for you little by little up until that point. I mean, I'd had a crush on you since I saw you for the first time. And then we got closer and started dating and every day I fell just a little bit harder. It was all happening kind of slowly at first...at then I realized that I was in love with you and it was...it was like going from sliding down a small hill to being hurdled off the side of a mountain and being swept up in an avalanche of feelings." She picked up the piece of paper she had placed between them and handed it to him. "I don't think I've ever come across a song that describes the whole falling in love experience better than this one. It's _Avalanche_ by David Cook...I just...well...read the lyrics."

"Okay," he said softly, clearing his throat before he began reading out loud. "'_I feel alive beside you and all at once I am whole again. We fall into each other, your atmosphere is all I'm breathing in. And in this rush, we are crushed. Carry me down, rolling in your arms, 'cause I can't remember ever falling this hard. Tell me tonight, all that we have been. Was it nothin' more than noise inside my head? Crashing down, crashing down in your avalanche._'"

"'_In your avalanche'_," Kelsi cut in, surprising him by pulling the paper away and reading the second verse herself. "_'These scars we wear remind us, the more we change the more we're all the same. Swept up in this emotion we fumble through and make the same mistakes. 'Cause we are led to the edge. Carry me down...'_" she trailed off, studying the page for another couple of moments before bringing her eyes back to his. "Falling in love with you was intense, but _being_ in love with you...especially in those first few months after I figured it out...was so much more...I don't know what word to use. It was just...more. The love I felt for you was so new and it was all-consuming and overwhelming and just..."

She gave him a half shrug, nodding to the page. "Just like being in an avalanche. I still feel like that sometimes...like if you have to go away to help your Dad out with the business for a few days and I can't come with you for whatever reason...I get so used to being with you, so used to the power of my love for you and then you leave and when you come back I just...just find myself right back in that avalanche. Or take last night..." she continued, her face flushing slightly as she glanced around to make sure no one else was around. "When you told me that you were put on this Earth to love me? Oh, Ryan..." She lifted her hand to his face, caressing his cheek while she continued. "It just......the only thing that mattered to me right then was you and this avalanche of feeling and love and you and I was completely powerless against it..." She set the glass of ginger ale back on the tray and wrapped that arm around his neck again. "And you know what? I love being caught up in your avalanche...just as long as you're there with me."

"Always, baby," he murmured, brushing his lips against hers as he gently tugged her a little closer. "Just as long as you're with me when I'm caught up in yours."

"Always," she promised, letting her forehead fall against his. There was so much more she wanted to say about this song and others she wanted to give him, but for the moment she just let her eyes close, reveling in the feeling that could only come from being with her husband. Kelsi smiled as she felt his hands on her face, his touch as light as a feather as he moved to place a series of soft kisses on her forehead and cheeks. Their eyes met and held and she felt a smile spread slowly across her face, getting lost in his steady gaze as the rest of the world seemed to melt away and she felt herself crashing down...crashing down in his avalanche.

* * *

**Song total as of the end of this chapter: 27  
**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Thanks to autumnamberleaves for suggesting the first song mentioned in this chapter, even though it doesn't count towards the official 38. Still a good bonus also to melbelle310 for suggesting the second song! I hope you both like the way they were used. The flashback in this chapter was inspired by Oleysa Rulin, actually, from a clip I saw online where they were talking about all the prom dresses used for _A Night To Remember. _She was talking about her dress and ended up doing a "twirlability" check, deciding she needed to keep the twirl to a minimum (her words). I thought the scene was so cute and so completely. It got me thinking...what would happen if Ryan caught Kelsi doing that? I believe it could've gone something like the way I wrote it. A thank you to Jenn for letting me use an apology she used in Heaven (which, if you aren't reading all ready, you should go check it out). I think it's a cute little scene that I hope you all enjoy. I seem to have been bitten by the writing bug once more (maybe a couple of times...I'm on a ridiculous roll writing, especially with this story). Planning on knocking out the newest chapter of O:FB tomorrow and hoping to get some much needed work done on LN (wish me LN vibes, everyone...that story can be difficult). The song Ryan sings to Kelsi is _That's All _and has been recorded by a few artists like Frank Sinatra and Michael Buble (I'm a smidge partial to Michael's version myself). ****Little bit of a cliffhanger in this chapter...things are about to get really, really interesting. I warn you in advance- you ****will**** need tissues for the next chapter & the one that follows. This one, not so much. Enjoy!  
**

******

* * *

**"What?" Ryan asked, watching as a smile appeared on Kelsi's face. The two of them had spent the past few minutes in silence, maintaining their eye contact the entire time. Ryan smiled as Kelsi softly chuckled in response to his question.

"I was just thinking about what life was like _before _you showed up," she answered. "Things were a lot different back then. I didn't really have a lot of friends...especially when I started going to East High. I'd had a few friends back in junior high and middle school, but they all either moved away or went to different high schools and I sort of lost touch with most of them. The others...well...the others all seemed to change once we got to high school. It wasn't the same...I kind of spent most of my freshmen year at East High by myself...of course being so shy didn't really help. I just felt so...I don't know, so different from everyone else. I never thought I'd ever fit in, but I don't know..." She studied him thoughtfully. "You know...you were kind of my first friend at East High."

"Yeah...same for me...no one really knew what to make of me and Sharpay..." Ryan laughed. "We were kind of different too."

"Kind of?" Kelsi grinned. "There was no one else like either of you at East High. Maybe that's why we sort of bonded...I mean, granted, Sharpay liked to terrorize me back then, but you were always so nice to me."

"Not always," Ryan argued. "There were definitely times I could've treated you better."

"I could say the same about you," Kelsi countered. "But my point was that I always felt kind of weird...like there was something about me that made me different from everyone else."

"I felt like that too sometimes," Ryan confided, though they had talked about this issue before. "Kind of weird...knowing I didn't really fit in, but not really wanting to change who I was either."

"Yeah..." She smiled at him again. "That reminds me of a song, though it's not part of your thirty-eight...it still applies to both of us, I think, especially before we met."

"What song?" he asked.

"_Weird_ by Hanson," she replied. "'_When you live in a cookie cutter world, if you're different you can't win. So you don't stand out and you don't fit in. Isn't it strange how we all get a little bit weird?' _That's how I felt...and then you showed up and I don't know. I didn't feel so weird anymore."

"You were never weird," he said quietly.

"You never treated me like I was," she nodded. "I...that meant a lot to me." She felt her smile slowly turn into a smirk as she watched him. "Especially considering that I'd had a crush on you since I met you." She giggled softly as she continued. "I remember going home that day and telling my mom that I'd met the cutest boy ever that day. I talked about you a lot," she admitted, her face flushing slightly. "My mom was always trying to get me to tell you I liked you, but I could never do it."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because I knew I could never get a guy like you to like me," she said honestly. "You seemed so far out of my league."

"That's funny," he smiled. "I always thought the same thing about you."

"What?" she asked, surprised. "What are you talking about?"

"I had never met a girl like you before, Kelsi. You were so cute and sweet and innocent and beautiful...I never thought you'd go for a guy like me when you could do so much better," he admitted.

"That is...one of the dumbest things I have ever heard you say," she decided. "There is no one better for me than you."

"I'm not sure about that..." he said slowly. "Sometimes I _still _don't feel like I deserve you."

"The feeling is entirely mutual," she informed him.

"That's ridiculous," he murmured.

"Only as ridiculous as you thinking I deserve better," she shot back, letting her forehead rest against his again. "You know what, though?"

"What?" he asked, his voice soft.

"I think I loved you before I met you," she said quietly, giving him a sweet smile. "That's your next song, actually...well, close. _I Knew I Loved You_ by Savage Garden. See...before we met I had this image in my head of what I wanted my future boyfriend to be like. I knew I wanted someone handsome, preferably with blond hair and blues eyes," she began, her smile widening as she watched him. "Because that's my favorite combination. I knew I wanted someone who loved music and the theater because there was no way I could be with someone who didn't. I wanted someone more outgoing than I was to help pull my out of my shell. What else was there?" she asked, combing her fingers through his hair while she thought.

"I wanted someone who was sweet and compassionate and caring. The type of guy whose shoulder I could cry on if I needed to and who would make me feel better when I was feeling down. I wanted someone that could make me laugh and make me think and make me...make me feel things that no one else could make me feel. I wanted a guy who could make my stomach fill up with butterflies every time he looked at me..." She chuckled. "I had this perfect image of this guy, my very own Prince Charming. I hoped I'd meet a guy that fit all my requirements, if you'd call them that, but I never thought I would...and then you showed up..." Her smile softened as she watched him, looking deep in his eyes as she continued. "My very own Prince Charming...I couldn't believe it...my dream guy actually existed..." She laughed again. "Of course, I didn't think I actually deserved you, like I just said, but that's not the point. It's like the songs says..." she trailed off.

"'_I knew I loved you before I met you. I think I dreamed you into life. I knew I loved you before I met you. I have been waiting all my life,'_" she quoted the song softly. "I sort of see this as a companion to _Avalanche_ in a way. It's like...the knowing that comes while you're in that avalanche. Because when I was in that first avalanche...when I finally figured out that I was in love with you...somewhere along the way I decided that you were always the person I was meant to be with. I had waited so long for my ideal boyfriend to show up, all the while thinking I was having silly dreams about a person that would never exist. But you _did_ exist and you were everything I wanted and then some. It was like...it was like I dreamed you into existence. Last night you said you felt like you were put on this Earth to love me and I think you're right...and I think that _I_ was put here to love _you_. It's like we were always destined to love each other...so I don't know...it's like I knew I was meant to love you before I met you..." Her brow furrowed. "That sounds insane..."

"No, it doesn't," he argued, leaning into kiss her. "That's how I feel about you." He gave her another soft kiss and was grinning as he pulled away.

"What?" she asked curiously, unable to resist smiling back.

"I was just thinking about _Senior Year_," he told her. "I'd figured out I was in love with you the summer before, but there wasn't much I could've done about it back then."

"That's not true," she shook her head. "You could've asked me out before you did. I was only dying for you too."

"Hey, I didn't know that!" he chuckled. "I had no idea how you felt about me back then. I thought you thought of me as just a friend! Besides, I was under the assumption that you were dating Jason, remember? I'd just become friends with him and the other guys...the last thing I needed to do was try to steal one of their girlfriends."

"Only I _wasn't_ his girlfriend," she reminded him. "Which you would have known if you'd asked." She tilted her head as she watched him. "When did you finally figure out that Jason and I were just friends?"

"Right before senior year started," he answered.

"So tell me something..." she began. "If you knew you were in love with me and if you knew that Jason and I weren't dating, why'd you wait until Christmas to make your move?"

"Because I had no idea how to go about making it," he replied honestly.

"How about something like...hey Kelsi, wanna go out sometime?" she teased him.

"Kelsi, Kelsi, Kelsi...that would've been far too simple," he shook his head. "And besides, you could've said no."

"That's right," she nodded. "How could I forget? You get nervous about asking a direct question because you could be rejected. Instead you'd rather come up with these elaborate schemes to try and manipulate your way into getting what you want – which, in this case, was me."

"I wouldn't call it manipulation, exactly," he said slowly.

"I didn't say I minded," she pointed out. "I was just saying that if you had asked me out, I would've said yes."

"Yeah, but that wouldn't have been as much fun," he countered, smirking. "In any event...what I was going to say before we got sidetracked, was that I was thinking about _Senior Year_."

"Oh, right," she nodded. "What about it?"

"Well, like I said, I'd already long since figured out that I was in love with you and to be perfectly honest, by that point I'd pretty much gotten used to it," he told her. "Pretty much...not entirely." His grin returned to his face. "Sometimes I'd find myself swept up in your avalanche and I'd be reminded of just how much I loved you. Know what was great about _Senior Year_? Well, _one_ of the great things about it?"

"What?" she asked, curious.

"Before we started dating, there wasn't much I could do whenever I was reminded of what I felt for you, but by the time the show came along I figured out that I finally could do something about it." He chuckled again, his eyes twinkling as he continued. "I can think of one time in particular...if I hadn't all ready known I loved you, I would have fallen head over heels in love with you right then. It was during our first dress rehearsal for _A Night to Remember_ and we had everyone put on their outfits for the actual prom scene to make sure that everything fit before going into the rehearsal for that part. Ms. Darbus sent me backstage to find you because she had a question for you about the song, so I went to look for you. I had no idea what I expected you to be doing, so I was a little surprised when I found you - surprised and amused. You were so cute..."

-------------------

"Hey Kelsi, Ms. Darbus is..." The sentence died on Ryan's lips as he came to a stop, instantly mesmerized by the sight he had stumbled on. Kelsi was in one of the dressing rooms wearing her dress from the prom scene, her hair pulled up and back, away from her face the way it would be when they performed. Ryan's eyes widened as he watched her, positive that he had never seen her looking so beautiful. She was standing in front of a full-length mirror twirling from one side to the other, intently studying her dress in the mirror as she moved. A smile slowly spread across his face as she took a couple of steps away from the mirror and spun around on one foot.

"Oh!" she exclaimed suddenly as she noticed how high the skirt of her dress had spun out, coming to an abrupt stop. "Okay...gotta keep the twirl to a minimum," she muttered to herself a second later, smoothing down the skirt of the dress while she turned to leave the room, letting out a gasp of surprise as she spotted Ryan. "Oh!" she breathed, her face flushing to a becoming pink. "How...how long have you been standing there?" she asked, sounding timid.

"A little while," he answered, his smile widening as she mouthed the word 'oh', somehow managing to look even more embarrassed. "What were you doing?"

"I was..." Kelsi cleared her throat, glancing quickly at the floor before meeting his eyes again. "I was checking the twirlability of my dress," she answered softly.

"The twirlability?" he repeated, his eyebrow lifting.

"Um, yeah," she nodded. "You know...how well a dress twirls when you spin..."

"I see." He could feel his eyes dancing as he watched her. "Twirlability is a good thing, I take it?"

"Well, yeah...I mean, no one wants a dress that won't twirl...that's no fun," she rambled, biting her lip before she continued. "Of course, sometimes there can be a little too much twirlability in which case all twirling must be kept to a minimum to avoid...well, to avoid...um..." Her ramble continued, but Ryan found himself tuning her out, too distracted on how utterly adorable she was to focus on what she was saying. He smirked, slowly moving closer to her while she continued. "So we'll...we'll..." she went on, though she was cut off by Ryan pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss that lasted for several beats until he pulled away. "We'll have to keep the twirl to a minimum..." she finished, though her eyes were wide as she blinked at him. "You interrupted me," she accused quietly, though he could tell she was fighting off a smile.

"I did," he nodded. "You were rambling."

"Even so," she argued, her arms naturally finding their way around his neck. "That wasn't very polite. Didn't your mom teach you any manners?" she teased.

"She did," Ryan said, fixing his face into a serious expression. "She wouldn't be very happy with me if she knew I'd interrupted you."

"No, she wouldn't," Kelsi agreed. "Now what are you doing to do to make it right?"

"Apologize, of course," he decided, surprising Kelsi by dropping to his knees in front of her. "Kelsi Nielson, I have committed a grave offense today by interrupting your oh-so-lovely ramble by kissing you. Please...oh please Kelsi," he said grandly, grabbing both of her hands while keeping his eyes trained on hers. "My dear Kelsi, will you please accept my deepest and most sincere apology?"

"Well..." Kelsi made a show of pursing her lips while she pretended to think it over. "I _guess _I could...I mean, I'm sure that you weren't _trying _to offend me."

"Offend you?" he gasped in mock horror. "On purpose? Never, sweet Kelsi. I was just mesmerized by those ever so inviting lips of yours. I simply couldn't help myself! But please, I am so sorry. Please, _please _say you'll forgive me."

"Okay," she giggled. "I forgive you."

"Oh, bless you," he said, kissing both of her hands multiple times in mock gratitude before getting back to his feet. "Bless you, sweet, kind, beautiful Kelsi," he added, kissing her cheeks as he spoke.

"You're crazy," she shook her head at him.

"I may be crazy...crazy about you," he joked, making her giggle again.

"Okay, that was just bad," she rolled her eyes. "Seriously."

"Maybe a little," he agreed, chuckling when she gave him a look. "Okay, a lot," he corrected himself, grinning at her for another few seconds before his expression grew sincere. "And in case I didn't say it," he started, looking into her eyes as he spoke. "You look beautiful." He lifted his hand to gently caress her cheek. "So incredibly beautiful."

"Oh Ryan," she whispered, a faint smile on her face as he leaned into give her another soft kiss.

-------------------

"You really did look beautiful in that dress, Kelsi," Ryan said softly.

"I loved that dress," she admitted before giggling. "Even if though it did have a little too much twirlability," she added, making him laugh.

"You are so cute," he murmured, pressing his lips to her forehead and smiling when she yawned. "And tired, apparently."

"Well, I didn't exactly get a lot of sleep last night," she reminded him, giving him a pointed look. "I think you know why."

"Hey," he began, glancing around quickly before going on. "Weren't _you_ the one that wanted to stay up all night making love?"

"I was," she smiled. "Though I didn't hear _you _complaining."

"Oh, right, like I'm dumb enough to turn down an offer like that," he responded, smirking at her. "It was a pretty wonderful night though...even if we barely got any sleep. I'd say it was worth it."

"Mmm," she sighed, brushing her lips against his. "It was more than worth it, baby. I love those nights." She kissed him again, making him chuckle when she pulled back only to yawn again.

"Sounds like someone could use a nap," he decided.

"I think you're right," she agreed. "But what time is it? When are we having dinner?"

"We still have a couple of hours before dinner," he replied. "You have time for a nap. Why don't you go inside and take one?"

"Because it's a beautiful day and the sun feels good," she answered.

"Then go take a nap in the hammock," he suggested.

"But, baby, the hammock is all the way back there," she argued, pointing back towards the house.

"Oh, I see, so someone is feeling tired _and_ lazy," he teased. "Take one right here then."

"The sand _is_ pretty soft...and we do have the blanket..." she said slowly.

"Yeah...so why don't you lie down for a while?"

"I think I just might," she yawned for a third time. "What are you going to do?"

"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

"Lay down with me and sing me to sleep?" she suggested softly, making him smile again.

"That's what you want?" he asked, watching as she scooted closer to the edge of the blanket to make room for him.

"Yes," she answered.

"Okay...lie down," he instructed, repositioning himself so that he was lying on his side beside her as she lay down on her back. "Any requests?" he wanted to know, his voice quiet as he reached up to gently stroke her curls away from her face with his hand. She shook her head in response as she closed her eyes, snuggling a little closer to him. "How about some Frank?" he suggested, referring to Frank Sinatra. "Let's see..." He cleared his throat as he leaned in a little closer, keeping his voice soft as he began to sing. "'_I can only give you love that lasts forever and the promise to be near each time you call. And the only heart I own for you and you alone, that's all. That's all...'_"

Kelsi attempted to pull herself even closer to him as he sang, focusing intently on the sweet sound of his voice. She loved listening to Ryan sing and didn't think she could ever tire of it. Their baby was pretty lucky to have a father with such a wonderful voice, if you asked her. The perfect voice to gently lull you to sleep, she thought while she let out a contented sigh. A smile appeared on her face as she got a mental picture of Ryan holding his child securely in his arms while he sang him or her to sleep, unsurprised to feel her emotions swell.

Ryan was going to be such a wonderful father, she decided for what felt like the hundredth time since finding out she was pregnant. Kelsi thought back to the scene with him and Angel earlier, her smile widening over how good he was with her. Kelsi knew that Ryan would do about anything for his little niece and that Angel simply adored her uncle. _All _of the kids on this trip loved their Uncle Ryan and vice versa, but Ryan and Angel naturally had a special bond. Kelsi loved watching the two of them together, knowing that it gave her a small glimpse at how Ryan would be as a father. She imagined that as strong as his bond with Angel was, that it would be nothing compared to the one he'd have with his own child.

Kelsi grabbed his hand, discreetly placing it on her side between the bottom of her ribcage and her hip. She hugged his arm to her stomach, feeling that in doing so she creating a sort of bond between Ryan and his baby...at least as well as she could for the moment. Another smaller smile appeared on her face as it occurred to her that Ryan was technically singing to his child for the first time, even if not directly. The first of many if she wasn't mistaken. She let out another soft sigh of contentment as she felt herself drifting off to sleep, her mind full of wonderful images of Ryan as a father. "_'If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear, you'll be glad to know that my demands are small. Say it's me that you'll adore for now and evermore, that's all,_'" Ryan sang quietly, coming to the end of the song. "'_That's all._'" He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. "Sweet dreams, baby," he whispered.

* * *

Kelsi mumbled incoherently as she felt a hand gently patting her face, instinctively turning her head away from it. "Aunt Kelsi," a small voice said a second later. "Aunt Kelsi, wake up." The patting on her face resumed and Kelsi nearly smiled as she realized that whoever it was doing said patting had small hands. Hands that obviously belonged to one of the children. She slowly opened her eyes and found herself looking at a smiling Lexie. "Yay, you're up!"

"Yes, I'm up," Kelsi nodded, returning her smile. "Thanks Lexie."

"You're welcome," Lexie said sweetly. Kelsi pressed a hand to her mouth while she yawned, glancing over to see Ryan fast asleep beside her. "Is Uncle Ryan still sleeping?" Lexie asked.

"Looks like it," Kelsi answered.

"He should wake up," Lexie decided. "It's almost dinner time."

"I'll do it!" Abby declared from Ryan's other side. She brought her little hand next to Ryan's cheek, the same way she had watched Lexie wake up Kelsi. Only whereas Lexie had been gently patting Kelsi's cheek, Abby outright slapped Ryan. "Wake up!" she yelled for good measure, her mouth right at his ear. Ryan's eyes popped open in surprise while Kelsi brought her hand back to her mouth to stifle the giggle that was dying to escape.

"Abby!" Lexie admonished, shaking her head at her. "Not that hard! Do it nicer next time, okay?"

"Okay," Abby agreed, flashing Ryan a cheerful smile as he looked at her. "Uncle Ryan up."

"Thanks Abby," Ryan said wryly, lifting his hand to pat the top of her head.

"Welcome!" she replied, flashing him another smile before scampering back over to her parents.

"Geez...I keep getting yelled at by little kids," Ryan muttered. "And beat up, too."

"She was trying to wake you up," Kelsi informed him. "Her methods may have been rough, but you gotta admit they worked." She watched as he sat up and yawned.

"Guess it's getting close to dinner time," he said.

"Yeah," Kelsi agreed, moving to sit up beside him. "Whoa," she muttered a second later as a wave of dizziness crashed over her. She grabbed his arm lightly, waiting for her head to stop spinning.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern creeping its way into his voice. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sure," she said quietly, pressing her free hand to her stomach as it rumbled. "Just got a little dizzy. I'm okay."

"Dizzy," he frowned. "How dizzy?"

"Just a little bit," she said quickly. "Baby, I'm fine...I just sat up too fast." She smiled at him, relieved to find the dizziness all ready subsiding. "Come on; let's go see what the plan is for dinner." Her smile turned sheepish. "I'm starving."

"You said that earlier," he reminded her. "And then barely ate anything."

"Well, what can I say? My appetite's returned." She lifted her eyebrow at him playfully. "You're supposed to be happy about this, seeing as you've been so worried about me."

"Part of my job description, babe," he said lightly, getting to his feet before offering his hands to her.

"Well," she chuckled as she grabbed his hands and let him pull her up. "I'd say that you do that part of your job pretty well. Maybe even too well," she teased, leaning into to give him a soft kiss. "Dinner. I wanna know what we're doing."

"Okay." He weaved his fingers through hers as they headed towards the other adults to join the discussion. They had just all decided to go with spaghetti and meatballs, when Kelsi caught sight of a man standing a ways down the beach and felt a small shiver of fear work its way down her spine. From this angle the man looked exactly like Alex Cooper, the man who had attacked her so many years ago. She bit down hard on her lip as her grip on Ryan's hand tightened, her stomach twisting itself in knots as her heart began to pound wildly in her chest. She had to be seeing things. Alex was supposed to be in a jail cell somewhere in New York, for heaven's sake. Her head knew that to be true, but knowing that wasn't enough to stop the panic from filling her entire body.

The man happened to glance over at the group then and Kelsi was relieved to note that he was definitely _not_ Alex Cooper – just a partial look-alike. A small sigh escaped her at the realization and she was just starting to calm back down when her head starting to spin, without any warning. She felt herself sway as the dizziness increased, letting out a small moan as her stomach churned. "Kelsi?" She barely registered the sound of Martha's worried voice. "Are you okay?"

"Not really," she mumbled.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Ryan asked, his free hand automatically going to her forehead.

"Really dizzy," she groaned.

"We better get you inside," Troy said quickly. "You don't look so good, Playmaker." Kelsi winced as the dizziness continued to build, holding onto Ryan's hand as tightly as she could. She tried to focus on her husband's face, but it was hard, especially since her vision was beginning to fade.

"Help me," she pleaded softly, fighting against the impending darkness. "Ry-" She began, but trailed off as everything went black.

"Kelsi!" Ryan flung his arms out to catch her as she fainted. She'd fallen backwards towards Jason, who had quickly reached his arms out at the same time Ryan had to help steady her. Jason supported her weight as Ryan shifted to sweep her up into his arms to carry her to the house, Chad rushing ahead to get the door for him. Ryan barely nodded in thanks, hurrying into the living room to gently set Kelsi down on the couch. "Kelsi, baby, wake up," he murmured, his voice both soft and frantic as he perched on the edge of the couch beside her. He brought his hands to her face, gently caressing her cheeks. "Come on, baby, wake up. Come back to me. Kelsi..."


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Oops...I think I got you all more freaked out about Kelsi and the baby than was necessary. I'm not going to say what happens (since you'll find out soon enough) but I will say that the tissue advisory that I'm putting in effect for this chapter and the next has nothing to do with the baby. ****A few chapters ago, I had Kelsi having a nightmare about her attack and gave you all a glimpse into what the early days after the attack were like for her as a way to help set up what's happening here. Trauma can impact people in so many ways - most of them bad, especially in the early days afterward and _especially_ when they don't deal with what happened. I kind of see Kelsi as having been on a very slippery slope, trying to ignore what happened & not deal with it, but sinking lower and lower all the time until they eventually hit rock bottom. I'm not sure if Kelsi hit her rock bottom or not, but she came very, very close. This chapter is not going to be a very easy read and I'm inclined to think that the subject matter pushes it toward an M rating (minor language advisory issued too, btw). I've never had such a hard time writing a scene before, even though I'm done a fair amount of drama/angst. I'm serious about the tissue advisory - there were points writing this (Kelsi's dream especially) when I had to stop because I couldn't see the screen well due to crying. I've teared up writing stuff, but this was a first. Her dream is pretty disturbing (as is some of her behavior) and unsettling which makes it hard to get through. I think I can sum up this entire chapter in three words: heartbreaking, emotional and intense. A sort of cliffhanger at the end & the next chapter will pick up immediately after (staying in the flashback). So, I hope you have those tissues ready because I think you're going to need them. Let me know what you think. **

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**"Come on, Kelsi, wake up," Ryan whispered, relieved when she began slowly turning her head from side to side. "That's it."

"Ry..." she mumbled, letting out a soft groan as she worked her way back towards consciousness.

"I'm here," he assured her. "I'm right here, baby."

"Ryan." He looked up at the sound of Sharpay's voice. "Here...for her forehead." She offered him a cool, damp washcloth. "It'll help."

"Ryan," Kelsi muttered, still sounding out of it.

"It's okay, honey," he said quickly, taking the washcloth from his sister and gently pressing it to her forehead. "I'm here...I'm not going anywhere." He frowned as she simply moaned in response and brought his eyes back to Sharpay's. "Something's wrong, Shar," he said quietly, his blue eyes full of worry and panic. "She...she's been feeling so bad for so long and now she's fainted...something's wrong."

"Calm down, Ry," Sharpay said softly, bringing her hand to his shoulder. "Kelsi's fine...I know she is."

"How?" he demanded, struggling to keep his voice at a whisper so as not to alarm Kelsi, who was still not fully conscious. "How can you know that?"

"I...I just know," Sharpay said, wincing at the look on his face. She was dying to answer the question, knowing that it would put him at ease. After all, Ryan had witnessed Sharpay fainting a few times while she was pregnant and she, and her babies, had turned out just fine. But she forced herself to bite her tongue, knowing that this news was not hers to share regardless of how much she wanted to reassure him. "Call it woman's intuition," she added, giving him a small smile. "She'll be fine."

"Ryan," Kelsi whispered his name this time as her eyes slowly blinked open. "Ryan...what...what happened?" He let out a small sigh of relief, pleased to note that Kelsi seemed to become more alert with each second that passed.

"You fainted," he answered simply, not even noticing Sharpay quietly slipping out of the room.

"Gosh." She blinked a few more times as she peered at him. "That...sucked," she decided, almost surprising a smile out of him. "I remember feeling so dizzy..."

"You were starting to sway and holding onto me," Ryan recalled. "And then you just went down..." he trailed off, frowning.

"Mmm." She closed her eyes briefly, unhappy to realize that her nausea had returned.

"Is she up?" Ryan looked up the sound of Zeke's voice.

"She's up," Kelsi answered.

"Here...I brought you some ginger ale...in case your stomach is bothering you," he told her. "I'll just put it on the table by the couch so it's close when you're ready for it."

"Thanks Zeke," Kelsi said softly, moving to sit up, but getting gently nudged back down by Ryan. Zeke lingered for another moment before a faint smile appeared on his face, slowly making his way out of the room to give Ryan and Kelsi some privacy.

"Just lie down for a while," he said, answering her unspoken question. "How do you feel?"

"Not so great," she admitted. "But the dizziness seems to have gone away. I think I'm okay." She made another attempt to sit up, but stopped at the look of warning on his face.

"You're seeing a doctor," he informed her after a moment.

"What?" she asked, surprised. "I don't need a doctor."

"Kelsi..." Ryan shook his head as he continued. "You've spent the last couple of weeks running to the bathroom nearly every morning to throw up. Sometimes you end up throwing up more than once and sometimes it lasts all day. Now you're getting dizzy spells and you've just fainted. Something's wrong. You're seeing a doctor so we can figure out what."

"But I'm fine," she insisted. "Really...I know you've been worried about me, but I'm fine."

"No, you're not," he argued. "If you were you'd be getting better, not worse."

"But Ryan..." she began.

"No," he interrupted softly. "But nothing. We have to find out what's wrong with you so we can get you well again."

"Ryan," she tried again. "Baby, I know it must have been a little scary for you when I fainted like that, but..."

"A little scary?" he cut in. "Kelsi, you scared me to death! You were fine and then you got dizzy and just...just fell. Like a sack of potatoes. Scared...scared doesn't begin to describe what that was like."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, hating how concerned he still looked. "I'm really sorry I scared you."

"Don't apologize," he said. "Just let me take you to a doctor, okay? I think my parents know one down here." He looked at the phone that was across the room. "I'll call them and find out."

"I don't need to see a doctor," she argued. "Ryan..."

"I'm not losing you," he said at the same time, surprising her into silence. He brought his eyes back to hers and she was astonished to see that they were brimming with unshed tears. "Don't tell me nothing's wrong when I _know_ that something is. I don't know what, but there's something. You have to see a doctor...you just have to. We'll find out what's wrong and we'll get you on whatever treatment you need. I'm not losing you."

"Ryan..." Kelsi gaped at him for several seconds, feeling her heart begin to hurt at the look of pain on his face. "Ryan, baby, you're not going to lose me. I promise." She bit her lip as she watched him. "I want to sit up," she told him, positive he'd only nudge her back down if she tried again.

"Slowly," he cautioned her, grabbing a pillow to place behind her as she sat up.

"Ryan..." She bit her lip again. "You look like you're about to fall off the edge of this thing." She shook her head, drawing her knees up to make some room for him. "Sit."

"What am I, a golden retriever?" he asked in a lame attempt to tease her.

"Just sit...we have to talk," she said quietly. He nodded, moving to sit on the couch and surprising her by hooking an arm under her knees. He gently lifted her legs up and stretched them across his lap, scooting a little closer to her in the process. "There...isn't this better?" she asked, smiling at him. The smile quickly faded from her face, however, as she noted that the worry in his eyes remained. "You worry so much," she murmured, lifting her hand to smooth his brow.

"Only because I love you so much," he said in response.

"Oh Ryan..." she sighed. "Listen to me. You are not losing me. Not now and not ever."

"I know that," he replied, giving her a pointed look. "I know that because you're going to let me take you to see a doctor."

"What if I told you I'd all ready seen one?" The question was out of her mouth before she could think about what she was saying and her eyes widened as she realized her mistake.

"What?" he asked, confused. "When?"

"Earlier this week," she said slowly. "I, um...I talked to Sharpay about how I was feeling and she called up that doctor your parents know..."

"The day you guys went out to run some errands?" he asked, frowning when she nodded. "Geez, Kelsi, were you planning on saying anything?"

"I'm fine," she said quickly. "The doctor did a thorough examination and I'm fine. If something had been wrong, I would've told you. But seeing as everything was okay..." she trailed off, wincing at the look on his face. "Don't be mad at me."

"Kelsi..." He shook his head, taking a deep breath as she began gently massaging the back of his neck with her fingers. "Are you trying to distract me so I won't get mad?"

"That depends," she answered. "Is it working?"

"A little," he admitted. "Mmm…a lot," he corrected as her fingers worked magic on a particularly tense spot they'd found. "You should've told me."

"I know," she sighed. "I'm sorry. But...the doctor did say I was fine, so...I don't see any reason to go back."

"Even if that _was_ true, that was _before_ you started having dizzy and fainting spells," he shot back.

"Okay, I've had exactly two dizzy spells. One was because I sat up too fast, I might add. And I've only fainted once. People faint all the time, honey," she informed him. "Not always because something is seriously wrong."

"Kelsi...you are my wife," he began.

"I'm aware of that," she quipped, frowning when he didn't smile like she'd hoped he would.

"You are my wife," he repeated. "I stood up in front of our family and friends and vowed to spend the rest of my life loving and honoring and cherishing you. I promised that I would always take care of you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I didn't make those promises lightly, Kelsi. I made them knowing that I would keep them for as long as I live."

"You think I don't know that?" she asked quietly, cutting him off before he could continue. "You think I don't know that you made those vows fully intending to see them through?" She put her other hand on his shoulder and slowly pulled herself closer to him. "Baby, you have loved and honored and cherished me throughout our entire relationship and I have no doubt in my mind that you will continue to do so. As far as taking good care of me?" She caressed his cheek as she continued. "You've always taken wonderful care of me." She smiled as his arms came around her, holding her as well as he could in their current position. "In fact...that's actually what one of your songs is about. The way you take care of me." She chewed on her lip for a moment. "I...I've been putting this one off because it hurts to talk about it, but...well, this morning I had that nightmare and earlier...I had a little panic attack right before I fainted...I don't know if you noticed or not, but...do you know why I had it?"

"No," he answered, his voice soft.

"It was because I saw a man on the beach that looked just like Alex Cooper." Kelsi shuddered as she said his name. "At least from the side...he happened to look over at us and I knew that it was some other person. But those few seconds he looked like Alex...those few seconds I thought he _was_ Alex...I was so scared."

"I'm sorry, " he murmured. "I'm sorry you were scared."

"It's okay...I'm okay now," she said softly. "But...after all of that...having that nightmare and now seeing that guy...I know that I can't put off giving you this song any longer. See...it's a song about how well you take care of me, how you'll do whatever it takes to keep me safe, to protect me from any danger that comes my way. It can be something as small as a bug." She flashed him a knowing smile, thinking back to one of the songs she'd given him the other day. Her smile faded as she continued. "Or...or it can be something worse. Like that monster Alex Cooper, holding me down in the snow and threatening me with a knife..." She shuddered as she attempted to pull herself closer to him. "Sometimes the danger comes from an outside source...so to speak...but sometimes...sometimes the biggest danger to me is myself. Luckily for me you're there to protect me then too...even if I make it difficult for you to..."

* * *

Kelsi sat on her couch, hugging her knees tightly to her chest and praying that Ryan would get back soon. It was exactly one week after she'd been attacked on the Julliard campus and Ryan had practically moved in to take care of her. She'd attempted to kick him out after the first night, scared of letting herself grow too dependent on him and thinking she could just forget about what happened and move on. Of course, that second night had ended up being absolutely horrible...so horrible that she'd let him come back on the third day. There was no denying the fact that having him camping out in her apartment made her feel significantly safer than she would've otherwise. That said, she'd kept him as arms length, unwilling to let herself lean on him like she so desperately wanted and needed to.

She snuck a glance at the clock and let out a loud sigh as she slowly rocked back and forth a couple of times, her anxiety increasing with every second that passed. Ryan had been at work for the past couple of hours and Kelsi had spent the entirety of those few hours nearly jumping out of her skin at every single noise. He'd been able to get a few days off of work and had been skipping his classes, after talking to his professors and explaining that he had an emergency he had to take care of. His boss and professors were being surprisingly understanding and accommodating to him, but Ryan'd had to go to work today because his boss needed him too much. Ryan had hesitated when he'd gotten the call, unsure of what he wanted to do about it. On one hand, he didn't want to lose his job, but on the other, he was scared to leave Kelsi alone. She'd felt insanely guilty for making him feel that way so she'd insisted that he go...she could be fine for a few hours.

So he'd gone, rather reluctantly, telling Kelsi that she could call him if she needed him about two hundred times before actually leaving. He'd called to check up on her and each time the phone had rung, Kelsi had found herself fighting off a heart attack. She had become way too jumpy for her own good, but there didn't seem to be anything she could do about it. Getting attacked had completely robbed her of any sense of security. The only times she felt halfway okay was when she was watching TV with Ryan...sitting as far away from him as she could. She huffed, knowing that being in the same room as him had never been more complicated. In a lot of ways, Ryan represented the very thing she had lost: security...safety...comfort. As such she craved his company, wanting nothing more than to cuddle up next to him with his arms wrapped tightly around her, taking solace in the fact that she was safe and being taken care of by the man she loved.

But there was a problem. As much as she needed to be near him, she was scared of getting too close. She'd taken more showers this past week than she ever had in her life and still felt dirty, feeling like the man who'd attacked her had stained her somehow. He was always in the back of her mind, no matter what she did. There didn't seem to be anything to could do to make him go away. As such, she hated the thought of Ryan so much as touching her, feeling like doing so would make him dirty as well – even though his touch was what she craved above everything else. She bit down hard on her lip. That was _one_ of the reasons she'd kept pushing him away. The other was out of the fear that once she decided to grab onto him that she'd never be able to let him go, suffocating him a little more every day until he couldn't take it anymore and left for good.

She couldn't let that happen. She'd rather keep Ryan at arms length than risk having him leave her completely. Ignore that Ryan had done everything in his power to try to convince her to let him help her. His insistence made it so much harder to refuse. Kelsi let out another sigh, sneaking a glance towards the window and wincing. It had begun to storm a few minutes ago and the thunder and lightning did nothing to help her growing nerves. She yelped at the most recent clap of thunder, almost falling off of the couch in fright. An endless litany of 'Ryan, please get back' began to run through her head at warp speed and she shivered, trying to ignore the way her hands were trembling.

The sound of the key in the lock made her heart stop for a couple of seconds, ignore that she'd only been waiting for that sound since Ryan left. She instinctively reached for the object she'd placed beside her on the couch: a big and sharp butcher knife. She knew that she was bordering on the insane, positive that she'd never use the weapon if she ever actually needed it, but after the first hour Ryan had been gone, she'd been too terrified of being left unprotected. She bit her lip again at the thought, wondering what was happening to her. She winced as the door opened, cowering into the couch. "Ryan?" His name was called timidly.

"Yeah," he answered, much to her relief. Kelsi let out another sigh and resisted the overwhelming urge to bolt off the couch and run to him so that she could launch herself into his arms. "It's really coming down out there," he added as he finally came into view, after stripping off his jacket and putting his umbrella in the stand she kept by the door. "So, how are you do-..." The question died on his lips as his eyes fell to the object in her hand, his face dropping. "Guess that answers that," he said softly, shaking his head sadly.

"I..." Kelsi trailed off as he approached, his eyes never leaving the knife. Her own gaze dropped as she tried to figure out what she could say that wouldn't make her sound insane. Of course, by that point it probably didn't matter what she said. It wouldn't change the fact that she _looked_ insane. She jolted at the feel of his hand wrapping gently around her wrist, her grip on the knife tightening automatically.

"Kelsi." He sounded both authoritative and worried as he spoke, deliberately keeping his voice soft. "Kelsi...you don't need this anymore. It's okay." Ryan very slowly brought his other hand to hers and carefully worked to ease the knife out of her grip. "You're safe...It's okay...everything's okay, baby." She loosened her grip, letting him take the weapon from her. "Kelsi...Kelsi, look at me." She ignored him, hating the way she flinched as he brought his hand to her chin and tilted her face towards him. "I knew I shouldn't have left you," he murmured. "Kelsi...have you given anymore thought to seeing one of the counselors the hospital recommended?"

"I'm not seeing a counselor," she said quickly. What was the point? She didn't want to talk about what happened with anyone, professional or otherwise. She wanted to forget about it and let it go. She didn't need to relive the memories of her attack...not when she was still getting flashbacks. What would going to a counselor do? They'd probably just label her as crazy and put her on some pills.

"Kelsi," he tried again.

"No!" Her reply was sharper than intended and she winced as she noticed a tiny wave of hurt wash over his face.

"Fine," he muttered. "What do you want to do for dinner?"

"Whatever you want," she answered, wanting to get that awful look off his face as soon as possible.

"What about chicken? Chicken and rice and some kind of vegetable?" he suggested.

"Sounds good," she said softly, giving him a brief, and small, smile intended to reassure him.

"Fine." He got up from the couch, knife in hand, and headed to the kitchen to start their dinner. Kelsi let out another sigh, disappointed and somehow unsurprised to note that her attempt to reassure him had failed. She shook her head, frustrated with herself and feeling guilty for snapping at him. She glanced backwards to watch him move about the kitchen and frowned. Somehow, someday...once she was able to get past what happened...somehow she'd make up for the way she'd been treating him this past week. She had no idea how, but she was determined to figure it out. Ryan deserved better.

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Dinner had been a quiet affair that evening, aside from the storm that was still raging outside. Kelsi had snuck glances at him all the way throughout, hating how dejected he looked. Dejected and oddly resigned. She'd paused with her fork lifted halfway to her mouth more times than she could remember, hating knowing that she was the reason he was so down. And more than that, hating _herself_ for not being able to make it better. A couple of times he'd looked up at her at the same time and she would always immediately break the eye contact, though it was never fast enough to miss the overwhelming sadness she saw in his eyes. She had excused herself quietly as soon as they finished eating, unable to take being around him anymore, and gone to take her third shower of the day.

Afterward she had joined him on the couch, sitting as far away as possible as she could and struggling to resist the urge to scoot closer to him. It didn't help that he'd kept his arm stretched out across the back of the couch towards her in silent invitation. He did that often, knowing she wouldn't give in while hoping she would. It must be so frustrating for him, Kelsi had thought later on as she got ready for bed. He was trying so hard to make her feel better and she'd done nothing but reject him every time. She knew her rejections hurt him, even though he tried to hide it, but he never stopped trying. The thought was almost enough to make her dissolve into tears, never failing to be amazed by how much he loved her. Loved her even though she wasn't the most loveable person at the moment. She'd gone to bed promising that she'd treat him better the next day...the same promise she'd made and broken every day since letting him back into her apartment.

Kelsi let out a long sigh as she crawled into her bed, hoping that sleep might actually come easily for once and that she would somehow avoid the nightmare that always came. She hadn't gotten a good night's sleep since the night of her attack, oddly enough. Well...she'd had a nightmare that night, too, but she'd then asked Ryan to join her in bed. He'd held her close to his side for the rest of the night and there hadn't been anymore nightmares. Kelsi curled herself into a ball, holding tightly to the teddy bear Ryan'd given her on their first Valentine's Day as a couple back in high school. He'd felt a little silly about the gift, wondering if she'd think it was lame, but she'd loved it. So much so that it'd become a permanent fixture on her desk – first, at home and later, in her dorm room at Julliard. Now it had made a new home for itself in her apartment on one of her bedside tables.

Up until this week, she'd only slept with it a few times – usually whenever she wasn't feeling well or was sad about something and needed some comfort. Since her attack, she'd slept with it every night except for the first. She tightened her grip on the bear as she willed sleep to come easily and without the nightmares she'd almost begun to get used to. Of course that was apparently too much to ask for as she spent the next couple of hours tossing and turning, trying to ignore all the dark images constantly flooding her brain. And then when she finally did fall asleep, it was anything but sweet...

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Kelsi whimpered as she struggled in her sleep, completely lost in her nightmare...a nightmare that seemed so much worse than all of the others combined. Usually her dreams seemed to take place at the scene of the attack...this time it took place in her very own bedroom.

"_Ssh," the voice ordered, pressing the knife to her throat as he used the weight of his body to keep her pinned against the bed. "Let me tell you how this is going to go, okay, sweetheart?" He sneered at her, his teeth gleaming in the darkness. "I am going to do whatever I want while you lie there and keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut," he chuckled darkly. "Wouldn't want that boyfriend of yours to interrupt us now would we?" He lifted the knife from her throat to run his finger along the edge. "That could a little painful for him, don't you agree?"_

"_Let me go," Kelsi whispered, trembling in terror. "Please." _

"_Not yet...we haven't had any fun yet," he reminded her, pressing his lips to hers and kissing her roughly, even as she clenched her lips together tightly in protest. He growled angrily as she struggled against him. "This will be so much easier on you if you cooperate," he hissed, pressing his lips to her neck while she struggled against him._

"_Let me go!" Kelsi cried._

"_Shut up!" he snapped, rearing his hand back and slapping her before covering her mouth with his hand. "Shut up," he repeated, her eyes widening as he suddenly pulled back and lifted the knife. She tried to scream as he then used it to cut her shirt open, but her cries were muffled by his hand. She squirmed against him, her eyes filling with tears of pain as he hit her a couple more times, bringing his lips back to her neck. He moved his hand from her mouth to move it over her roughly, lifting the knife back to her face with his other hand. She whimpered in agony, tears flowing freely down her face as she continued to fight. His hand lowered to the waistband of her pants and she screamed, unable to keep it even though she knew it'd end up being a mistake. "I told you to shut up!" He was furious as he moved his hand from her waistband to her throat, lightly squeezing. "Why won't you listen!?" _

"_Hey!" Kelsi's eyes widened as the door to her room was suddenly flung open as Ryan barged inside. "Get off of her!" He dove towards the bed and before Kelsi could blink, her attacker spun around and plunged the knife right into Ryan's stomach. _

"_No!" Kelsi screamed. "Ryan!" She lifted a hand to her mouth in terror, trembling uncontrollably as she watched Ryan's eyes widen in surprise. His mouth dropping open as he looked down in horror, barely registering the knife being pulled from his stomach as he dropped to the floor. "No..." Kelsi was sobbing now, pushing away from the man with her knife to rush to Ryan's side. "Ryan...no..." She spun around at the sound of the other man's laugh, draping herself over her fallen boyfriend like a human shield. _

"_Told you it'd be painful for him if he interrupted us," the man snickered evilly. "You should've listened when I told you to shut up." _

"_Kels..." Kelsi turned around at the sound of Ryan's weak voice. She gasped in horror as her eyes fell to his formerly white shirt...it was slowly turning red, stained by his blood. "Don't...forget...about me..."_

"_No," she whispered, pressing a hand to his stomach in vain, trying to somehow stop the building. "N-no...don't talk like that. You're g-gonna be f-fine. Please...hold on...hold on for me, okay? W-we'll get you some help and you'll b-be fine. Don't leave me."_

"_Kels...I...love you," he managed, his voice growing weaker by the second. "Don't...don't...f-forget."_

"_No," she whimpered as went still. Unnaturally still. "N-no, please no...Ryan, please..." She pressed her other hand to the side of his throat, desperately hoping to find a pulse and finding none. "No...Ryan, no...p-please, God, no..." She grabbed his shoulder and shook him, her words growing more hysterical by the second. "R-Ryan...Ryan!" She screamed his name and she brought both her hands to his lifeless face. "No," she whispered as the first of many sobs escaped her. "P-please...come b-back to me, baby, please...I need you," she pleaded with him, knowing it was pointless but unable to help herself. "I l-love you...p-please c-come back...p-please...R-Ryan..." She lifted her hand, stained with his blood, as an anguished cry tore out of her body, coming straight from her soul as her heart shattered into a million pieces. "Ryan," she sobbed his name as she gave into her tears, wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders and holding him close as she mourned the only man she'd ever loved...the only man she ever would._


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Gonna keep this short because this chapter is massively long. I'm building myself a virtual barricade as I type this because something tells me that some (if not all) of you were going to want to throw virtual tomatoes at me once this ends. But then again, sometimes I expect everyone to react one way and they can and surprise me - that happened last chapter, actually. This one picks up right where the last one left on, in the flashback right after Kelsi's dream. Pretty intense chapter with a pretty mean cliffhanger. Thanks to my good friend Jen for the song suggestion! Virtual cookies to everyone who reviews (hoping to hit double digits with this chapter ;)). That said, I appreciate all my readers so if you're not comfortable reviewing, no worries. Hope you enjoy this massive monster of a chapter! **

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**"Ryan, come back...Ryan, no," Kelsi whimpered in her sleep as she tossed and turned violently in her bed. "No...Ryan, no!" she screamed as her eyes suddenly flew open, jackknifing into a sitting position. "Ryan..." she gasped, a hand rushing to her throat in horror. She looked around the room wildly, half expecting her attacker to come leaping out of the shadows at any second. Breathing heavy, she looked down and was relieved to find her T-shirt still intact and not cut open like it'd been in her dream. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she lifted a shaking hand to push away the hair clinging to her face, realizing that she was covered in sweat. Images Ryan's lifeless body flooded her mind and she began to tremble uncontrollably, the movement getting more pronounced with each second that passed.

"Ryan," she choked out his name. "Oh God...Ryan." Forget about not wanting to get too dependent on him. Forget about all the stupid reasons she had for pushing him away. All of a sudden it was vitally important that she see him to make sure he was okay, even though part of her knew it had just been a dream. A horrible, heartbreaking dream that had seemed entirely too real. So real that she could almost feel his blood on her hands. "Ryan!" The scream ripped out of her as if it had a mind of its own and she immediately tried to bolt out of her bed to run to him, only to discover that she was tangled up in her sheets, thanks to her dream. "Ugh!" she grunted furiously. "Let me go!" she cried, frantically jerking herself free before racing to the door and yanking it open.

She raced down the hallway, another scream escaping at the sight of a dark figure rushing towards her. "No! Someone help!" she cried out instinctively, terrified that her attacker had shown up in her apartment after all. "Ryan!"

"Kelsi!" She yelped at the sound of her name, stumbling backwards toward her room in terror and flinging her arms over her head in a weak attempt to protect herself. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for a blow she was positive was coming. "Kelsi, it's me! It's Ryan!" She jumped at the feel of hands on her upper arms. "It's me! Kelsi, baby, it's me." She willed herself to open her eyes, finally recognizing his voice.

"Ryan?" she whispered tentatively, resisting as he tugged her out of the hallway and into the living room, where the light was better. "Ryan." His name came out on a whimper that time as she flung herself into his arms, holding him as tightly as she could. "Are you okay!?" she asked, pulling back just enough to study him. "Are you hurt?"

"Kelsi, I'm fine...hey..." he said, working to keep his ever rising panic in check as he brought his hands to her face, gently tilting it towards him. "Kelsi, look at me," he pleaded; relieved when she did, though he felt his heart begin to pound harder at the look of sheer terror that was in her eyes. Terror and an overwhelming panic...panic that made his own seem small in comparison. "I'm fine," he said slowly, deliberately working to stay calm as he looked deep into her eyes. "I'm fine. Look at me. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" He struggled to keep his voice gentle as he tried to make sense of her behavior.

"There was so much blood...I w-watched that knife go into your stomach and there was so much blood," she said softly, her lip quivering as she looked over him, pressing her hand to his stomach to check for a wound that she knew wasn't there.

"Kelsi." Ryan frowned as he watched her, sensing that a part of her was still locked in her dream. "Baby, I'm fine, I promise. See? I'm fine. It was just a dream. It's okay now, baby."

"Ryan...oh God, Ryan..." she sniffled, ignoring the tears that were pouring down her cheeks. "It was so awful," she sobbed, bringing her arms back around him as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "So real...too real," she whispered.

"It's okay," he murmured, tears filling his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her, lifting a hand to cradle her head. "It was just a dream, baby, it's okay. You're okay." He rubbed her back with his other hand as he gently rocked her. "I'm okay..." She tightened her grip on him, her hands clutching his shirt. "I'm okay," he repeated, resting his cheek against the top of her head while she cried. "It was just a dream, honey."

"Don't let go," she begged him. "P-please don't let go of me."

"I won't," he promised quickly. "Ssh, it's okay, baby. I'm here...I'm right here. I won't let go. You're safe now."

"It was horrible...," she whispered. "My dream...I-I was in my bed and he was holding m-me down and he w-was trying to rape me and I-I screamed and you came running in...and he stabbed you..." She paused as a series of sobs worked their way through her. "T-there was so much...so much b-blood and you d-died. I b-begged you to c-come back, but you d-didn't...You were g-gone..."

"Oh, Kelsi." His words were drenched in sorrow. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. It was just a dream...a horrible dream, yes, but just a dream...I'm fine. I'm fine and I'm here and I'm not going to leave you." His words were meant to reassure her, but they had the done the exact opposite.

"Oh my goodness," she said softly, her eyes wide as she jerked herself away from him. "You have to leave."

"What?" He was stunned. "What are you talking about?"

"You have to leave," she repeated, taking a step away from him. "It's not safe for you here...you have to leave."

"Not safe, what are you..." he trailed off as she shook her head frantically.

"The dream was a sign!" she exclaimed. "He's going to come after me...he's going to...going to break out of jail and he's gonna find me..." The words began coming out in a rush, sounding more hysterical with every second. "He'll climb up the fire escape!" She turned towards the window, pointing a shaking hand at it. "He'll climb up and he'll find me and he'll...he'll r-rape me and then he'll try to kill me..."

"Kelsi," Ryan said her name slowly. "Calm down...please calm down. You're going to hyperventilate...you need to calm down. Please, baby," he urged her. "I'm not leaving you...he's not going to come after you-"

"Yes, he will!" she argued, cutting him off. "He's going to w-want to finish what he started! He'll come here and he'll come after me...and you if you stay...which is why you have to leave. B-because if you don't, you'll try to save me and he'll stab you with the knife he had in the dream and I'll try to h-help you, but I won't be able to and you'll die and I can't..." She broke off, swatting him away when he reached for her. "I can't...lose you..." she gasped.

"Kelsi...baby, you have to calm down...please...you're getting way too worked up..." he tried again. Her words were of great concern to him and he fully intended on getting to the bottom of her fears, but for the moment the only think Ryan could think about was getting her to stop panicking.

"T-this is why I kicked you out in the first place! It's not safe for you here...he's going to come after me...I don't know when or how, but he will...and you can't be here when he does. You just can't! I don't want him to hurt you anymore...you have to leave, please." She gulped, finding it difficult to catch a breath as she went on. "He's not going to be satisfied until he gets me...I know he won't...I don't want you to be here when he...when he t-tries...I w-would rather d-die than have you be killed....I...I can't..." She clutched at her throat, her eyes wide with fresh panic. "I can't...I can't breathe..." she managed. "Ryan! I....can't....breathe..."

"Baby, you have to calm down," he said, closing the small gap she'd put between them instantly.

"H-help," she pleaded, grabbing his wrist. "Help m-me, Ryan. P-please...I can't..."

"You have to blow out," he told her, putting his hands on either side of her face.

"Ryan..."

"Baby, look at me," he said, forcing himself to stay calm. "You're taking in too much air and you have to blow some of it back out. You're going to be okay, I promise. Just listen to me, okay? I want you to purse your lips, like this..." He mimicked for her before he continued. "And breathe out as hard as you can, like you're trying to blow out a candle. Okay? You're going to fine, Kelsi, you can do it. Come on...breathe out for me." She barely managed a nod, forming a small 'o' shape with her mouth as she struggled to breathe out. "Try again," he urged, putting one of his hands in front of her mouth. "Come on, honey." She tried again, this time getting a whisper of air to escape. "Good...do it again...harder this time...come on, baby." She tried once more, this time managing to blow out a decent puff of air. "Good! Just like that, Kelsi, come on...keep doing it." This continued for another couple of minutes until Kelsi was finally able to breathe properly again.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You did great," he said softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead before she could pull herself away from him. "Come on...sit down for a second," he added, guiding her to the couch where he'd been trying to sleep...at least until he'd heard her screaming. Then he hadn't been able to jump off it fast enough in his hurry to get to her. "I'll get you some water."

"Ryan!" She grabbed for his hand instinctively, terrified of being left along. "Don't go!"

"I'll be right back," he promised. "I'm going to get you some nice cold water and then I'm coming right back. Okay?"

"O-okay," she murmured, reluctantly letting his hand go and chewing on her lip as he hurried into the kitchen, making it back to her in record time. "That was fast," she said quietly, surprised to find him back all ready.

"I told you," he reminded her, taking a seat beside her. "Here, take a sip."

"Ryan..." She lifted her still trembling hand and was surprised when he waved a straw at her.

"One step ahead of you," he said, sticking the straw into the glass of ice water. "I'll hold it for you. Take a sip...or more if you want." He lifted an eyebrow when she shot him a look. "Come on...it'll help your throat."

"Okay," she said, so softly that he barely heard her. He held the glass out to her and waited as she took first one sip then another....and another...and another. She shot him a sheepish look as she pulled back. "Okay...you were right," she acknowledged, eyeing the glass before leaning back in to take another couple of sips. "Thank you."

"Of course." He set the glass down on the table, taking a deep breath before turning to her. "We have to talk," he told her.

"I don't..." she trailed off.

"Then I'll talk while you listen," he cut in, taking care to keep his voice gentle. "First...about your dream. Baby...it was just a dream. I know it was horrible and real and I know that it scared you." To say the least, he thought to himself, remembering how utterly terrified she'd been when she'd thrown herself into his arms. "But...it was just a dream...it's not a sign of any kind...it was just a dream. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less."

"But Ryan," she protested, stopping as he shook his head.

"Now. As far as that..." Ryan's face twisted as a wave of anger shot through him, making him wish that he could get his hands on the man who had dared to put his hands all over Kelsi. Sweet, innocent Kelsi...Ryan's girlfriend, the woman he loved...the woman who was currently watching him anxiously with those big beautiful eyes of hers that he loved so much...eyes that were still full of fear and panic. Ryan's jaw clenched, wishing once more than he'd done more damage to that man while he'd had the chance.

"As far as that _monster_ is concerned," he began finally. "He is locked up in a tiny...a tiny and hopefully cold...jail cell miles away from here and that is exactly where he's going to stay. He's in a lot of trouble, baby. I...I talked to one of the officers on the case yesterday...they've been after this guy for a while, Kelsi. You're not the first woman he's attacked," Ryan huffed. "They've all ready found a couple of other women who are willing to testify whenever the case goes to trial...this guy is toast." Ryan shook his head. "His attacks on women are only _some_ of the things he's being charged with."

"What else?" Kelsi asked, curious.

"He robbed a convenience store out in Albany," Ryan told her. "And another one somewhere in New Jersey...they apparently have some footage of him robbing the store in Albany, but he's always managed to get away." He gave her a small smile. "Until a week ago, that is. Now he's in jail awaiting trial and trust me on this...the cops want him to stay locked up almost as much as we do. You don't have to worry about him anymore."

"He could escape," she said quietly.

"Doubtful," he argued.

"People do escape from jail sometimes, Ryan," she pointed out.

"The vast majority don't," he countered.

"Well, what if he does?" she asked.

"Kelsi, the odds of that happening are minimal at best. I promise," he answered.

"Minimal...not impossible." She shook her head. "So...what if he escapes?"

"In the _microscopically_ small chance that he somehow found a way to escape...it wouldn't matter. He has no way of tracking you down," he said calmly. "He doesn't know where you live and you have an unlisted number. Besides...if he has any kind of a brain at all...and he must, considering how he's eluded the police in the past...if he _did_ escape, I sincerely doubt that he'd stay in the city."

"But what if...and okay, maybe it's a big what if...what if he got out and found me?" she wanted to know.

"That is a _gigantic_ what if, Kelsi. It's not going to happen...but if he did," he went on, noting the look on her face. "Baby...you live in a very safe building that has its own doorman. No way would he get in."

"What about the fire escape?" she asked. Ryan frowned as he looked towards the window. "You don't have an answer for that, do you?"

"Kelsi...listen to me..." he said quietly, reaching for her hand and tightening his grip when she tried to pull it away. "This is silly...I know you're scared and I don't blame you. You went through something that no one should ever have to go through and it's been hard on you. More than hard actually," he decided, studying her sadly. "I know you're scared that he'll hurt you again, but he won't. He's not getting out of that jail, baby. I know he's not, but...and I'm only saying this to humor you because, again, it's _not_ happening...but if he did and if he somehow miraculously figured out how to find you, it still wouldn't matter. There's no way in hell I'll ever let him lay a finger on you again."

"Ryan..." she whispered his name, pleading with him. "I don't want you to have to put yourself between me and him...it's bad enough that you did it the first time. He all ready hurt you once...I don't want him to do it again."

"Then you can understand _exactly_ how I feel," he said gently, lifting his other hand to push some of her hair away from her face. "That monster hurt you once...he's hurting you still, even though he's not here..." Ryan frowned. "He's never touching you again...I'd kill him before I let that happen."

"Not if he killed you first," she murmured. "It wouldn't matter what he did to me if that happened...if you're gone than...than there's no reason for me to be around."

"Kelsi Nielson," he whispered fiercely. "Don't you ever say that."

"But it's true! I don't want to live in a world that you're not in. I love you too much...I...I need you too much," she said softly. "I don't want to lose you."

"And I _refuse_ to lose you," he replied. "Baby, I will do whatever I have to do to keep you safe. If it means putting myself in danger than that's what I'm going to do. I am _not_ about to lose you."

"Oh Ryan," she whispered. "I love you...I love you - that's why you have to leave! You have to be somewhere safe."

"Dammit Kelsi, I'm not leaving you!" he snapped before he could control himself.

"But you have to! I'm not going to lose you!" she cried.

"You won't!" He let out a groan of frustration, annoyed that they kept going in circles. "He's not going to come after you again, Kelsi, so you don't have anything to worry about."

"You really believe that?" she asked, her eyes narrowing when he nodded. "Then why have you insisted on staying here? If you really think that he won't come after me, why are you so scared to leave me alone?"

"You think I'm staying here to protect you from _him_?" Ryan asked, incredulous. "I'm staying here to protect you from _yourself_! I'm staying here because you need me...and don't tell me you don't because you all ready tried to kick me out once and you couldn't handle it for more than one night. Not that I actually left..."

"What?" Kelsi blinked at him. "What do you mean? I kicked you out..."

"Out of your _apartment_," he nodded. "Not out of your building."

"You...you stayed?" she asked, amazed.

"Of course I stayed," he answered. "I set up camp right outside your door and had George bring me a change of clothes the next day."

"I...you...I can't believe you stayed," she whispered.

"I can't believe you think I'd actually leave you," he murmured. "Like I could leave you when you need me...and you do need me, baby. You keep trying to push me away and it's killing me...it's killing me because I don't understand why you're doing it. Why you don't think you need me when it's so obvious you do."

"You think that I don't think I need you?" She gaped at him. "Are you serious? I _know_ I need you! Why do you think I asked you to come back?"

"Because you felt safer having me around," he replied. "But you have to understand that you need me as more than your guard dog, or whatever I've been for you...you need _me_. You need to let me take care of you. I know you think you can get over this by yourself, but you can't."

"You think it's easy to stay away from you?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. "You think it's easy for me to resist the _always_ overwhelming urge to throw myself in your arms and let you hold me the way I know you want you?" She sniffled as her eyes filled with fresh tears. "I am well aware of how much I need you...the problem's not that I don't think I need you...the problem is that I need you too much."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, confused.

"Ryan...there is nothing I've wanted more than to let you help me, but...but I can't let you because if I do...if I start to lean on you...if I start to hold onto you, I'm never going to let you go." Her voice was teary as she continued. "I'll wrap my arms around you and hold you so tightly that I'll slowly begin to suffocate you. And then one of two things would happen...either you'd let me keep holding onto you, even if it'd mean that you'd have your life sucked out of you a little more every day...or...or you'd get sick and tired of having a girlfriend who was so dependent on you that...that you'd leave...you'd leave and never come back and I'd be all alone and I...I don't want to lose you...I know that sounds insane considering I've been pushing you away, but...but I thought that if I ignored the problem long enough that it'd go away. That if I could forget about the fear and focus on other things that I could be okay, but..."

She looked at him, her voice laced with sorrow as she continued. "But I don't even know what okay means anymore, Ryan! It's like...it's like I lost a part of myself...like something is broken inside me, but I don't know what it is...Something I'm not sure I could fix even if I _did_." She blinked back fresh tears. "I don't know what's happening to me, Ryan. I look in the mirror and I don't know who I'm looking at. It scares me...it just...it scares me to death! I know it's getting worse, but I don't know how to stop it."

"Kelsi," he murmured, pressing his hand to her cheek.

"You have no idea how good that feels," she told him before he could say anything else. She indulged herself by letting her eyes close as she leaned into his hand. "I've missed your touch so much," she added, putting her hand above his to hold it in place. "Missed it and...and been trying to avoid it at the same time."

"Why?" he asked, desperate to find out why she'd been acting the way she had.

"Because I feel so dirty," she admitted. "I...I keep taking showers...I've been taking multiple ones every day, hoping that at some point I'll finally feel clean, but...but I never do..." Her eyes opened and met his worried and confused ones. "I still...I remember everything so clearly...I remember crashing into that guy and walking away from him...I remember how it felt when he grabbed me and shoved me against that wall...I remember the way his lips felt on mine...how they felt on my neck..." A violent shudder rippled through her as she continued, lowering her gaze to his shirt. "I remember how it felt when he tackled me and we fell into the cold snow...I remember the way the knife felt when he cut me..." Her lip trembled. "I keep trying not to think about it, but I can't help it. It's like...like no matter what I do, he's there waiting for me...waiting for me to close my eyes so he can attack...It's like he's trapped in my head and I don't know how to get him out and I feel so...so guilty and ashamed and horrible and I just..."

"And then you're here," she said, abruptly changing gears. "You're here and you're trying to take care of me and I've been treating you like dirt...I keep trying to push you away and you won't let me. You...you've been so sweet and wonderful and caring to me and it just makes everything worse because I look at you...I look at you and I feel like I don't deserve you anymore...if I ever even did."

"That's ridiculous," he muttered. "Why wouldn't you deserve me?"

"Because I feel like I betrayed you," she whispered, surprising him. "Oh, Ryan...I feel like I betrayed you so many times that day. First by not waiting for you to come get me...shoot, I shouldn't have even gone to practice that day...I should've just gone to your apartment...but I didn't...I didn't because I was so stupid..." She shook her head as he opened his mouth. "Please...I'll let you say whatever you want to when I finish but please...if I don't tell you this now I don't know if I'll ever be able to."

She waited while he nodded, focusing intently on her as she continued. "I should've watched where I was going when I was walking," she let out a humorless chuckle. "I could've avoided the problem completely, but no, I had to be all distracted, not paying any attention. I should've...I should've fought harder when he attacked me...I never should've let him kiss me...I mean, yeah, I didn't want him to and I tried to stop him, but I should've done more...Maybe I shouldn't have run...maybe it would've been to stay where I was, I don't know..."

"He would've raped you," Ryan cut in softly. "If you hadn't of run. He would've raped you and then he probably would've killed you. He would've done it right there between those buildings. You were right to escape."

"Yeah, some escape," she shook her head, annoyed with herself. "I only got tackled what, like five seconds later? All running did was make him mad."

"Running away is what saved you," he argued. "Yes, he tackled you and yes, he got angry, but...but at least you'd gotten yourself out in the open where people were more likely to see you. I think those five seconds saved your life."

"_You_ saved my life," she countered. "All I did was make myself an easy target."

"Kelsi...stop. You keep finding new ways to blame yourself for what happened, but it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. So you went to practice...you'd only done that about two hundred times before. Probably more than that. You should've been able to cross the campus safely...you'd only done _that_ every day you've been at Julliard," he pointed out.

"Okay...you're right...but I should've been paying attention to where I was walking," she pointed out.

"Okay, maybe," he conceded. "But I don't think that would've mattered. See, Kelsi, suppose I had met you that day...like I should have," he began.

"Oh, you are not allowed to blame yourself, Evans," she interrupted. "What happened to me was not your fault. Period."

"Fine. But it wasn't your fault either...just listen. Suppose I had met you that day. If I had, you wouldn't of gotten hurt...but someone else would've," he said gently. "See, baby, I think that that monster was going to go after any girl unlucky enough to cross his path. The guy's a predator...it wasn't a personal attack. I would bet anything that he would've gone after you whether you crashed into him or not. You were just in the wrong place at the absolute worst time."

"He got mad when I turned him down for coffee...that probably didn't help," she said quietly.

"So, what if you'd accepted?" He shook his head. "He still would've attacked you, it'd just be at a different place. As far as you fighting against him...I can't stand to hear you say you should've fought harder because as far as I'm concerned, you did great."

"How can you say that?" she demanded. "He still hurt me!"

"Well, he was bigger and stronger than you," he pointed out. "And yes, he hurt you, and I am so, so, _so_ sorry that he did. If I could go back and time and keep him from hurting you, I would do it in a second. I would give anything to live that day over again so I could keep you safe," he softly told her. "But, honey, you defended yourself as well as you could. You weren't going to make it easy for him and that's what saved your life. And," he went on, remembering something else she'd said, "you didn't _let_ him kiss you. He didn't give you a choice."

"It was still a betrayal," she whispered.

"No, it wasn't," he argued. "A betrayal would've been if you were a willing participant," he said, sighing as he continued. "Baby, you can not seriously believe that I would blame you for something that wasn't your fault."

"Doesn't it bother you?" she wanted to know. "To know that someone else kissed me? Not just my lips, but my neck, too. Doesn't it make you angry?"

"Are you kidding?" He let out a harsh laugh completely devoid of any humor. "I heard you scream...when you ran away from him and screamed, I heard you. I don't think I've ever been that scared in my entire life." His voice had gone softer as he spoke, but there was no hiding the anger and pain in it...or the fear that lay behind it.

"I don't think I've ever run so fast...I got there in time to watch him flip you over onto your back. I watched him slap you..." Ryan's brow furrowed as he gently caressed her cheek, realizing that he'd pressed his hand to the cheek in question. "I heard you cry out in pain and I swear..." He shook his head as he released the hand he'd been holding and brought it to his face to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I could've ripped him to pieces right then and there and I would've done it gladly. Was about to, in fact...I was getting ready to charge him and make him pay for hurting you but then...then he pulled out that knife."

"And I completely froze...I was a few feet away...close enough to see what was going on, but not close enough to hear what he was saying to you. I looked at you, frozen in terror and I looked at that knife...at the glimmering, sharp knife that that...that _monster_ was holding over you and I didn't know what to do." Ryan inhaled sharply, taking a moment to get a hold of his temper so he wouldn't scare her. "I thought about yelling...thinking that maybe I could distract him enough to rush him and get him safely away from you...but I was scared...Scared that I'd end up startling him into stabbing you by accident...scared that he'd get angry and stab you on purpose..." He let out a sad sigh. "Baby, I am so sorry...I completely froze for a few seconds and I don't know...I don't know what would've happened if I hadn't...maybe he never would've cut you."

"Oh Ryan...you don't have to apologize," she said quickly. "You were scared and you didn't know what to do. It's okay..."

"No, it's not," he snapped. "It is nowhere _close_ to being okay! Those few seconds might've made a huge difference."

"Maybe," she nodded, desperate to reassure him. "But I think it would've been for the worse...he was so angry, Ryan, so furious that I'd run from him...I think...I think he would've stabbed me outright if you'd called out...I really do." She lightly rubbed the hand that she was still holding to her cheek. "You saved me...that's all that matters."

"I...I thought...I decided that maybe I could sneak up on him. Maybe if I could get close enough to him without letting him know I was there...maybe it'd give me an advantage. So...so I started inching my way closer, trying so hard not to make a sound...I watched him drag your shirt up and nearly lost it right then, but forced myself to keep my mouth shut...I was still so worried I'd startle him into hurting you...of course he hurt you anyway..." Ryan scowled, furious with himself for not being able to stop it. "I kept moving closer...moving closer and faster, trying to get to you before he could hurt you again...I watched him kiss you...I watched that asshole press his lips to yours and I swear to God..." he trailed off, letting the surge of anger he felt at the thought subside before continuing. "I watched how you struggled against him, how hard you were trying to get away...I was just about to tackle him...it seemed like the perfect opportunity, but then...then he brought that knife to your face..."

"He moved too fast for me that time...I lunged towards you then, but he'd cut your arm as I was moving...I watched you bite back a scream as he got angrier, terrified that I was going to lose you right before I could get to you..." He let out a humorless chuckle. "I guess it's lucky for us that he apparently likes to drag things out...He lifted that knife and I knew I had my chance. I launched myself at him, knowing that I couldn't let him hurt you again..." He shook his head. "You asked if I was angry...yeah, I'd say that about covers it. Angry, furious, outraged...you name it. I think that if he was here right now that I would have absolutely no problems wrapping my hands around his throat and choking the life right out of him. I'd do it gladly." He gently stroked her cheek with his thumb as he felt a shiver go through her. "I don't mean to scare you...I'm sorry if I did...it's just...he hurt you."

Ryan dropped his hand from his face and looked at her, his eyes shining with tears. "He hurt you repeatedly and I may have been able to prevent some of it...I don't know for sure...maybe not....Maybe he would've hurt you anyway...maybe I would've ended up losing you after all. I don't know...that's the hardest part. I don't know. If it would've made things worse, than I'm grateful I didn't interfere until I did, but if I knew for certain it would've spared you from some pain...I don't think I could ever forgive myself..." he trailed off as he studied her. "Oh, baby...I will never stop wondering...And yes, I'm angry, but not at you...It wasn't your fault, Kelsi...you have to believe that."

"I can't," she whispered. "And even if it wasn't... I mean, okay, say it's _not_ my fault...that's great, but it doesn't change the fact that another man kissed me. You have no idea how much that bothers me...that and the fact that he never leaves me alone. I still think about those kisses, as much as I don't want to. I can't control it... I try to, but I can't," she sniffled. "I keep thinking about another man when the only one I want to think about is you...it's not right and I am so, so sorry...I'm sorry you had to see it, I'm sorry you got hurt defending me. I'm sorry I've been so awful to you and I'm sorry I've been pushing you away, I'm sorry I-"

"Come here," he said gently, moving to pull her into his arms and letting out a growl of frustration as she resisted. "Kelsi."

"No," she whimpered. "No...I can't stand to have you touch me..." She pulled back from him, even as she pressed her hand back to the cheek he'd been caressing – having dropped his hand in his attempt to hold her. "I know I need you and I know I'll feel a lot better if I let you...I know how much I want you to, but...but I just can't take it...That guy...that that monster let a stain on me that I don't know how to get rid of...It's bad enough that it's made me dirty...I'm not going to get you dirty too."

"You are not dirty," Ryan argued, struggling to remain patient. "And at this point, I could give a rat's ass if you were. Come here." He tugged her into his arms before she had a chance to pull away.

"You're making a big mistake," she murmured, even as her head naturally found its way to his shoulder. "I'm not the girl you fell in love with...she's gone, baby...She's gone and I don't know how to get her back...I just don't know..." she whispered, partially amazed as an entirely new set of sobs overtook her.

"Kelsi...baby...sweetheart," he murmured, no doubt trying to soothe her. Instead, Kelsi felt herself stiffen, remembering that that'd been what her attacker had called her: _sweetheart_. She practically hurled herself out of his embrace in response, scrambling to her feet in a panic and then wincing at his stunned expression. "What in the world..."

"That's what he called me," she told him, realizing she sounded insane. "Sweetheart. That's what he called me right before he hurt me!"

"I'm sorry," Ryan said quickly, getting to his feet as well. "I didn't know that...I'm sorry."

"No...no, stop it," Kelsi snapped, annoyed with herself for her ridiculous reaction. "Stop apologizing...you just called me a name...a name you've called me before. I'm the one overreacting about it..." She shook her head. "I don't know what's happening to me...I just...I don't know. I feel...I feel so...so scared and defenseless and...and scared...I know I said that all ready, but I can't help it...I just...I don't know...I don't know how to make it better...I don't know how to change anything...I just don't know...My God...what's going to happen to me, Ryan?"

"Kelsi...Kelsi, look at me," he said firmly. "You need help. I came back today to find you curled up in a ball on the couch holding a knife. Are you listening to me? Holding a _knife_! You try to sleep, but you can't because you get nightmares...nightmares that are so horrible that you wake up screaming. Every single night. Sometimes more than once. You take all these showers every day and you _still_ feel dirty." He shook his head, his eyes full of compassion, empathy and, most importantly, love for her.

"Baby, you've been trying so hard to act like everything is normal, but you're falling apart. You're crumbling into all these little tiny pieces and now you are so messed up that you don't know what 'okay' is anymore. That guy, that _asshole_, hurt you...he made you a victim and that wasn't your fault." He paused as a new train of thought entered his mind. "You know what rape's about? Attempted rape, in this case? It's about power and control. Guys like him hurt women because they feel like it gives them power over them. They hurt them knowing that the woman they've raped is going to keep thinking about them, they're going to start living in fear, terrified of getting hurt again...These men...these _cretins _get joy out of making their victims suffer. They love having such complete control over another human being. They relish in taking something from their victim...whether it's their sense of security, whether it's their innocence..." Ryan trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought because he knew how close she'd come to losing both.

"That asshole has turned you into a shadow of your former self...," he began, deciding that he'd rather change direction again rather than continue down the path he'd been heading. "He is ruining your life even as he sits in a jail cell miles away. Why? Because as long as you keep living the way you are, he has control over you. I know you're scared...scared of dealing with what happened, scared of not finding your way back to the way you were, scared of who knows what else...and that's okay."

He winced as the words came out of his mouth, knowing that they weren't entirely true. "Well...it's not _okay_...I should have said that the way you're feeling is understandable given the circumstances. I _hate_ that you're so scared. I hate what your fear is doing to you...if I could snap my fingers and take all your fear away, I would do it in a second," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "You have no idea how much I wish I could do that, how much I wish I could magically make you feel safe again." Ryan let out a sad sigh as he studied her. "But I can't...I can help...if you let me, I can help, but I can't make it all go away by myself. You have to deal with it."

"Getting over this won't be easy. It'll be very hard in fact. I'm not saying it won't be, but baby, if you don't deal with it you're going to remain his victim for the rest of your life. Don't give him that satisfaction. The worst revenge you could get on him is moving on...really and truly moving on. Getting past the fear and opening yourself up to love again...I mean, look at us." Ryan's voice grew soft. "You've been so scared to lean on me because you don't want to suffocate me, because you feel dirty...you've been pushing me away when you need to pull me closer. I know it wasn't done on purpose and I know you hate it, but that monster has driven this weird wedge between us that keeping you from loving me the way you want to. That's keeping me from loving you the way I want to...the way _you_ want me to."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I...I don't want to be like this anymore, but...I don't even know where to begin. I don't know what the first step is...I don't know how I can fix this."

"That's just it, honey. You can't...not by yourself," he said gently. "You need help. Come on, baby, why don't we pick out a counselor for you to try first thing tomorrow morning? If the first counselor doesn't work out for some reason, we'll find another one and so on. And then, maybe we can look into a support group. I think it would be a big help to you if you could talk to other women who know what you're going through. Who've been there themselves. Come on, Kelsi...it'll be hard, but you can do it. You can get better, I know it. I have complete faith in you."

"Would...would you go with me? If I...if I go see a counselor, I mean?" she asked quietly, watching as his eyes filled up with fresh tears. "I don't...I wouldn't want to go alone."

"Absolutely," he replied, smiling at her hopefully. "Does this mean you'll go to one?"

"I'll try," she said slowly. "I'm not promising anything."

"Baby, I'm just happy that you're willing to give it a shot. That a wonderful third step," he said.

"Third step? What were the first two?" she asked, confused.

"The first was coming to me when you had your nightmare," he answered. "You haven't been doing that...I always try to help you, but up until tonight you've been pushing me away...sometimes even locking your door so I can't get to you." He gave her a small, sad smile. "But tonight you came to me, came running, in fact...and not only that, but you let me comfort you."

"Yeah, until I wigged out on you," she said, sounding both sheepish and sad.

"Even so," he argued gently. "You let me help you through it. That was huge, Kelsi. And not only did you let me be there for you, you also told me why you've been acting the way you have. You've been trying so hard to keep everything bottled up, but tonight you finally started opening up about it. You took such a big step tonight, baby, and I am _so_ proud of you for taking it." At his words her lips curled up into a tiny smile as she felt her throat tighten with emotion, touched by what he'd said.

"What was the second step?" she wanted to know once she was able to speak again.

"Well...you haven't done it yet," he admitted.

"What is it?" she pressed.

"Let me take care of you. Please, baby, stop pushing me away and let me help you," he said quietly. "You don't have to worry about suffocating me...you may feel like you need me too much now, but I think you're way too hard on yourself. The only reason you're not getting better is because you're not trying to...and no, ignoring it is not trying." He gave her another smile. "I think that once you start making an effort, you'll be amazed at how far you'll come. Again...I have total faith in you. You may never be the girl you were...I'm not sure it's possible to go completely back to normal after going through something like this." He lifted his hand to her cheek, biting back another smile as she didn't try to back away this time. "I mean...you'll still be the same person in a lot of ways, but you'll be like a new version of yourself."

"Are you...are you still going to love the new version of me? Assuming it ever happens?" she asked timidly.

"Baby, there is nothing in this world that can stop me from loving you. That's a given," he promised, his voice sincere. "And it _will_ happen. You'll see. You'll get over this and be better and stronger than you ever were. It's very possible that I might end up loving you _more_."

"Okay, but what about in the meantime? Even if you're right...it still may take a while...what if I drive you away in the process?" she asked, sounding concerned.

"Were you listening to me just now?" he asked, shaking his head at her. "If not, allow me to repeat myself: there is nothing in this world that can stop me from loving you. Not even you."

"But...but Ryan, I know that if I start leaning on you now I won't let you go...I mean...I could get really, really clingy for a while," she admitted, wincing.

"Honey, considering the way it's been this past week, I don't think there's anything I would enjoy more than having you hold onto me," he said honestly, holding his arms open in invitation. "Cling away." He watched her bite her lip, knowing that she was torn between her irrational fear of being close to him and her need to be in his arms. "Baby...I think you're at a crossroads right now and you have two choices. And maybe it's unfair of me to do this...I want you to know that I'm doing this because I think it's what you need and I am in no way trying to hurt you, if I do," he paused.

"Right now you have two choices: him or me. You can ignore me and go back to your room and another nightmare...which will mean literally turning your back on me and choosing him...though let me just say here and now that I have _no_ intentions of giving you up without a fight. If that _is_ your choice, than I'll just try and change your mind tomorrow. That's option one."

"Option two? Choose me. Choose _us_. Don't let him continue to drive a wedge between us, do something about it. You feel bad because you can't stop thinking about him? Think about me instead and know that every time you consciously do so that it'll be one less link in the chain he has you bound with." His voice was passionate as he continued. "Stop running away from what happened and fight. Fight like you did when he was trying to hurt you. Fight like you actually give a damn about what happens to you. Pick me."

"Oh, Ryan," Kelsi frowned as she studied him, feelings unwanted walls starting to go up around her heart as her fears weaseled their way back to the forefront of her mind. "I...I wish...I wish I was strong enough...I really do, but I'm just not," she whispered.

"Yes, you are," he argued, his face falling. "Kelsi, come on...don't do this."

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." She slowly stepped away from him and turned around as she reached the hallway. "You...you deserve better..."

"Forget about me and what I deserve..._you_ deserve better, Kelsi," he sighed, sounding dejected. "Dammit Kelsi...I don't know what else I can say to you. It's up to you now...it's your choice. You can choose fear or you can choose me...but if you choose fear than..." He trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence. "Choose me...please, Kelsi. Choose me."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, taking another couple of steps. The face of her attacker popped into her head unexpectedly, sneering at her. The image quickly fading into the ones from her dream: having her top cut open, having that awful man's hand move over her...watching Ryan getting stabbed...Kelsi froze as that image popped up. Is that what she was doing? Going back to her bedroom and to another nightmare...turning away from Ryan, who represented everything good and magical about her life. Ryan, who loved her enough to put himself between her and the man trying to kill her...who loved her enough to stay with her and do his best to take care of her, even though she rejected him in a hundred different ways every day.

Kelsi pressed a hand to her heart as memories of dozens of those rejections ran through her mind at warp speed, each one accompanied by the hurt Ryan tried so hard to hide. So her dream had been just a dream and Ryan hadn't _really_ been stabbed. Odds were pretty good that he never would be - at least not literally, but what about symbolically? Is that what she was doing? By turning her back on him now, knowing that she was hurting him yet _again_, she couldn't help but feel like she was shoving an imaginary knife into his stomach and then watching him bleed. She knew that if she returned to her bedroom, that she would make yet another promise to treat him better tomorrow than she did tonight...but what good were promises if they were never kept? In the dream, she had pressed her hand to his wound to try and stop the bleeding, even while somehow knowing it was in vain. Was that what her empty promises were like? A well-intentioned attempt to stop the bleeding she'd caused, all the while somehow knowing that they wouldn't help?

Ryan had told her that she needed to choose between him and the man who'd attacked her. The former was a man who loved her enough to take her abuse...the other was a dangerous cretin whose goal had been to make her his victim. Kelsi bit her lip, surprised when something her attacker had said to her while she was dreaming came to mind: '_"Told you it'd be painful for him if he interrupted us," the man snickered evilly. "You should've listened when I told you to shut up."' _Ryan had compared Kelsi's hold to her attacker as a chain. He argued that every time she consciously thought about him – Ryan – that it'd be one less link in that chain. Supposing that was true, than wouldn't the opposite also be true? That is, every time she chose her attacker she was adding one more link to it?

The man who'd hurt her was the enemy...that much was certain. He had invaded her mind against her will, somehow managing to fill her head with lies – even while she dreamed. Kelsi hadn't wanted to hurt Ryan anymore and had thought that shutting him out was the best way to do that, adding to her ever growing list of reasons why she'd been pushing him away. She'd assumed that it'd be better for him if she ignored the issue, like her attacker would want her to do, but that was a lie. Ignoring the issue wasn't only ruining Kelsi's life; it was ruining Ryan's as well. Kelsi's jaw clenched as the memory from her dream filtered through her head once more, this time focusing on the way he'd laughed. The way he'd taken joy in her agony – both in the dream _and_ in reality.

Her eyes narrowed at the thought, knowing that Ryan was right and that she was letting that awful man get his way...by pushing Ryan away, by not dealing with what happened, she was letting her attacker win. Well, not anymore, she decided. She would take back her life and she would take back her boyfriend. She would stop letting that horrible monster dictate how she was going to live. "No," she murmured, pretending she was addressing him directly. "No...I'm not letting you win." She spun back around, watching as Ryan's eyes lit up with what she could only describe as cautious hope. "I'm choosing you," she said softly, making her way back towards him though her steps were taken slowly. She came to a stop right in front of him. "But...I have a few conditions...three..." She frowned as another one came to mind. "Four," she decided.

"Conditions?" he asked, sounding intrigued. "What are they?"

"Condition number one...don't give up on me. You...you have more faith in me than I do...I know you think I can do it, but I don't right now. I need you to keep believing in me, even when I don't," she paused, "_especially_ when I don't. It may be a really hard road and you might feel like giving up on me, but please...please don't," she pleaded.

"Never. I will _never_ give up on you," he promised. "What's the second condition?"

"I need to try to get back to a normal life...having someone sleeping on my couch isn't normal," she said quietly. "You can't stay out here anymore...I'm kicking you out."

"Out of the room or out of the apartment?" he asked, sounding somewhat alarmed at the thought of leaving her.

"Well, that brings me to condition three...which is actually the real reason for condition two..." She let out a weary sigh. "I don't sleep anymore, Ryan. I try...I go to bed and pray that I fall asleep only to end up tossing and turning for forever...and of course by the time I _do_ fall asleep, I get those awful nightmares that wake me up again," she shuddered. "And then the cycle repeats itself over and over again...it's not healthy."

"I agree," he said softly.

"I need to start sleeping again," she decided. "But...but I can't sleep if I don't feel safe." She gave him a small smile. "The last night I felt safe in my room...the last time I actually got a good night of sleep was the night of my attack...and that was only because you were holding me." Kelsi took a deep breath before she went on. "Condition three has two parts...one...I want you to stay here until I feel safe enough to live by myself again. I have no idea when that'll be...it could be a while..."

"I'll stay as long as you need me," he assured her, though he winced a second later. "I will have to go to work and get back to class at some point..."

"I know," she nodded. "Me too..." Kelsi bit her lip at the thought. "We'll...we'll figure it out."

"Okay," he smiled. "What's the second part of this condition?"

"I want you to start sleeping with me in my bed," she said somewhat shyly, her gaze dropping to the floor. "I...I don't...I want..." she stammered. "I want to go to bed at night with your arms around me...I want to know that I'm safe when I'm sleeping...I just...I need you in there with me."

"Done," he agreed. "I'd like nothing more than to be able to hold you all night long." At that he was rewarded with a full smile...something that had been missing all week.

"Well...you might like the fourth condition," she informed him. "See...I close my eyes and I see the guy who attacked me...I feel his lips on mine and it makes me feel dirty and it makes me ashamed and it makes me angry...Angry because it was bad enough that he attacked me...he doesn't get to invade my mind too," she said, a bit of an edge creeping into her voice and causing her eyes to widen in surprise, even in light of her recent decision. "I...I'm not sure where that came from..."

"Have you ever admitted to yourself that you were angry?" he asked, curious.

"No," she said thoughtfully. "I never thought about it before..."

"See that?" He beamed at her. "You're looking past your fear and figuring out what other emotions you have lingering in there. This is a good thing, baby. You can't fix it until you acknowledge it."

"Yeah...I guess you're right...huh." Kelsi thought about that for a moment before remembering what she'd been about to say. "Yeah...I'm angry and tired of him getting in my head every time I close my eyes. I don't want to think about him and I most certainly don't want to think about his lips...The only man I want to think about, whether my eyes are open _or_ closed is you." She studied him, feeling her heart swell with love for him. "I can't make him go away, but _you_ can...I mean, you did it before when you saved me," she said quietly. "I think you can do it again..." She took a deliberate step closer to him and grabbed his hands, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Kelsi slowly trailed her hands up his arms, trying to commit the way he felt to memory as she kept her eyes on his. "I've missed this," she murmured as her hands reached his shoulders.

"Me too." Ryan nodded in agreement.

"Condition four..." Kelsi gently traced his lips with her finger as she wrapped her other arm around his neck. "Make him go away...I want more contact with you...physically speaking," A faint blush spread across her face as she thought about what she'd said. "That...didn't come out exactly right. I meant that I want you to start holding and hugging me again...I want you to start kissing me again...I didn't mean other things..." she stammered, feeling her face heat up even more. "Geez...I really messed that up..."

"I love you." An unexpected chuckle escaped as he kissed her forehead, quickly falling serious. "It's been a while since I've heard one of your 'Kelsi rambles'. I've missed them."

"I've missed _you_," she said softly, wrapping her other arm around his neck. "Kiss me. Make him go away, baby...I know you can."

"Okay," he whispered. "I love you," he added, the words more emotional than they'd been moments before. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she said quietly, her eyes fluttering closed as he softly kissed her forehead again, kissing her cheeks next. "Ryan." His name came out on a sigh as he brushed his lips against her in a tender kiss.

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"Oh Ryan," Kelsi sighed as she caressed his cheek, smiling at him as she continued. "I don't know what would've happened to me back then if you hadn't of been around. You saved me, baby. First from that monster and then from myself... I was broken and you fixed me."

"I _helped_," he corrected. "You were the one doing all the hard work. Don't sell yourself short."

"I couldn't have done it without you, though," she shook her head. "You stayed with me throughout my entire recovery, you...you let me treat you badly that first week and you still stayed. I tried to push you away and you wouldn't let me. You fought for me...you fought for me so many times back then. You were there to comfort me when I had my nightmares and there to hold me when I broke down in tears. There were so many times I wanted to give up, convinced I wasn't strong enough to get better. There were so many times I lost faith in myself, but you _never_ lost your faith in me. You were always the first person to reassure me, to hold me up when I was falling back down again."

Kelsi's lip quivered as she kept her eyes trained on his. "You were my strength and my comfort, my hope and my protector. The person I went to for encouragement and love. You were what kept me going when I wanted to give up. I may not have believed in myself, but I didn't want to let you down so I kept fighting. I...I wanted you to be proud of me."

"I was," he said quietly, kissing her forehead. "I _am_."

"You know...you hear people talk about guardian angels," Kelsi began softly. "You know, heavenly beings that God sends down to watch over all of us. To keep us safe from things that may harm us," she chuckled. "My mom's always been big on angels. She's convinced that they exist and so am I. I think that everyone has their own guardian angel, but..." Her smile softened as she began to absently play with his hair. "You know what? I think I'm a pretty lucky woman. Know why?"

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I think that God blessed me with _two _angels. One being one of those heavenly beings that we can't see and the other one being you," she said sweetly. "I wonder how many people get to live with their very own angel? And that's what you are, baby. You are my very own personal angel sent by God to watch over me. To take care of me and to love me."

"Oh Kelsi," Ryan murmured, leaning into give her a soft kiss. "I don't think I'd call myself an angel, but I certainly intend to always watch over and take care of you. Loving you is a given."

"Good," she beamed at him as she kissed him. "And you are my angel...whether you think so or not. That's your next song, too..._Angel _by Sarah McLachlan. I love that song...it's so beautiful...and I love that the lyrics can be interpreted in so many ways. I mean...I read somewhere that she wrote it about a drug addict and their addiction to heroin...heroin being the angel...and it certainly fits. But it can be taken in other ways...see, for me, that song could easily be about you. My beloved angel."

"I could've given this song to you at any time, but I thought that it seemed especially appropriate for this particular memory. I was...I was so far gone that week, gone to the point where I didn't remember what it was like to feel okay. I was keeping knives with me and having horrible nightmares. I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper into this dark and scary pit and I didn't know how to pull myself up. But you...you jumped into that pit with me and you helped pull me out. I would've been lost forever if you hadn't saved me," she said quietly.

"When I was finally back in your arms...when I finally decided to let you take care of me...I can't even explain how that felt. At least not on my own...maybe some of the lyrics will help. _'In the arms of an angel, fly away from here. From this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie. You're in the arms of the angel. May you find some comfort there._'" Kelsi shifted around slightly so that she could snuggle a little closer to him. "You are my comfort...you're where I run whenever something is wrong. You're my shelter from all the storms of life...you keep me safe. You're my protector...you keep me from any danger." She shrugged a shoulder. "You're my angel," she concluded simply.

"Mmm," he murmured, kissing her again and the next few moments were still as they sat cuddled up together. "Kelsi..." Ryan said after a while. "Baby...I love you so much...you're my whole world and there isn't anything I wouldn't do to keep you safe." He rested his head against hers as he continued. "You're too precious to me to lose...which is why you have to let me take you to see a doctor. Please, honey...please, let me take you to get checked out. I know you keep saying you're okay, but humor me. I need to hear it from a doctor...I...I don't want to lose you," he whispered.

"Oh honey," Kelsi sighed, pulling back to place a series of kisses on his forehead while she contemplated what she should do. On one hand, she desperately wanted to stick to her plan and tell him she was pregnant after the last song was given...but on the other, she'd known Ryan was worried about her, but she hadn't realized just how much until just now.

"Please Kelsi," Ryan pleaded softly.

"Ryan, baby...oh, look at this face," she said sadly, cradling his face with his hands. "I can't stand to see you looking so worried and sad. I just can't...I want you to be happy..." Kelsi bit her lip. "You're such a good man, Ryan. You love me so much and you're always looking for new ways to show me how much. You are the most important person in the world to me and I love you so, so much. I don't want you to worry about me anymore..." She took a deep breath as she realized she'd made her decision.

"You know, honey, every time you put your arms around me I feel so incredibly safe and so very loved. In your arms I find security and comfort and gentleness and strength...I love these arms," Kelsi said, trailing her hand down one of them and grabbing his hand, discreetly bringing it to her stomach. She kept one hand over his, holding it in place as she kept her other hand on his cheek, looking deep into his eyes as she continued. "I love the way I feel when they're around me...and I love knowing that that is exactly how our _baby_ is going to feel."

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***awaits the virtual tomatoes I'm sure are coming...* ;) **


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! You guys helped me reach my goal. :) I'm still kind of curious as to how some of you liked it, though I understand that it was a huge cliffhanger that took most of the focus. This was not the way things were originally going to go (Ryan finding out now), but I think this is pretty realistic. Rest assured, Ryan _will_ be getting the rest of the songs. For anyone wondering, the song count is 29 (the song in this chapter - (You're) Having My Baby by Paul Anka - doesn't count toward the 38). Here is Ryan's waited for reaction. I'm happy to announce that I think my LN writer's block may be over - hoping to get that (and Backbone) updated by the end of the week. I know some people have been waiting for LN and I'm sorry if you have been. I've been doing my best. I've learned that I have to work on whatever story is flowing at a given moment since trying to force a chapter just for the sake of updating never works (for me, anyhow). I haven't meant to focus so much on this story, it's just been the one flowing the best - good news if you're enjoying this. In the meantime, ****I'm pretty happy with how this chapter turned out so I hope you all like it! Let me know. :)  
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Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Kelsi wasn't sure if it was her imagination or what, but it seemed as if the ticking of the clock across the room was getting louder with each second that passed. Each second that passed without Ryan saying anything....or moving, for that matter. Kelsi bit her lip as she tried to remember if Ryan had so much as blinked since she told him she was pregnant. Well, granted, she hadn't really _told_ him she was pregnant – it had been more of an implication. But still...Ryan was a smart enough man to put two and two together and figure out what she'd meant, she was positive.

Tick. Tock. Tick Tock. Tick. Tock.

Unable to take his complete lack of reaction any longer, she called his name timidly. When he didn't respond, she moved her hand from his face to wave it in front of him. "Ryan? Can you say something? Anything?" she asked. "Or blink...blinking is good too," she offered a second later, relieved when he finally blinked in response...first once and then a couple more times. It was like watching a big chuck of ice slowly dissolve, she thought absently, watching as Ryan gradually began looking more human than statue. "Honey?" She lifted her eyebrows expectantly, hoping that he'd actually say something this time. He didn't.

Instead, his head tilted ever so slightly to the side as his eyes narrowed in confusion. She patted his hand, the one she still had pressed to her stomach, and watched his eyes flicker down. He studied their hands for a second or two before lifting his eyes back up to look at her face. His head slowly tilted in the opposite direction as his eyes lowered once more to her stomach and back to her eyes, repeating the circuit a few more times. "Ryan? Can you please say something?" Kelsi asked nervously.

"What?" he said finally.

"What?" she repeated, confused. "_What_ what?"

"What...what did you say?" he asked, speaking slowly.

"I asked you to please say something," she reminded him.

"Before that," he clarified.

"I asked you to blink...which you did. Thank you, by the way," she replied.

"No...no," he shook his head. "_Before_ that."

"Oh...you mean...you mean before that...before that, but after the song?" she guessed, trying to ignore the way her stomach had completely filled up with butterflies. "I, um, I was talking about your arms and how I love the way I feel in them and...and how I love knowing that our baby is going to feel the same." She winced as her heart began beating faster, waiting anxiously for his response.

"Our...our..." he stammered. "Our ba-," he gulped. "Our what?"

"Our baby," she squeaked, trying desperately to get a hold of her nerves. One of them had to stay calm, after all.

"We...you...I...we...I...um...huh?" he stuttered.

"Oh Ryan," she sighed. "This was so not how I planned on telling you."

"Kelsi?" He was looking at her cautiously, though Kelsi could see his eyes start to light up as he no doubt began putting the pieces together. "Kelsi. What exactly _are_ you telling me?"

"Ryan." She took a deep breath and held it for a couple of seconds before letting it out. "You and I are...we're going to be...um...well..." she trailed off, gulping down another mouthful of air as a wave of inspiration washed over her. "Ryan."

"Kelsi." He said her name slowly, though she didn't miss the hopeful tone that had crept into his voice.

"Ryan, have you ever thought about how many hats we wear?" she surprised him by asking, smiling as she continued. "Both literally and symbolically? I mean...we have the physical hats we actually wear on our heads, but I want to talk about the figurative ones. See...there's all sorts of roles we play and names that we're called...just like everyone else...and each one of those – each role and each name – is a symbolic hat. It's something that we put on, so to speak, that tells other people who we are."

"Like...like okay, you're a son to your parents and I'm a daughter to mine," she explained. "You're a grandson and I'm a granddaughter. You're a brother and a brother-in-law, I'm a sister-in-law. You're an uncle and I'm an aunt. You're a husband," her smile softened, "and I'm a wife. We're both friends to our friends, best friends to each other. We're lovers...you see what I mean? Those are all the more personal ones, but we have other less personal ones too. Like how you're a choreographer and I'm a composer...you're a dancer and I'm a pianist. When we perform on stage we're entertainers, but when we go to the doctor we're patients. We're students of our respective crafts, but sometimes we're teachers too. When we go out shopping somewhere, we're customers. I could go on and keep giving you examples, but I think you get my point."

"Y-yes," he managed. "I do."

"Yeah...now...I mentioned names too. I think that names can be hats as well, if you think about it. For instance, you're Ryan and I'm Kelsi, but you're also Ducky," she giggled at the thought of his mother's nickname for him. "You're Ry to Sharpay and sometimes I'm called Kels. You're Evans and Mr. Choreographer. I'm Small Person and Playmaker." She brought her hand back to his cheek. "What about the names we have for each other? Like baby or honey or love," she paused. "And those are just _some_ of our names...I'm sure we get called other things something too, but those are the most common. They're all different and they all mean different things. Sometimes the meaning changes based on who says it. Some of them are names that only one person calls us, like Small Person or Ducky." Kelsi took another deep breath, closing her eyes for a couple of moments before locking her gaze on his.

"Sometimes our friends tease us because we wear so many hats, but we _all_ wear a lot of hats. _We_ just choose to wear a lot of physical ones in addition to the symbolic ones," she chuckled for a second before growing serious again. "But we _all_ wear hats. One hat for every role and one hat for every name. And now...well...as it turns out..." Another deep breath. Up until this point, Kelsi's voice had been surprisingly calm, but now she felt herself start to choke up as her eyes filled with tears. "We have a new hat to add to our respective collections. A new role to fill and a new name to be called. I know that by my definition we'll technically be adding _two_ hats to our collection, but...well the cool thing about our new roles and names is that they kind of go hand in hand with each other. Kind of like the roles we have of son and daughter...see...those are roles we play, yes, but they could be names too. Vance calls you son every now and then, after all. My parents...well my parents have never called me daughter, actually, but they could. They're perfectly valid names for our parents to call us. It's the same way with our new roles and names...they both can be summed up with one word."

"Well, actually...if I'm talking about both of us at once, it's two words...a different word for each of us, but that's...that's not the point..." Kelsi gulped. "See, baby..._my_ new role and name can be summed up with one word...a word I've really, _really_ been wanting to add to my collection because, you see, my word is mommy. I'm...I'm going to be a mommy and one day I'm going to be called Mommy." She lifted her other hand from his hand to his face. "I guess that tells you what your word is, but I'm going to tell you anyway. Ryan...you word...your new hat to wear and your new role to fill and...and your new name." Another deep breath. "Your new name is," she said slowly, "Daddy."

"Daddy," he repeated, his voice breaking on the word. "We're...we're having a baby?"

"We're having a baby," she confirmed, gently brushed away some tears that had fallen from his eyes with her thumbs.

"You...you mean that all of the throwing up and the dizzy spells and the fainting..." he began.

"Were all because I'm pregnant," she finished, nodding. She watched him lift his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, keeping his other hand pressed against her stomach.

"I...I feel so stupid...I can't believe I didn't see it...I mean, I wondered but..." he shook his head. "I didn't want...I didn't want to get my hopes up and I don't know...I started thinking it was something serious like...like cancer or something..." he admitted.

"Oh honey," she sighed. "I'm sorry...that's...that's why I told you...I couldn't take you being so worried. This...this is what the project was for..." At that Ryan lowered his hand from his face so he could look at her.

"Why'd you pick thirty-eight songs? I asked you that before and you wouldn't tell me. Was it...was it related to the pregnancy?" he asked curiously.

"A typical pregnancy lasts thirty-eight weeks," she answered, smiling at him. "So...one song for every week of the pregnancy. I mean, sometimes they don't last that long and sometimes they last longer..." Kelsi winced at the thought. "But yeah...thirty-eight is the typical number. I...I was going to wait until the last song, but..."

"But I'm an idiot," he sighed.

"Well...if it makes you feel any better, the thought that I was pregnant didn't occur to me until our first morning here...I just...I don't know...didn't see the signs..." she shrugged. "This is wonderful...how's our baby supposed to learn anything with such morons for parents?" she teased him, relieved when he chuckled.

"Geez...I wish I hadn't been so quick to assume something was horribly wrong, though...I just...I don't know..." he trailed off.

"Well, you know, I've been thinking about that...about why you couldn't figure it out and why it took me so long to...Remember how many times we thought we were pregnant back in the first year of our marriage?" she asked, waiting for him to nod before she went on. "There were so many times that I was convinced I was pregnant and we'd go to the doctor to check...only to be told that we weren't. We would always be so excited about the possibility...and so disappointed when we found out we were wrong. So...we just sort of stopped hoping...and, well, I think we just got to the point where we even stopped seeing signs. Kind of like we developed some sort of mental block so we couldn't see the symptoms for what they were...it doesn't mean we're stupid, we just...we just didn't want to get disappointed again because all those disappointments hurt so much."

"That makes sense...but still...I was so quick to assume the worse...that was stupid," he argued.

"It was not," she said gently. "The only reason you assumed the worst was because you love me and don't want to lose me. Nothing stupid about that, if you ask me."

"I _do_ love you," he smiled, leaning into give her a soft kiss. "Hey wait..." he murmured as he pulled back. "You're pregnant."

"Um...yes," she said slowly.

"You're pregnant...we're pregnant...we're having a baby," he said, his voice slowly growing in excitement.

"That is what being pregnant means, you know...having a baby," she offered jokingly.

"We're having a baby," he repeated before suddenly jumping to his feet. "We're having a baby!" he exclaimed, launching into an impromptu dance around the room, naturally starting off with a jazz square. "Oh honey!" He grabbed her hands before she could respond and yanked her to her feet.

"Does this mean you're happy?" she asked, amused. "Oh!" Kelsi let out a gasp of surprise as he dipped her without any warning, leaning in to give her an enthusiastic kiss.

"Happy? Happy? Are you serious?" he asked as he pulled them back into a fully upright position. "Happy is not the word, love. Try...oh I don't know ecstatic, overjoyed, thrilled...Oh, Kelsi." He lifted her up and proceeded to spin them around so fast that Kelsi felt her stomach turn.

"Oh my goodness...okay, Ryan? I am _so_ happy that you're happy, but I don't know if this is the best idea! Considering the way my stomach's been lately," she said, somewhat meekly as she held onto his shoulders for dear life.

"Oh!" he gasped, instantly slowing down and stopping. "Sorry! Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Just a little nauseous," she admitted. "But I'm okay."

"I'm sorry," he said sheepishly, easing her into a slower and gentler dance. "How's this?"

"Better," she smiled, letting her head fall against his shoulder. "Much better."

"Good," he responded, pressing his head against hers as he began to sing softly. "_'Having my baby, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me. Having my baby, what a lovely way of saying what you're thinking of me. I can see it, your face is glowing. I can see it in your eyes, I'm happy you know it.'_" He carefully spun them around the room, mindful not to go too fast. "'_That you're having my baby. You're the woman I love and I love what it's doing to you. Having my baby, you're a woman in love and I love what's going through you.'_"

"Oh Ryan," Kelsi whispered, easing away slightly so she could look at him. "I love you." She brought her lips to his in a lingering kiss, going back for a second shortly after the first ended. She was just about to say something when his eyes lit up with an odd kind of panic. "What?"

"We have to move!" he exclaimed.

"We...what?" she asked, puzzled.

"We have to move! The house in Albuquerque is fine, but we need a new apartment in New York. The one we have isn't going to work anymore," Ryan shook his head. "We have to move! There's no place to put the baby...I mean, sure, we could have a bassinet in our bedroom at first, but that's not going to work for long! We need another bedroom so our baby can have a proper nursery. We'll have to start looking as soon as we get back." He released Kelsi and began pacing around the room, listing off all the things they had to accomplish before the baby arrived, but she tuned him out, sinking back down onto the couch.

Kelsi sniffled, feeling her hormones start to kick in and knowing there was nothing she could do about it. Ryan looked over at her then and that seemed to be the final straw because she promptly burst into tears. Ryan's sudden frenzied rant came to an immediate end as he rushed to her side. "What's the matter, baby?" He put his arm around her as he asked and was rewarded by her flopping gracelessly against him. "Hey, come on...what's wrong, honey?" His voice was ridiculously tender and that only served to make her cry harder.

"Hor...hormones," she managed. "I...I...can't...h-help...it." Ryan nodded in understanding, remembering all of the hormone related meltdowns he'd watched his sister and the other women in their group go through. "T-they're...aw...awful," she sobbed, unable to help herself.

"Aw...it's okay, honey...it'll pass," he said soothingly. "You'll feel better soon, I promise. I'll stay right here with you until you do. It's okay."

"Oh...R-Ryan," she sniffled, taking a few gasping breaths. "Y-you're so...so sweet...and kind...and c-c-considerate." Another sniffle. "And...and...I...I...d-don't...deserve you!" she wailed.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"You're...you're always doing all these incredible things for me," she began, relieved to feel herself calm down – if only just enough so that she could speak. "Like Christmas." She waved her hand in front of them. "And the roses." Another wave. "Just to name a c-couple...oh..." She frowned as he reached his free arm toward the coffee table and grabbed the tissue box that was lying on it, pulling one out and handing it to her. "Oh..." Kelsi dabbed the tissue at her face as she continued. "Oh Ryan...you're so sweet...and all your little p-projects work out so well...and I...I try one...one...and I c-completely messed it up."

"What are you talking about? You didn't mess anything up," he said gently.

"Oh y-yes, I did," she argued. "I...I...I was supposed to tell you about the b-baby after the l-last song." Her chin quivered as she attempted to fight off another round of hysterical crying. "B-but...but I messed up...I should've waited, but...but...you were so w-worried and I just..." She shifted so she was facing him better, letting her forehead rest against his chest. "T-there's no point in giving you the rest...I all ready screwed it up...I swear...I w-wanted to d-do something nice for you j-just once and I c-couldn't do it...The project is c-completely ruined now...it was a s-stupid idea...If I'd known I was g-gonna mess it up, I would've...would've just told you."

"Oh honey," he murmured, kissing the top of her head a few times before continuing. "It was not a stupid idea, not by a long shot...and you didn't mess it up. I'm happy you told me now, really. I was going out of my mind worrying about you today." Ryan pushed some of her hair behind her ear as he spoke.

"Yeah...some great idea," she huffed. "F-first I design a stupid p-project that g-got you all worried about me and now I c-can't even finish it!"

"Okay...okay," he said, more to himself than her. He pressed another kiss to the top of her head. "Let me get up."

"Oh...see? Y-you can't even be in the s-same room with me after I screwed everything up," she sniffled as she pulled away from him.

"Not true," he countered, getting up from the couch. "I'm not leaving."

"Then what are you d-doing?" she asked, her brow furrowing as he dropped to his knees in front of the couch facing her.

"Well, my beautiful wife," he began, smiling at her. "I am going to have a little chat with our baby. If you don't mind, that is."

"N-no...I...I don't mind," she said slowly, biting her lip as she wondered what he would say.

"Now...I may be talking to our baby, but I think you should pay close attention," he told her, resting his elbows on either side of her and pulling himself up slightly. He then leaned in closer to her as he began speaking. "Hey little baby, it's Daddy," he said softly, gently pressing his hand to her stomach. "There's a couple of things I wanted to tell you...or actually, I guess they're more like promises. You should know that I'm very big of promises and I take them very seriously. My dad, your grandfather, well _one_ of your grandfathers...always told me 'never make a promise unless you intend to see it through to the best of your ability'," he quoted in an imitation of his father. "I don't make promises lightly. And, see, a few years ago I stood up in front of my family and my friends and made Mommy a lot of promises and now...well, I thought I'd make a few to you too."

Ryan lightly rubbed Kelsi's stomach as he continued. "But first, I wanted to tell you how happy I am to hear about you. Mommy and I have been waiting for you to show up for a very long time, and you know what? I've decided that you must be a very, very special person because I don't know you yet, but I all ready love you. I love you so much...and _that_ brings me to my first promise. I promise that I will _always_ love you, no matter what happens. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me love you any less." Ryan paused at Kelsi's sniffle, smiling as he went on.

"Promise number one is what'll make me keep promise number two. You and Mommy are the most important people in the world to me and as such, I will always do whatever I have to do to keep you both safe. I promise that I will always be here to take care of you, to pick you up when you fall down, to protect you from all the bad things out there. I'll keep you safe from monsters...." He trailed off, his eyes flickering up to Kelsi's. "Both the imaginary ones _and_ the real ones," he said softly, giving her a meaningful look before lowering his gaze back to her stomach. Kelsi brought a hand to his hair, gently stroking it as he continued. She gulped, willing her emotions to behave so she could focus on what he was saying.

"Promise number three," he started, sounding choked up. "I promise that I will be the best Daddy I can be to you. I won't always get it right...you might get mad at me sometimes and I might embarrass you sometimes, even if I'm not trying to. I can't promise to be the perfect father, but I will never stop trying to be. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, little one. I promise." He brought his hand to his lips to kiss it before pressing it back to Kelsi's stomach.

"Now...um...I wanted to tell you about some people you're going to meet," he began, changing gears. "See, little baby, you may not be aware of this yet, but you're one of the luckiest babies in the world because you have a wonderful family. You have my parents, Grandma and Grandpa Evans and lemme tell ya...they all ready have grandchildren so they have the whole grandparent thing down pat. They're going to spoil you rotten and they're going to love you like crazy."

"And then you have your mommy's parents, your Grandmom and Granddad Nielson and not to knock _my_ parents, but you're going to have a very special bond with Mommy's parents. Know why? Because you, sweet one, are their first grandchild." Ryan hesitated for a moment as he thought about what he'd just said. "Well...they're first biological grandchild. They've kind of been like grandparents to your aunt and uncle's kids and to the kids of our friends, but you...you're their first biological grandchild and they are going to be so extremely happy to hear about you and they are going to love you so very much."

"Your grandparents...Grandma and Grandpa Evans and Grandmom and Granddad Nielson are some of the best people I know," Ryan said sincerely. "They taught me and Mommy so many wonderful things...things that we're going to turn around and teach you. The four of them are some of the most loving and wonderful people in the world. I couldn't have asked for better parents or for better in-laws. I will always be grateful to my parents for giving me life and taking such good care of me. And I will always be grateful to Mommy's parents for having her and allowing her to take my last name as her own."

"Oh," Kelsi whispered tearfully, grabbing another tissue from the box as Ryan went on.

"Let's see...you're also going to have my sister, your Aunt Sharpay and Aunt Sharpay is...well...Aunt Sharpay is a little hard to describe, actually," he admitted. But she's the greatest sister ever. She's my twin, she's...well not my _best_ friend..._that_ would be Mommy, but she's close. I know that she is going to be a wonderful Aunt to you, though I gotta warn you; she has an almost unhealthy obsession with the color pink. So...if you're going to be a boy, well...that probably won't be enough to keep her from buying you pink things because...and I almost hate to tell you this, but Evans men look pretty good in pink. That said, if you _are_ a boy, I promise to keep her pink buying to a minimum. Now...if you're a girl...well, I _really_ hope you like pink because I'm not sure I'll be able to help you too much," he winced.

"Okay, I told you a little about your grandparents and about your Aunt Sharpay...now I want to tell you about Sharpay's husband, your Uncle Zeke. He's the best cook we know and odds are pretty good that he'll be able to whip up any and all of your favorite foods. I'm sure you'll always be able to count of him for something sweet like cookies or brownies or...or whatever, really. I also have complete faith that your Uncle will be always be there for you when you need him." Ryan pursed his lips thoughtfully.

"You know...you'll have so many aunts and uncles, it's crazy. You'll have people to go to if you're having problems in school, like your Aunt Taylor or Aunt Martha. You'll have people to go to if you need help with sports like your Uncle Chad or Uncle Jason. You'll have people you can go to whenever you're not entirely sure where you fit in like Uncle Troy. And you'll have people to go to when you need someone to listen to you who will genuinely care about your problems and try to help like your Aunt Gabriella," Ryan smiled. "You're going to be surrounded by the greatest people I know and that's wonderful. But you know what? You're _especially_ lucky because in addition to all of them, you'll have Mommy and she is the _best_ person I know."

"There are so many wonderful things I could tell you about Mommy. I could tell you how smart she is or how talented she is. I could tell you how sweet or how kind and compassionate she is. I could tell you that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, inside and out. I could spend hours talking about any of those things, but for now there's one thing I want you to understand about your mommy. And that, little one, is how much she loves us." Ryan's voice softened. "Your mommy was so incredibly excited to find out she was having you - excited to the point where simply telling me about you wasn't good enough for her. Mommy thought you deserved something bigger and better."

"See, Mommy loves you so, so much and I know she thinks you're a very special person, too, because she wanted to tell me about you in a very special way. She decided that she would give me a song for every week of her pregnancy...each song being about me and her and the incredible love we have for each other – the love that created you." Ryan trailed off, struggling to work past the lump in his throat as he continued. "Her love..._our_ love...is the greatest treasure of my life...present company excluded, of course. She is always showing and telling me how much she loves me. This project...this beautiful and wonderful project that I have loved _every _second of...was _another_ way for her to tell me how much she loved me. How much she loved both of us...and well, I started worrying about Mommy. I started thinking that something was wrong with her and, see, one thing about Mommy is that she hates when people she loves are hurting. Hates it to the point that it actually hurts her too. She would do anything to make the hurt her loved ones are feeling go away."

"So, she decided to tell me that the reason she's been so sick is because of you. I know you can't help it, little one. It's just what has to happen so you can grow and develop to be strong and healthy. But yeah, she told me about you because she didn't want me to worry about her anymore. She did it out of love for me." Ryan paused as he felt Kelsi lay her free hand on top of his, squeezing gently. "I am very, _very_ happy that she did, but we have a little problem. See...Mommy's feeling sad right now. She wanted everything to be perfect and now she feels like she let us down because she thinks she messed up. She doesn't even want to finish her project because she doesn't see the point, but what she doesn't understand is that knowing about you is only going to make the remaining songs that much sweeter. As much as all the songs I've all ready gotten have meant to me, the ones left are going to be so much _more_ meaningful _because_ I know about you now."

"Oh...Ryan," Kelsi sniffled, leading Ryan to get up off his now aching knees and rejoin her on the couch. "Do...do you mean that?"

"Of course I do," he said softly, leaning in to gently kiss away some of her tears. "Baby, you didn't ruin your project by telling me. You...you made it better. Everything has a new meaning now and I have no doubt that the rest of the songs are going to be so much more special."

"But...but it was supposed to end with me telling you...I don't know how to end it now," she admitted, closing her eyes as he framed her face with his hands. "How do I end it?"

"Well...you give me the rest of the songs the same way you have been," he began thoughtfully. "All the way to the last one and then...and then we'll improvise...see where that takes us. Kind of like what happens when you're absently playing the piano, not really thinking about what your playing...more like letting the music take you where it will...it always turns into something beautiful."

"You...you've really loved this project?" she asked almost shyly.

"Oh Kelsi," he sighed, peppering her face with butterfly soft kisses before answering her question. "It's like I told our baby...I have loved every second of this project. How could I not? It came from your heart, after all, and everything that comes from there is always beautiful." He brushed his lips against hers. "And I love you." He pressed his hand to her stomach again. "I love _both_ of you so very much."

"Oh...oh." Kelsi waved a hand in front of her face in a weak attempt to dry her tears. "How am I supposed to stop crying if you keep saying things like that?"

"Sorry," he smiled.

"I love you," she whispered. "I love you so much." They leaned in towards each other at the same time, their lips meeting in a sweet and tender kiss. "Hey," she murmured as it finally ended, snuggling up against him.

"Hey what?" he asked softly.

"I'm having your baby," she smiled.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: It's back! :-) I was torn between working on this, Backbone, LN or the upcoming one and this one just started to flow for me, so I went with it. Ryan gets two songs in this chapter, which brings the song tally up to 31 if I'm not mistaken. This chapter is kind of random and gives you a look into my maybe not so sane mind. Kelsi's hormones get the best of her in this and Ryan digs himself into a little hole and Jason...well I adore Jason's part in this, I have to admit. The visual of his part is so strong it just gets me giggling. Actually there's one whole patch of this (it starts off with Ryan getting a mental picture) that amuses me far too much than it should (just ask Jenn ;)). No idea where the inspiration came from, but go with it. In other story news, I have a feeling I might be doing a lot of writing over the next couple of days since I'm currently snowed in thanks to the storm that attacked the Mid-Atlantic in the US - we got just over 32 inches over yesterday and today! It's crazy and it's already getting to me, but this may mean good things for my stories, since there's not much else to do. That said, no promises. If you're a praying person, please pray that our power/heat stays on. Thanks! Hope you all enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think!**

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**For a long time, neither one of them said anything; they just sat there on the couch, cuddled up next to each other and lost in their thoughts and dreams for and about the little baby currently growing inside Kelsi. Ryan was back to making plans, finding more and more things to add to his mental to-do list. There seemed to be so many things that he and Kelsi would need to take care of and as far as he was concerned, the sooner they got started, the better. Everything would seem less overwhelming that way...at least he hoped so.

That was where his thoughts had seemed to stay for the most part, but every once in a while they would shift. Mental plans would be shoved aside in favor of musings about what kind of father he would be. He hoped with everything inside of him that he'd be a good one. He knew that he'd make mistakes, but he had meant it when he'd said that he'd never stop trying to be the perfect father. A faint smile spread across his face as it occurred to him that he'd probably be spending a lot of time talking to Vance and Kelsi's dad, Keith, about fatherhood, not to mention all his friends. He would study them, he decided, observe the way they were with their own children. Of course, with that in mind, Ryan imagined that no amount of observation could fully prepare him for the reality.

He'd do his best, however. For the sake of his baby and for the sake of his wife. Ryan snuck a glance at Kelsi, who appeared to be deep in concentration. Her brow was crinkled ever so slightly and her lips were curled down in a small pout. It was the same look she got when she was struggling with one of her compositions, and as such, a look Ryan was very familiar with. He watched her gaze drop to her stomach and felt his own brow wrinkle when she stuck her hand out a few inches away from her stomach, her head tilting and her eyes squinting a bit as she studied it.

"Kelsi?" he asked quietly.

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?" he wanted to know.

"Thinking," she replied, sounding distracted. He watched her gaze flicker between her hand and her stomach and was baffled to see her beginning to get upset.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you ever think about your feet?" she asked, rather unexpectedly.

"Do I ever think about my feet?" Ryan paraphrased, giving her an odd look.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Probably not all that much, right? I mean, there's usually no reason to think about your feet. Maybe when you're putting on your shoes...maybe when you can't find your shoes, for that matter. And then if they were hurting for some reason, you'd think about them then, right?"

"Um...right," he said slowly, wondering where she was going with this.

"That's so sad," she declared. "I mean...do you realize how important feet are? Right up there with hands. They're really, really important and yet...we never think about them. How sad would it be if you couldn't use them?" she challenged him. "I feel so bad for people who can't, you know?"

"Um, yeah," he nodded.

"Feet are important," she said softly, lifting up one of her legs to inspect her foot. "I like my feet," she decided. "Even if they are a little small." Kelsi waved her foot in his direction. "What do you think?"

"About your feet?" he asked, feeling more confused by the second.

"Yeah," she replied. "Do you think they're kind of small?"

"Maybe a little, I guess, but...but, well, you're a pretty small person," he shrugged.

"That's true," she agreed.

"Um, Kelsi?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

"Is there any particular reason why you're rambling about feet?" he wanted to know.

"Oh Ryan." She surprised him by sniffling. "I'm pregnant."

"And that relates to your feet, how exactly?"

"Because I'm going to start getting bigger and bigger and at some point I won't be able to see my feet anymore." She glanced back at him and he was amazed to see she had tears in her eyes. "Ryan, I'm not going to be able to see my feet! I'm going to get all big and fat and gross and I won't be able to see my feet anymore!" Another sniffle. "I'm going to miss my feet."

"Well...it's not like they're going anywhere," he offered lamely, unsure of what he should say to make her feel better. "I mean, okay, so you might not be able to see them anymore...you'll still be able to feel them."

"But it won't be the same," she retorted, alarming him by bursting into tears. "Oh Ryan...are you still going to love me when I gain all that weight?"

"Aw, baby, of course I will," he said softly.

"What if it's a lot? What if I just keep piling it on and on, getting bigger and bigger until I turn into a great big whale of a person?" she asked.

"You won't turn into a whale," he said calmly.

"You...you didn't answer the question," she sniffled.

"Of course I'll still love you," he said gently. "How could I not?"

"Because I'll be so big you won't be able to put your arms around me anymore," she answered tearfully. "Not like you can now."

"It'll be different for a little while," he acknowledged. "But I'll still be able to put my arms around you. And I would still love you even if I couldn't."

"What if I start to waddle?" she asked. For a few seconds Ryan could only stare blankly at her while he tried to process the question.

"Excuse me?" he asked finally.

"What if I start to waddle?" she repeated. "Which I probably will. I mean, let's face it; I'm going to be huge! I'll have to waddle so I can move. Oh Ryan." She let her head flop back to rest on the arm he had wrapped around her shoulders. "I don't want to waddle! I'll...I'll look like a duck! A gigantic, enormous, waddling duck!"

"Kelsi, he began, though he stopped when she gasped.

"My God, Ryan, I'll be as big as a whale and I'll be waddling like a duck. I'll be...I'll be a whale duck!" she sobbed.

"A whale duck," he repeated, his lip quivering ever so slightly as a rather amusing picture popped into his head.

"Oh Ryan, I don't wanna be a whale duck!" she cried. A snicker escaped from Ryan before he could hold it back and now Kelsi turned her attention back to him, her eyes narrowing as she lifted her head back up. "Are you...are you laughing at me?"

"No," he answered quickly, valiantly fighting against the smile that was dying to break out across his face. "Of course not," he managed, even as another laugh escaped.

"You are." Just like that Kelsi's mood changed from being distraught over her impending future as a whale duck to anger at her husband. "I'm sitting here crying my eyes out and you're...you're _laughing_ at me!?"

"No! I'm not...I'm not laughing _at_ you," he snickered, feeling his grip on his control slipping even more. "It just...I just got a funny mental picture, is all."

"Nice. That's real nice, Ryan," she shook her head. "I'm happy that the image of me all big and huge and waddling amuses you."

"That's not…that's not what amuses me," he said, struggling to speak at that point. "I got an image of a whale with a beak." She lifted an eyebrow as he kept laughing, her anger increasing with every passing second. "It's funny!"

"Unbelievable," she muttered, getting to her feet.

"Oh, come on, don't get mad," he pleaded. "You gotta admit, it's pretty funny."

"Humph," she grumbled.

"You're actually mad," he realized, astonished. "I can't believe it. Those hormones pack quite a punch, huh?"

"As a matter of fact, they do," she answered, her eyes narrowing in irritation. "Thanks for that, by the way. It's bad enough that I'm going to turn into a whale duck because you knocked me up. Now I'm going crazy, too. I'll be a great, big, gigantic, crazy whale duck." Ryan had been starting to regain control, but her words sent him over the edge again. "Stop laughing at me!" she demanded.

"I'm sorry," he managed. "I can't…I can't help it!" Several seconds passed with Ryan taking a few deep breaths to try and get a grip while Kelsi just gaped at him in silence.

"I hope you like that couch," she said finally.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because you'll be sleeping on it tonight," she informed him, amusing him by turning on her heels and storming out of the room.

"Kelsi!" he called, hopping to his feet and following her into the kitchen where some of the other adults were working on dinner. "Come on, baby, don't be mad. It's funny."

"What's funny?" Zeke asked, surprised to see Kelsi looking so annoyed.

"Kelsi's mad at me," Ryan told him.

"Why?" Zeke wanted to know.

"Tell Ryan he's an idiot," Kelsi said in response.

"Ryan, you're an idiot," Zeke echoed obediently.

"You don't even know why she's mad!" Ryan protested.

"Good point." Zeke turned his attention back to Kelsi. "Why are you mad?"

"Well, I started thinking about all the weight I'm going to put on," Kelsi began, taking a deliberate step away from Ryan when he tried to move closer to her. "And how fat I'm going to get."

"Aw, you won't be fat, Kelsi," Zeke cut in. "You're pregnant. It's not the same thing and I bet you'll be beautiful."

"Now, you see?" Kelsi directed the question to her husband. "That's what _you_ should have said." She looked back at Zeke. "So there I am, crying about how big I'm going to get, how I'm going to turn into a great, big whale which would mean that I'd eventually start waddling like a duck," she continued. "And how that meant that I'd turn into a whale duck and you know what he did? He laughed at me!"

"Aw, now that's not cool, man. You can't laugh at your pregnant wife when she's crying..." Zeke trailed off, thinking back to what she'd just said. "A whale duck?"

"Yes," Kelsi nodded. "A whale duck." A low growl sounded in her throat as Ryan snickered again. "Stop laughing at me!" She slapped Zeke's arm. "Tell him to stop laughing at me!"

"Stop laughing at her," Zeke said, though Ryan could tell he was fighting the urge to laugh himself. "It's not nice."

"Thank you," Kelsi said with a nod, shooting Ryan another dirty look as she headed towards the refrigerator to get something to drink.

"A whale duck?" Zeke snickered to Ryan, trying to keep his voice down so Kelsi couldn't hear him.

"I wasn't laughing at her," Ryan grinned. "Just think about a whale with a beak..."

Kelsi glared over at Ryan and Zeke at the sound of Zeke's laughter, though he quickly covered it up with coughing. "Totally unrelated to what we were just talking about," Zeke offered, giving Kelsi what he hoped was a charming smile.

"Humph," she mumbled.

"Hey guys," Jason smiled at his friends as he came into the kitchen. "I think the kids are getting restless. Any idea when dinner will be ready?"

"Soon," Zeke answered. Another snicker escaped as something occurred to him. "Hey Ryan...what kind of sound do you think a whale duck would make?"

"Hmm...interesting question," Ryan said thoughtfully.

"Do I even want to know what you guys are talking about?" Jason asked, confused.

"Kelsi thinks she's going to gain all this weight and be a whale," Zeke explained.

"And start waddling like a duck because of it," Ryan continued.

"And she thinks she's going to be a whale duck," Zeke finished.

"A whale duck?" Jason laughed as Kelsi wandered back over to them.

"Oh for crying out loud," Kelsi grumbled. "Don't tell me you're laughing at me now too? Thanks a lot, guys."

"We're not laughing at you," Ryan assured her. "Just the idea of a whale duck. Come on, just picture it," he began, sneaking an arm around her waist to keep her from storming away again. "A regular old whale...with a beak. We were wondering what kind of sound a creature like that would make."

"Probably something like this," Jason said, fixing his mouth in an 'o' shape. "Aroooo." He sang, holding the note as long as he could while alternating between high and low pitches. He then amused them by launching into a series of quacks before launching into another "aroooo" sound and finishing with more quacks, making Zeke and Ryan laugh. Kelsi pressed a fist to her mouth to try to hide the smile she was fighting. "There...the sound of a whale duck," Jason grinned at them.

"You're such a dork," Kelsi managed.

"Oh, hey, what's that?" Ryan asked, letting out a dramatic gasp. "Was that a smile?"

"No," Kelsi said quickly.

"Yes, it was. It totally was," Ryan teased her. "See?" He wiggled his fingers against her side, amused when she let a sound that was somewhere between a giggle and a yelp. "It was funny."

"Stop," she protested, giggling as he kept tickling her.

"Do I still have to sleep on the couch?" he asked, bringing his other hand to her stomach. "Huh?"

"Ryan, please." She tried to squirm her way away from him, but ended up being trapped against the counter instead.

"Do I still have to sleep on the couch?" he asked again, grinning at her.

"Okay, okay, okay," she laughed. "No, you...you don't...stop...please stop." She grabbed his hands and pressed them against either side of her waist, relieved when he let her.

"I really wasn't laughing at you. I promise," he told her. "But I'm sorry anyway."

"Yeah, me too." She lifted her hands to his shoulders. "I overreacted. It's just the hormones...I can't help it."

"I know," he assured her. "It's okay."

"So does that mean that you're still going to love me even if I turn into that great big, gigantic, crazy whale duck?" she asked.

"Of course I will," he smiled at her. "After all, you'll be _my_ whale duck."

"Aww, that's sweet," she smiled. "In an odd kind of way." She tugged him a little closer so she could kiss him.

"Hey, put a lid on it would ya?" Zeke rolled his eyes, though he was smiling. "There's kids present."

"Hmm." Ryan's eyes softened as he studied his wife. "You know, this time next year, one of those kids present will be ours."

"I can't wait," she said softly, beaming at him.

"Me either," he agreed, leaning in for another tender kiss, though he kept this one short.

----------------

"Hey Ry, will you help me put the twins down?" Sharpay asked shortly after dinner, flashing Kelsi a quick smile while she waited for him to respond.

"Uh sure," he answered, sounding a little surprised.

"Great. I'll take Phillip," she said. "You take James."

"Okay," Ryan agreed, moving to pick up his nephew. "Come here, little man." He followed his sister up the stairs and into her bedroom. They then got their respective twin ready for bed, changing their diapers and putting them into their pajamas.

"You're good at this," Sharpay smiled as she watched Ryan pick James back up.

"You think?" he asked, gently bouncing James when he began to fuss.

"I do. You're a natural," Sharpay nodded. "You're going to make such a wonderful father."

"I hope so," Ryan responded.

"You know why I wanted you to help me with the twins tonight?" Sharpay asked.

"No," Ryan answered softly.

"To give you your next song," Sharpay answered. "Kelsi asked me too."

"Ah-ha," Ryan smiled. "What song is it?"

"Well, Kelsi asked me if there were any special songs that our parents used to sing to us when we were growing up," Sharpay began. "You know how much family means to Kelsi. She wants to take some things from her childhood and some thing from yours to give to your baby. Carry on some of the traditions you both have in your families and all that." She smiled at him. "When she asked me about that, a few songs came to mind, but there was one in particular that Mom used to sing to us all the time."

"_Somewhere Over the Rainbow_," Ryan said, a knowing smile on his face. "Because _The Wizard of Oz _is her favorite movie of all time," he added.

"And that's her favorite song of all time," Sharpay said. "Do you remember our middle school production of that?"

"Of course," he grinned. "You were cast as Glinda and you were so mad about it at first because you wanted to be Dorothy. But then Grandma spent an entire week making that dress for you to wear and you got over it."

"I don't know about that," Sharpay admitted. "I still wanted to be Dorothy, but I _loved_ that dress."

"Sure, you did," he laughed. "It was sparkly and pink, how could you not love it?"

"Don't forget the tiara," she reminded him. "That made it all worthwhile…of course, after the show ended, I remember vowing that I would only get leads from there on out. Glinda was fun and all, but I wanted to be the star."

"That was the beginning of the end," he teased her. "You were a great Glinda, you know."

"Tell me something I don't know," she joked. "And you were great as the Cowardly Lion." She burst into giggles. "Hey, I wonder if your wife has ever seen the pictures from that show."

"She has not," he shook his head. "And she won't if I have anything to say about it."

"Aw, why not, Ry? You were a cute lion. Even if your tail was all sparkly."

"Yeah." His eyes narrowed at her. "And _why_ was my tail all sparkly again?" he asked, pretending to think about it for a few seconds. "Oh wait, now I remember. It was because my sister decided to dip it in glue and cover it with glitter about an hour before the show and it was the only tail they had."

"That was an accident," she said innocently.

"Yeah, I might believe that…if all the glitter used hadn't been bright pink," he said, giving her a pointed look.

"You were a great lion, though," she said honestly. "And hey, it takes a great actor to pull off a lion with a pink tail. Your numbers got the most applause, you know."

"It was a fun show," he nodded.

"It was," she agreed. "But yeah…Mom always sang us _Somewhere Over the Rainbow_ and now I sing it to my boys and Angel."

"You do?" Ryan asked, smiling at her.

"I do," she confirmed. "Usually when I'm putting them down for the night. It helps them fall asleep…and I hope…and Kelsi hopes, for that matter, that you'll sing it to your baby, too."

"I think I will," Ryan said thoughtfully. "I like that. Mom sang it to us and you sing it to your kids…seems to be an Evans tradition, huh?"

"Apparently so," Sharpay nodded, kissing Phillip on the top of his head before setting him down in his crib.

"Guess I better start practicing, huh?" Ryan asked, following suit and carefully laying James down in his crib. "What do you think, little man? Little _men_," he corrected, smiling over at Phillip. He exchanged a smile with Sharpay and then began to sing. "'_Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high. There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby'_."

"'_Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue'_," Sharpay chimed in, adding harmony to his melody. "'_And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true'…_"

-----------------

Ryan was smiling as he headed down the stairs to find his wife once the twins had fallen asleep. Sharpay had told him that Kelsi would be in the room with the piano to give him the song that her parents had sung to her when she was little. He was greeted by the sound of the piano playing as he headed down the hallway, his smile softening when he entered the room and found Kelsi sitting in there alone, a slightly dreamy expression on her face while she played. Her eyes were closed and she appeared to be lost in the song she was playing – _Moon River_, which had been performed by more artists than Ryan could think of.

He quietly made his way to the piano, not wanting to disturb her while she played. "Hi," she softy, surprising him.

"Hi," he replied. "How'd you know I was here? You have your eyes closed."

"The same way I always know when you're close," she answered, finally opening her eyes and looking at him. "It's my Ryan intuition," she smiled. "Come here. Sit by me." He obeyed, sitting beside her on the piano bench while she continued to play. "My mom always used to sing this to me at bedtime," she told him, a soft chuckle escaping. "That's pretty much the only time she ever sang. She's pretty self-conscious about her voice and it's true, she's not a fantastic singer, but...but that didn't matter. I think it made her singing more special to me because she loved me enough to do it, even if she hated the way her voice sounded."

"She used to sit on the edge of my bed and stroke my hair as she sang and she always sang with such love," she continued quietly. "She told me that she'd always sing the entire song, even though I usually fell asleep sometime in the middle of it. I love this song...it's so peaceful, you know? This was probably the first song I ever really loved...and it's what got me interested in playing the piano."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yep," she nodded. "I loved that song so much that I wanted to learn how to play it. Especially once I heard it on the piano...it sounded so beautiful." She trailed off as she reached the end of the song, immediately going back to the beginning. "You don't really need the words...I mean, they're beautiful too, but the music itself..." She shook her head. "I was pretty young the first time I heard it on the piano, but that didn't matter. It just...it made me feel something, you know? And so, I wanted to learn how to play it because I wanted to be able to make other people feel the same way. So I begged my parents for lessons and that was it. I fell in love the first time my fingers hit the keys."

"I don't think you've ever told me that before," he said softly, smiling at her.

"I have this dream," she began. "Where I'm in our nursery...I know we don't have one yet, but that's okay. I can see it...sometimes I see it all in shades of blue and sometimes I see it in shades of pink, but it's basically the same. I see our nursery and I imagine holding our little baby in my arms and singing him or her to sleep just like how my mom used to sing me to sleep. I dream about playing this for him or her while you hold onto them, gently rocking them like I know you will. I see us taking turns, maybe. Me singing or playing one night and you singing the next. I can see it so clearly, Ryan." She looked back at him, a radiant smile on her face. "I can't wait. I just...I can't wait."

"Me either," he managed, taken aback by the swell of emotion he was feeling at her words.

"'_Moon river, wider than a mile',_" she began singing softly while she continued to play, singing just loud enough for him to be able to hear her. "'_I'm crossing you in style some day_.'"

"'_Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker'_," he joined in, causing another smile to spread across her face. "'_Wherever you're going I'm going your way'..."_


End file.
